Desperado [Oriel] [Trigger Warning]

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Trigger: mentions of abusive relationship, PTSD

Gryphon was slowly losing it over this. Over Kodi's problems. He knew he was. He had spent so much energy and time with the dentokinetic, helping him out of his unhealthy habits and trying to make him happy. He had been doing a good job in his opinion, but he had hit a wall. An unclimbable wall, an unbreakable wall. This... trauma Kodi was going through - he knew the younger boy was suffering - he couldn't do anything about it. Kodi wouldn't speak of it, every blank moment was 'nothing', every nightmare was terrifying, but he wouldn't talk about what he had seen. It was tearing Gryphon apart because he wanted to help, every part of him wanted to help, but he could do next to nothing, other than comfort. It just didn't feel like enough. There was no progress, and Gryph didn't know how he was going to continue helping when he felt like he was doing the opposite.

Breaking his legs had... been a distraction, maybe? Kodi seemed more invested in Gryphon's health and happiness than he did in zoning out, but it didn't erase the problem, and it didn't lessen it to any extent. Gryph liked the attention, and the affection - for once, he honestly was enjoying being looked after - because he knew he needed support involving this situation, considering the possibility of him dancing properly again was on the line, and he wanted to let himself worry about that. But every second he did, he just felt guilty. Because surely Kodi was dealing with worse.

The last thing he wanted to do was separate from the boy, but he was at his wit's end. He didn't know how much longer it would be until he cracked. So obviously, that meant he needed the aid of someone insane.

Gryph had texted the person at hand to get him to come to his apartment. Of course, he could have gone somewhere public if he wanted, but this was a serious conversation that needed to take place. Gryphon could only hope Kodi wouldn't make a surprise visit.

Around the time he had asked Oriel to turn up, Gryph was sat on the couch, both legs propped up for circulation purposes, when he heard knocks at the door. He looked at his legs and took a good deep breath, "It's open!" He called out, before going quiet. Once Oriel made his entrance, Gryphon looked at him sternly, hoping he wouldn't joke about his crippled status. He had been vague about why he didn't want to meet outside of his apartment, and Gryph had a feeling Kodi hadn't told the adolescent about the accident. He didn't talk to many other people these days. Sigh...

[Deleted]

Oriel was confused. Utterly. But also a little…excited? Maybe? And positively terrified on top of it all. Why would Gryph call him up out of essentially nowhere and ask him to meet him at his(and Tak’s) apartment? All the way down there? It was a long way, for one, so Oriel was curious why he hadn’t asked to meet somewhere halfway? No, before that, Oriel was wondering why Gryphon wanted to meet at all!

The only thing Oriel could think of was that Gryph was mad at him over something he did(or didn’t do). Like, maybe Oriel screwed up on that weekend in Seattle in a way that Gryph couldn’t say until now?

Of course that was Oriel mentality. When somebody who he was not-quite-so-friendly with called him out, it had to be because he did something wrong and fucked up and offended them somehow. Oriel took deep breathes to try and rid himself of that anxiety before stepping up to the door. It was fine, he told himself. Oriel didn’t know what it was about so before he freaked out and became defensive about it, he just needed to…well, find out what it was about first.

Saying it was one thing. Doing was something else. Oriel was still feeling high-strung when he knocked on the door. Yes, knocking. Ever since he walked in on Erik snake-ified and nearly sat on the deadly serpent, Oriel had become a lot better about not barging into other people’s private space. Not perfect, but better…

Anyway….

Oriel was surprised that Gryphon opted to call him inside via shout rather than open the door like the stick-in-the-mud he was. Okay….Oriel took another breath and let himself in, praying to whatever god that would listen that this wasn’t a trap of some sort. Once across the threshold, Oriel cautiously scanned the room for the source of said shout, closing the door behind him. When his eyes laid upon the winged boy lounging on the couch…..on the couch…with his legs propped….both legs…broken….in casts….

Oriel stared. And stared.

