I'll be there for you [Hammel Friends-verse]

[Admin!]

Yes, this is ridiculous. Yes, this is EXACTLY what you think it is. Yes, you may write for this ridiculous thing as well. Here are the rules:

1. This is OOC. Use character names for pets, coworkers, whatever, but it's about the people on Hammel, not the characters.

2. All stories should have a title, and the title should start with "The one with the"

3. I could not introduce everyone on Hammel at once. However, everyone is welcome in the building and in the apartment. This means add people.

4. The living room walls of Tony and Mads's apartment are purple.

5. Everything posted is canon to the universe. Even conflicting things. It's a sitcom, reality doesn't have to make sense.

6. Blame Ysa.

7. Enjoy.

The One With The Beginning

Weirdly enough, everyone has a key to Mads and Tony's apartment.

They were the first ones, obviously, as the apartment was left to Tony in his grandfather's will. He needed a roommate though and his boyfriend wanted to stay closer to his university, so Mads showed up.

She needed a place too, and it was close to her job, and she'd known Tony for ages. It was the perfect arrangement, and the apartment being almost comically large made it even better. Two bedrooms, a refinished kitchen, open floorplan, and the balcony that was always there but they didn't actually use all too much but always impressed guests.

Rae was next, and there was never an official agreement where she had moved in, and Tony still isn't sure if her name is on the contract or not. (He thinks it isn't, because when something breaks or there's a noise complaint, he's the one who always gets called. Always.) But she has more steady employment than he does, and she's good about using coasters and keeping counters clean.

That's really important to him, keeping the kitchen clean. With so many people coming and going, and it being right there when someone walks in, he likes for it to look nice. People generally respect that, and they all either bring their own ingredients or throw some money into the jar on the counter for groceries. (The list is next to it, and frequently has things like "pony" or "true meaning of Christmas" on it even though those aren't even groceries and need their own lists.)

So it's not unusual to see a man, woman, or a penguin cooking, even if Mads and Tony both aren't home. Sean doesn't knock before letting himself in, but no one minds because he almost single-flipperedly keeps the liquor cabinet stocked. He's welcome to come up anytime, and frequently does because he can hear everything from the downstairs apartment anyway, so why not be involved in the conversation in the first place?

For a short while, it was them and a few friends who just came and went, and they hung out and watched movies and drank and spied on Wacky Girl across the street whose blinds were always open. She had some friends over a lot who were dubbed "Wacky Girl 2" and "Disapproving Girl". The group would watch them sometimes, narrate their hijinks, and cheer their own laugh track.

One day, Wacky Girl 2 fell off a ladder while hanging a Watchmen poster (WG and DG were nowhere to be seen) and they were responsible and called 911. A day later the three came over and became Lynx, Kayla, and Penny.

James doesn't actually live anywhere nearby--they think. She's a friend of Tony's and frequently sleeps on someone's couch, or in Tony's bed when he's working on a project. (Almost everyone has slept in Tony's bed at one point or another. Just so long as it's made up afterwards, he doesn't care. His preferred place is the spinny chair by his desk, where he leans back and snores while everyone ignores him.) She frequently shows up silently--possibly through the door to the balcony--and isn't noticed until she answers a science question someone was asking rhetorically.

Though the apartment is technically Tony and Mads's (And maybe Raena's, Tony really should look at that contract), people frequently think Dry is the one actually in charge. She's the one who remembers everyone's names, and is the voice of reason on those days where you can pinpoint the exact moment where everything goes to hell. She also works at the diner on the corner, which is the other place they congregate.

No one remembers when Apollo first showed up. She was just there one day, sitting in Tony's desk chair and spinning like her life depended on it. It turns out she, Cuppy, and Abi lived across the hall in the most sparsely-furnished apartment ever. Instead of regular furnature, they had lawn chairs, a foosball table, the oldest working television in the world, a canoe, and Abi had a tent in her room instead of a bed. Needless to say, they liked that the other apartment had couches.

And the spinny chair.

[Admin!]

The One With Even More Cast Members And Brownies.

"Is this your apartment?" Ysa said to her friend, looking around the large purple room. "It's pretty big."

"No, it's my brother's and his friends', but we're just going to study here because it's close and they'll probably feed us brownies." Cat threw her bookbag down on the coffee table and flopped onto the sofa. There was a pile of books on the table already, so it looked like James, or maybe Jam, was around too, even if they didn't see anyone other than Tony, sleeping in front of his computer, and Sean at the stove. "That's him over there. And Sean lives downstairs. Hey Sean!"

