Stay [Kodi] [Trigger]

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Trigger: Mentions of Abuse

It was an understatement to say that Gryph was in a bad mood. It had been a couple weeks, and he was still feeling fairly raw from what had happened at the overlook. He just... it had been such a surprise. And he knew he- well, he hoped he hadn't done anything terrible. But he felt somehow guilty. For not stopping him. But like how he kept reminding himself, that was what he asked for. Don't make it harder. But... he wanted to make it harder. He wanted to challenge Kodi's decision, he just couldn't force himself to go against him.

He found himself a lot more reclusive as he digested his situation now. He felt... odd, being the light way to put it, about not having Kodi around. He hated it. He still went to his lectures and shit, but it was hard to concentrate.

As such, he had a lot of catching up to do, which he didn't want to do, but... he didn't have a choice. Unless he wanted to fail, which he didn't.

Scrolling through the racks, his eyes looked for anything that he might deem as useful. His brain didn't want to work though, and he lowered his throbbing head with a sigh, but only letting his guard down because he was alone. Around everyone else, he just didn't want to bring people down. He came across as casually and sensibly upset by it, not to the actual extent it was at. This was going to be the end of him, at this rate.

[Deleted]

Kodi's life recently had been... Quite a bit different than what Gryph was going through.

Initially, he'd wanted to coop himself up in his room and never leave until the pain ebbed away. But after a few days, when it wasn't getting any better, the dentokinetic had decided it was time to take more drastic measures - namely, alcohol. So he'd found some party to go to and had ended up getting completely wasted, until he thought he could barely remember his past lover's name (that was a lie, he would never forget).

During the night, however, the intoxicated boy had fumbled into a hot stranger. Damon was his name. Kodi wouldn't have tried anything except that, well, the other guy made the first move (because apparently being drunk off your ass was super attractive?). After a little slurred talking and a half-hearted dance or two, they were drunkenly kissing in some dark corner. It was all well and fine, Kodi supposed, except for the fact that when they stopped the Chinese boy realized he'd been imagining it was Gryph the whole time.

Nevertheless, in an attempt to try to make himself feel better and get away from the guilt that still plagued him, Kodi accepted when Damon asked if he wanted to go home with him. Unfortunately, he passed out too soon after they got there for them to do anything (at least, as much as Kodi remembered). He stayed the day after though, fighting through a painful hangover that the near-stranger actually... Helped him get through.

He seemed nice, this Damon guy. There was something about him that sort of put Kodi on edge when he was sober, but he couldn't lay his finger on it, so he accepted the help. The next night, they started kissing again, and this time it led to somewhere else.

That was the first time he'd seen the guy for what he really was.

Anyone in their right minds would have left immediately after and never came back. The cruel words, the unfair roughness, it was enough to frighten anyone. But Kodi... He felt like... This was what he deserved. Not kindness, and gentleness, like... Like Gryphon. After all he'd done, it wasn't fair for him to be happy in a relationship.

So he kept coming back. Over the course of a few weeks, it stayed pretty much the same - Damon would be sweet sometimes, and horribly cruel and possessive at others. There was abuse; Kodi took it as it came. He had always been prone to violence, so this, really, was no different, and he didn't have to go looking for it anymore. And Damon always apologized in the end.

Kodi found himself at the library today, which was, sort of ironically, pretty close to where his new 'partner' lived. He was planning on going over there later, but... Right now, he wanted some time to himself. Fortunately, the library was pretty quiet, so he doubted anyone would ask about the darkness riddling his face, around his eye and cheekbone.

He shuffled through the shelves, not really paying attention to where he was going or what he was looking at; he was just waiting for something to pop out at him, some interesting title or something. Kodi was distracted enough to accidentally bump into someone as he scanned the shelves, and he let out a low, irritated growl. How dare someone interrupt his sulking and mourning?

It took him all of two seconds to recognize the hair, the outline of the "stranger's" face. Even the scent of him was familiar. And all Kodi could do was just freeze and stare.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon was oblivious to Kodi's... situation. No-one had told him - who would? - and besides, he didn't live near Hammel or anything, and he didn't need to visit the school for much else other than past friends, which, for obvious reasons, he hadn't exactly been doing. Who would? Hi, I broke up with my boyfriend recently and I'm extremely strained emotionally, can I come in? No, he just liked hiding in his room. And... not eating ice cream. Because screw being normal and happy, if he was sad, he wanted to dwell in it for a while.

Even if it hurt. It really hurt.

