Let Your Fire Set Me Free

[Lucy Serrano-Blaise]

Lucy really thought about waiting. She thought about what would happen if she just didn't chase after Penny. She was tired of chasing after this girl. Every time she was forced to, it wore her patience down. She needed a fail safe - Lucy knew that - but this was... Different. She left. Lucy didn't know when. She didn't know why. She just knew that when she woke up, she was alone.

And it bothered her that she cared this much.

There had to be a reason. With Penny, there always was. Lucy gave herself a necessary few hours to try and calm down. As much as she wanted to wait a day or two, she reasoned that she couldn't. Her mind was already fabricating scenarios that didn't make much sense to her. Whatever was going on, Lucy knew she deserved an explanation. They weren't girlfriends. They weren't in love. But they were something. Being something entitled her to some kind of explanation.

Bypassing her common room door as she so often did, Lucy went straight for Penny's room and knocked. Immediately, she felt like an idiot for giving her the courtesy of a knock and pulled the door open anyway.

"Oh, well fuck. Here you are." She started, her jaw tense. Her lips pressed into a line. As she blatantly walked into the psychometrist's room, her eyes immediately glanced up at the white ceiling. She had a problem with it again, too.

Glancing back towards her British counterpart, her eyes weren't alone. Lucy's uncovered arms bore a trio of eyes that settled on her as well. The lion on her forearm couldn't help but flash its teeth for a brief moment. It was different from the way it tried to roar in usual anger; it was expressing caution to the best of its ability. She ran the hand to her sword-clad arm across her jaw, wishing it would nullify the tension she wore. "What time'd you leave."

[Penelope Serrano-Blaise]

The moment she got back to her dorm, Penny wasted no time keeping herself busy. She showered, changed into clean clothes, wrote out a schedule for the day on her whiteboard, and started with it. There was a lot to be done; it was never hard to busy oneself.

Yet the Brit struggled. It was impossible not to think of the situation at hand. Penny had normally found her thoughts drifting to a certain ink manipulator, and as usual, they did. She shouldn’t though. So why was she?

The psychometrist ran a hand through her hair in frustration as she sat on the floor in her dorm. She couldn’t use the desk; regardless of her ability or not, there was too much associated with it. And the bed. The bookcase. The hand print on the wall.

Lucy was everywhere.

Penelope organized various papers that were scattered over the floor. There had been one paper out of order, and because of which, the Brit felt justified in organizing everything.

She didn’t get far, however, when she heard a familiar, albeit angry knock at the door. Penny didn’t even have time to stand before it was open and Lucy was staring down at her.

The Australian was angry, that much was obvious. Penny’s eyebrows knit together in a slight confusion. She hadn’t expected this…Lucy to be upset that she left. A pang of guilt hit the psychometrist.

“6:17.” Penny replied shortly. She pulled the papers into a stack, tapping them to the floor to make them fall evenly in place. It was only then that she pushed herself up off the floor and put the stack of papers aside.

She went to cross her arms, but quickly forced herself to not go through with the action. It was her natural defense. If Lucy was angry, Penny would usually fight back with her own irritation. But this was different.

Within the time she had left and where they were now, Penny had taken the time to think over it, and that was exactly what she had done. In the process, she nearly went back to Lucy. It was what the Brit had naturally wanted to do. Wrap herself around the fuming girl and just enjoy being there.

But she couldn’t, because it was Penny. She didn’t do things like that. It wasn’t logical to put off assignments for the sake of another. It didn’t make sense.

Still, she was surprised to find Lucy in her dorm. It was obvious the Australian was angry, and Penny’s eyes drifted down as she caught sight of the ink manipulator’s tattoos responding to the feeling. Her lips pursed together, her gaze lingering on the lion. It didn’t roar, and that was irksome.

“I’m sorry.” Penny flicked her eyes upward again. She felt the need to offer an explanation, “I told you, I had an assignment to do.” Suddenly, her reasoning felt so stupid as the words left her mouth.

[Lucy Serrano-Blaise]

"Six. Seventeen." Lucy repeated the words with emphasis, articulating them as best her accent would allow her to. Okay. So it wasn't as bad as she'd once predicted - it wasn't the middle of the night. But it was still before she had a chance to wake up. To really respond. She watched the way Penny had pulled herself up from her situated space on the floor. The desk, unused. The bed still perfectly made. Lucy allowed her attention to be drawn by these seemingly insignificant details before it fell back to her again.

Lucy ran her hand over the lion tattoo, her fingertips seemingly combing through the mane as if it were a literal entity. She had to - no one else was going to soothe it for her. She barely had the capacity to do it for herself.

The apology seemed to fall on deaf ears. Lucy didn't believe it. Why would she? She had no reason to.

"I told you," She started, her jaw carrying too much tension to let the words flow without a break, "You didn't have to stay." She remembered the words falling from her lips; she remembered wishing she hadn't said them once they had, but knowing on some level that she needed to hear them.

