Time Warp: Ghosts from the Past (Oriel)[Trigger Warning]

[Deleted]

Winter 2026

((Trigger Warning: Mention of drugs, overdose, after-effects))

The years hadn't been kind to Phoenix. Everything had gone downhill when Oriel had been taken to jail. At first, he'd tried to visit as often as he could, support his lover as much as he could. But it slowly wore him down, and eventually he started using again. Cigarettes at first, but soon that wasn't enough. He started getting into heavier stuff, and his own dust, to try to numb the pain; he stopped seeing Oriel as much. That, in turn, made him feel worse, until he eventually drove himself into an overdose. It had been some time coming, and a lot of damage had already been made previous; unfortunately, this time, the long-term effects really took their toll.

He had to be taken to a facility several cities over in order to cope with what had happened. Phoenix had been hit hard with amnesia. Some days were better than others; other days, he couldn't even remember his own name. It was a long, long struggle through recovery. Fortunately, he had had Gryphon there to help, but even he couldn't do much sometimes, when Phoenix couldn't remember who he was.

It took many years, and gradually his memory improved. Improved, but never got completely better, and likely never would. There were big chunks of Phoenix's past that he simply couldn't recall. He didn't even remember what had driven him to overdose in the first place. Eventually, when they'd done all they could do, Phoenix was released.

That had been a couple weeks ago. Phen had made his way back to Pilot Ridge, because that's where most of the memories he recalled had happened. He remembered Hammel, and the pet store. Hazy images of other things. Sometimes a name, just on the edge of his tongue, that always seemed to slip away before he could grab it.

Today, he found himself in a convenience store. He was back on cigarettes; it was the least he could do to try to cope. He dragged his sunken, malnourished form up to the counter to see what they had to offer.

His bony hand was shaking as he pointed out the box he wanted to the cashier. "Can you gimme one'a those?" he rasped. Something about the man behind the counter sent a strange jolt in Phoenix's chest, but like most of the people who he struggled to remember, nothing of recognition hit him yet.

[Deleted]

Another person, another customer that Oriel barely looked in the eyes of. Whom he smiled just barely enough at to be considered polite. Enough to keep his boss off his back. He hated this place, but Oriel had long since become a person of tolerance, doing the things he hated just for the sake of necessity.

He needed the job, he wasn’t likely to get another one anywhere else, not with his record, his adoptive mother was gaining in age as wasn’t going to be able to hold him up in her house for very much longer, though she insisted that Oriel could stay for as long as he needed to get back on his feet. If it weren’t for her, Oriel never would have come back here.

There was nothing for him anywhere else, nobody else waiting. His friends had all turned their backs on him, hadn’t even sent him so much as a letter since he was locked up. It was just as well, Oriel had turned out exactly like everyone predicted. A no good, criminal whose only prospect was to be working in a run down gas station.

Another person walked in and Oriel didn’t even bother to look them in the eye and greet them when they walked in. He was reaching his limit and was already hoping that his relief would show up soon so he could enjoy a cigarette. He rose his eyes only high enough to see which box the customer was pointing to. Oriel grabbed it swiftly and set it on the counter. “That’ll be 6.75,” he said in a voice that simulated a grumble. That’s when he finally lifted his eyes to look the customer in the face.

Oriel had often though that he couldn’t remember what his lover’s face looked like, after all those years apart from him. Even more so after he’d heard of the other man’s death from an overdose. He couldn’t remember who told him that either, but it was probably some random official he met, maybe his parol officer, right after he was released from the joint. There were a lot of things that Oriel was certain he couldn’t remember anymore; isolation from the real world, from your friends and family, from your former life warped one’s mind into something unrecognizable. It was no wonder that nobody had come to greet him once he’d been let out.

But even though it’d changed, it was the same. Undeniably so, Oriel recognized that face, no matter how thin it’d become, how aged and darkened his skin was, or how empty and distant those eyes were, Oriel knew it was him. Wasn’t it? He must’ve been going crazy, his eyes playing tricks on him. Despite not being able to recall his image for so long, a single familiar sight was enough to vividly bring those memories back to the surface of his mind, as if the sight of those two young, happy lovers were a movie playing right before his eyes.