His head was still down, eyes closed, when someone knocked into him. He straightened up a little, not seeing anything yet, speaking almost lazily, "Watch where you're going." He mumbled, rubbing his face and finally opening his eyes.

He didn't exactly freeze, more... just blink. His brain couldn't quite compute who was in front of him, why his face was bruised, why he was just staring at him; he stared back. For a moment, at least. Instead of reeling, or getting a certain burst of energy, he took a deep breath and covered his face with his hands, muttering a profanity. Who... why... no, don't think. Say something. He turned back and looked again for a short few seconds, before attempting speech. "What-" His throat choked his words back in, and he practically flinched, before trying again, "What... happened?" No introductions or niceties - he was too shocked.

And he held his hands behind his back, tightly - so much so that it was possible he could break his own fingers. There were so emotions going on inside him, and yet, he came out tired, almost exasperated. Why, why... that wasn't fair...

[Deleted]

Kodi had hardly been seeing anyone besides Damon. Apart from going to a couple classes when he could muster up the willpower, he just stayed in his room or wandered around in a sort of daze, feeling lost and confused until he usually, inevitably, just ended up back on the doorstep of his new distraction.

Fuck... Why did this hurt so much? Why wasn't the pain fading, like everyone said it was supposed to...?

He hardly registered what the boy said to him, since he'd already recognized Gryph by that point, and was in more of a shock at the sudden, unexpected appearance than anything else. Time seemed to stand still as they just stared at each other, both apparently unmoving, as emotions boiled up and roiled within the dentokinetic at the sight of this person he still loved no less than he had three weeks ago.

When Gryph moved, Kodi dropped his head and turned away a little, realizing that the older boy had probably already seen... Stuff. Probably thought Kodi was getting into fights or something, that wouldn't be anything new. When Gryph choked out his question, Kodi faintly shook his head, as though coming out of a daze.

".... Nothin'," he uttered, obviously lying. If one looked close enough, they might notice the faint purple line around the side of the boy's neck. "N... Nothin'... For you t'concern yourself with...." His voice was hollow, and he desperately wanted nothing more than to collapse against the older boy and beg him to take him back, but... But that wouldn't be fair to Gryph. Kodi was sure he was already doing better, without him in Gryph's life.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

The hardest thing was probably making himself look away. He wanted to just keep staring and staring, get lost in Kodi again until he lost his pride and cried, or Kodi did... something. He didn't know what he would do, given the opportunity. Cry as well? Probably. He could feel his heart hammering so hard, it felt like it was actually hurting him. Because they were so many things he wanted to do to make this go away. Yes, his first guess was that Kodi had instigated something, but... he couldn't trust that assumption. It seemed like he couldn't trust a lot of the things in his life.

And denial, of course. Gryphon rolled his eyes, even though he knew he would say exactly the same thing, had the roles been reversed. An act of selflessness, to pretend that nothing's the problem. However, when it was so blindingly obvious, not just emotional... it wasn't something one could easily ignore, or brush off. "I shouldn't be concerned by bruises on your face?" He said, "Like how I shouldn't love you anymore, right?" There was obviously something sharp in his voice, and he didn't even personally understand why he said something like that; he didn't take it back.

The avian man turned to face Kodi more solidly, regretting it as he did, because his eyes wandered, catching every mottled bit of skin and making his insides twist more and more. "I... know we're not..." He looked down and sighed, putting his hands in his pockets so he didn't do something stupid with them, "I'm allowed to be worried. So are you gonna tell me?" Or what? It wasn't like he could force it out of the other boy. Either way, this... he... he still wanted to help him. Hold him close, protect him, something. Like before. He was painfully angry, but more painfully repressing that.

[Deleted]

There was a reason that Kodi hadn't asked if they could just be friends - because he knew, as long as he was around the older boy, he would be yearning for more, yearning to go back to the way things used to be before things had become more stressful and problematic with Kodi around. It was only by staying away that the dentokinetic could make this stay... Like this. Seeing Gryphon now, when he hadn't expected it, was making it incredibly difficult to try and keep an air of apathy; no, it was downright impossible.

He couldn't meet Gryph's eyes. Not at all. Because he knew what he would see, and Kodi didn't want to be... To be pushed over the edge and give in. Still, when Gryphon spoke, the younger boy's face fell, and then flinched at the second question. ".... Exactly..." he uttered hollowly; the single word hurt. "It would be better.... For you... If you didn't..."

