It's Time [Cole]

[Taeyeon Kai]

It was time.

She had been hiding, fighting off what she could, trying to run away from the inevitable, but she was a better person than that, and she needed to talk to him about what happened. Looking at her phone as she sat on the tree swing overlooking the lake, she let her gaze blur over his phone number. She had never deleted it, even though she wanted to. She had never forgotten it, even though she had wanted to. Her hand clenched around it, her heart hammering against her chest as twin tears fell down her soft cheeks, her braid of hair caressing her cheek like his fingers used to do.

Enough was enough.

Slowly, her fingers typed out a message to him, asking him to meet her at the lake, telling him she would be the girl sitting on the swing in her coverall shorts, the straps hanging on her sides, and wearing the shirt she had kept that was his, hanging off one shoulder and too baggy and tucked into her shorts, but she didn’t care. Today was a day of change. She looked up after she sent the message and looked at the sky.

Today she stopped hiding. Today she stopped hiding. Today…they would talk, and she would tell him how sorry she truly was.

[Cole Kessler]

Cole was sitting in the student lounge when his phone went off. He sighed deeply as he remembered the last time it chimed while he was in here. He pulled it out read who it was and had to double check the name. Why had he not deleted her number? He quickly read the message and left the room. He headed out to his car in the parking lot and fired it up. The roar making the development just that much more painful and memorable all the same. He remembered the effect the car'd had on Taeyeon the night they had their first date.

As the engine roared driving down the road, Cole found yet another familiar thing about the situation. A song come on the radio as he made his way to the lake to meet her. He reached over and clicked the power button and just listened to the wind blow; taking a drag off his newly lit cigarette. He went into a slight chain smoking rhythm, taking drag after drag until it was gone then lighting up another one and doing the same.

As he approached the lake, he slowed the car down to around thirty-five. The reflection of her silhoutte off the lake caught his eye. He was still a good forty to fifty yards away but could already recgonize the shirt she had on. He slowly pulled into a parking spot nearby. He grabbed his Cowboy hat and stepped out of the car. His clothing matched what he wore the day they had rode her horses out to the waterfall near her house.

He walked up behind the tire swing, trying not to cry at all the pain this brought him emotionally. He couldn't find the words to say to her, he felt like he was being choked to death. C'MON COLE, GET A FUCKIN' HOLD OF YOURSELF he yelled in his head. Finally, he calmed down and spoke, "You wanted to see me?" He asked. His voice calm yet stern, full yet broken. His eyes emotional on an otheriwse expressionless face.

[Taeyeon Kai]

She sat there, leaning her cheek against the rope of the tree swing, looking at nothing. How long had it been since she had seen Cole? How long had it been since he had held her, touched her, kissed her? She had been lonely now for so long, and she missed him. She idly swung back and forth, thinking about him, when she heard the engine.

She looked up, eyes wide and jumping to her feet, turning when he killed the sound and got out of the car. She hugged her midsection as her eyes watched him approach her. He was still tall, leanly handsome, and he used to be hers. Tears sprang to her eyes as he stood before her, talking to her in that voice that she still remembered. She looked into his eyes and saw what she had put there, and it broke her heart into pieces. She was such a fool.

“Cole…” Her voice trailed off, her hands itching to touch him, her arms aching to hold him. Just saying his name made the tears fall down her cheeks, dripping off her face. “I…Cole…I’m…I’m so sorry!” She said, covering her face with her hands as the pain came out, the pain that knowing she hurt another person because of her selfishness overwhelming her and making her chest hurt.

[Cole Kessler]

There she stood, crying in front him. It brought him such anguish that it was nearly unbearable. He wanted so much to hold her close, kiss her and tell her everything was going to be okay. But this was something he couldn't do anymore. He held his tears back, hoping to maintain the emotionless state he was in, but he wasn't sure how much longer he would be able to do so.

Outside his body stood motionless, inside, his broken heart was shattering. He couldn't stand to see her like this, even after what she did, even after all that they'd been through before, during, and after, her actions were still forgivable.

Finally, Cole gave in. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her neck. His body's emotion finally shown through as tears, sobs, and heavy breaths became audible. He calmed himself enough to speak to her, "Shhhhh.....," he tried to calm her down, "You have no reason to be sorry, Tae." Cole was trying to downplay the situation in order to calm the emotional state they were both in right now.