Despite the surge of emotion, which to a younger Oriel would have had him easily on the brink of tears, this one kept his face flat and stoic. He could fake emotions easily enough, but somewhere along the way he’d forgotten how to express them genuinely. Oriel shakily tried his voice, afraid that he had indeed gone mad. “P…phoenix…?” It was hoarse from years of self-polluting, and deep from the mere years themselves, hardly recognizable as belonging to the same boy he was a decade ago.

[Deleted]

When the man gave him the price, Phoenix fished around in the pockets of his too-large jacket, which enveloped him like a huge black marshmallow. It still didn't keep him from getting chilled in the cold winter air. He managed to wrangle out a few wrinkled bills and set them on the counter. He didn't say anything else; Phen had grown very quiet over the years, and didn't usually speak unless directly spoken to, or if he had to.

He was set to take his cigarettes and change and leave, but the other man seemed to be looking at him strangely. Phoenix felt his sunken cheeks flush a little and dipped his head. He knew he looked older than his thirty-one years, but he hated being stared at.

When the stranger said his name, Phen's head shot up, and this time it was his turn to stare. "Y... Yes?" he replied shakily. They'd told him this might happen - he'd run into someone he couldn't remember that knew who he was. Phen tried with all his might to recall that weathered face, but all he managed to do was start to give himself a headache.

"D... Do I know you?" he asked nervously. "I'm sorry... My brain doesn't work the way it should," he went on, tapping a thin finger against his temple. "I'm afraid my memories of this town are vague and few." He chuckled dryly. "I'm a walking example of why drugs are bad for you, sir." Phen felt awful he didn't recognize the man. What if he was someone important?

[Deleted]

Was it him? Was it not him? Oriel could very well be mistaken, tricked by his own ghosts into seeing that person whom he desperately wanted, needed to see again just to feel complete. That person whom Oriel knew, he knew he’d never see again.

But here he was, standing before him, responding to the name that Oriel only barely managed to utter coherently. And yet the reaction from the asian man was far from the one that Oriel expected from anyone brought face-to-face with their high school sweetheart. Not only sweethearts, but a couple who’d promised each other their futures…only to have it ripped away because Oriel let his demons overwhelm and control him again, to the point where he couldn’t take it back.

When the other man spoke - in that meek voice that Oriel remembered well, though it’d certainly warped itself over the years - Oriel’s blank stare seemed to drop if only the slightest bit. Though internally, Oriel imagined that his heart had plummeted down to his ankles…or it should have. But even so, Oriel still found it hard to feel anything more than surprise and disbelief. If he didn’t believe it in the first place, how could he be disappointed?

“Yeah,” he said a little more clearly, “We did once.” Phoenix looked…guess if he didn’t know what he didn’t remember, then he couldn’t be sad about not having Oriel in his life, right? Oriel remembered. “At least I think we did.” It still could be a coincidence. Another person with the same name. Oriel still didn’t believe it. “…do you have a tattoo? On your wrist?” Oriel, by this point, had many across his arms and back, having gotten them one at a time over the years. His own promise was hard to see, faded and lost in the detail of the others.

[Deleted]

Phoenix was trying to remember. He really was. But it was like trying to reach for a key that was on the other side of a barred door - you could see it, tantalizingly close, mocking you, but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't get it.

He studied the man's face as much as he could, taking in the graying hair that looked strange with his features (even weathered, Phen could tell he was around his own age). It was there, the memory was there, but... Argh!! Phoenix could have beat the counter in frustration, if he wasn't weak and self-conscious.

"Oh," he replied simply, looking down. "I'm... I'm really sorry..." What else could he say? Maybe if he spent enough time around the man, his memories would come back, but there was no promise that they would. "I... I doubt there are many other Phoenixes my age from Pilot Ridge, s-so it must be me..." He doubted it was a coincidence. He was just going to have to get used to this, he supposed.

"A tattoo....?" Phen's eyes widened. "Yeah... I do..." He struggled to pull up the end of his sleeve over his thin forearm, his wrist seeming no bigger around than a thimble. He finally managed to lay out his arm with the infinity tattoo, and the name. Unlike Oriel, he hadn't gotten any other than the one. And it drove him mad not knowing - Gryphon wouldn't tell him, or if he had, Phoenix had forgotten.