"Hello ladies. Cat is right, there are brownies in the oven, but I'm melting chocolate now for lava cakes. You're welcome to some when I finish."

"Is he a penguin?" Ysa whispered to her friend, as she sat down as well.

"Yeah." And nothing more was said on that matter.

The two girls started studying, and only looked up when the snoring that had become background noise cut off suddenly.

"Pomeranian!" Tony shouted as he lurched forward, nearly falling onto his desk. He caught himself in time and turned around to see a few more people in the apartment than there had been when he'd fallen asleep. "Hey Cat. Hey new person."

"Ysa."

"Hey Ysa." He got up and went over to the kitchen, eyes still mostly closed until he smelled the brownies baking. "Smells amazing, Sean. What are you making?"

"Depends, have you slept in your own bed in the past three days?" The penguin looked over his shoulder at the young man who was grinning sheepishly.

"I...slept, at least. For a couple hours yesterday and today."

"Mads said I'm not allowed to give you treats unless you start sleeping like a person. She says you get weird when you're tired." Sean finished cutting the brownies on the sheet and carefully put them on a plate. "Ysa, Cat, you're welcome to them though."

"Cruel! You are cruel, Sean." Tony groaned and reached for a brownie anyway. He got a smack on the hand with a spatula instead.

"Go to bed."

"But!"

"Go. Mads's orders."

Tony trudged into his own room, and the ones in the living room could hear him still. "Apollo, what are you doing in my....whatever. Just move over."

[Samuel Morris]

The One With The Sweets.
_{Alternate title: What is this even.}

Ysa didn't have much of a busy life before Cat brought her to Tony and Mads' apartment to study. In fact, her quiet little existence and being the weird one in her group was always what she had known, and she would own up to it readily. But after that first meeting, it was like her life exploded with noise and crazy antics.

Sometimes she even got dragged into the antics.

For the first, oh, month or so, maybe even two, Ysa clung to Cat and hid behind the books she brought with her to peek out and watch everyone and their insanity. At one point, there was a discussion about comic books and she couldn't keep quiet much longer. "Actually, um. I prefer 52 if we're talking about anthologies. But I can't say much. I haven't read a lot of Marvel."

She honestly expected everyone to ask who she was and how she had gotten there--probably two of them outside of the first people she met even looked at her twice. But they all just kept talking, including her in the conversation this time.

The next day, Cat had to leave to get something. She said she would be right back, and Ysa wanted to go with her and not be left here with the crazy people, but then Raena said she'd keep an eye on her. Ysa, misguided and naive, trusted Raena and said Cat could go without her as long as she promised to actually come back.

Sitting on the floor in the kitchen as Rae raided the fridge for something kid-friendly, Ysa waited patiently for Cat to come back.

"Soooooo... How're you, Miss Rae?" She peeked up through her bangs.

"I'm goo--Woah, dude. HEY EVERYONE! Did you hear that? Someone called me miss outside of law enforcement!"

Cuppy and Sean came into the kitchen area at about the same time. "Seriously?" The girl asked, a bag of skittles in her hand and a grin on her face. "Awww, she's so cute. Look at her with her manners turned on. Unlike your dog, Rae."

Rae laughed. "What'd Vin do this time?"

"He decided I looked sexy today."

"Oh noes."

"Dog?" Ysa's eyes were nearly round with how wide they had gone.

"Yeah, Vinvin. He's my little troublemaker." Rae sounded proud. Ysa felt she should be worried. "You're fine as long as you aren't on the floor when he comes in. Do you have any pets?"

Ysa sprung up from her seated position and moved to the counter, no longer trusting the floor in the least. It may as well have been lava with how she looked at it. "Um, pets." She smiled, looking around at the kitchen's occupants. "I have a guinea pig named Dani. A ton of fish. And I guess a German Shepherd, his name is Ivan. Oh, and there's Sammy. I think he's a lizard but he only comes out at night to make a freaking ton of noise."

Whatever whoever's response was going to be was interrupted by a commotion in the living room area.

"It's my turn with the remote!"

"But Criminal Minds isn't over yet!"

"Come on, I just wanna see what else is on. We've been watching law shows for nine hours."

"Don't you have your own apartment?"

There was a bang and a crash, and some minor screaming. Everyone in the kitchen looked at each other before rushing out to see what got broken by who.

Ysa couldn't see what happened or who was in the living room, but there was a broken lamp and she heard shouts of "Vin! Bad dog! Go away!"

When Cat got back Ysa was covered in some brown powdery substance from head to toe, her shoes were missing, and she was throwing hard candy and packs of gummy bears at Vin as half the building placed bets on who was going to win, the dog or the girl.