[Taeyeon Kai]

She felt pressure on her wrist and then she was against his chest, his strong arms wrapped around her. She cried even harder as her arms wrapped around his waist, her fingers clutching his shirt as she pulled him closer. Her heart beat against her chest, threatening to break through and fall to the ground. She didn’t want to be forgiven for what she had done. She wanted him to yell, scream, insult her for what she had done.

She didn’t deserve this.

“I…I…Cole…” she tried to speak, hiccupping against his neck as her tears slowed. “I-I was scared…that’s…why I…ran away from us,” she tried to explain, wanting him to know why she had done what she had done. “I-I-I’m so sorry, Cole…so very sorry…” She held him tighter, loving the comfort of his embrace.

[Cole Kessler]

Cole's tears were flowing freely, getting caught in his chin hair. The scent of her hair triggering his senses, tingling his nose hairs. He had longed to hold her one last time since the day his phone had gone off.

He longed only to kiss her now, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. As she spoke, Cole just brushed it off, "I understand, Taeyeon, I understand. There is no need for you to be sorry about it. Perhaps it just wasn't...........," Cole voice broke again but he kept speaking,"wasn't meant to be." The pain it brought him to say every bit of that was nearly enough to bring him to his knees, the fact that he was admitting those words cut himself deep. Hell, it nearly killed him inside.

[Taeyeon Kai]

She could feel his tears in her hair, and that only made her feel worse. His words cut into her chest and branded themselves there, never letting her forget what she had done to him. He deserved better. She wriggled out of his arms and hugged herself, not wanting to fall into the trap his arms presented, the lulling security his embrace offered. She wanted to feel this pain, wanted to keep it so that she would never be selfish enough to do this to another person ever again.

She wiped her tears and looked at him, containing her suffering and grief. The sight of his face was enough to almost make her start crying again. “Perhaps it wasn’t,” she agreed, her voice husky because of the sobbing. “And I am truly sorry for that, Cole. I was selfish and scared and I took the coward’s way out. I don’t deserve your forgiveness for what I’ve done to you.” Those words had been given to her so many times, from different masters of her art; to take responsibility and give honor at all times. She had not been responsible or honorable when she had done this to Cole.

Taking a deep breath, she unwrapped her arms and finished wiping her face and ran her fingers through her hair, calming herself down. The time for tears was done. She was owning up to her responsibility and honor. “I would even understand if you hated me, or disliked me,” she told him with sincere eyes.

[Cole Kessler]

Cole was reluctant to let her out of his grasp, but let her go when he realized she wanted free of his embrace. The warmth from her body against his disappeared so quickly that it made him go numb, at least momentarily anyway.

He listened to her words, and the tone of her voice. She was admitting what she had done was wrong, she knew that. She was admitting that it was her fault, that she understood if he hated her or no longer wanted to be friends. Cole cringed at the thought. Taeyeon knew him better than anyone, she should know that he will still forgive her even if she thinks she doesn't deserve it.

"I know." Cole said shortly, "I know you'd understand, Tae. And that would be the easy thing to do: cut off contact with you completely, never talk to you, speak of you, call you, see you in person ever again......, but when have you ever known me to do things the easy way? That is the true coward's way out." He explained with a firm tone, "You made a mistake, sweetheart, I understand that. Thing with mistakes is they can always be forgiven..... Always. Besides, even if I wanted to do any of that, putting you through anything like that would rip me apart inside."

The tears in his eyes had subisded earlier but were now making a comeback. He grabbed a cigarette and lit it, taking three drags almost immediately, "Fact is, Taeyeon, I can't hate you." He paused for a good minute and a half, continuing to smoke his cigarette, "Because I'll always love you, in at least one sense of the word."

[Taeyeon Kai]

His words were true. She should have known better than to assume he would take the easy way out. She was being such a dishonorable person to him, and it made her look away from him. He was always thinking of her before himself, and she didn’t deserve it. She looked up when he said he couldn’t hate her, and that he loved her, and she wished he hadn’t said that. Even though they were over, after everything she had done to him, after all the time that had passed…

She still loved him, in her own way.