He swallowed dryly. "You.... You're not Oriel by any chance, are you...?" Wide, bloodshot eyes rose to meet the other man's with desperation. "I've been goin' crazy, not knowin' who this was for..." And if this was Oriel.... Did that mean that they...? Phen was scared to know the truth.

[Deleted]

It was him. It had to be. There were no other Phoenix’s in this area, certainly not in this age group, just like the man said.

It couldn’t be him. Because then that meant that someone lied to him. Someone didn’t want the two of them to meet again. Or Oriel was simply dreaming and would awaken any minute to the sound of his alarm an hour before he had to be at his drone-like job.

It was him. Everything from the soft way he spoke, to his body movements, his loose facial expressions just screamed out to Oriel that this was his Phoenix, the one he’d desired to meet again ever since they were separated all those years ago. Why had he stopped coming to visit? An overdose. If it was as bad as Phoenix had implied, then that would explain his absence. With the memory loss, he may as well have been dead.

Somebody else certainly thought so and made sure that Oriel received that information. To make him give up on the boy. Oriel…had already given up on him, truthfully. With the hope and fantasy that Phoenix had given up on him, moved on with his life…that he’d found some happiness of his own, to replace the constant battles of dolor which came in a relationship with a felon. This…hadn’t happened.

Oriel reached out with his own hand and took Phoenix’s hand, turning up his wrist and tracing his fingers over the faded ink. His eyes dipped gently down to inspect the mark, slowly gliding his fingers over his very own name that surprised Oriel to see was still there. “Yeah,” he said shortly. “I am.” How was he supposed to explain to someone who didn’t remember that they’d been lovers before they were both introduced to their own private hells. Oriel swallowed, a thick lump scratching up the back of his throat. What was he supposed to say now? Oriel...still didn't believe it was true.

[Deleted]

Something was already tickling the back of Phoenix's mind about this reunion, if that's what it truly was. Why hadn't this man come and visited him, if he had known him well enough to still recognize him? Why hadn't anyone told Phoenix about him, if he was so important to know about a tattoo that Phen had? Things just weren't adding up...

He just watched quietly as the man inspected his ink, his sunken eyes catching every subtle move of his fingers, the way his large, rough hands practically dwarfed Phoenix's own, yet touched him with a gentle familiarity. It was enough to make the pixie's breath catch. There was something... Something... Why couldn't he remember!?

It was him. It was him it was him it was the man, Oriel, that Phoenix had cried and screamed and begged to recall, to know why he had this stranger's name on his arm and why no one seemed willing to tell him what had happened. Even with his slow, sluggish brain, Phen had started to piece together that this man might have been somehow linked to his overdose in the first place. Why else wouldn't they have told him?

Phoenix swallowed hard, lifting his other shaky hand to hold against the top of Oriel's on his arm. "T... Tell me," he rasped. "Please. I... I have t'know." He looked up at the man, desperation clear in his features. "I hate not knowin' who you are!" His voice had risen, and this seemed to shock Phoenix; he cringed slightly in on himself, lowering his head again. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I just... I didn't think... I'd find you..." Whoever Oriel was. Friend, brother, lover. "Why didn't you visit me when I was..." Phen trailed off.

[Deleted]

Oriel felt like he wasn’t here. Like this reunion was happening to someone else. Like he was looking at this in a dream. He could see Phoenix before him, looking ages and worn as someone who’d lived as hard a life as he had in his early youth. Only those times had resurfaced and extended well into his adulthood. He could feel Phoenix under his touch, his hands with loose, sensitive skin rubbing against Oriel’s rough, callused hands. He could hear him speak, with a voice full of disorientation, confused by this new, familiar stranger set before him.

And Oriel, through it all, though his senses were working, felt a disconnect within himself. The person who held the other man’s hand was not Oriel, but a man who had long since lost his sense of self. Instead of the damaged kid he once was when he emerged from the streets, a kid who still had the hope that he could somehow climb out of the hole that society had left him in, Oriel had become a shell. This reunion should be evoking happiness, hope, relief. But he just…

Phoenix…was just as he remembered him. More so than one would have thought. Guess there were some things…some people, who didn’t change. “That’s hard to explain,” he said darkly. No…it was pretty easy, actually, but there was just so much more to it than that. Oriel lifted his eyes to meet those of this ghost.