"Ysa? What's going on?"

"Oh, Cat! You're back. Puh-leese tell these people that sweets are superior to dogs?"

Some wondered if being locked in that apartment with those people for hours drove her crazy. What they didn't realize was, Ysa was already like this. She was just really good at acting sane.

[Angela Chambers]

The one with the other apartment

Apollo had only just returned to her own apartment after having just randomly walked into another across the hall. Unsurprisingly, she walked in on Abi and Cuppy both sat in the canoe, yelling with paddles in their hands, pretending they were in water.

“THE TIDE IS TOO STRONG!”

“I DON’T THINK WE’RE GONNA MAKE IT!”

“IF I DIE… I WANT YOU TO HAVE MY BABY SKITTLE COLLECTION!”

“Ew… I don’t want those. They smell and are moldy.”

“Hey, you should be glad! I treasure those. It’s like… giving you my kid if I had one.”

“I wouldn’t want your kid either.”

Just before one was about to be whacked with a paddle, Apollo thought it was the perfect time to interrupt. “Hey guys.”

Dropping the raised paddle from her hand, Cuppy looked up. “Where ya’ been? You haven’t been around for a few days.”

“And you’re sitting in the canoe playing?”

“Well we already called dibs on what stuff of yours we wanted if you never came back.”

“Good enough. I was at the neighbors’.”

“We have neighbors?” Abi and Cuppy looked at each other in utter confusion as if this was a completely new concept to them. Neighbors? What are neighbors?

“Yeeeah… They’re pretty awesome. You guys should meet them.”

Again, Abi and Cuppy looked at each other. “But… Are they awesome enough to have a canoe in their living room?”

“Yeah! Because if they aren’t, maybe THEY should meet US!”

“Guys, they have a penguin over there. And sooo much cooking is happening. Also, I don’t know how, but I already have a key to their place. Which is weird. But I’m not giving it back.”

“If it’s so awesome, what are you doing back already?”

“I got kicked out for the day.” Apollo said with a sad voice.

“Ooooh! What’d you do?”

“Let me guess! You got in a fight because somebody else tried to say they love Hunter more?”

“Nooo… I fell asleep… In a spiney chair that’s appaaarently off limits.”

“Wait… Spiney chair? They have a spiney chair?!” With that, Abi and Cuppy used the paddles to attempt to make it across to the hall.

"We're coming home Scotty!"

"Cuppy... That's not even close to right."

"Whatever. Just paddle harder to get us there quicker!"

[Aaron Walker]

The One With the Romantic Pig
(apologizes to Rae-she has better lines than I can write for her)

“Where’s Abi? Brendan’s s---“ Cuppy said, bursting into the apartment only to stop in her tracks once she’d reached the kitchen table. “What’s that? It smells amazing!”

“Banana and chocolate chip pancakes,” the penguin standing by the stove answered calmly. “Have a seat and help yourself.”

Grinning, Cuppy grabbed a plate and took a seat next to Dryope at the table. “Abi’s been banished out to the balcony,” she said between bites of pancakes.

“Did she get the TV stuck in Spanish again?”

“No,” Rae explained from her seat on the couch. “She’s just getting her nicotine fix.”

“Oh,” Cuppy continued, tearing her eyes away from the food the penguin was laying on her plate. “I just wanted to tell her Brendan’s stuck in the foosball table again.”

“Who?” asked Ysa, sitting curled up next to Rae.

“The guinea pig,” Cuppy explained. “I think he’s got a thing for the red goalie.”

“What?!?” Ysa asked, jumping up and startling Rae as she ran across the hall to the other apartment.

“Rae did you scare Ysa again?” asked Abi, crawling back through the window to the balcony. Her feet got a little tangled on the way and she crashed into the floor. “One of these days I’ll get good at that,” she mumbled.

“Me? Scare someone? Never. It was Cuppy, as usual.”

“Cuppy. Play nice.”

“I was just telling her that Brendan got s---“ Cuppy started.

“Banana Pancakes!” Abi yelled cutting her off when she noticed Sean was cooking.

“Yes, you may have some.” the penguin said, answering her unasked question. “But I think you should go save your guinea pig first.”

“Again?” Abi said, rolling her eyes as she swiped some lettuce from the fridge to lure him out with. Grabbing a pancake with her free hand she walked out the door to go on a rescue mission.

“Maybe he just needs a blow-up friend?” Rae called after her. Then noticing the looks everyone was giving her, besides Cuppy who was now chocking on pancakes from laughing, she added. “What? What’d I say?”

