Truth Be Told [Ann]

[Alexander McKenzie]

Okay. He could do this. Alex took in a sharp breath. All he had to do was go back to his apartment, and pretend everything was normal. He could call Ann, apologize for being so weird lately, and hang with Connie for the rest of the day. He’d already done most of the reading assigned for the night’s homework.

Idly, he flexed his arm, debating how fast he could remove the band-aid taped to it. If it started bleeding again, it would be worse than to just show up with the tape. … If Ann was already at the apartment, he could just fib and claim he’d given blood, or something.

Yes, because lying to his girlfriend was a brilliant idea.

But what else could he really say? ‘Hey Ann. Yeah, I just went to the doctor and begged him to run blood tests because I’m neurotic and oh, by the way, did you know I have leukemia?’ Sometimes it was better to lie than have the truth come out like that.

Besides, the chances of Ann being at the apartment were pretty much nil. She was probably on campus, in her dorm, working on her own homework. Considering the fact he’d been a little distant lately, it wouldn’t surprise him.

As he dawdled up the stairs, he checked his phone messages. There were a few. One from his dad, telling him that his parents wanted to send him some money for college, one from his cousin, bragging about the fact he’d just gone on a date with a, quote, ‘hot chick’. And one from Ann, asking where he was. He sighed and pressed the phone to his forehead before tapping out a reply. ‘I was out for a bit after school. Home in about thirty seconds.’

When he reached his apartment, he pulled out his key and was surprised to hear a familiar ringtone. Oh… shit. Was Ann… here?” Oh damn.

He’d better get his lies straight.

[Ann Hudgins]

College was exactly what she thought it would be, and then some. Five classes a day, two days a week, in theory wasn't so bad. Until the homework started piling on. Ann spent a good portion of her time doing work in the Library or in her dorm, another portion working, and the rest was either with Alex or asleep--a good bit of the time, the last two were at the same time.

Let's not also forget the fact that Ann had to constantly keep a handle on her power, so she didn't devolve into a ball of too much emotion. The stress of staying in control, as well as just dealing with the stress of keeping her grades up was threatening to take over, but there was something else that was weighing on her conscience--and she didn't really even know why.

Alex.

Lately something just hadn't been right. He had had a cold, just a little sniffling, a cough here or there. Ann hadn't really seen him sick at all, but it was almost like.....she wasn't sure. He was stressing even more than she was, and she could tell (she could always tell), but he always just assured her it was nothing, or his homework assignments. It was like there was this...thing that was starting to form between them.

Ann had thought things were going so...well. Despite all the stress, Ann was still in love with him, and would love to spend more time with him. So, she had taken off work today, and headed to his apartment. Ann used the emergency key, to let herself in--it didn't really occur to her that this could be considered 'creepy.' She had texted Alex a little while ago, asking where he was, but she had yet to hear back from him. She set her bicycle helmet on the counter and looked around the place.

Ooh. Idea.

She went to the kitchen and started to look through the fridge and pantry, deciding on something to make. She settled on spaghetti--Alex had been showing her how to make some things, but Ann was still very inept at cooking. She was humming to herself while standing over the pot of boiling noodles, so she didn't hear her phone go off.

[Alexander McKenzie]

Alex was still bouncing between the reassuring (well, somewhat) visit with Dr Jones, and worrying himself into a stupid. It was no wonder he wasn’t getting better. He stressed himself out in ridiculous ways. He needed someone to tell him to take a chill pill.

Which reminded him, he now had the prescriptions in his backpack from the pharmacy. Regardless of them being little more than placebos, he wasn’t going to complain. It would make him feel like he was doing something. All he had to wait was just a few days. Then he’d either get to relax, or panic more. This was why he’d avoided steady relationships for such a long time. He’d always feared something would happen and he didn’t want to do that to Ann.

So, it was justifiable that he was working himself into knots when he realized that Ann was at the apartment. He’d been banking on more time between now and seeing her. But it wasn’t like he could do anything about it. So, taking a deep, slow breath in, he unlocked the door and tried to look surprised.

