I Don't Deserve Forgiveness (Gryph)

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

"I am." Gryph said. He looked at Kodi and then scanned the ground. It was worth risking it and possibly coming out the other side okay than giving up and running away from the situation. He looked at their joined hands and half-smiled. "Then you don't have to be." Gryphon wanted Kodi to be happy. If he wanted to change to become happier, then he would help him the whole time - because he was clearly struggling and Gryph couldn't just ignore that. He couldn't ever do that.

Yeah, he did deserve to be pissed. He wasn't gonna stop himself from feeling that way, he would just wait until the emotion was resolved. "I could hate you," Gryph replied, changing Kodi's words slightly, "But I don't. And I'm not gonna." Unless Kodi broke what Gryphon was trusting he would do. If he went behind his back, he was pretty certain his feelings towards the boy turn dark. He would have good reason to feel that way. As Kodi shifted, Gryph helped him, and wrapped his own arms loosely around Kodi. "I hope so too." His head rested slightly again Kodi's.

Gryphon jolted a little when Kodi mentioned Nick, a pretty automatic reaction. That kind of reassurance... was really what he needed. Because it was one of the things he was most afraid of. He didn't think Kodi would do anything to the extent that Nick did when it came to playing with him, but he was still worried. For him to knock that possibility away was really comforting. "Thank you." He said quietly, closing his eyes for a moment. He tried to direct his mind away from the possible negatives, and from Nick, and just to think forward positively, even if he couldn't push his small doubts away. "If you can keep that promise... it makes me a lot happier to be sure that you don't have any intentions like that."

[Deleted]

Gryphon's support was all he needed. That's what Kodi told himself. Now that they'd had this hump in their relationship, it was... It was just going to get better, because it would spark the changes they needed to do to help them become stronger. To make their relationship stronger.

He winced a bit at the 'could', but when Gryphon kept talking, Kodi allowed himself to relax again. "Okay," he breathed, content with this answer. ".... I'm so lucky t'have you..." Dammit, Kodi was like a girl on her fucking period, he was being so emotional about this. The moisture in his eyes just wasn't going away. He let out a harsh, snorting laugh and shook his head. "I'm goin' soft already," he said, voice tinged with self-contempt. "Fuck, if you'd've told me I'd end up like this last year, I never would've believed you." He sent a wry smile up at Gryph, hoping his eyeliner wasn't smudged. "You're already makin' me less of a dick." Not that he wasn't still one, because he was. A lot.

He felt Gryph jump against him, and Kodi hugged him closer, rubbing his palm up and down the older boy's spine. "'Course," he replied, his voice a bit rough. "I mean... I'm a fuckin' asshole, but I ain't into chicks, so that's somethin' y'don't have t'worry about, at least," he joked weakly. He turned more solemn and added,"But... I mean it. I ain't just messin' around with you 'til I find somethin' else new an' shiny, or whatever. This was just... Just a dumb, shitty mistake that I'm gonna take all precautions to avoid." He hoped that helped, but he wished he could say something more concrete. ".... Can we just sit here a while?" he asked after another few moments. Kodi lifted his eyes before they settled on Gryph's lips, but he was hesitant to close the small distance between them.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryph felt a little bad about how he put across his message, but it probably knocked in the fact that Gryphon didn't hate Kodi, so it wasn't terrible or anything. He didn't judge Kodi for acting as he was - this had been pretty difficult to talk about, and he was feeling pretty similar, even if his emotions weren't as visual. He smiled a little, "I didn't know you last year." Gryph said, realizing what he'd said and realizing how that fact alone was insane. He couldn't have predicted this either, not in a million years, but that wasn't a bad thing. "I'm doing nothin' special." Didn't mean he was doing nothing at all, or that he didn't care. He just... wasn't trying to change Kodi.

He sighed and forced a small smile at Kodi's joke, not really in the mood to laugh. Gryphon's eyes just looked over the water behind Kodi, listening quietly. As with a lot of this, he believed Kodi. He knew... well, no. He believed it was true, that Kodi wasn't planning on just dropping Gryph at the blink of an eye - he could tell from what the other boy said, and how he acted. But... the doubt in Gryph's mind wasn't his fault. It was Nick's. At least, that was what the avian boy thought. He nodded a little, "...okay." He looked at Kodi when he spoke again, and saw where his eyes feel. Subconsciously, Gryph looked down at Kodi's lips for a moment as well, but instead of acting upon anything, on the small nudge in his head, he swallowed and turned his head away a bit, "Yeah, 'course." He said, dryly. He felt happier, just being there, but the... he couldn't bring himself to kiss Kodi. It wasn't like he didn't want to, he just... didn't do it.

He brought his head back around and looked at Kodi, only now noticing that his eye makeup had smudged a little. He didn't do anything about it, though, he just didn't want to move at all. Sitting here with him was all he needed to do right now, even if it didn't get any more intimate.

[Deleted]

"We didn't know each other, did we?" Kodi replied, eyes going slightly wide at this realization. They really hadn't known each other for that long at all, and yet here they were, already having their first 'fight' or whatever (not so much a fight as just... Drama, but still), and Kodi was fairly certain he was in love with the older moron. "Yeah, well, just... Keep doin' what you're doin'..." Kodi mumbled, squeezing his hand around Gryph's.

He didn't know what else to say. Kodi felt like all he had to say had been said, and that anything else would just be unneeded baggage that might just make things worse. So he stayed quiet, nodding a couple times but otherwise just trying to take comfort in their closeness. When Gryph seemed to turn away from a potential kiss, Kodi's heart plummeted, but... He understood. Kodi wouldn't pressure him for that sort of intimacy, not so soon after this mess.

And so they sat, quietly taking in the world moving around them. The sun was setting, but Kodi didn't want to leave; he felt safe here, like if they left, this whole conversation would mean nothing and he would somehow lose Gryph anyway. They still were going to have to work through this mess he'd made.