Another customer chimed in the door. A regular. Probably. “I have to get back to work,” he said bluntly. Oriel didn’t want to get fired. Should he arrange for them to meet afterwards? Oriel sighed and pulled out a small scrap of receipt paper. He wrote down a location on it. “I’ll be off work in a couple of hours,” he breathed, clearing his hoarse throat briefly before continuing. “Meet me here.” Though, if this was just a dream, then he’d have plenty of time to wake up from it.

[Deleted]

Phoenix would have thought that a reunion like this would have made the other man happy, or at least shocked, or something. And yet, all he sensed was faint disbelief and maybe... Anger? Phen wasn't sure why, but something told him this wasn't the man he would have known before his memories went foggy. This was a man that had seen and done too much and was just a shell of what he used to be.

Or so he thought. Because Phoenix wasn't sure why he would have been so close to someone who looked so... Dead.

He wasn't satisfied with the man's answer. Why didn't... Why did no one tell him anything!? Were they afraid he would break again? He wasn't as fragile as he looked! Well... Okay, he was pretty fragile, but still. "Please at least try," he begged. He was stunned to find his eyes were getting moist with unshed tears.

Phoenix looked back as someone else came into the store, and cringed slightly again at the man's cold, monotonous voice. ".... Okay..." he breathed out, his trembling becoming more apparent as he stepped away from the counter. He watched as the stranger called Oriel wrote something down, reaching out a shaking hand to take the piece of paper and stare down at the location. "Al... Alright," he whispered, clutching the paper like a lifeline as he stuffed it in his pocket. ".... See you..."

And he left. The icy air outside hit him like a brick wall, and he struggled to go about the rest of his day, knowing there was someone who knew him, who had known him well enough for Phen to get a tattoo with his name, and yet barely seemed to react to him suddenly appearing. Phoenix grit his teeth and managed to push himself through the hours until he finally ended up at the decided meeting place. He sat with his arms pulled tightly against his body, having gotten chilled from walking around outside. His teeth were practically chattering. What if the man didn't show up?

[Deleted]

Oriel wasn’t intentionally keeping things from this Phoenix. He still simply didn’t know what to do. Or what to say. How was someone supposed to react in this situation? Oriel was and always had been pretty keen on figuring out appropriate reactions to the laymen in his life. The people who didn’t know him that well. They were easily fooled by a simply smile and a clever joke. If he wanted, he could make them believe he was the most sociable person on the planet.

But for something like this, he was stuck. Like writer’s block, only much worse. He could bullshit his way through a simple writer’s block. Emotional block. Oriel’d been doing it like that for so long, he couldn’t even remember when it started.

So watching the desperation on the other man’s face, while it should have stirred something, he wanted it to stir up something, Oriel merely felt…dissonance.

It still wasn’t real to him.

Oriel nodded to the man Phoenix as he left and continued through his day as if nothing happened. When he was finally let go, the first thing he did was light a cigarette to keep his mouth company as he walked slowly towards the spot where they were to meet. He must’ve gone through at least four by the time he got there, unconsciously flicking one to the ground and immediately starting another.

When he approached the small, run-down park, Oriel could see the black marshmallow jacked that the other man had embedded himself in. Oriel had removed his work-shirt and tossed it over his bare shoulder, leaving only a white tank to shelter him from the elements. Oriel still didn’t get cold. He stepped forward, loud enough so that the other man could hear his approach before he got there. “Phoenix.” He spoke the other man’s name, removing the cigarette from his lips for a brief moment.

Now was supposed to be the time for explanations, right? How was he supposed to start? He breathed. “They told me you were dead.”

[Deleted]

Phoenix had lit up his own cigarette while he waited, desperate for something to keep him warm, even if it was only little. He sucked in a deep lungful, spewing the smoke out into the chilly air as he shivered once more. What if Oriel didn't show up? What if he was waiting out here for nothing? What if... What if their last meeting had been bad, and that was what had led him to overdose in the first place? Was that why he'd never visited? There were so many questions...

When he heard someone approaching, Phoenix's head snapped up and immediately landed on the should-be familiar man. "You came," he said, in barely a whisper than Oriel probably wouldn't hear. Relief and trepidation both filled his body.