"Do I smell pancakes?" Tony asked, walking out of him bedroom. He didn't look confused by either the amount of people eating in his kicthen without his knowlege, or the fact that most of them were giving Rae scolding looks.

[Samuel Morris]

The One With The Accent

Ysa was actually really starting to enjoy hanging around this place. It was like home, only any shouting was more of an excited chatter and not as much of a do-your-damn-chores. And there was always something being made that had Ysa leaning into the kitchen, asking about ten questions a minute.

See, Ysa had a sweet tooth. A major sweet tooth. People wondered why her teeth were so un-cavitied when they realized how often she was chewing on something with sugar in it. Half the time she showed up with a home made baked good that she, quote "can't eat any more of or else there's gonna be gagging."

So if a person gave her a Twix bar they basically instantly had some sort of friend in the girl.

One day Ysa walked into the main lobby of the apartment complex (by herself; she had taken the bus, as crazy as that was) and, popping an M&M in her mouth, wondered at who else lived here. Was everyone as weird as those in Tony's apartment, or were there actually some sane ones?

That question was about to be answered. Although it might leave her wishing it hadn't, just for a few minutes.

A door banged open, and a guy was trying to pull someone out of their apartment. Against their will, from the sound of it. Before Ysa really could gather her thoughts and react, someone was sprinting after the duo and hitting the man with something that looked an awful lot like a fire extinguisher before he could even see her coming.

"Ouch. My wrist popped." Said the fire-extinguisher girl as the guy dropped to the floor.

"Aww. I'm sorry."

"It's cool, just help me get his damn legs."

"Watch his shoulder, you know it's hard to fit people out the window at this angle."

"I'm glad it's you and not Talon I knocked this guy out for. He would've probably left me to dispose of the body on my own and this is really a two-person job."

They laughed a bit, and dumped the guy out the window before shutting it. After a pause, they hugged. "My herp."

"You know I love you too much to let him take you."

Ysa let out a squeak, and both of the girls turned to look at her where she had slammed herself against the wall when the guy had first been hit.

"Oops. A witness."

Ysa squeaked louder, sliding down to the floor to curl in a protective ball.

"Aww, but Neon, look at her. She's so tiny and harmless."

"Hold on." Footsteps, coming closer. Stopping right in front of her. Fabric rustling. Ysa dared to peek out from her ball of protection, just in time to see a ring in fire-exting--er, Neon's hand. "Here, take it. I promise I don't bite. Well, not you at least."

Ysa uncurled a little bit, staring at the ring. It was a man's ring, several sizes too big for her fingers. And she'd seen it on the man from before. "Um. No thank you."

"It's not like it's a hush bribe, I didn't even kill the guy!"

The other girl interrupted before more was said. "What she means is, she's Neon, and I'm Nu. And we're sorry you had to see that."

A pause. Then she answered. "I'm Ysa." She located her M&Ms and popped another one into her mouth.

Nu smiled widely. "But Omigosh look at her! Neon, can we keep her? Can we, please?"

Neon smiled a little, a smile that Ysa was sure struck fear into some people. "I don't see why we couldn't."

"YAY!" And with that, Nu collapsed.

Ysa rush-crawled over to Nu, who was lying on the floor with the smile still on her face. "What's wrong with her?"

Neon almost sounded bored. "Oh, she just died from excitement. She does that. Give her a minute and maybe a hug and she generally revives herself. That's what I'm usually for, but cute things work best so you give it a shot."

Ysa stared incredulously first at Neon and then back at Nu.

The hug did indeed work. And the returned hug was super awesome.
-----

"Hey, guys."

"Hey, Cat." Everyone answered, with varying levels of focus and alertness.

Cat looked around for a moment. Peeked into the neighbour's apartment. Looked in the kitchen where Sean was making a soufflé that was probably going to fall any second due to nobody being able to sit still in this building. She checked her phone again, rereading the same message as before.

Hey, Cat. Know you're busy today so instead of making you pick me up I took the bus. I'm at the apartment building, about to head up, go ahead and drop by when you're finished!
xoYsa

"Did Ysa already leave?" She asked Sean.

"Ysa never showed up today. I thought she was coming with you."

"She texted me saying she was here. That's weird. I hope nothing happened to her."

Just then, conveniently, she got another text.

SORRY. Forgot to tell you in all the excitement, I met some people so I never made it to Tony's place. Be up in a bit, though. Sorrysorrysorry again.
xoYsa

When she made it up, everyone began to have to talk to Ysa around her two new "bodyguards". Ysa, completely oblivious to anything that may be going on, excitedly chatted with everyone about coincidental guinea pigs. Nu had one named Robbie, Ysa had one named Dani, and Cuppy had one named Brendan. And there were likely more.