His lips twitched and twisted and wriggled. His neck tensed as he strained to hold something back. His eyes, though, gave away everything as they trailed the lame boy from head to toe and back again over and over. He shouldn’t say anything…nope…don’t. Say. Anything. “Hey…..Gryph….” he said, his lips twisting up, then being forced back down. Oriel released a subdued, though obviously amused, snort, and his shoulders began to tremble. “H…how it going?” His voice was strained. Oriel was losing this battle very quickly.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

It was an odd situation. Gryph had thought it over multiple times, but Kodi and Oriel seemed to have very similar thinking processes and behaviours, to a point. Gryphon was pretty opposite to Kodi, so he didn't always know how his head worked. Someone like Oriel, however, was more likely to understand Gryph's lover than most others. And as much as they didn't have the best relationship ever known to man, Gryph had a feeling that, considering the subject matter, Oriel would take this seriously. At least, those were his hopes. He couldn't be certain of what to expect, considering the unpredictability of the boy.

Usually, yes, Gryph would have answered the door, but he was too comfortable now to move, and he didn't get comfortable easily nowadays. It wasn't going to be the end of the world if his manners weren't in line for Oriel anyway, it wasn't like the ink manipulator was the more polite being in existence. Considering this, his initial reaction was one of the ones Gryph expected he would get. The winged meta rolled his eyes, clearly not in the mood for joking about, even though he could see how much Oriel was fighting the urge to be incredibly rude. He almost respected him for that. Not answering his question, Gryphon fiddled with his nails, "Go on, laugh at me. Do whatever." He sighed, "But get on with it, you're not just here because I wanted you to make fun of my legs."

With that, Gryphon folded his arms and waited for Oriel's response to unfold. If he didn't calm himself after a decent amount of time, though, Gryph would do it himself. He wasn't in the mood to be nice for too long.

[Deleted]

Oriel had asked Kodi once what the fuck was it that made people like him and Oriel. What had to happen that these kids felt like their only option in life was to become a fucking monster. He’d posed the same question to Erik, actually….maybe…at least once, he was sure, though not in exactly those words. Oriel figured there had to be something similar that happened to the lot of them that made them be such assholes. He never really got a straight answer out of either of them. Then again, Oriel was hardly as forthcoming with his own history either. Just a couple of times when people had asked and he’d been in the right mood. And against Dr. Neville.

So maybe Gryph was right to place his trust in Oriel and his understanding of what might be going through Kodi’s head? Maybe….Oriel only had himself to go off of, so could only answer as to what he might have done or would be doing in a similar situation.

It’d be a tough subject to tackle though. However, by the looks of things, Gryph wasn’t in any condition to be tackling anything right now, literally or figuratively. And yes, Oriel was doing everything in his power to keep himself from laughing his ass off. He knew he shouldn’t, he knew it was horrible to laugh at a cripple, but….well, Oriel couldn’t help himself, what was funny was funny!

Therefore, as soon as he was given permission……Oriel let loose a loooong stream of giggles…which slowly turned into full-on bellied laughs, complete with the boy bending over at the waist and holding his sides as they began to cramp from giggle-pains. Was rolling on the floor too much? Probably. He used the wall to hold himself up, pounding upon it lightly with his fist.

Gryphon might have to interject with his plan, as Oriel showed no signs of stopping. At least it was just laughing. Oriel was satisfied with just that much instead of over-doing it with all the other dickish things he could be saying.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryph didn't care if he looked like a cripple; having broken legs didn't make him any less mentally able, and if anything, it gave him more time to think - since he couldn't dance or fly or move freely, he had to have patience, and one of his ways of being patient was basically getting too looped up in his own thoughts to care about the fact that he couldn't fit through a door. The things he thought about were whatever came to mind first, and considering the lack of Kodi's absence in his life recently, it was difficult not to think about him. He had known for a while now that he needed more help than he was admitting he needed, and Gryph would just try to think up ways to get him to go along with his ideas. He knew he wouldn't just go to Sean. He had thought about the idea of going with his boyfriend, but it wasn't just nerves, it was Sean himself. So maybe if he asked him about seeing someone completely different...? He still didn't know. And he wished he did.

Gryphon managed to just deal with Oriel's laughter for quite some time, but at this point, he was done with joking around. His face remained stern, and he hardly moved as he spoke over the giggles and snorts, "Kodi needs help. If you don't want to help him, get the fuck out." He had no time for games or bullshit right now. He wanted to start a solution as quickly as possible, and he was getting almost nowhere by himself. Nowhere useful.