He didn't know what to say. Was he supposed to talk, or-? Phoenix barely started questioning this when Oriel spoke himself, and what he said... Made absolutely no sense to the pixie.

"Huh?" he stammered, blinking several times. "Who.... Who? An'... An' why would anyone do that?" It didn't make any sense to Phoenix, any of this. That did, though, at least explain why the man had reacted to seeing him like he had. And also why he'd never come to see Phoenix...

"I've... I've been at a facility outta town for a long time," he began to explain, curling in on himself more and shivering again. How could anyone stand to be dressed like Oriel was in this cold? "When I... When I overdosed... I dunno if I hit my head'r what, maybe it was the dust, b-but it fucked up my memories. Sometimes I couldn't even remember who I was and..."

Phoenix's throat was getting tight, and he swallowed hard, dropping the remains of his cigarette on the sidewalk. "Who... Who are you?" he pleaded again. "Please just... Tell me. There's nothin' you can say that would damage me more than what's already been done." He slowly lifted his hands and breathed on them, wishing he'd brought gloves to keep them out of the cold.

[Deleted]

In the past, Oriel would have spent a greater portion of the day contemplating this meeting, going over it in his mind, playing and replaying everything they said and didn't say, what they could've said, the whos and whys of their situation; instead Oriel simply focused on his job and put it from his mind until he was allowed the mental freedom to ponder the significance of Phoenix's sudden reappearance in his life.

Phoenix wasn't dead, he thought as he walked through the cool streets, the afternoon sun hidden behind the clouds. Someone lied to Oriel about that. Or to the person who told Oriel. Someone lied to Phoenix.

Someone was lying.

As a child, Oriel would have been visibly furious by this. As this shell of an adult, yes, Oriel still felt wronged, his brain was cranking through the possibilities of how or why things had come about this way, but he was calmer about it. A list of possible blamees was drawn up, the name at the top of the list being a familiar one to both men.

He wouldn't speak it now, though, in the face of Phoenix's questions.

"That makes sense," he said in a quiet, roughly textured voice. Oriel had wondered if Phoenix had relapsed back into his dust addiction. Neither of them could have guessed at the potential long term consequences of such abuse.

Oriel stepped closer, holding out his hand for Phoenix to take - the one with his own tattoo inscribed in it, surrounded by a number of others to hide that single important piece - and would pull Phoenix up to his feet should the other meta decide to take it. He'd hold both of the pixie's small, cold hands in his own large ones, dropping his own cigarette to the ground. "You never were very good at retaining heat," he mused. Oriel blew his own breath over their hands. "It doesn't matter who I was...who we were to each other. You can't remember, so you may as well have been dead. And I...I'm not the same person I was back then." This whole time, Oriel still hadn't managed a smile. It would've been a fake one anyway.

Oriel blinked slowly and breathed. "Are you staying with someone, somewhere in town? I'd like to see you again."

[Deleted]

Phoenix still wasn't sure why no one had told him who it was that his tattoo was for. As far as he could tell, Oriel was harmless. A bit rough around the edges, perhaps, and not very cheerful (or cheerful at all, but then again, neither was Phoenix), but... But why had everyone refused to tell him even though he begged? It didn't make sense, even if Oriel said it did...

Maybe he was in danger now without even knowing. But Phoenix couldn't find it in himself to care; he was too desperate to learn more about someone from his past.

"I don't know what makes sense anymore," he breathed, staring at the ground. "It's been so long since I've had any of my memories come back, I've..." Pretty much given up. Sometimes things had triggered them, sudden flashes of images, like a face from Hammel, or a vague conversation. It was disheartening, how long it'd been since that had happened.

His eyes lifted to look at the hand that Oriel was offering, hesitating only briefly before reaching a trembling hand out to take it. It was warm, and rough, and Phoenix stared at their conjoined grasp as he slowly stood. He continued to stay silent as Oriel took his other hand, thinking how familiar the other man seemed to hold them. It helped warm them, at least. "You know that, huh?" he replied with a very faint smile. "You're so warm..." Suddenly Phoenix just wanted to cling to the man, let himself be embraced by this should-be-familiar stranger and just let himself be warmed. But he couldn't bring himself to do it.