Confusion settled in her eyes quickly once she asked, and she raised a hand to the line of her jaw. The inconceivable itch was irritating her already; "Why couldn't you at least wake me up before you decided to leave? Do you think that was-" Stopping herself, Lucy chose to shake her head. No. She didn't want to ask if she thought it was an acceptable thing to do. She already knew the answer.

If she'd really had an issue with it, she wouldn't have done it. "If you wanted to leave, why would you even bloody well bother sticking around until six in the fucking morning?" Lucy asked. Despite the connotations and the way in which she sounded upset - which was new within itself - the ink manipulator didn't raise her voice.

Though admittedly, that made it sound worse. 

[Penelope Serrano-Blaise]

More than anything, Penny wanted to step forward and touch Lucy. Hold her. Her fingers twitched as she inhaled slowly. Lucy had every right to be angry, now that it was brought to the psychometrist’s attention that the act actually bothered her. Still, she felt the desire to explain, “I know I didn’t have to stay.” She felt her own jaw clench as she tried to will out any frustration.

But it was frustrating. She wasn’t angry at the other, but more so angry that she cared that Lucy was upset. It bothered Penny to see her like that, and it was infuriating to know that Penny had caused it.

“You needed your rest.” She tried to reason, although once again, her logical response felt like the wrong answer. It made sense, but it didn’t feel right. She couldn’t justify her actions, she deserved this anger.

Another breath.

What had come next felt like a physical blow. When Lucy didn’t raise her voice, it felt all the more worse. Penny was used to the loud, angry Lucy; this was different, and much more unsettling.

“I wanted to stay.” Penny said, her voice dropping. Any frustration she felt moments before had been wiped away, guilt taking its place. Lucy was hurt. She stepped forward, yet chose to not get too close. “Don’t think that I didn’t.”

[Lucy Serrano-Blaise]

"So did you." Lucy replied, instinctively shutting out her reasoning with her own.

By now, she knew all too well how this went. Penny would take a step, then she'd take one in return. Or she wouldn't, and she'd falter. Or the psychometrist would falter. But in the end, the distance was always breached. She'd chased her this far - again - what would be the point in stopping now? Proximity was a danger; it muddled with her mentality more than anything else.

Or did it make things clearer?

So it made things all the more confusing, then, that she wasn't sure which she should adhere to. Was she supposed to remain suspended in the ill fitting mixture of an angry, hurt mentality? What would that achieve? She couldn't think clearly when it felt like Penny either wanted her closer, or hesitated before taking another step.

"How am I supposed to believe you?" She asked, briefly glancing past her. Like the words were on the wall behind her, she just couldn't see them. "You left." As soon as the word left her mouth, she knew she'd said it before. She knew she'd chased her before. Her damn fail safe; her excuse to cut away.

Moving forward, Lucy took more than a singular step. She breached the distance between them entirely. She moved to trail her fingers down her arm to find her hand. If she held on, she couldn't just let go again. Confusion was clear in her dark eyes. She just couldn't read her like the others, and it forced her to outwardly ask these questions. What else could she do if she wanted answers? It wasn't as if Penny offered them without reason; "If you wanted to stay, why didn't you."

[Penelope Serrano-Blaise]

Penny brought her hand up, pinching the bridge of her nose as she exhaled heavily. She wasn’t getting through to Lucy – and she couldn’t blame her for it. The Brit’s reasoning was idiotic. She wouldn’t have accepted it, either.

Another blow. Penny turned her head slightly at the words. There was no reason for Lucy to believe her, honestly, but the fact that she didn’t still remained, and it hurt. She tried to catch Lucy’s gaze, but found the Australian looking past her; Penny felt her stomach turn at the thought that Lucy was too angry to even look at her.

She remained quiet for a few moments, lips pursing as her mind worked for an answer. For a brief second, she thought of telling the truth, but it was just as quickly dismissed. She was barely able to accept it herself, let alone try to explain to someone who would likely have just as much trouble accepting it. She couldn’t.

“I know…” she started finally, slowly. “If you don’t believe me, I don’t think I can convince you to.” Penny kept her gaze on Lucy, even if she wasn’t looking back at her. It was rare for the Brit to admit she couldn’t do something, but she truly felt lost. She was submitting, an even rarer act for her. “I can only ask that you do.”

The last thing that Penny had expected was for Lucy to step forward. To close the distance between them. She didn’t pull away when Lucy’s fingers trailed her arm, and as they reached her hand, Penny took hold of it, intertwining her fingers with Lucy’s, trying to express as much meaning through the gesture as she could.

When she finally did catch the Australian’s gaze, Penny wasn’t lost to the confusion in her eyes. She knew it didn’t make sense, but there was no way to express it, to clear it up. “I…don’t know.”

[Lucy Serrano-Blaise]

It surprised Lucy, the way Penny responded to the way she had questioned if she could believe her. But at that point, she still couldn't look. The weight of her gaze was too much, even if it likely offered all the conviction she'd have needed.

She felt a sliver of relief when Penny didn't shy away from her touch. If she had, Lucy was sure she wouldn't have had the strength to continue. She was getting tired of all this.

But she interlocked her hand with that of her counterpart, holding on.