If Oriel stayed, and calmed a little at least, Gryph would settle down in his seat before continuing, "I'm guessing you know about Damon," The winged man glanced up at him, "The guy who abused Kodi?" He was fairly certain Kodi would have said something to Oriel about that horrible person. Just thinking about that bastard used to be enough to make Gryphon incredibly angry and incredibly quiet. Now the thoughts about him dug up frustration and need and worry. Gryph just wanted to make Kodi better. He just really didn't know how.

[Deleted]

Yes, Oriel knew he was being horrible, hence why he was trying to hold himself back. There was nothing funny about breaking your legs, if anything, Oriel should be sympathetic to the turkey and his plight….it was just….so funny! Oriel could only come up with one scenario after another of how it happened, and every single one of them involved Gryphon being an idiot. Oriel desperately wanted to know how this happened. Though if he knew the real reason…yes, he’d laugh at that too.

Oriel was not a nice person. But we knew this already.

And no doubt Gryph did as well(he’d been the victim of Oriel’s ‘niceness’ more times than he could count), so why he decided to call Oriel over and even see him bed(or couch) ridden like this was a confounding mystery!

Therefore…there was little chance of Oriel stopping from his onslaught of giggles by his own power. Gryph opened that door, and the flood came out. Now he had to dam it up again. And he did, with his next few statements. “Heeh? What up with….sorry, I’ll be quiet now,” he assured Gryph, though his face was still twisted into one of utter amusement. Oriel held his still shaking side as he stumbled across the room to sit on the ottoman offset from the coffee table. “So…okay…Kodi. What about him?” Oriel kept him arms wrapped around him, attempting to keep himself held back for the sake of this conversation.

When Gryph started speaking, however…. “Damon?” Yeah…Oriel was sure he heard that name once or twice from Kodi, but….abused? All amusement that Oriel was expressing vanished in an instant. “W…what?” Was he hearing right? Kodi…never told him that…! “Are…..what?” Oriel must have looked ridiculous with his mouth gaping open like it was and only able to say the same thing over and over. “I don’t…..what!?”

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

No, Oriel wasn't a nice person. But he was Kodi's friend, and that was what mattered right now.

Gryph's steely expression barely wavered whilst Oriel attempted to calm himself down. He was still here, that was the important part. Gryphon was fairly sure that once he realised the severity of why he was here, the ink manipulator would stop being such an ass about things. If not, he would have a very upset man on his hands - even more so than usual.

Oriel's shock was a surprise within itself to Gryph. Seriously? Kodi hadn't spoken about this with Oriel? ....seriously? His own demeanour became very clearly confused for a couple moments, staring slightly blankly, before Gryphon made a noise of annoyance - aimed at Kodi, not Oriel, for once. "Aigoo..." He groaned, shaking his head, brow furrowed as he pinched the bridge of his nose and took a good breath. "That... time when Kodi was 'distracting' himself with Damon, when we were broken up," Something both Oriel and he himself seemed to blame Gryph for, "He was being abused. In most descriptions of the act, I think." His voice was soft and paced, but in a dangerous way. Like he was forcing control over his words and the way he spoke instead of just being natural, "At the time, he said it was what he deserved, which is utter bullshit."

Gryphon sighed, "You seriously didn't know that that was going on?" He questioned, almost angrily, though he didn't mean to be hostile, "He didn't tell you?" That much was obvious, but... fuck, why did he have to...?! Gryph lowered his head a little, as it began to throb with the tell tale signs of a stress headache. Fuck. This.

[Deleted]

No…no Kodi hadn’t talked to Oriel about this! And that he hadn’t worried Oriel even more. It wasn’t like they told each other everything, but…if he was having a problem with something…as friends…Oriel thought he’d at least try and….

Oriel had grown extremely quiet as he tried to process what Gryphon was telling him. ‘Distracting’. Oriel nodded. “Yeah…I knew about that, but….” Why hadn’t Oriel noticed it back then? That there was something like that going on…. When Oriel got the news that Kodi and Gryph were back together….he was…happy. He thought that things were okay! Weren’t they?

