Pick-Me-Up [Kodi]

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

So maybe getting Tumblr was a bad idea - Gryph wasn't entirely sure. It was alright at times, but because of the ghost of a safety barrier that the internet provided seemed to be screwing him over. He was probably going to take a break from it. Because he had been slowly revealing that something was wrong without exactly realising it, until Kodi told him he was worried, which was the last thing he wanted, on top of everything else.

The invitation to the lake from Kodi, then, seemed to be a little connected, but honestly, he tried not to care. If anything, hopefully, it could distract him from all the shit and that was what he needed. A distraction. And Kodi was the perfect distraction.

The winged boy strolled around, looking out for his boyfriend. When he did spot him, he smiled, like normal. Hopefully, he seemed normal. He wasn't straining himself to act that way - seeing Kodi honestly made him happy - but he wasn't like that generally at the moment. He approached the other boy, "Hey," Let the fun begin?

[Deleted]

Tumblr was dumb and Kodi hated it. Okay that was a lie, there was some entertaining stuff on there, but it made him realize how little he actually knew how to use the internet (he'd looked through several Tumblr tutorials to figure out how everything worked). It added a new, interesting dynamic to his relationship with Gryph, though - some of it was a little annoying, but most of it was just flirty and fun, so he was alright with it. He was concerned about things the winged boy had been posting lately, though.

It seemed like they spent a lot of time cooped up inside apartment or dorm rooms, so Kodi thought he'd plan something outside for a sort of last summer hurrah. He'd gone out and bought a bunch of stuff he never thought he'd get - marshmallows and graham crackers and chocolate along with a package of mini hotdogs and some skewers and a lighter - and had gotten to the lake a bit early to plot out a spot near the water. He'd arranged a log near his makeshift fire pit and nestled his supplies beside it. It was still daylight and warm enough for a little swim, but at least he was ready for later on.

He glanced from where he was sitting as movement caught his eye, and Kodi smiled back at his boyfriend, standing and meeting him halfway. He snagged the boy's hands and stood on his toes to return his greeting with a kiss and a "hey". Kodi nodded towards his arranged area. "I, uh, I brought some stuff for later, but I thought we could go swimmin' for a bit if you wanted," he said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. He thought maybe he could distract Gryph from whatever was bothering him with a bit of fun first before he started asking him about it later. "And this spot seems pretty secluded, so I, at least, am not gonna worry 'bout wearin' swimmin' trunks," he added with a crooked grin.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon had still been going outside and stuff but... to fly, and take pictures of stuff. Sadly, they were more individual activities, and while he would have liked to take Kodi flying up with him, he wasn't sure how to ask or whatever. But yeah, they had been inside rather a lot when it wasn't necessary. And fresh air was good, even if he wasn't perfectly certain what they would be doing.

The winged boy kept a light smile at the greeting, and looked over at Kodi's arrangements, listening and bringing his eyes back to the dentokinetic, "Swimming sounds good." It was honestly more tiring than it could be for others, because eagle wings weren't perfectly designed for water, but it just made him a little heavier. Didn't stop him. He chuckled, "Who needs them?" He joked.

There was a weight in his chest and thoughts that buzzed on his mind constantly like television static, but Gryphon could tell already that this would help him. He grinned at Kodi and pecked his lips, "You're amazingly awesome." He said. Alliteration made everything more empathsised and cool, even if it was accidental.

Especially if it was accidental.

He looked at the water and smiled.

[Deleted]

Good, okay, good was good. Kodi could sense Gryph still had other things on his mind, since he was usually a bit more chipper than this, but he bit his lip and held his tongue, not wanting to bring it up just yet. "Okay, uh, good.... I guess I should've made sure you can swim an' all, with your wings, but... Well, you can, right?" He assumed Gryphon could, given his response to swimming, but... Huh, Kodi just felt awkward. "Heh, I don't," he grinned, already moving to peel off his shirt and throw it on one of the nearby logs. "You gonna strip on your own, or d'ya need help?" he asked, finally finding his normal snarky teasing.

"Mmmm..." He hummed at the kiss and tugged at the hem of Gryph's shirt just in case he needed extra prodding. "Nah.... Maybe just a little awesome," he chuckled, moving down to slip off his belt and throw it onto his shirt. "You're the more awesome of the two of us, hands down." Down went his zipper and off went his pants. Kodi took the opportunity of just being in his boxers to stretch, reaching his arms up over his head until he felt his back pop. "Mmmm... One've these days we're gonna have t'switch so you give me a back massage," he joked. Kodi, of course, didn't mind kneading out Gryph's wing muscles, but... It was nice to receive too.