Even if Kodi still loved him too. But he couldn't say that, because that would just make everything worse and more complicated (or easier, if he just gave in).

He shrunk a little as Gryph turned towards him, wishing he could turn invisible. Kodi glanced up for the briefest of moments, and wished he hadn't - the worry etched into the winged meta's face was practically tangible. "..... I..." His voice cracked and he cleared it before slowly continuing. "I-I'm... Seein'... S-someone new..." he mumbled, and motioned vaguely to his face. "Someone.... I... Deserve." If it wasn't clear what he meant by that, he wasn't sure he could say it aloud. "Just like... You should f-find.... Someone good..."

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Stress... Kodi had a logical mind, right? So, when did the logic center of his brain malfunction? Where was his intelligence? He was, in honesty, now masking the shit he was feeling like, again, so visual deception possibly wasn't possible, but the dentokinetic shouldn't need to see it to know - Gryphon was still stressed. This whole situation had worsened his stress and lowered his tolerance immensely. Why else would he avoid people? He was afraid of exploding.

He lowered his head and sighed, "Doesn't that seem ridiculous to you?" He questioned, his voice definitely softer, "What normal human being can suppress their emotions and thoughts like that?" Gryph had been trying (and succeeding, hopefully) to do exactly that. He knew it was unhealthy himself, yet he still did it. "I'd prefer it if you didn't encourage me to be heartless." Aaaand that probably crossed the line into being mean but... he couldn't help being harsh. For fuck's sake, Kodi broke his heart - who would expect him to be all happiness and rainbows upon seeing him again? There were a few factors, but the main factor that was keeping him from constantly being this way now was his worry. It wouldn't let him be cruel.

He couldn't tell that Kodi still loved him. What he understood from this was that his.... ex was being very secretive and shit, and there were bruises on his face. And neck. Gryphon hadn't pieced the puzzle together quite yet.

The worry in his expression and body language melted into a kind of disappointment. Seeing someone new. Hm, didn't take him long. But only then did the cogs start whirring, however, and when Kodi made it obvious, he almost lost it. Instead, he fell silent. For a few, long moments, there was just silence. And then he came closer to the other boy, and held his face in his hands carefully, hoping he wouldn't squirm away. "Kodi, this is extremely serious." He said sternly, trying to get the other boy to look in his eyes, "You... having an abusive partner does nothing except hurt you." Which was probably why Kodi had gotten himself in this situation. "...he might seem nice occasionally, but trust me, if someone is hitting you and.... choking you, you need to get away." He had half tempted to just stay screw it and kidnap the boy to keep him safe. They didn't have to walk out of here as a couple, but he was not letting Kodi stroll back to someone dangerous.

"I don't care how much you think you deserve it." He said, quietly, "It's like... I think I deserve to feel sad for a while, because I am stupid. I don't think most people would agree with a statement like that," Ignoring the fact that it was actually true as well, "And I think even less people would agree with the statement 'Some people deserve to be abused.'" This had slowly become more and more personal to him, other than it being Kodi involved. Nick's image loomed in his mind.

"Get out, love." Gryphon urged, taking his hands away and straightening up after accidentally slipping the pet name out, "Please, for your own sake. This will destroy you otherwise." He sighed, "I would know."

[Deleted]

Kodi knew it would be more stressful for Gryph for a while but... He still was set on the opinion that he'd be better in the long run. That was his reasoning and he had to stick to it.

He kept staring at the ground while Gryphon spoke, feeling like every word was a thorn in his heart. ".... It... It'll be easier... And you'll be happier... Given time," he mumbled, forcing out words he made himself believe. "I'm the.... Heartless one.... Remember?" Kodi knew that was bullshit, of course, after the changes that had come over him while he was with Gryph, but... He had to pretend. For both their sakes.

Of course he expected Gryphon to be mad that he'd "moved on" so quickly, but that had been... Accidental. A desperate decision when he'd been at one of his lowest points ever (and that was saying a lot) that had led to something he felt he should be content with. Kodi had never believed he could have a stupid "happy ending" like so many of the books he read. Real life didn't work that way for fucked up people like him. The touches on his face were unexpected, but agonizingly familiar, and after his initial flinch, Kodi stayed where he was, slowly forcing his eyes up to meet his ex-lover's. He listened to his words in silence, but his mind was spinning, trying to deny what the older boy was saying. "You... You don't... Understand..." he croaked, even though it was obvious that Gryph sort of did. Maybe more than Kodi realized. "I've always been... A violent fucker... This's... Good for me. Keeps me in line." He hadn't exploded at anyone recently (but that was due to depression and guilt, not because of his new 'beau').