By this point, Oriel had leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and had brought his hand up to anxiously nibble on the tough skin of his fingers. He kept reciting what Gryph was saying over and over again in his head, as though he wasn’t sure he was hearing it right, or there was some cryptic message in there somewhere. Oriel shook his head, his eyes fixed on the coffee table. “Uh-uh….not…I was…” Oriel felt the weight of guilt settle in his chest, for more reasons than one. Just the thought of how close he and Phoenix were to that kind of relationship terrified him. Though while Oriel was trying to keep that from happening….Oriel wondered what else there was he didn’t notice. “How did I not know about this…?” He knew the answer to that, of course. Oriel had a lot going on back then…

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryph could barely believe this. Why didn't Oriel know about any of this? Of course, Kodi wasn't exactly the openly emotional type, but still - this felt ridiculous. He also felt a little bad, like he was overstepping some boundary of privacy that wasn't his to overstep; then again, Kodi wasn't looking for help himself, and Gryphon knew he needed it. Even if this was unfair, technically... it was for a greater good.

Of course, Oriel had had his own problems at that time. He remembered seeing an escort at that meeting they had had all that time back when Oriel had tried to make amends, he clearly seemed swamped in his own troubles at the time. "I don't know." Gryph admitted, "I..." It made no sense to him either. He sighed - he wouldn't have brought this up if he had no further reason other than to make it known. "...he's struggling, Oriel. Ever since that time..." Nope, he was not getting emotional in front of Oriel. Gryphon looked at the ceiling, avoiding all eye contact, "I found out when I saw him in the library in town, he..." Gryph swallowed, "He had bruises all over him, around his neck..." His breaths began to shudder slightly, "He sounded hollow when he spoke. When he got away from Damon that day, and came back to me... he wasn't himself."

Gryph still wouldn't look at Oriel, "He still isn't. I... I know he's hiding the full brunt of his problems from me, I know he's suffering, but... I..." Gryphon didn't know how to help. He looked at his own legs, "...I don't know what to do." He said with a mouse-like voice, a single, silent tear dripping out. He just wanted Kodi to start getting better, and he felt so... useless. It was painful.

[Deleted]

Oriel definitely had his own problems distracting him at that time. The escort was the least of his problems back then. He was still being kept from Phoenix, forced into an anger management course, running around looking for anything to do that would distract him from actually murdering anybody. The medication didn’t help either, especially the way they kept switching it out like they did. Oriel’d been so desperate, he’d even proposed to Phoenix! It seemed like a good idea at the time, and he still wanted to, of course, but now, six months later, Oriel realized how much of a mess he must’ve been to have done that. He didn’t really remember much else of what was going on back then, his head was so jumbled up. It was no wonder he didn’t notice the things that were going on with Kodi.

He felt guilty for it just the same. If Oriel hadn’t been so wrapped up in his own problem, then maybe Kodi wouldn’t have…?

Oriel closed his eyes and took a long, steady breath, resting his forehead against his curled up hand. This was about Kodi and getting him help, not Oriel’s failure.

It was hard to hear this, though. Oriel could imagine it, how broken Kodi must’ve seemed, bruises all over his body. He’d seen stuff like that before, long ago, when he was a kid. It was….frustrating, knowing he couldn’t do anything to help. Gryph was no doubt feeling like that now. Even more so, with his broken legs. Just…helpless. Oriel could hear it in his voice too, as he kept talking, trying to be strong through it all.

Oriel lifted his head and looked over at Gryph. He didn’t even know what to say. “Hey…” he started with no plan on how to finish that sentence. What was he supposed to do…?

Oriel pushed himself up and slid into the space next to Gryph. He raised an arm and rested it across Gryph’s shoulders and pulled him in against himself. He opened his mouth to say something, but it quickly closed again. He still didn’t know what to say.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Guilt was high on the list of things Gryph was coping (badly) with involving Kodi's situation, too. He felt like he was the catalyst - without his actions, or lack of action, perhaps, this would never have been a problem they had to deal with. Kodi never would have sunk so deep, and he wouldn't be hiding his own personal hell, and making Gryphon feel like he was insane for believing that that was the case.