The answer Oriel gave was far from satisfactory, and Phoenix opened his mouth to complain, but... He stopped. He supposed, if their positions were switched... He might say the same. ".... I'm sorry..." he whispered. "I want t'remember you, I really really do... M-maybe somethin' will trigger it..." His voice sounded dejected, though; even he didn't really believe it.

His hands unconsciously tightened in Oriel's own. "I'm just kind of drifting from place t'place," he explained quietly. "Don't have anywhere stable..." Phoenix was pretty sure he'd eventually end up on the street and, with the cold winter coming upon them, likely freeze to death. "I'd... I'd like t'see you too. M-maybe we can... Start over." Phoenix knew that wasn't really fair, but there was nothing else he could offer. He lifted his eyes to look up at the man's face. He could tell he'd been handsome once, but the years had obviously taken their toll on him. "If... If I could... Maybe I could stay at your place tonight?" No one would miss him, and it wasn't like he had anything to lose.

[Deleted]

To say that Oriel was scared if Phoenix found out about there time together, about why they separated, about Oriel’s time locked up and how that could have been the reason for Phoenix’s relapse, it would have been a lie. Or maybe it wasn’t? Oriel thought that if Phoenix found out, then he might leave Oriel again. That he’d reject the aged, stoic man. But if there was fear there, then Oriel wasn’t perceiving it.

Nor was he perceiving the hope that had no doubt begun to grow from the moment these two had been reunited. Oriel wanted things to go back to how they were. He wanted it to be possible. He knew that it wasn’t, however. But if there wasn’t the hope that it could be, then Oriel wouldn’t have requested to see Phoenix again. Maybe, if they spent enough time together, then Phoenix could fix the broken man. Like he’d fixed the broken boy so many years ago.

It could happen. And if it didn’t…then it just didn’t and he’d be on his way. Oriel had nothing left to lose. Without his memories, Phoenix was already lost to him. If Phoenix were to disappear again - now, or a month from now, or a year from now, and nothing had changed - then Oriel would simply be the same person he was five minutes ago. Barely a person.

“Maybe,” Oriel said with a nod. “Don’t worry about it. It’ll come back. If not, then…” He trailed off, but then Phoenix said exactly what Oriel was thinking. “That’s all we can do, at this point.” It was too much for either of them to expect that things would just go back to how they were before. That would just be…too perfect.

“I’m actually staying with my mother. My adoptive mother. Until I get back on my feet.” It was a miracle that she’d taken him back in even after everything he’d done. “It’s my own space, though. I don’t think she’d mind if you stayed with us.” In fact, she’d probably welcome Phoenix like her own son. Hay-lin had been incredibly supportive of the two young lovers.

[Deleted]

Most of Phoenix's current hopes were that, if he spent enough time around this man from his past, his memories would start returning. There wasn't anything worse than being unable to remember your own past - Phoenix knew his had been far from pleasant, given how he'd ended up in the end, but he was convinced no memory would be more awful than the frustration and lost feeling of not knowing.

So whatever Oriel had been... Maybe something about him would spark that recall. Phoenix would be lying if he said that that wasn't part, or even most, of the reason why he wanted to see this man again. Because he didn't know him, he didn't know who he was or who he used to be, and for all Phoenix knew, they had parted on bad terms. But none of that mattered now because he just didn't remember.

Phen smiled sadly. "That's what they told me for several years at the facility. 'It'll come back eventually'." He sighed and looked back down at his hands, looking so small and frail in the other man's larger ones. "I mean... Some stuff did. I remember, um, going t'Hammel, and... I think somethin' about a pet shop..." His brow furrowed slightly. "And danishes. Why the hell would I remember danishes?" Phoenix stopped talking then; for all he knew, this was all nonsense to the other man. "But... But yeah. I'd like to, um, reconnect with as many people as I can..."

He blinked and looked up again, nodding slightly. Phen hadn't been expecting Oriel to be on his own, just from how he looked and the job he worked; it was little more than Phoenix had himself. "I'd... I'd really like that," he replied meekly. The idea of a warm meal made his mouth water. Phoenix shivered again and quietly added,"Can... Can we go there now? I'm... Really cold..." He took a half-step closer to Oriel, as though he could steal some of his apparent warmth if he got close enough.