He wandered over to the edge of the water and dipped his toes in, shivering a little. "It's pretty cold," Kodi warned, looking around warily before finally stripping off the last of his clothes and tossing the boxers behind him. "Guess we'll have t'stay close for warmth." He looked over his shoulder and grinned.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

"Yeah, yeah I can, don't worry." Gryph assured, smiling. Wasn't something he did on a regular basis, for kind of obvious reasons, but he was able to. At the offer for help, he grinned and shook his head a little, "I'm good, thanks." He said, not being able to really think of anything funny to say in return. Which sucked and he knew it.

He grinned at the encouragement, "I get it, I get it." He slid off his shirt, "Happy?" He was a little... what was the word... off? About getting naked in public, even if it was secluded and everything, but still, he started fiddling with his pants to get them off. "Oh, shush," He retorted, sticking his tongue out, "We're equally awesome, okay?" Because that worked out. Gryph raised an eyebrow and kept... stripping, wow okay. "Maybe~" If he was actually capable of massaging, which he was unsure about. I mean, when would he have had the practice? Never. No harm in trying though, right?

Oh great, cold. Gryphon couldn't deal with the cold. "I love freezing my balls off." Hey, that was comical, wasn't it? Maybe he was getting somewhere... maybe. He shuffled closer to the water's edge and tentatively slid off the remainders of his clothing. Alright, get it over with. He slowly slid into the water and gasped, "Shit..." He looked at Kodi, "...it's cold."

[Deleted]

“Yeah I’m happy,” Kodi grinned, making no effort to hide his looking over Gryph’s figure. No matter how many times he saw it, he still couldn’t get over just how perfectly ripped and defined he was. Kodi was a little bulkier in the muscle department, but he didn’t have quite the definition that the older boy did… And that was okay, because he’d always think Gryph was hotter than him anyway. “Ugh, fine,” he replied, rolling his eyes. Nope, he didn’t believe he was as awesome as Gryphon for a moment. Well… Maybe more awesome at massages. “Heyyy, I give them t’you all the time,” he complained playfully. “You gotta return the favor sometimes.” And that way Gryph would already be on top like always when they… Well. Eheh.

“Okay, well, if y’got that cold it’d be a shame, ‘cause I like your balls,” Kodi shot back with a grin. “It ain’t that freezin’, I promise.” He could sense that Gryph was trying to be lighthearted, but it just… Wasn’t working. Kodi could still sense how off he was. His grin widened naughtily as Gryph took off the rest of what he was wearing, and he came closer to the winged boy so they could both sink into the deeper water together. “We’ll get used to it,” he promised, floating around in the chest-high water. He didn’t particularly want to go deeper than that, because he liked being able to see the bottom. This was deep enough to paddle around in. “So… You ever had sex in a lake?” he teased, sidling up to his lover and blowing a raspberry on his shoulder. “Honestly, t’me it sounds like a good way t’get a disease, but don’t it sound fun?” Of course this would be the first thing he thought of to try to get Gryph’s mind off of things.

He chuckled and nipped the boy’s neck once before backing off a little and throwing a small splash his way. “The more we move around, the warmer we’ll get,” he hummed, grinning toothily as he raised his arms to send another splash Gryph’s way.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon’s thoughts, which would usually be on the tangent of thinking about being equally awesome and how that was completely the case, just wouldn’t go down the route of cheekiness. And the avian boy noticed that himself, and he really didn’t like it, but he couldn’t tackle it. He didn’t know how. He just kind of looked at Kodi for a quick moment. But this wasn’t the time. He sighed, before brightening a little again, “Okay, Mr. Muscle, I’ll massage you at some point. Alright?” Still wasn’t quite right. He tried not to show his disappointment at his own mind-set. Kodi had planned something nice and awesome and he was being a grump. That wasn’t fair.

He grinned, “Kodiak Oubre, being as classy as always.” He teased, weakly. All the same, Gryph took his word for it, nodding. He wasn’t sure how obvious he was being, but the shield he kind of had up a lot of the time was wearing down a little; he noticed it himself. He just hoped it wasn’t blindingly obvious. He didn’t want Kodi worrying about him, like he was certain he would do. Why wouldn’t he? They were boyfriends after all. He nodded again, wading only a little deeper. At the question, he raised his eyebrows, before chuckling a little, “Fairly certain you would know.” For obvious reasons. “Eh… kinda.” Kinda fun. Probably not. Probably very difficult. Or at least a little.

…Jesus, he was really sucking the fun out of everything.