“I wish you would,” she whispered brokenly. “I wish you would hate me…I hate myself for what I did.” She looked up at him with liquid eyes. “And I’ll always love you, in my own way, despite what I did. I shouldn’t…but I can’t stop.”

[Cole Kessler]

"What makes you think that I can? It's not possible, Taeyeon. I couldn't hate you even if I wanted to." Cole asked almost immediately. She had told him she wanted him to hate her, that she hated herself for what happened. Cole felt the same, hell, originally he thought he'd done something to upset her and that it was what had caused this.

She had told him otheriwse already, and he pushed the thought from his head. "I can't hate you, but I can't stop loving you. It's my only purpose in life. And whether we are together in the end or not, I will follow you until the end of time."

[Taeyeon Kai]

She closed her eyes against another onslaught of tears, his words hitting home in that dark place in her heart, that place that had died the day her parents told her that they were giving her away because they didn’t want to take care of her anymore. What he said was what she had wanted to hear for the past five years, a promise of commitment that would last for all time and through all situations.

“It’s not your only purpose, Cole,” she told him sternly, opening her eyes and looking at him while she crossed her arms across her chest. Here was the old Taeyeon, the headstrong girl he had fallen for. “Your purpose is to have the most fun you can, live the life you want to live, and love with all your heart. Don’t tell me that I’m your only purpose in life, or else I’ll come over there and knock some sense into you.” She gave him a small smile. “But thank you for making me feel better.”

[Cole Kessler]

Cole laughed as she joked about beating him up. It was a relieving thing that even she could joke in such serious moments. One thing he was satisfied with was the fact that it wasn't a violent break-up and things were still good between them, a little shaky, a little awkward, but good nonetheless.

Cole wasn't quite sure what to say, "Don't threaten me with a good time." Wait, did he just? Did he really? (Ugh, C'mon Cole, you could do better than that) Thinking for a second, he spoke again, "Besides how many times have you threatened to beat me up, Taeyeon? I'm beginning to think you're juts making empty promises to me." He laughed, "So, how about one last ride? For old time's sake?" He thought on his words, "In the car I mean."

[Taeyeon Kai]

She rolled her eyes at his words, a silly smile widening on his face. He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t going to leave her and ignore her like so many others had done. This lightened the darkness in her heart just a bit. His laugh made her smile widen and her eyes to soften, to look at him like she had used to before the break-up. She lowered her arms and shook her head, running her fingers through her hair as she looked at him.

“Hm, let’s see…” she said thoughtfully, looking up at the tree as she counted how many times she had threatened Cole. “Including today…four times,” she answered, grinning back at him. “Unless you want a real beating, then keep saying they’re empty promises, Kessler. I’ll show you a real beating.” Knowing three martial arts, she probably could beat him up pretty good. But she would never do that. Not to him.

When he offered a ride, she looked over his shoulder and gazed longingly at the car that had thrilled her and been her greatest weakness. She brought her gaze back to Cole and shook her head sadly. “Not yet,” she replied softly. “Too many memories are in that car, and if I got in it now…it would be too much. I’m sorry, Cole.”

[Cole Kessler]

"Hahaha." Cole laughed loudly. Taeyeon was so cute when she tried to act tough. Picking on her really wasn't fair though, Cole knew that much. So now the modd had changed from glum and depressing to a mix of laughter, happiness, and slight awkwardness.

Cole listened to her explain why she didn't want to get in the car. He could have easily pulled another line out of his arsenal, but he didn't want to aggravate her by trying to persuade her to do something she obviously really didn't want to right now. It hurt him a bit when she said no, but it was understandable as to why. "You don't think I know that? It's the only car I've got, so I'm stuck with the memories." He told her, "Unless your aunt and uncle would let me borrow one of their horses?" He joked.

[Taeyeon Kai]

When he said that, her smile faded. So many memories were in that car. Her first meeting with his family, their first date, that race with Sam…the hours spent fooling around in the backseat, they all washed over her, and she closed her eyes and looked away from him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, more to herself than him.

However, when he cracked the horse joke, she looked up at him. “We sold the horses to this nice gentleman who lives out about five miles that way,” she said, pointing west. “You see, my uncle’s been called to travel again for work, and my aunt is going with him, so I’ll be alone at the house for a while, and it had been a while since we had gone riding anyway.”