It was rare for the phrase she offered to have any real meaning. Lucy wasn't sure if she should actually accept it. She didn't want to. She wanted - needed - an answer. The answer. Without it, she felt devoid. But she felt so stuck on the notion that Penny wasn't fighting her at every turn. She was trying to offer something. At the very least, it made the Australian aware that she wasn't nothing to her. Though, that feeling from this morning was damn near impossible to shake off.

Lucy tried anyway. Her free hand moved to circle around her neck and she leaned in, resting her forehead against the Brit's. The ink manipulator held her eyes closed, hoping clarity would find her as it often did through physical contact. When she dropped her jaw, she willed eloquent words to flow - the kind that betrayed her mentality and made it seem like she didn't care.

"You should have woken me up. You should have just left before I fell asleep. You could have done anything but that." She offered instead, her teeth momentarily sinking into her lower lip to try and stop her. The last thing she really wanted was to be reacting this way in front of the person who dragged such an unstable response from her. "I can't believe you did that to me."

[Penelope Serrano-Blaise]

She knew her answer wasn't enough, but it was all she felt she could offer to Lucy. It irked her far more than she could have anticipated. Penny always had an answer. It made her frustrated to know she wasn't able to provide a good enough one for Lucy. She could have dismissed it if it had been anyone but her, but Lucy made Penny want to come forth and explain. But she couldn't.

Penny took in a slow breath as Lucy slid a hand behind her neck. The touch was comforting, even if the psychometrist didn't feel she deserved to be comforted. Once again, she made no effort to fight as Lucy leaned in, and Penny watched as the Australian closed her eyes. As Lucy spoke, Penny once again felt her stomach twist and turn. She leaned in as she felt Lucy's forehead against her own, trying to convey everything she could through the touch. If she couldn't explain verbally, she just hoped that she would be able to say something through the act.

When Lucy bit her lip, Penny let her gaze drop; as much as she knew she should see the pain in Lucy's features, she couldn't bring herself to watch. It killed her to do so. As her eyes traveled down, she caught sight of the lion on Lucy's forearm. Her finger twitched a moment before she slowly reached out, a finger tracing gently along its mane. She hadn't been sure why she felt the need to do so; to try to express that she was sorry into her touch. That she wished she had the answers. It was never her intention to hurt Lucy.

“I should have.” Penny finally spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. Lucy's choice of words caused Penelope to press her lips into a hard line. She should have woken her up. She couldn't argue it; it was impossible to do so, even if she had wanted to. Finally, she closed her eyes tightly. Penelope wanted to say that she wouldn't do it again, but she felt that if she did, the Australian wouldn't believe her, and she couldn't blame her if she didn't.

[Lucy Serrano-Blaise]

It comforted Lucy to know Penny really wasn't backing away from her; the reciprocation within itself did wonders to put the Australian at ease, though nothing could really soothe the negative undertones that lingered in the back of her mind.

What she didn't expect was for Penny to initiate anything in response. Give in, yes. But the the way she reached out was more meaningful than anything she could have hoped to say. Lucy had exhaled slowly as she felt a familiar fingertip traverse the line of her imperative ink, brushing through perfectly animated curls with a sense of reassurance. If it were possible, the lion's features dared to shift - to feel less defensive.

But it was difficult to articulate why; whether it was from the attention alone, or the way the ink manipulator was simply losing her fire.

When she spoke such audible words, Lucy opened her eyes and watched the way her counterpart's closed with intention. She could understand that Penny was agreeing with her, but the insistent question of why this happened in the first place just remained unanswered. Lucy felt like there was no answer. This was just how Penelope Blaise operated. Sometimes she chose to disappear. And in the end, it seemed Lucy was bound to chase her.

Eventually, Lucy trailed her hands to the psychometrist's waist and drew her into an embrace. Lucy pressed her forehead against her shoulder, taking the necessary moments to breathe. This was the wrong thing to say. It had to have been. But when she finally made the move to speak again, it was the only thing she could offer; "Please don't do that again."

It was the only thing she could ask of her.

[Penelope Serrano-Blaise]

When Lucy didn't pull away from her touch, Penny felt her teeth sink into her lower lip. Although the Australian had been physically reaching out to her, Penny still found comfort in knowing Lucy didn't shy away from her touch. She felt Lucy's breath as she exhaled, and for a second, she swore she caught sight of the lion's expression change, if it was even possible for a lion to do so. Her finger shifted slightly, continuing to move across its mane to under its chin.

It was moving to know that even when Penny had nothing to offer, Lucy still accepted her, even when she shouldn't. It didn't make sense, but so little about them did.

When Penny felt Lucy's arms wrap around her waist, she leaned into the embrace, her own arms sliding around the Australian and pulling her in. She rested her cheek against Lucy's head as placed a hand behind her neck. Even if she had only been away from the ink manipulator for a couple of hours, she had desperately missed her. Just being able to hug her made the Brit feel extremely lucky. She didn't deserve the embrace. A second chance. But she selfishly refused to pass it up.

“I wont.” she breathed, “I promise.” She tilted her head, pressing her lips to Lucy's head as she closed her eyes again. Anything not to see that pained expression again.