At the onslaught of water, Gryph’s mouth went wide, laughing a little, “Rascal.” He joked, sending a little wave of the lake over at the dentokinetic, “That was meaaan~” He whined. He still felt the tension in his head, and his stupid thoughts were still there, but at least he was beginning to not feel so crap.

[Deleted]

Ugh... Kodi didn't like the fact that he could so easily tell how hard Gryph was trying. Well, he was kind of glad, because at least he wouldn't be oblivious to it, but... It just made him worry that the older boy was trying so hard to hide it in the first place. Soon, he was gonna interrogate him for answers! "Alright," he replied with as much of a grin as he could muster. "Next time I have a tough workout, I'll come over expectin' one." Yup, he would.

"Kodiak? Who's that, I don't know him," he grunted, scowling a little. "He must be a hella lot classier than me though, 'cause I got no class at all." Like anyone didn't know that. Still, Kodi chuckled, despite how weak Gryph's own humor was being today. He was anxious about this. All of it. Kodi just hoped he'd know how to help when he found out what was going on. "Ahhh right... 'Cause I have your v-card," he said, a slight tease in his voice, though it went softer as he thought about how special that was for the millionth time. "And I'm always gonna keep that precious t'me." No matter how many times they hooked up, that first time would always be the nearest and dearest to his heart, Kodi was sure.

"Yup, that's me," he giggled at the 'rascal' comment, shielding himself from the little wave with his arms. "I never said I was nice," he shot back with an evil leer. "I could do all kinds of things t'you out here with no one around..." Kodi let his mind wander on this fact as he scooted in close to his lover again, leaning in so he could give him a sweet kiss that didn't match what he was saying. "You know what? It's fuckin' colder in here than I thought it'd be, how 'bout we get a bonfire goin'?" he suggested. Both so they could get warm and cuddle, and also so Kodi could ask him about things.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

"I'll try not to break your back in the process." Gryph joked - as if he was actually strong enough to do that. Kodi didn't seem... too put off by him, even if he felt about as light-hearted as treacle right now. Maybe... maybe he was managing to be subtle. He hoped so.

The winged boy rolled his eyes a little. He still wasn't certain what Kodi thought of his real name. Well, full name. Personally, he liked the name Kodiak, but if he didn't, then he wouldn't use it again. "Isn't that the truth." He said, grinning with one corner of his mouth. "But who needs to be classy when you're awesome, right?" Gryphon was definitely classier than Kodi, but... yup, that wasn't really important. "I'm glad you will." Because it had been one hell of a decision for Gryph to make. He didn't regret it, definitely not, but it made him feel happy that Kodi did cherish it like that, considering the fact that he had done it multiple times... before...

Uggghhhhh..... He was having just about enough of these negative - or at least, downhill - thoughts. If they were something tangible, he would just crumble them up and dissolve them into the lake. The fishes could deal with them then.

Gryph stuck his tongue out a little, "You have the ability to be nice, though." Come on, it was true. Take this whole meeting for example - Kodi had set it up. For himself, yeah, maybe, whatever, but for Gryphon too. The dancer had found that the dentokinetic had many positive traits that people, including the boy himself, didn't realise. He wasn't about to go into detail, but he noticed. "As if I would let you." He retorted lightly, trying to brush over the fact that he didn't really react much to the kiss. At the new idea, he nodded, "Sounds good to me." He smiled sadly, and it just ran through his mind how obvious it must be right now. His state of mind. He looked down a little and shuffled away, climbing out and pulling on his boxers and pants, despite being wet, without a word.

[Deleted]

"Awesomeness beats classiness any day," Kodi agreed with a smirk. Well, he didn't really think he was that great, but he knew Gryph did, so... He wasn't going to argue. But yes, Gryph was classier.... At least he would be until Kodi perverted him even more. Whoops. "Of course I will," he said, his voice still softer. He took both of Gryph's hands in his own. "It's the best, most amazin' and priceless thing I've ever had." And he wasn't just saying that to try to make Gryph feel better - he really meant it.

Yeah, he'd had relations with other people before, but... None had meant anything to him compared to Gryph. And he hoped the older boy knew that.

"I do?" he retorted, raising an eyebrow like this was news to him. "Huh... I guess that's somethin' I can only really use around you." Cue another loving nuzzle. Jeeze, this guy really drove Kodi crazy, and he couldn't help it. "Mmm... You wouldn't?" he pretended to pout. "But I could think of all kinds of fun things~" All of them sexual yes, but... Okay not all sexual, he'd planned this outing just to talk, after all! Kodi wasn't expecting any funny business. He did notice Gryph's lack of a reaction, though, so he gently tugged the older boy's hand and let him back out of the water. Kodi watched Gryph as he dressed, but this time it was more out of concern than checking him out. By the time he'd dried and dressed himself and got a fire going, his own features had fallen into something more obviously worried. "Hey, so... I really planned this so we could... You know, talk," he murmured once they were settled down by the fire on one of the logs. "You... You haven't seemed yourself lately and I'm just... Worried." Kodi leaned in against his boyfriend and looked up. "Can you tell me what's goin' on?"