At one point, Ysa looked sheepishly at her newly made friends. "Can you two just... talk for a while so I can listen? I love your accents."

Thus came the Hug That Was Not Broken Until Vin Ran In And Tackled Rae And Everyone Had To Look.

[Brendan James]

The one with the catch by Mr. Sean

Cuppy was sick. Again. And while she’d attempted to banish herself to her apartment as to not spread the germs to everybody, she didn’t want to miss the excitement that went along with the family she’d somehow acquired. So instead she slept, curled up on the couch.

One might think with how many people were coming in and out of the apartment, sleep might be hard to come by, but actually all the ‘residents’ of Tony and Mad’s, and Rae’s too?, apartment were doing trying to be quiet to allow the ill girl, who didn’t want to miss a thing, to rest.

The were mostly in the kitchen, snickering back and forth about jokes being made. Sean was, of course, cooking. Ysa was reading yet another comic. While Abi and Apollo had managed to drag the canoe over and were sitting in it with a picnic of food.

Of course, the quiet didn’t last long. As Rae burst in, wearing the most dreaded of work attire. “Stupid assy asshat manager!”

After being shushed, Rae stuck her tongue out at all her friends. “Well fine then.”

Sean was the first to explain, waving a spatula towards the couch. “Tread carefully. There is sickness afoot.”

Rae gave Cuppy a good poke to be sure she was asleep. “What can we do to her? Bra in the freezer?”

“Somebody would have to get it off of her first.”

Obviously, a smirk immediately was on Rae’s face. But before she could volunteer, Ysa had another suggestion. “We should let her sleep.” Even more obviously, that was not going to be the case. Not with Rae around.

“Hey Sean, do we have whipped cream? And M&Ms? Aaaand… Cheetos?”

“We have whipped cream. And there should be M&Ms left over from the cookies I made the other day. Not sure about cheetos.”

After rummaging around for a few minutes, Rae had found her supplies, cheetos included, and she’d also managed to wrangle Abi to be accomplice.

Together they worked in putting a mound of whipped cream on Cuppy’s palm, stuck M&M’s into her mouth (like one might put food into the jowls of a sleeping dog), and put the cheetos into her nostrils and ears. Lets just be glad Cuppy was too congested to breath with her nose.

In the defense of everybody watching, it was HILARIOUS. Almost every time they added something new, Cuppy would move slightly and everybody would suddenly freeze and hold their breath so as not to wake her.

With everything in place, they found a piece of ribbon to tickle her face. And after a few attempts, the two got the desired effect. A splat sound was heard in the apartment. Followed by fits of laughter and gasps for air after Cuppy shot up from lying down.

“You guys are such owls!” Cuppy said, with utmost affection, as she spat what she didn’t know were M&Ms into her hand. Then began chucking the cheetos she extracted at Rae and Abi, who were laughing so hard they were on the floor turning red.

[Patricia Reed]

The one with the pink ball of awesome

Kirby was sat in the corner, horrified at what he’d just been forced to witness. It had been loud. And destructive. And there were somehow footprints on the ceiling! He still wasn’t sure how that had happened even though he’d witnessed it with his own eyes. And torn pillows! And! Chocolate sauce on the walls! And so much more… Stuff all over.

And there was only one other person in this random apartment that a random girl had dragged him too. It was essentially kidnapping! He had been kidnapped! And he was sticky. Looking at himself in a mirror, he realized he was covered in jam. Dear lord… He had to find a way to escape! To set himself free! But how?

His kidnapper was lying on the couch, whistling, with her twin hedgehogs on her stomach. And talking to them as if they were babies. Obviously, she was demented.

“Awww my precious wittwe baaabies! Stefan and Gregory, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Was she now trying to force them to kiss?! How twisted was she?!

Slowly, Kirby tried to edge his way towards the door. But the girl sat up and looked around. “Huh… This place is a damn mess. Tony’s gonna be pissed.” As if he were a second thought, she looked at him. “Oh hey, you hungry? I’m friggin’ STAAARVING” She said the last part in a sing-songy voice.

Without him answering, he was too scared to anyway, she bound over to him in the corner, grabbed his hand, and dragged him into the kitchen. “Ew… you’re sticky. You’ll wanna take a shower when you go home.” Home? She was going to let him leave?! “Better yet, you can take one here. And I’m sure somebody has something you can borrow to wear. Those need to be washed. Otherwise you’ll never be able to sit. Not if you intend to get up anyway.”

She handed him her two hedgehogs and she riffled through the fridge. With her head away from him, he set the admittedly cute animals on the counter and slowly tiptoed his way back towards the door.