He felt that stupid pressure building up behind his eyes again. No, he couldn't cry, not now. This was... What he wanted, wasn't it?

No, of course not... He wanted Gryphon. More than anything, he wanted him. But Kodi was too stubborn to admit that he was wrong in his decision. "I guess I got a different mindset than most people," he muttered, sucking in a deep breath and looking away again. He couldn't bear looking at the taller boy's face anymore. "And I'm sure there are plenty of people that think I deserve it." Like that George bitch, or anyone else he'd unfairly bullied.

The familiar name had Kodi cringing away as Gryph seemed to realize he shouldn't have said it. He twisted away and kept his back towards the winged meta, trying to hide how much he was trembling. "I think I'm already too far gone t'worry too much," he mumbled. "At least... I'm not bringin' anyone down with me this way." He started to shuffled away, but his movements were slow, hesitating; his mind was screaming one thing while his body and heart were saying another, and he didn't know what to do.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

"That's utter bullshit." It wasn't, in truth. Given the right amount of time, Gryphon knew he would move on, but... with Nick, that had meant a year and a half of suffering, and the affection and attraction towards Kodi were so much stronger than what he had held. He would get over it, yes, be happier again... but how long would that take? "Don't be idiotic, you're not heartless. You're misunderstood and have poor judgment." This was exceedingly honest, "And that's human."

Happy endings were maybe not for everyone, but why would they be known of if they didn't exist? Why could you walk around and see people smiling and content with their lives if there were no happy endings? Of course, there may always be something wrong, no matter how big or small, but it probably wouldn't prevent the happiness shining through in the end. And Gryphon was determined to know Kodi would have a happy ending, even... even if it wasn't with him.

He was glad that the dentokinetic didn't pull away, and that there was that attempt at eye contact. The boy's words, however, made him frustrated. All the same, he kept his demeanor calm, "There is one name I could say, and I'm hoping you know exactly who I'm talking about." He began, "I can't let this happen to you. I know what it's like, I know what could happen." His eyes were gleaming with desperation. He had to listen to him. He had to.

Gryph wanted Kodi, too. Even like he was right now, he wanted to have him so he could help him, because seeing him as a product of mistreatment was tearing him up internally. "You were changing," He fought back, "I know you may not have seen it yourself, but there was change, and you were making it happen." He thought for a moment, "Deserving is fairly... opinionated. It's like need, but in a gentler way. But is that true?" He kept looking at the damaged boy, "Do you need to be hit? Degraded? Do you need to suffer pointlessly?" He had a bad feeling Kodi was just say yes, he did. But that was so painfully wrong, he didn't even know where to begin.

...screw the fact that there was someone new in his life - they didn't deserve to have Kodi anyway, if they thought that treating such a delicate soul this way was fine. And screw the fact that he probably shouldn't keep talking to the younger boy, seeing as he would break down soon enough. He began to walk away and Gryph was just... completely done. He went up behind Kodi and gently wrapped his arms around his waist, "Please, stop." He mumbled, his distress in relation to this situation evident in his padded words, "Please, just for two minutes, stop. Let me talk to you." Because he could tell Kodi was hiding within himself, and he just wanted a hint of sincerity.

[Deleted]

Kodi snorted dryly. "Someone's being brutally honest..." he muttered, though his voice lacked any real humor. He knew it was all true though. Not that he would admit it, even to himself.

Gryphon was his happy ending. The only one he could have ever had, Kodi thought. But... Not in this lifetime. Not... With Kodi's history.

Of course the younger boy knew who Gryph was talking about. He still saw that guy on a somewhat regular basis at work, and still avoided him like the plague and shot dirty looks his way. "This ain't like that," he insisted quietly. "I... I know exactly what I'm gettin' into with this. You didn't." And surely that made a difference, right? The fact that Kodi couldn't stand the look in Gryph's eyes was probably answer enough.

He had been changing... Yeah, Gryph had been too, and not for the better. Kodi bitterly looked back on how he'd teased the older boy about becoming more of a perv, seeing the way he affected him. It... Wasn't right. "I was makin' you change too," he muttered. "And not in a good way." And... Well, yeah, Kodi did think the stuff he was getting was what he should have. After all, his parents seemed to think that way. Everyone else at Hammel seemed to think that way... Why wasn't Gryph of that opinion yet? He just stared into the shelves after the questions were asked, unable to respond. Because he would either admit he was wrong, or make Gryph even more upset. And... He'd done enough of the latter already.