“Ann!” Carefully, Alex dropped his backpack by the door and pulled off his shoes before heading into the kitchen. “… What are you doing here? Not that it isn’t good to see you. I just… hi.” He pulled her into a gentle hug, desperately trying to rope in all his spiralling emotions before touching her. “Sorry I didn’t call earlier. I got caught up after school.” His gaze swept the kitchen, trying to think of a new subject. “… Are you cooking?”

[Ann Hudgins]

It smelled like hot water. Ann wrinkled her nose. "Ann!" His sudden voice made her jumped a little and she turned to look at him, a little guilty. She hadn't been in the apartment long, but she hadn't expected him to get home so soon. She smiled and set down the wooden spoon and wrapped him in a hug. She could feel it. That same thing that was always bubbling just beneath his emotional surface. Worry, hesitation, fear, stress, worry, stress....

"I just figured I'd do something....." she paused because she wasn't really sure WHAT she was doing, "nice? You've been so stressed lately, and I just wanted you...." she smiled a little and shrugged, "relax." She looked guiltily at the stove top when he asked if she was cooking.

"I...uh. yeah. It's Spaghetti....I'd hoped..." She bit her lip and looked down. This was a stupid idea. What was she thinking?

[Alexander McKenzie]

Oops. He hadn’t meant to make her jump. A little wave of guilt washed over him as she jumped. He hadn’t expected her to be here, much less in the kitchen. At least she returned his hug. Alex smiled and nuzzled against her neck before drawing back. It was so hard to keep his emotions in check sometimes. He always tried, for Ann’s sake, but it didn’t always work. Days like today were difficult.

This was why he loved Ann. She did things like this, even when things weren’t the best between them. It was killing him, causing a rift between them, but if things went South… maybe it was for the best. (He was sure Conrad would cuff him in the back of the head for thinking like that.) “That’s nice. It looks good.” Alex, it’s boiling water. You’re crazy.

“Hey.” He managed a smile and tipped her chin up with a finger. “It’s perfect. Really.” With that, he kissed her softly. Maybe he could make it through the night. Things would be okay. Right?

[Ann Hudgins]

Ann would cuff him on the back of the head as well, if she heard his thoughts. So I suppose it was a good thing that she didn't. She grinned a little when he said it looked nice. She hadn't even made the sauce yet. When he had shown her how to do it, he had made the noodles and the sauce at the same time, but Ann hadn't wanted to destroy his kitchen so she was taking it step by step.

When he tipped her chin back up, she looked left and right before looking into his eyes. She did feel silly now, because it dawned on her that she had broken into his apartment without asking, and put the place at risk without cooking. What if she HAD burned down the place? "You...you think?" Because now Ann was glad he was here to save her. She was glad that he kissed her. It meant he didn't.....didn't....

She couldn't really find the words, but it was like he was just putting space between them, on purpose. Ann stepped back out of his embrace and returned her attention to the stove, tension in her shoulders.

"I...wha-- How was school?" That was a neutral topic, right? It was also meant to distract herself until she got the nerve up to really ask what was going on--because Ann really had absolutely no idea. She hadn't done anything wrong, that she could think of....and it was just all confusing and complicated. And so unknown.

But she couldn't ask right now, oh no, the noodles were ready to drain. She concentrated on that, for the time being.

[Alexander McKenzie]

Considering that his thoughts were revolving around how it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if he was sick again, and they broke up before that, he probably deserved a cuff from just about everyone he knew. He just wasn’t going to share that with anyone. Let nature take its’ course, and come what may. ... He needed to stop thinking like that. If he wasn’t careful, he’d fall into another little funk, and with his luck, it would just drive him and Ann further apart. He wasn’t ready for that to happen.

And if he didn’t get his emotions in check sometime soon, there was going to be problems. He knew that.