Closer.

Just a little further.

His hand reached for the knob.

And it swung open with another standing there, looking just as surprised as Kirby was. “What the hell?” was the first thing the new person said at the sight of a jelly covered man. Then he quickly made his way into the destroyed apartment.

“OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED?!”

Popping out of the fridge, the girl chewed on a piece of fried chicken. “Oh hey Tony! How was class?”

“CUPPY! WHAT IN THE WORLD?!”

“Don’t look at me. It was the new kid. I told him not to. But he didn’t listen.”

Tony’s eyes went to the new kid. “Oh yeah, that’s Kirby. Kirby, this is Tony.” Kirby was terrified. He hadn’t done it! It was all her! She’d done it all! He’d seen it! He’d only sat in the corner, fearing for his life.

“I’m going out right now. Cuppy. Show him the cleaning stuff.” And before anything else was said, Tony left.

With a smile on her face, she looked at Kirby. “You’re gonna fit in perfect. Come on. You better get a move on it. Tony’ll be back soon. And if you’re really nice to me, I’ll help you clean."

[John Thornton]

The One With the OTHER Accent.

The room had quickly filled up with smoke, and Neon put down her cigar for a moment, looking over at Sandrine. "We're probably not allowed to do this," she said, then looked to the kitchen. "More whiskey?"

"Of course," her friend answered around her own cigar , and her accent was enough to sommon Nu from the reassesses of her room, the sound of a spluttering cough catching the attention of the two suit wearing girls.

On her feet quickly, Neon ran to her friend and put a hand on her shoulder. "Ok, Nu," she said slowly, raising a hand to make sure the english girl knew to keep quiet. "This is Sandrine, she's my bro. We're having a bro moment, and she's moving in, so don't-"

It was too late. Nu had collapsed. With a resigned sigh, Neon knelt down and hugged her until she came back to life.

"What even.."

"She dies of excitement. Regularly."

Sandrine laughed a British laugh, which is one of the best kinds of laughs, and then did a double take. There was something small and very cute hiding behind her suit case, big eyes peeping over.

"And now you've met Ysa!" Neon said cheerfully, helping Nu to her feet and getting the bottle of whiskey out of the kitchen. Still only two glasses though. "They don't drink. It's why you had to move in."

"It had nothing to do with our awesome friendship?" Sandrine asked, smiling at Ysa until she uncurled from her little ball. "She's the most adorable thing I've ever seen."

"Pssh, not even a little bit to do with that," Neon grinned, settling back with her whiskey and her cigar. "You can even have a room to yourself. But Nu sleep cuddles, so just be aware."

A slight pause, Neon clearly thinking of anything else important enough to mention to a new flatmate. "And my wife Lynz and Nu's wife Kayla hang here sometimes. And Penny, when she's not fighting crime."

There, that was about it. "Oh, and bin night is tuesday."

Sandrine looked at the girl who was still looking dazed and happy, and the other tiny little one who was now looking at the whiskey with a curious expression. "Is everyone in this building as mental?"

The look Neon shot her was one heavy with amusement. "Duh."

[Dr. James Campbell]

The One With The Competitive Flirting

The corner booth was practically reserved for them. It could fit seven people comfortably, so the ten people shoved into it were less crowded than usual. Dryope didn't even ask before bringing them a round of coffee and sodas, and she only overheard part of the conversation.

"Okay, rules are: Person who gets his number fastest wins. You've got until he walks away. Kirby and I resolve disputes." Talon even had a scorecard in front of him, and Dryope went over to give her coworker a warning.

The waiter--nicknamed "hot waiter"--wasn't alarmed when he heard that the giggling table in the corner was planning on using him as the subject of their flirting contest. It was a joke, right?

"How you doin'?" Apollo had crawled under the table to be the first one to play, and she surprised Hot Waiter by sliding in across from him as he sat in a booth, eating his lunch.

The man looked up, surprised. "Wait, you mean Dryope meant that?"

"Oh, is she spoiling the fun? That's not fair."

"You're really having a flirting contest? With me as the prize."

"Yeah. And priority picks for the next movie night, but we're not allowed to pick anything too sad because then Mads and Tony start crying."

"Okay."

Cuppy's turn goes a little smoother, as she started with apologizing for dragging him into this competition at all. "And trust me, we all tip really well."

"Girls competing to flirt with me, and good tippers? This seems like a great idea to me." And so Cuppy was the first one to get his number.

Ysa's turn was the shortest. "My friends are forcing me to do this. I'm way too young for you. Just pat me on the head or something and I'll go." She actually got the first genuine laugh out of Hot Waiter, who did as he was asked.