Of course part (most) of Kodi wanted his lo- ex-lover to come and stop him from leaving, and that was exactly what he did. The Chinese boy's breath caught as he felt those strong, familiar arms wrap around him, and instinctively his hands fell against Gryphon's, holding them tightly against him. A small, broken sound escaped past his lips, before he clamped them shut and forced back the wetness in his eyes. "Wh... What d'you... Want t'talk about... With me?" he stammered. "I've h-hurt you over and over. Y-you should hate me." He began to shake again. "Wh-why don't you hate me like everyone else?"

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Their situations weren't exactly the same - he'd give Kodi that much. But fundamentally, they were the same. The hits would hurt the same, the emotional turmoil, the small confusion which their minds still allowed as to why someone so nice could be so cruel. It was probably too late, already, but he didn't want Kodi to have the same permanent damage that Gryphon had. Because, in a way, it made him better, more friendly, determined to make other people happy.

But also, he ended up a bit of a pushover, uncertain, a complete pacifist when possible (which was also good, but not always), shy, in a way, and careful of his words when he had the capacity - which was why he tended to be so quiet. Like he was constantly worried he would say the wrong thing and he would get hit for it.

All of this, he would never admit out loud.

"You made me more stubborn," He retorted, "You made me more confident. What's bad about that?" He couldn't bring out what wasn't already there, right? In Gryph's eyes, he hardly affected him. Whether that was the case or not... came down to the person you asked.

He sighed as Kodi was reluctant to respond. "You don't." Was all he said.

The positive reaction brightened his mind, as his expression refused to become happier, not yet, anyway. He tightened his grip slightly and rested his head next to Kodi's. That one noise twisted him, but it was a good sign, in a way. He rocked the shorter boy a little, "Remember?" He said softly, "I could hate you. But..." He pecked the side of Kodi's head, "I don't. When you hurt me, which wasn't all that often, you apologised. And not in the way an abuser would, before you get any ideas. I forgave you, for everything. And you made it up to me by loving me." He swallowed, "Hating you would probably be the most difficult thing for me to do. And anyway, you must know by now, I'm not most people. I'm weird." He said, with the smallest smile. "I....I...." And now he was stuck, but that was okay. Kind of.

[Deleted]

Kodi just didn't see how he could get much worse, because ever since he'd broken things off, he'd wallowed in self-pity and his self-hatred had returned tenfold. He couldn't get worse than that, could he?

And Gryph... Gryph wasn't as resilient and stubborn and warped as Kodi. They were... They would react differently to these kinds of situations. Or so he was telling himself.

"I did?" he mumbled, thinking back on how he'd seen Gryph change. But... But he'd also made the older boy have an enemy out of the British chick... And Kodi was pretty demanding when it came to things like sex and intimacy and... ".... I dunno...."

He was struggling harder and harder to maintain his apparent apathy. The feeling of Gryph wrapped around him, gentle and loving unlike the constricting embrace of Damon, made his heart hammer in his chest. The winged boy's head coming to rest against his should have made Kodi flinch away, but... He let it happen. And then the stupid fucking tears started to come as Gryphon held him, and Kodi couldn't stopper them no matter how much he tried; they flooded down his cheeks like a fucking dam had broken. "I w-will never d-deserve you," he whimpered, body stiff and frozen. "I would n-never feel c-comfortable knowin' that you c-could be with s-s-someone better..." That's what it always kept spiraling back to. But Kodi's resolve was crumbling. It was hard to keep putting on a strong face when it was obvious they both still felt no lesser for each other than they had before...

"... I still love you," he finally whispered, his voice wet with tears. "I-I-I wanted t-to d-do what was best for you, b-but I d-don't know if I can k-keep this up any longer...." That was about all Kodi could take; he turned around and crumpled into Gryph's arms, hating himself for being so weak and falling back. So selfish... "I'm s-s-so s-sorry.....!" The hem of his shirt pulled up a little, just enough to give a peek of another patch of mottled skin on his abdomen. "I m-m-miss you.... So much...." Kodi's fingers clung onto the older boy's shirt like he'd never let go, and a damp spot was quickly growing against Gryph's chest.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon had been tougher before, in a simple way of putting it. A leader, bold, bright, complacent, snarky and with a low tolerance. He was rather distant at times, too, with his head up
in the clouds, but that had definitely changed.

