Time Warp: Trouble, Trouble (Sean)

[Josie Raines]

dated January 22nd, 2007

The cut in Josie's split lip didn't look quite as gruesome now that it was healing and no longer leaking blood down her chin. Her right eye was a different story, the hollow of it blossoming a dramatic blueish-purple. The other kid had gotten off easy. Josie's swing had gone wide, allowing him to land two hits of his own and put an end to the fight.

Would he have to go see Dr. Neville too? Probably, Josie figured. Zero tolerance policies were all the rage these days. Although technically she couldn't be sure if that's how things worked at Hammel - now beginning her second semester there, she had always been the one to throw the first punch.

Head down, hands in pockets, shoulders hunched, Josie made the now-familiar trek to the paychiatrist's office. She was not looking forward to today's visit. She didn't ever, really - it wasn't exactly fun explaining that she'd hit another student for making fun of her being stupid. But winter break had been especially difficult and Josie was still reeling from it somewhat. Letting it out would be frightening, but keeping it in was exhausting.

Faced once again with Dr. Neville's office door, Josie took a deep, steadying breath and knocked.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean’s fiftieth birthday would pass in five months.

This had been on the psychiatrist’s mind with increasing frequency. Not to the extent of interfering with his work or with his personal life, but it rested in the back of his thoughts, making itself known in times of relative silence.

Where had the time gone?

At this stage in life, Sean had always expected to be married and have children, perhaps a grandchild by now (when he had been younger imagining the future that lay ahead of him). Such was life, filled with surprises and always demonstrating why expectations proved impossible.

What never seemed to change was the fact that students got into trouble. Sometimes for cutting class, sometimes for smoking or drinking illegally in their dormitories, sometimes for hijinks, and then occasionally for fights.

The psychiatrist did not like when the students fought. He no more wanted to deal with the aftermath of fights than he wanted to ruminate on the fact that he would be fifty later this year.

As with aging, this proved largely out of his hands.

“You can come in, Josie,” he called to the girl when he felt her presence and heard her knock. There was no reason to draw this out longer than necessary.

[Josie Raines]

Josie swung the door open, entered, and shut it behind her in silence. Without waiting to be offered a seat, she stomped to the one across the desk from the doctor and slumped into it, sinking lower and lower until her knees jutted against the desk and the top of her head barely reached above the chair's back.

"Hey, doc," Josie muttered once she'd gotten "comfortable," eyes trained on the edge of his desk in a scowl. The shortening of his title wasn't borne of any friendliness or familiarity, of course; sure, she'd had to see him several times and they knew each other as a result. But each session so far had been an exercise in saying as little as possible out loud, instead opting to just receive her punishment and go.

Even if she did feel like talking, just knowing that Dr. Neville was telepathic got her hackles up automatically. Josie was never totally sure what he was able and willing to pull from her head, despite any reassurances - like adults never lied, right? But however much it was, was more than she liked.

Which was why she sat in silence now, waiting for the hammer to come down. Would he ask for her story about the fight, and leave it at that? Would he see something from the week she'd spent with her mom and Ronnie over winter break? Or would he simply, resigned to her lack of progress, assign her a punishment and send her on her way?

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean took no offense to the shortening of his title, since “Doc” was the nickname he offered to the students to use with him. Even when it was born from a less than affectionate dynamic, he still took no offense, because that was his nickname. Better “Doc” than the students trying to use his given name in a setting in which it was necessary to retain boundaries.

Once could almost call it a compromise.

“Hello, Josie,” he replied, after she had settled in. At least she was long-familiar with how this process worked, and she had chosen not to dig in her heels, unlike some of the other students who came through this office.

Clasping his hands before him on his desk, he trained his gaze on her. “Do you know why you’re here?”

The psychiatrist assumed that she did, both from the fight that had transpired immediately before. Still, even with his telepathy, he wanted to give Josie the same benefits that she would get with a non-telepathic disciplinarian. If she was in Claude’s office, for instance. She was entitled to learning why she had been sent to his office, before he launched into asking her to explain herself and they worked towards a punishment and resolution.

[Josie Raines]

'Cause you just missed me that much, huh, doc? she wanted to answer. Josie had heard the question plenty of times - at least every time she'd set foot in this office, anyway. And she'd responded with sass more than once, that was for sure. If she had the energy to pick a fight with a school official today, hell, maybe she would've.

But she didn't. Sitting there, eyes lowered, buried in her too-big jacket, it felt like Josie had no energy for anything except getting out of there. Something had sputtered out after the fight, like a lightbulb that had too many volts coursing through it until it puked sparks and burnt out.

"'Cause I tried to punch Marty in the face," Josie finally answered quietly. She didn't lift her gaze to meet Dr. Neville's; it wasn't that she was afraid of seeing disappointment there. She was used to that. Josie had a lot of practice being a disappointment. She was just... tired.

"So what'll it be this time, doc?"