"So what's your favorite color?"

"Did you know we've named you Hot Waiter?"

"I know you're probably sick of lame pick-up lines, so do you want to go out sometime?"

"I'm not really doing this, even. Can you just laugh or something so at least I did better than Lynx?"

"Hey there. So, how weird is this for you?" There was some debate over the validity of Raena's win, because she leaned pretty far over the table to give Hot Waiter a good view. Talon's ruling was that it was fair, so she was in the lead when the final competitor reached their target.

"I didn't know you had lion cupcakes."

"What?" Hot Waiter thought that the competition was over. All the girls in the corner had taken a turn, and two had talked their way into his contact list. But this guy had been sitting there too.

Tony gestured at the cupcakes in a display case by the door; the closest row did indeed have various icing zoo animals on them. "You know in A Song of Ice and Fire and the spin-off television series Game of Thrones the Lannister family has the sigil of a lion. And they're really all terrible people except for Tyrion who's a dwarf and played by Peter Dinklage who actually won an Emmy for it."

Hot Waiter wasn't much of a fantasy fan, and also wasn't interested in men. He wasn't sure how to respond though, and just let the other man babble on.

In the corner, Rae deadpanned, "Oh the humanity."

"...but if you think about it, in fantasy worlds where dwarfs exists as races separate from humans, they're almost always depicted as being stalwart warriors, like Gimli from Lord of the Rings. And I had a dwarf fighter character in a D&D campaign who was basically a battle tank because I got really lucky when I was rolling my stats. So lucky that James accused me of cheating though she only plays paladins right now through no reason I can explain since they're so frustrating when you just want to do a regular hack-and-slash campaign like I did...with my...dwarf."

Hot Waiter just stared at Tony, who blushed and turned around quickly. He stalked back to the table, where his friends were surprisingly not disrupting the whole diner with laughter.

"Was I talking about Dungeons & Dragons?" There was a shuffle as his friends scooted over, giving him just enough of the bench to sit down. He stared down at his over-sweetened coffee and shook his head, as if he couldn't believe it either.

"And dwarfs." Kayla patted his shoulder sympathetically.

Rae turned to Ysa, sitting beside her. "Young one, that is not the way to flirt."

[Angela Chambers]

The one with the sad pandas

Despite not really being fans of other people, Abi and Cuppy were actually really enjoying their neighbors and spending time away from each other and outside their canoe and Abi’s tent. It was a nice change of pace.

But at the same time kind of sad. They’d grown really attached to each other. So each was kind left with a sad puppy sort of feeling. Imagine how a puppy would feel if it’s owner went on a long vacation and left them behind. That’s how they felt whenever they managed to miss each other at one apartment or the other.

Crawling out of her tent, Abi went from room to room, only to end up in the lawn chair in the living room, pouting.

Unknown to her though, Cuppy was right outside, crouched down against the wall. She knew soon enough Abi would be waking. And soon enough she’d find herself alone in the apartment. Which meant, soon enough, she’d cross the hall to go Tony and Mads’ place.

What Cuppy didn’t know was that Abi was a sad panda in the canoe right now. If she had known, she would’ve pounced so much sooner. Mostly because it would mean no more sad panda Abi. But also because her legs were starting to hurt from crouching so long.

Figuring Cuppy was probably already over there, Abi got up, did a few things around the apartment, like feed Brendan. Then began her trek across the hall, which, since she’d just woken up, felt like a veeery long walk.

Hearing rustling inside, Cuppy crouched lower to the ground. There she was! But she had to wait. Wait for the perfect moment. So all would witness.

Abi’s hand was on the knob. She’d just turned it and opened it when she was hit on the left. And with a loud screech, Abi was down on the ground.

Everybody inside looked up. Sean turned away from the stove. Ysa pulled her nose from the book in her hands. Rae accidentally dropped Vin’s treat she’d been trying to stick on his nose for a trick when she looked up.

“What the hell was that?”

“I think that was Abi… But… Did she fall? Abi? Are you ok?” Ysa was getting up to make sure the girl wasn’t injured. Until she heard giggling and squeaks.

“Cuppyyyy! Stop! No! No! Stop that! AHH! What are you doooing!”

From inside, they could only see the flailing of limbs in the hall.

“Oooh sounds kinky.” I’ll give you a buck if you can guess which one said that.