“I do,” he murmured softly, kissing her hair gently. “It’s a perfect surprise.” Unexpected, but he was dealing with that. “I’m glad to see you’re putting what I taught you to good use.” Not that he was a master chef – Connie was honestly better in the kitchen – but he knew enough to get by. And spaghetti wasn’t particularly difficult. “Would you like some help, or do you have everything under control?”

That was it, let himself become distracted by all this. It would keep his mind away from darker thoughts, and as long as he could keep himself in check, he could buy some time.

It worried him, though, when she pulled out of his arms and back to the stove. It was easy to read the tension in her shoulders, and he had a hard time keeping that worry from the forefront of his mind.

“I... it was all right. We got assigned a lot of reading for tonight, but I managed to do most of it already.” Alex stepped closer and ran his fingers though Ann’s hair. “Which means we could do something tonight, if you like.” He didn’t know what he wanted more. Her to stay, to make that reassurance that they were still okay, or for her to go back to campus and give him time to figure this out. ... Honestly, he wanted her to stay. “Ann? I love you. You know that, right?”

[Ann Hudgins]

The burbling noodles were all Ann focused on for a minute. She had done this to cheer him up...surprise him and to make him smile his normal smile. She was failing at it though. She could feel it. That thing, whatever it was, just there. Just beyond her comprehension. She used two hot pads to pick up the pot of boiling noodles and moved over to the sink, where the strainer was sitting there waiting for her. She carefully, and very slowly, poured the noodles and hot water into the strainer, so it didn't splash everywhere. She set the hot pot down and then picked up the strainer and set it inside the pot and put a cover on it.

She then prepared to make the sauce like he showed her. "Uhm, the garlic bread. I don't really remember how you said to make it....and I didn't want to turn on the stove...." She said with a small nod after he offered to help.

When he started to weave his fingers through her hair, she relaxed a little. It was very easy to. His touch was soothing to her, even if she was normally stressed. His affectionate emotions she always took in only made her happy, or cheered her up. It was the same in this case, but like for the past couple of days, there was this thing just beneath the surface of understanding. There weren't words to comprehend what it was, but it was just a feeling, ever present.

"We could watch a movie? If you wanted to. I finished all my work this morning... I hadn't really planned how else I was going to spend the day." She faltered, however, at his next words.

Ann? I love you. You know that, right?

Ann looked at him, her eyes furrowed slightly. "....What's wrong?" There. She asked. His statement seemed to just push her past the point of keeping quiet about it. Something was bothering him, and it was really bothering her. It would probably bother both of them less if he just came out with it.

And she could stop feeling afraid that they were both just drifting apart, like Aiden kept saying they would.

[Alexander McKenzie]

If it was cheering up Ann had been aiming for, she really had succeeded. Alex was happy about it. He wouldn’t have to make dinner later, and it was time well spent with his girlfriend. He watched, somewhat cautiously, as Ann transferred the hot pot to the sink. He didn’t want her to burn herself. Thankfully, he figured he had the reflexes to shield her before she got hurt.

It went smoothly, much to his relief. He was prepared to help her with anything she asked, so when she requested help with the garlic bread, he smiled. “Of course. It’s easy.” He could, with time, make it the proper way, but considering everything else was mostly ready, he was opting for the easy way. He pulled bread and butter from the fridge, then rooted around for the garlic powder.

It didn’t take long to put together, and once one of the elements was free, he started them cooking. He planned to make extra, in case Connie wanted some later.

“Yeah?” Alex dropped another kiss to her hair. “We could do that. Anything you want to watch?” He could definitely be in for that. A quiet night with a movie.

At least, he’d thought he could handle it. Her question was direct, and he got the distinct feeling that ‘Nothing’ wasn’t going to be an acceptable answer this time. He bit on his lip, pressing his tongue against the ring.

“I…” He didn’t know how to explain it without coming off as insecure. “I…” Finally, he looked up at her. “I’m sorry,” he finally managed. “I… should have told you something a long time ago. And you deserve to know.” Gently, he reached over to lower the heat on the sauce, and turned off the heat to the garlic bread. “Can we sit down for a moment, please?”