Gryph believed one of his personal strengths was hiding his own problems and emotions from people. He did it to spare them the pain. But when he saw it coming from someone else, Kodi, no less... it felt stupid! And annoying! Hiding was easier than accepting what was going on, but that didn't make it go away! Gryphon could only wish that would be the case, but it wouldn't.

He didn't look at Oriel as he spoke that one word, and oddly enough, he didn't fight the embrace. He just swallowed painfully, glancing at the younger boy vaguely, "...what on Earth are you doing?" He managed to squeak out, shuddering slightly. His voice had cracked as he spoke, and he spent the longest time attempting to speak without letting any more tears spill. After choking back a few and takes a couple breaths, he managed it, "He won't let me help him." He just about got this out, before coughing a bit, a couple of tears rolling down his cheeks at this. Still, he tried to hold it in, wiping off the drops that had made an appearance, "He says he's fine, but I know he isn't; he gets... nightmares..." Gryph curled into Oriel a bit more, "Sometimes, I'll find him just blankly looking at a wall, and his face... his eyes...." Gryphon closed his own eyes and tilted his head down, "Why won't he let me help him?" He asked.

Gryph hadn't called Oriel here for moral support, but advice, and somehow this had turned into a bonding session. It was odd. Gryphon let it be, for now.

[Deleted]

Oriel remembered(vaguely) that time when he’d called Gryphon out to….talk. Make amends. Something. And found out that he and Kodi had broken up. He blamed Gryph for that, completely and totally. Maybe he did still, just a little bit. Though….Kodi also….what the fuck was he thinking??

Not clearly, obviously. Thinking back, he was surprised that neither he nor Phoenix had gotten to the point where they thought breaking up was a good idea. Though their separation was probably a lot more beneficial than Oriel was willing to admit. Phoenix had his father taking care of him, so Oriel didn’t have to spend all his stamina worrying about the pixie and could concentrate on himself for once. Maybe….

Gryph needed to do that….but after what happened the first time, Oriel was sure…though at this rate…Gryphon didn’t look good….he needed….

Oriel continued to hold the winged boy, awkwardly, but…it was the only thing he could think to do. “I don’t fucking know….” he muttered. Still, he kept his arm wrapped around Gryphon and curled his other around the other way, clasping his hand over his opposite wrist. The rest…he just listened. He may have brushed his hair a few times with his fingers. He still….what was he supposed to say?

“He…..” Oriel had no idea if this was right or not. “….if it were me….I….hate it….when people worry ‘bout me….’specilly when it put ‘em out, you know? I mean, just me….existing…and being who I am….seems to bug a lot of people so….I ask…’what right does a piece of shit like me got to ask someone to…to do more than what they’re already doing?’” People were already giving him a place to live, food to eat, etc….and just from that, they hated him so much, it seemed. So he’d just…stay out of their way. Go stay somewhere else, even if it was on the streets or an abandoned building or in some whore’s bed. Deal with his own problems by himself, so they didn’t have to do it. He could take care of himself, they didn’t have to feel obligated to lift a goddamn finger if they didn’t want to. Oriel swallowed, his own eyes watering now. He rested his head down on the back of Gryphon’s. “…..sorry. I know this ain’t ‘bout me, but….that might be…I think….what Kodi’s probably thinking….maybe…..that make sense?”

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon had considered the idea of parting ways with Kodi more times than he would care to say. He was just... so unbelievably stressed. He didn't know if he was overreacting or blowing things out of proportion. He didn't know if Kodi wanted help but he sure as hell needed it, surely, to some extent...? He was just uncertain on how to help and he wasn't sure how much longer he could take feeling like he was doing nothing. (He knew he was doing something, it just didn't feel like enough.)


He kept letting the embrace happen. Gryph wasn't extremely comfortable, but that didn't matter too much. It was the thought that counted, right? And as weird as this was, and as musky as Oriel smelt, it was comforting in an odd way. It was better than being alone.