The three inside watched in horror as they watched a terrified, yet giggling Abi was dragged back to their own apartment. But before closing her own door, Cuppy turned and hollered across the hall, “Apollo is sleep at your place tonight. Abi and I need some much needed canoe time. Go about your business now. Nothing to see here.” And with that, she slammed the door.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

The One with a Picture of Sean in His Natural Habitat

[Charlie Saynsberry]

The One With the Illegal Activity

"CUPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" Apollo screamed, dashing into the apartment she shared with said-Cuppy and Abi. "CUPPY CUPPY CUPPY CUPP-"

"WHAT?" Cuppy appeared around the corner, eyes squinted at the panting girl in front of her. Abi poked her head around the corner, knowing something interesting was about to happen. Apollo's pet ferret, Eugene, stood and watched from his cage on the far side of the room, and her colugo, Charlie, blinked sleepily.

"YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS!" Apollo grabbed Cuppy's hand and practically dragged her out into the hallway, where against the wall sat an (apparently unconscious) tied-up man with a paper bag over his head. Apollo beamed like she had just won the Olympics.

"Apollo what... is that...!? Did you KIDNAP someone?" Cuppy gaped, then reached down to pull the bag off of the person's head.

"NO!" Apollo pulled Cuppy away before reaching down and hefting the man over her shoulder (he was slim, and rather foxy, so he was light). "Not yet! Everyone needs to see this. You're going to be soooo THRILLED!"

Cuppy had never seen Apollo this excited before. All she could do was trudge along beside her as Apollo burst into Tony and Mads's apartment. Abi had trailed along behind, and crept into the room after them.

"GUYS!" Apollo tossed the man on the nearest piece of furniture, which happened to be the couch, and waved at everyone to come over. Tony turned to look, and Mads skipped over, hands over her mouth and eyes wide. Rae was nowhere to be seen, nor was Vin, which was a good thing.

Sean, as per usual, was at his stove, and looked at Apollo with serious eyes. "Did you kidnap this man, Apollo?" he asked.

Under the penguin's gaze, Apollo showed the first sign of uncertainty. "Um. Maaaaaybe."

"And you are aware that is illegal, correct?"

".... Maaaaybe. But you guys haven't seen him yet!"

"Well then, go on!" Cuppy urged on.

Apollo grinned manically, and reached out to pull off the bag. The man's feet were beginning to move, showing that he was coming back to consciousness. "Ready to get your minds BLOWN? Ready? One... Two... THREE!" She yanked off the bag to show a messy brown-haired man with unfocused brown eyes, a thin, sharp nose, and a lean, angular face. "I FOUND THE DOCTOR."

Everyone stared. The man blinked. ".... Where am I?" he asked groggily, he voice thickly accented in Scottish.

"... Apollo. That isn't David Tennant." Cuppy leaned down and got reeeally close to the man's face, squinting at him. "Although he DOES look really similar. I could see how you could mistake him for the Doc- Wait, you kidnapped some guy because you thought he was Tennant?"

"YES." Apollo's face showed smugness and pride. "It's totally him! I mean, he has the accent and everything!" She pouted, getting closer, before realizing Cuppy... Was right. His jawline wasn't the same. How had she not noticed? "..... Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. You're not the Doctor."

"No I'm not," the man agreed, nodding. "Now, can someone PLEASE tell me where I am?"

[Danicca Waylan]

The One With The List

The list intended to be for groceries was commonly known to have rather extreme non-grocery items listed on it. One day, Ysa realized she had just eaten the last of the chocolate that was in the freezer and decided to write that on the list.

Then she got a good look at the list.

It wasn't the paper or the pen used, or even the handwriting. Not even how long it was, although it had been blank a few days prior to this. It was the items listed.

Sugar. Lots of it.
Diet Coke + Mentos
the meaning of life
A TOOTHLESS DRAGON<<33
can I has chzburgur
toothpaste
Hey Tony someone that is not me ate your steak. [with a note in Tony's handwriting that said "You ate it. Pay for it."]
That's none of my business
plates
THIS. IS. SPARTA.
A sexy Spartan man
I'd rather have the last Centurion and so would you
The Doctor
David Tennant
Pickles
Tylenol
Tony Stark The Iron Man Suit
Batteries
Nerf Guns
Imagine world peace
Imagine all the people
Nerf shields
An ambulance
First-Aid kit!!!!!!!
Just rub some dirt in it you'll be fine
Alcohol
Even the rum?
Yes, the rum too.
Why is the rum gone?
Helmets x 20
Dinosaurs.
Rawr.
I still want my dragon, do you think I was kidding?
Bacon.
I don't have anything to add but here's a picture of a pony

And to end it all, a rather attractive drawing of a horse.

Ysa sometimes questioned these people's sanity, but right then she knew for sure they were completely out of their minds bonkers. But she knew that all the best people are.