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

"Exactly." Gryph didn't... well no, he did know why Kodi didn't think he was all that brilliant - his self esteem. Along with the past incidents and the tidbits of Kodi's history Gryphon knew of, it would be hard for the dentokinetic to think all that highly of himself. He watched Kodi become... lighter in his manner, almost, and a smile fizzled onto his face at his words. He squeezed his hands, "You're the same, for me." Meaning Kodi was the best thing he'd ever got. A lot of people wouldn't believe that, but screw them.

In the simplest way to put it, he knew he mattered more to Kodi than other people had in the past. That fact alone made him very happy.

He smiled weakly, "Yeah," He wasn't sure what else to say on the subject. In fact, keeping up conversation was a difficulty in itself. "Delightful."

Surely he knew something was wrong by now. If not before, then now certainly? He could tell Kodi was keeping an eye on him, and the whole time he was balancing his thought processes between trying to stay more upbeat and trying to know how the hell to explain himself. So far, the younger one hadn't said anything, but as they settled down... well, he was practically ratted out. He looked at Kodi for a moment, before sighing, "I..." He began, before looking down, at the floor, "I'm not sure I can." It was a lot to swallow really, built up through multiple worries and issues. He rested his head on top of Kodi's slightly, "I'm fine." Which was a lie, and there was no point in saying it, but... well, was it worth a try? Maybe. "Everyone has high and low points. I just..." Gryphon paused, and sighed again, "I happen to be having low point. But... it'll be fine."

If he was honest with himself, he didn't believe that one bit. He was still holding himself together and trying to make sure he wouldn't suddenly break apart in front of Kodi. He didn't deserve to see that.

[Deleted]

Kodi wasn't expecting this to be easy, which was why he'd planned to go out like this instead of just staying around the apartment and nagging Gryph until he spat out whatever was on his mind. But still, hearing that the older boy wasn't sure he could tell Kodi whatever it was made the dentokinetic's heart sink. "Is it really that bad?" he murmured; this was doing nothing to alleviate his worries. "I-if it's about me, I'd rather you told me that kept it from me," Kodi said, presuming that might be a reason why Gryph didn't want to tell him. "That way I could... I dunno, change it, or whatever." He frowned as the winged boy leaned against him, feeling frustration bubble up. "It's not fine," he insisted, being unwilling to take that as an answer. "I wanna help with whatever's goin' on, and I can't do that if you don't at least... I dunno, clue me in on what's the matter."

He didn't mean to pry, but Kodi was just worried. Gryphon was always the more optimistic of the two of them, so this just felt... Wrong. And Gryph had helped him with so many of his problems already, the least Kodi could do was just listen...

The dentokinetic popped open the bag of marshmallows and sat it between them, and handed over a skewer to his boyfriend. Maybe if they were cooking them over the fire while they talked, Kodi would be able to get more out of him. "So... As long as y'didn't just find out we're long lost relatives or somethin', I'm sure I can take whatever you throw at me," he said with a weak attempt at humor.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Being outside was... nice. Gryph preferred being outside, because it wasn't so cramped and familiar. It was refreshing. If this conversation had begun inside... well, he probably would have gotten grumpy and annoyed. Out here, the fresh air calmed his thoughts. Which he really needed right now. At the question, he shrugged to a small degree, "...I'm not even sure. I feel like I'm overreacting." Honesty was going to be the best policy, really. Even if he wasn't really sticking to that idea right now. Kodi's assumption made Gryphon shake his head and look at the dentokinetic, "No, love, it's not you." He was going to say I promise, but... that wasn't entirely truthful. And he was just going to have to force himself to be blunt with this, otherwise... it would probably get worse.

The stubbornness to not accept his wording made Gryph sigh for probably the hundredth time and lower his head. Why was he even trying to avoid talking any more? Kodi wasn't going to simply forget about this whole thing at the click of a finger. Ignoring the humour, not being able to respond positively to it, at least, he held his marshmallow over the fire and leaned into the dentokinetic.