[Ann Hudgins]

Ann took a short moment to be proud of herself for not severely injuring herself with the hot pot of boiling water and noodles. It slid into the strainer easily and she heaved a small sigh of relief. See, she thought to herself, you CAN do the simple things. Once the ground beef was in the sauce pan, she turned the burner onto a low setting and nodded to herself. She couldn't really do anything at the moment, since he was going to make the garlic bread, so she leaned against the counter, the spoon in her hand for stirring the beef once it started to brown.

"Uhm, you know I never know any movies to watch. All the ones I've seen are like twenty years old." She leaned towards him a little to give him a return kiss, a quick one, and returned to her watchful spot next to the stove. She stirred absently for a moment, concentrating on not letting the meat cook to the bottom of the pan.

She had that momentary feeling of relief that she'd finally asked what was wrong, but when that look crossed his eyes, she was suddenly not so eager to know what it was that was bothering him. But she needed to know. She loved him, and she wanted him to be happy. She didn't like the sound of his ominous words. What did he mean, a long time ago? How long ago exactly? WHAT was it?

She was getting ahead of herself. When he asked for them to sit down, she nodded her head, "sure. Of course." She followed behind him to the couch and sat down next to him, her hand wrapped softly in his. She was there for him. He could tell her anything.

[Alexander McKenzie]

Alex was just as proud of Ann as she was of herself. He knew about her insecurities and hang ups involving the kitchen, and he didn’t want to jinx her, but she was doing perfectly. So much better than his first few times at his mother’s side, trying to learn the simpler recipes under her instruction. He’d had his fair share of misfires and burns and things not turning out as planned.

He smiled and leaned back against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. “We have movies from the last ten years. We could watch something sappy. Or something funny. We’ll look through what Connie and I have.” He was sure Connie wouldn’t mind them watching one of his DVDs. The kiss made him relax a bit, glad that things were going back to normal.

At least, he was hoping things would go back to normal. But when Ann asked him that, well... he realized that it was now or never. So he let her take his hand once they were settled on the couch, and he closed his eyes for a moment. He had to think about how to word it. He didn’t want to just blurt it out, but... maybe that was the only way.

“Ann, I...” He faltered, trying to keep a grip on himself. “When I was six, I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia.” To aid in his explanation, he inhaled slowly and pulled up the sleeve of his shirt, showing her the orange ribbon. “Everyone knows that pink ribbons are for breast cancer, but no one really knows what the orange one is for.” He shrugged and trailed his fingers over it. “I was really sick , but I got better. I stayed in remission until I was ten years old. Then I got sick again.” He kept stroking his tattoo, fingers tracing the pattern. “I’ve been clear for nine years, but that never seems to matter to girls. They hear the ‘c’ word and they run.” It never seemed to matter how nice he was, or anything. “And I’m afraid you’ll leave too,” he admitted softly. Insecurities washed over him, and for once, he made no attempt to corral his emotions around Ann. He was genuinely concerned that she would leave. “I’m sorry,” he said just as quietly. “I should have told you months ago.”

[Ann Hudgins]

"You pick, and I really don't care what movie we watch." She'll probably just end up zoning out the movie all together and just focus on the feeling of Alex against her and the love that bubbles in his heart chakra whenever the two of them are together for more than ten minutes. It warms her up better than any winter coat ever could. Sometimes if she zones out too far, she'll leak the feeling back at him and the two will have to separate for a short period of time--just long enough for her to get back into control so the two don't go into another one of those, 'no, I love you more!' conversations. They have gotten pretty lengthy before.

Something about being in close proximity to Alex just lets her relax better than any meditating technique she has used so far, and she has become quite the expert. She didn't have to worry about her social anxiety or her inability to be outward and keep in control around him. She was just Ann. She loved him for that (not the only reason she did, of course).

She felt that he was going to tell her, before he actually did, so she was braced for the worst thing her mind could think of, 'Ann, I want to break up...' She didn't want to hear that. Alex was everything to her. The part of herself (an actually large and logical part) that trusted Alex with all of her being told her loudly that that wasn't what was on his mind, but something else. She needed to not speculate before he told her and just let him tell her. Of course, taking advice from herself was never something she was particularly good at.