The winged man listened to all of Oriel's reasonings, and... well, Kodi spoke like that a lot... like Gryph did too much for him, which was ridiculous, he was just looking after him as a boyfriend should. He nodded slowly, "Y-yeah, no, I... I see..." He was sniffing occasionally, scared to think about the possibilities of Kodi's situation too much. Just... he was probably so... so scared and probably feeling alone and... and Gryphon just didn't know what he was doing anymore. He coughed unattractively before speaking again, "I spoke to... to Sean." He announced, "For... for help. I... I want Kodi to talk to him or.... or someone." Gryphon frowned, "But... I know he won't. I haven't asked him, but I... I know he doesn't like Sean, he doesn't like doctors in general..." Gryph scoffed a little, covering his face in his hands, "I was wondering if you could talk to him, about... about it. Because you guys relate better, I... I dunno..." He just wanted to get Kodi help even if he wasn't directly involved.

His voice began to fail him again and Gryph curled up a little more, tears still falling. He was just... desperate.

[Deleted]

Gryphon wasn’t overreacting. He wasn’t blowing things out of proportion. What he was thinking was probably right on target, and that just made it worse. Kodi….he needed help. After hearing about what happened, even Oriel was convinced of that. Well, Oriel always thought that Kodi needed help, and that help had come in the form of an ice-cream loving, winged moron. Oriel thought he was going to be okay, with just that. Clearly that hadn’t been the case…. Of course Kodi wanted help….he just didn’t want to ask for it…..Oriel hadn’t either. Oriel still didn’t.

They really were alike, him and Kodi. That was half the reason why Oriel wanted Kodi to be okay. If Kodi could get there, then…that meant that Oriel could too? Or was it the other way around? It was weird, the relation the two boys saw in each other…or something… Oriel didn’t know what he was talking about….

But it seemed like Gryph was understanding. Well…he probably already understood, maybe… Oriel continued to keep his arms wrapped around him, pulling in just a little bit closer a little at a time. When Gryph spoke of Sean, Oriel lifted his head, his cheeks wet from his own tears. “Huh…? You did?” Wow….he wondered what Kodi would think about that? He’d probably be furious…. “Y-yeah….I get it…” Oriel didn’t like doctors either. Towards Sean specifically, however…it was a mixed feeling. The man got to see him at both his best and his worst, even more than Phoenix did. It took Oriel a long time to get that far, though. He was so resistant in the beginning…he still was sometimes. “You want me….?” To talk to him? Oriel could do that, yes….he was certain Kodi wouldn’t appreciate it. He’d probably get defensive. Insist that he was fine, that he wasn’t such a pussy, he could handle it himself… “…..alright…okay, yeah. I can do that.” Oriel nodded uncertainly. “He probably won’t listen to me neither, but….yeah, I can…” He adjusted himself as Gryphon collapsed into Oriel again. He’d….yeah, he’d stay like this as long as he needed.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

It was obvious that Kodi needed help. Gryph had known this since the second he had realised what was going on, that day in the library, and all those days following, where Kodi had hidden from the world in the avian man's apartment. Even as he seemed to get better before, he seemed to have hit a flat line now. Gryphon saw the effect he had on Kodi... it was dangerous. Like, without him being about, Kodi would be in a much more serious situation, but Gryph was stuck in his own violent circle, with words and thoughts that tripped over each other as he slowly lost sight of the fact that he had to look after himself too. But he was so worried about Kodi that his own problems, even two broken legs, seemed minimal in comparison.

Gryph nodded shakily, "Yeah, I did." He knew Kodi didn't like him (but it was more fear than just dislike), but Sean was more knowledgeable on these things than anyone else Gryphon knew - he had been the right person to go to. At least the winged man had some kind of a plan now. He nodded again, "I know he... he trusts your opinion, he... you're similar..." Gryph had seen the similarities himself occasionally, so he couldn't deny them himself. He smiled quietly as Oriel agreed, calming down a little bit. He hadn't really noticed Oriel's own tears, but now he did. He said nothing about it. It was an emotional situation. Gryphon finally straightened up a little more, wiping again at the dampness on his face, to hopefully finally get rid of hit. He didn't really come out of Oriel's embrace though. He was warm. "He will listen to you." Gryph quietly argued in return, "Might not seem like it, but he will... I'm fairly certain."

He looked at Oriel for a second before letting out an awkward laugh, sniffling a little, "Jinjja..." He continued to chuckle a bit, "This happens more than it should." Him and Oriel acting like close friends. He thought he disliked the poofy haired annoyance.