"...I don't know where to start." His voice sounded a little hollow, but he kept going anyway, "...it's not just one thing. There's... there's a lot." And yet, he still felt like he was being ridiculous about it. He decided... be blunt, be quick, don't get emotional. He didn't think Kodi would like to see him getting upset. "I got a phone call from my dad a few weeks back, and he practically disowned me." His voice remained low and as emotionless as he could manage, "And then there was, and still is, all that business with Phoenix, as well as a lot of other stuff. Going to university, work, dance practice, everything..." He sighed, "I'm just... really stressed." He had avoided mentioning Kodi but... honest. He had to be... honest. He looked at the younger boy and took a breath, "I worry about you, too. I worry about a whole lot of people, but I worry about you the most." He looked at the fire and held his stick up, taking the mallow away from the flames before it could burn. And then he just watched the fire lick at the air, "I just... I don't like seeing you struggle. And when I can't be around to help you, I get worried. And that's stupid, because you can take care of yourself..." He heard his dad's words loop around in his head, "I'm just a dumb person, with poor judgement."

He looked at Kodi again, his face practically void of any expression, "Try not to feel bad. It's not your fault." He looked down, "It's mine." He felt his head twinge a little but tired to ignore it.

[Deleted]

Kodi reached out and rested his hand over Gryph's, rubbing small circles over the back of his hand with his thumb. "Overreactin'?" he repeated, disbelieving. "You're one of the most easy-goin' people I know, I highly doubt that." He felt a tiny bit better when Gryph assured him it wasn't him, but... He still felt like there was something hidden there. He supposed he'd find out.

His eyes softened when Gryphon sighed, and Kodi sort of felt bad for prying. "I'm sorry, babe. Just... Just take your time," he murmured, placing a lingering kiss on the older boy's temple. He followed suit with his own marshmallow, although his stomach was twisting nervously.

"From the beginnin'?" he suggested quietly, but it seemed Gryph had some idea of what to say, so Kodi went quiet, continuing to trace shapes on the back of the boy's hand. When the mention of his dad came up, however, Kodi's eyes widened, and then darkened, his features screwing into something angry and hateful. "Fuckin' asshole," he growled. The dentokinetic could relate, because the same thing had pretty much happened to him. Kodi would have said more, but Gryph was going on, so he went quiet again, wanting the older boy to get it all out. "That's a lot t'have on your shoulders," he murmured; no wonder Gryph felt stressed, that was more than one person should deal with at a time. When Kodi himself came up, however, her straightened a little and looked up at the taller boy, his worry increasing. "Babe...." he whispered, bringing his hand up to cradle Gryphon's jaw. "I worry about you too. I-I think that's normal. But... But I know I have a lotta issues that probably make you especially worried about me..." Kodi trailed off. He felt like his heart had sunk to his stomach. If Gryph was with someone with fewer problems... Would he be less stressed? "You're not dumb," he said quickly, his scowl returning. "Whatever bullshit your dad put in your head, it's not true."

His fingers traced along Gryph's hairline until Kodi's eyes dropped. No matter what Gryph said, he couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible. "Don't say that," he mumbled. "It's not your fault me and everythin' else are stressin' you out. You're... You're gonna get through all this an' come out the other side stronger." As long as Kodi didn't completely fuck him up in the meantime....

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

"Just because I might be easy going doesn't erase the fact that I can be melodramatic." Yeah, he definitely felt like that now, thinking about it. A sensible person wouldn't make themselves struggle so much, and when it came to his dad... just ignore it. Because he didn't care before, why should it matter that he cared now? Why did his words bother him?

It was probably for the best that Kodi was prying. If he didn't get this out now... it would build up, and that would be worse. The problems with his dad were, really, the beginning of his stress. Other things had been underlying, but his problems with that situation just made everything else also seem a lot worse. He kind of took in Kodi's reactions as he went along, and they were what he expected. Angry, then sympathetic. He shrugged. It probably was too much for one person, but Gryphon didn't see that. All he saw was that he had problems to cope with, like any other person, and he was being ridiculous about it.

"That's it, though," Gryph said, solemnly, "That's why I don't want to tell you that anything's wrong." The fire crackled, "I know what it's like to burden other people's problems as well as your own. And it's hard." He glanced at Kodi, "I mean, why should I add to your problems? You have enough to cope with." He scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Sure I'm not." Should he believe his boyfriend over his dad? Probably; was he going to? Probably not.

Gryph watched Kodi speak, and then shook his head slightly, "I want to believe that, but..." He found another stick and started prodding the fire with it, "I just can't. I just feel like a time bomb. A grenade or something. One day, something will pull out the pin and it's just a case of who's nearest for who I'll explode at." He sighed, "And then... I don't know. I just don't feel like this could end positively for me." His optimism had shattered recently. It wasn't something he was used to, but it was easier, being realistic over being some stupid hopeful.