Her stomach churned at what he told her, but not because he confirmed her worse fear (how love struck was she?). Leukemia. Now Ann wasn't very versed in the medical field, as she wasn't a very sick child, nor was anyone she hung around with (i.e. Aiden), but she had seen those commercials growing up about Child's Leukemia and how with a few simple dollars, the children's hospital could work faster towards a cure for it. It always broke her heart that not everyone had the exact same chances of growing up, because of the cancer, but she never had actually known anyone to have it. Until now, that is.

She looked at the ribbon now that he had brought attention to it and could have slapped herself. She had never questioned him about what it meant, and simply took it as a tattoo that he had drawn because he had liked the idea, just like his other tattoos. She hadn't once thought that it was one of those awareness ribbons (she can be dense, ladies and gentlemen). She reached out and touched it with her fingers, rubbing it with the pad of her thumb. She was dumbfounded. She could hardly process it.

Then she started to register the emotions he was feeling. He wasn't feeling the relief of finally telling her that she would have thought he would have felt about finally telling her, but of concern. They hear the 'c' word and they run. Clear? Ann's brow furrowed faintly. Did he mean that once they heard he had survived cancer....had beaten cancer....

Oh. Cancer. C word. Ann turned her shoulders to look at him straight on, her eyes swimming with thought as she processed what he had been telling her. He had cancer when he was a child and beaten it. Girls often ran once he told them.

Now the concern he was feeling made sense. She reached up and held his face for a moment. "Why would I leave? Beating Cancer.....I don't know the statistics but I know not a lot of people do that. You're one of the strongest people I know." She leaned forward and put her forehead against his. She really didn't know WHAT to say, but she knew she needed to say something, so he knew she wasn't becoming afraid. She wasn't stupid, cancer wasn't contagious.

"I love you, Alex," she whispered, "and I'm sorry that you had to go through that; no one should. And thank you for telling me. I know it wasn't easy." She hugged him tightly, her eyes prickling. The information was really starting to settle in. If he had succumbed to it while he was younger, then she never would have met him, never would have had the inspiration or the motivation to work as hard as she did to master her power. She never would have met her bestfriend-slash-boyfriend. She unconsciously held him a little closer.

[Alexander McKenzie]

Now he’d actually told her, Alex couldn’t help the rush of emotions that flooded his system. Relief, worry, mostly worry. So many times he’d stood at this crossroads, and so many times, girls had disappeared. Granted, up until now, they’d been kids. Kids being defined as teenagers. Immature. But Ann was the most mature, strongest person he knew. If he had half a chance of anyone sticking with him, it was her.

He peered up in a cautious manner, obviously not feeling all that confident, he watched her think. He watched her trace his tattoo, wishing she’d just say something. Anything. Even if it was ‘sorry, I can’t do this.’ Anything would be better than the unnerving silence. Alex slowly inhaled, eyes following her fingers on his arm. This was terrifying. He’d been with Ann longer than he’d ever been with anyone before, and the thought of losing her was threatening to crush him.

... Then he realized that she could probably feel everything he was feeling.

Maybe it was time to stop being so melodramatic.

Around the same time he attempted to get a hold of his runaway emotions, he felt Ann’s cool hands on his face. Against his better judgement, he nuzzled into them. What she was saying made sense, sort of, but like she had been doing only moments ago, he was waiting for the axe to fall. The contact was nice, and he gently laid his hands on her thighs to make the circle complete. This was nice. It was enough.

What he honestly hadn’t expected (and both Connie and Ann have permission to smack him for this) was what she said, or the hug. In slight surprise, he hugged back, his eyes going a little wide. “I love you too,” he managed to get out. His heart started pounding a little harder. She wasn’t going to leave. He pulled her a little tighter into his arms, stroking her hair. “I love you,” he repeated quietly. “So much.”