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Irrespective of the fact that she had chosen not to voice her thoughts, Sean heard them. However, he gave her credit for choosing not to speak them, and, as part of his general policy, he did not correct her for her thoughts. He only did that if there was a larger issue that he needed to address, and backtalk that she showed the good judgment to keep to herself hardly qualified for that threshold.

Instead, he focused on what she said. What she said demonstrated that she knew precisely why she had been sent here. She provided no sarcasm, no excuses for her behavior, and, in the way that she phrased it, also demonstrated that she knew it was the wrong course of action. At least insofar as running afoul of Hammel policy; whether she actually regretted it was another matter to determine.

Over all, that was a good start.

She was tired, and, in some ways, the psychiatrist was tired as well. He would prefer not to have to do this at all, since he would prefer that there were no fights. Still, she had done what she had, and now she was in his office, where it was up to him to address the situation accordingly.

So he watched her carefully from behind his desk, before spreading his hands before him. “You tell me, Josie.” His voice contained no sarcasm. “What do you think would be an appropriate punishment?”

[Josie Raines]

For the first time since she'd walked in the door, Josie glanced up to look to man in the eye. Her brows knit together in confusion - was this some kind of trick? As much as she'd never enjoyed these office visits, the doc was usually pretty straightforward. At the same time, though, nobody ever just asked her that - she was used to just getting slapped with a punishment and sent on her way.

"I dunno, uh..." Josie began, unsure. If she were in the mood for backtalk she might have suggested something outlandish like paid vacation days just to see how he'd react. Maybe this was a test, to see if she'd do exactly that? Sure, and get an extra penalty thrown in:

"I had to do some grounds stuff once, how about that?" she suggested after a moment. Josie had been assigned such a punishment back in October, before the ground became hard and the gardens disappeared before the first snow. By the end of the day she'd found herself enjoying it, seeing the tangible results of her labor. Even the soreness in her muscles had felt rewarding, earned, and she'd slept well that night for the first time in weeks. The snow was too deep now to pull weeds or mow, but maybe she could achieve the same results shoveling sidewalks or something.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean steadily met her gaze, as he had been looking at her since this meeting had begun. He readily overheard her thoughts, and, despite the unflattering paranoia, he took no offense to them. While the psychiatrist never went in for psychological torment or for “mind games” as some of the students dubbed them, other faculty members were more inclined to do so. Being a student involved having to navigate those different modes of behavior, and, as he always did, he cut slack to anyone with unflattering thoughts who exercised the good judgment not to articulate them aloud.

Instead, he focused his attention on how she reacted, specifically on what she articulated. As difficult as it might be to imagine, he was interested in what she had to suggest. He wanted to see if she fully understood the severity of her behavior, and what she would consider to be an appropriate method of discipline.

Josie failed to disappoint.

The psychiatrist preferred that administrative discipline came in the form of restorative justice. Which was to say that he believed that appropriate discipline either benefitted the Hammel community as a whole, made reparations to those who were harmed, or otherwise taught the student a valuable lesson and helped them to grow. He did not believe in busywork, and, even if corporeal punishment had been legal in school (Hammel’s status as a private school but with government funding put them in a quasi-state regarding such laws), Sean had never believed in that. Years at Catholic school had only cemented those beliefs.

Grounds work was an acceptable punishment under that scheme. As such, the psychiatrist nodded, taking no time to mull over the suggestion. That she demonstrated an interest in it proved an additional plus. “A week of grounds keeping assistance after classes end.” Given the duration of the fight, that seemed reasonable.

[Josie Raines]

A week of groundskeeping? No suspension or book reports or being stuck in a classroom after hours with other delinquents? Sure, work was work and Josie wasn't exactly thrilled about being punished. But considering she was here for attacking another student, it felt almost like she was getting off easy.

Which was why she was having a hard time getting excited - this wasn't how her punishments had ever been handled at previous schools. That couldn't be the whole story.

"...Is that it?" Josie asked hesitantly, after some deliberation. She was pushing her luck, she could feel it - maybe she should just take the verdict and run but if there was more to it she wanted it sprung on her now rather than later. "I don't need to, like, write Marty a five-page apology or something?" 

Shut up, you idiot! Josie scolded herself, realizing how sarcastic she sounded. Behaving herself was the ticket to leaving the office without too many questions or probing into her thoughts. That was the goal, she needed to remember.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean said nothing to interrupt her thoughts. He had already said his piece in doling out the punishment; it was her turn to react.

Then she did. Josie’s response wasn’t particularly surprising, and he did not hold that against her.

“If you’d prefer to write an essay, I can assign you a topic.” The psychiatrist knew that she would not prefer an essay, and he was sure that she would instead assure him that she was fine with grounds keeping. While he had assigned essays for fights before, he thought that the work around the grounds would do more for the school than an essay that only he would read, and Josie would get more out of the experience as well. A week was standard detention for a physical altercation as minor as the one she had initiated.