"Mhmm." He nodded gently, the whole George incident not even crossing his mind. The only person Gryphon was thinking about at the moment was the boy he was looking at right now.

Seeing Kodi physically damaged made Gryphon scared to hurt him. He didn't want to even make him wince - so he was trying to hold him like he was the most delicate, valuable thing in the world. Which, to Gryphon, he practically was. The crying made his own eyes upset, but he just kept it in and held the other boy a little tighter again. "Of course you deserve me. I couldn't get anyone better," he nuzzled Kodi's shoulder, "You balance me out."

Gryph felt something like a wave of relief when the dentokinetic confirmed that. It didn't mean they were together again, but... knowing that for certain made him feel a lot better already. "I never stopped." The winged man jolted slightly as Kodi span around, and his arms went around him again, one round to his shoulder and one up into his hair. He kept rocking him, a few tears dripping out of his own eyes, "Shhhh, it's okay." He assured. His lids were shut by this point, so he didn't catch the other bruises that came to light. He combed his fingers through Kodi's hair slowly, "I've missed you too, love." He said, softly, "I've missed you a lot." He pecked the boy's head again, "...what...what are we gonna do?" He wanted to know that he wasn't about to cross any boundaries.

[Deleted]

Kodi didn't care if Gryph bumped his wounds, especially since it would be hard to miss all of them. He just struggled with the guilt he felt about being there in the older boy's arms, but also the... Comfort, too. Like... This was where he was meant to be, no matter how much the logical side of his brain was telling him otherwise. "I-I just can't believe that," he mumbled, though his voice was starting to waver uncertainly. "I thought... You'd find... Someone else at college...." Someone good and smart and sexy and going somewhere in life, not stuck in a rut like the dentokinetic. "... Surely there's... Someone...?" Anyone?

"I n-never did either..." he uttered under his breath. If they were being honest... "I just... Really thought it'd be better for you...." Kodi tried to take comfort in the touches Gryph was giving him, relaxing his head against the older boy's hand and nuzzling it a little. "B-but I guess I'm just t-too fuckin' selfish, 'cause I can't do it anymore..." He took a shaky breath as Gryph returned his words, burying his face further against the winged meta's chest. "I...." What were they going to do? "I... Dunno... Damon's gonna wonder where I am if I don't go over there soon..." And the abusive man did not take well to when Kodi was late, even by a few minutes. "... I should prob'ly... Start headin' over there..." The dentokinetic slowly pulled away and took himself out of Gryph's grasp.

"... I don't want you anywhere near him," Kodi said firmly. "I... I don't know what he'd do t'you, but if you still love me, you won't try t'go and see him." As for what he and Gryph were to each other... Kodi didn't know. He couldn't answer that. He was still conflicted between guilt and selfishness and need and he couldn't tell which one was going to win.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

"You don't need to believe it for it to be true." Gryph replied, "Besides, if anyone should decide who deserves me, it should be me, myself. And I like you." Why was the dentokinetic so certain that he would find someone new once he went elsewhere? "You really think that after what happened, I would-" He stopped himself before he sounded too spiteful. "No. There isn't anyone else." Believe it or not, Gryphon had negative feelings towards Kodi, just nothing like hatred or disgust or anything. More... disappointment. Upset. Kind of torn - he was putting himself on the line again for the other boy. Again. How many times was this now? And he loved him, he loved him, but fuck, he was slowly losing the knowledge of what he should be thinking, or doing. Was he supposed to trust him again, that he wouldn't just turn around and crush him?

In his lifetime, that kind of thing had happened to Gryph only a few times, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

The avian man shook his head, "Love, I can tell you personally, this has done nothing to help me, and it wasn't going to anytime soon." He gave an exasperated sigh of a laugh, "This isn't selfish. This is necessary. If anything, I'm the selfish one, because I...I need you." And he didn't want to let him get away again.

Damon... Gryphon didn't recognise that name, which was probably a good thing. He lowered his head as Kodi pulled away, but even as he was out of his hold, he still held onto the dentokinetic's hand. He looked up, taking in Kodi's wishes and nodding. As for the original question... he left it. This kind of thing... it was a difficult situation. And the last thing Gryph wanted to do was become pressurising right now. "....do you have a picture of him?" He asked, carefully, "I promise, on my heart, that I won't go to find him, it's so I can... avoid him, if I see him." Decrease the chance of giving Kodi any problems. And he was being honest - going after an abuser would end badly.