“And while I’d like you to apologize, I believe apologies should be sincere.” That was a tenant of his personal ethics. “So, I’ll ask if you’re remorseful for what you did.” Not if she would want to apologize to Marty, since many people could experience remorse without wanting to acknowledge that aloud, or wanting to take steps further than stewing. Sean had seen that time and again. And that she was remorseful for what she had done, as an active agent, rather than for what happened, as though it was an unavoidable situation.

[Josie Raines]

If the doc was right about anything, he was right about how Josie would respond to the suggestion of an essay.

"No, no, I'll just take the yardwork," she hastily replied, hands up defensively as though the man had moved to fling a stack of papers at her that she needed to block. Josie hated essays. Full stop. Even for papers that didn't require a trip to the library, whenever she bothered to turn one in, it always came back littered with so many red penned corrections it was like they'd given the teacher a nosebleed. The spelling corrections alone were usually enough to knock off an entire letter grade, but what the hell was she supposed to do, use a dictionary? How do you look up a word if you don't know how to spell it?

No, no essay. Groundskeeping would do just fine.

It was the mention of remorse that soured Josie's expression next. At least she apparently wouldn't have to apologize. There was plenty she regretted about landing herself into the situation, but when it came to Marty, she was only sorry she hadn't managed to hurt him at all. After what he'd said, embarrassing her in front of the whole class? No, she wasn't sorry. But while the doc could probably figure that out himself, that didn't make it a good idea to say.

"Yeah, I'm remorseful," Josie repeated dutifully as she glowered at the edge of his desk. Remorseful for making a scene in class. Remorseful that her mom would hear about it and be upset - again. Remorseful that she was stupid enough for Marty to comment on in the first place. Did that count?

[Dr. Sean Neville]

That was what Sean had expected.

Few of the students volunteered for the essay assignments. Typically, those who did had never had an essay assignment with him before and thus did not know what the point was. One student had plagiarized their detention essay, which had been as successful as one might expect.

“You can report to the custodian after classes end today,” the psychiatrist instructed her. The custodian would provide her with explicit instructions about what had to be done; as that was not Sean’s job, he tried not to micromanage by providing too many details or a strict itinerary.

He could tell that Josie did not regret her actions on principle, nor did she regret hitting Marty for Marty’s sake. Regretting her actions because of consequences hardly qualified as true remorse. Nor did shifting responsibility for her actions wholly to Marty as verbal instigator.

Although she did not look at him, he looked at her, keeping his gaze steady on the top of her head, as she had angled her neck downward to glare at his desk. “If you actually regret what you’ve done to Marty, then you should apologize. However, I don’t believe that there’s much value in empty apologies, and so if you aren’t remorseful, you should think some more before speaking to him.”

[Josie Raines]

Josie ground the heels of her boots into the floor, toes pressed to the wood of Dr. Neville's desk. Lips tight, she chewed the inside of one cheek anxiously until the doc struck down the essay idea. Meeting the janitor after school, that was something she could manage - show up on time, don't slack too hard, keep it up for a week, and she'd be in the clear. Even she couldn't fuck this up.

It was the matter of remorse, as the doc kept on about it, that was sticking in her craw. Talking about it was all well and good - this was a school after all, it was kind of to be expected - and at least she wasn't going to be pressured into some kind of false apology. But what about Marty? He'd blacked her eye, surely he'd be in this office at some point, if he hadn't been already. Would he get the same talk about remorse? Josie didn't even care if he wasn't sorry for hitting her; as furious as she'd been at the time, even she could understand that swinging first meant she had it coming. But she didn't ask for his shitty comments, when she was just trying to read aloud like she was told. She never did, but that didn't stop anybody. It wasn't as though they all weren't right about her being an idiot, or that she didn't deserve that bards and jabs. But how many of them had sat in this office and decided, "fuck her, I'm not remorseful, Josie's a stupid bitch and I'm not sorry"?

All of them, if she had to guess. Nobody ever apologized; nobody ever bothered.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean apologized. He apologized without hesitation when he was wrong, even if he did not like being wrong any more than the next person did. He apologized if he hurt someone, or if he thought doing so would establish trust and work to smooth over a problem. And he did so sincerely, because he did not believe in the value of empty apologies.

The psychiatrist differed from many people in that regard, which was why all he could do was encourage others and lead by example.

The psychiatrist was not looking for a confrontation. Josie had already agreed to do the grounds keeping work without further argument, which he considered a positive, given how many students thought that they could argue their way out of detention assignments. The current number of success stories in that endeavor rested firmly at zero.

However, he understood that she was upset, and, while he tried not to respond to unarticulated thoughts, he also never hid his powers, and doing so would not come as a complete surprise. Moreover, he thought that Josie might benefit from a brief conversation on this topic.

“I plan to speak to Marty as well. ‘You started it,’ isn’t an acceptable reason for moving to physical violence, but he shouldn’t treat you that way.” In that, he and Josie were in agreement. Marty’s behavior was also wholly unacceptable, and the psychiatrist would not let anyone get away with that without a reprimand and some positive payment back into the community.