Loving You Is Like Food To My Soul (Andi)

[Lukas Wolf]

Lukas was so glad to be back in Hammel. He used to hate it here, but it had slowly become his home. Before he left he had chosen to live off campus and do his own thing, but now with all his money having gone to his mother, he had to live on campus now.

Bringing in stuff into his new dorm room, Lukas looked around as he dropped his bags down. He was home now. Aggravated from the travel, and tired from the last few months, Lukas passed out in his bed right away.

Nightmares. All he had were his normal nightmares. It was the same thing almost every single night. He dreamt over and over again of the day he received that horrid phone call. The one that had changed his life forever.

Lukas remembered being called into the main office, and sitting there was his a man he had only seen in photos. His deadbeat father. Lukas had to stop himself from knocking the man out right then and there, but when the man spoke Lukas could feel his heartbreak.

"Your mother is dying, boy."

One moment Lukas was standing in the main office of Hammel, then he was standing next to his mother's bed. She looked so sickly, so pale, Lukas just wanted to make everything better, he wanted to make all her pain go away. But he knew he couldn't, he knew that at this point the only thing he could do was to stay by her side, and love her until her last day.

And that's when Lukas woke up. He sat up, and went over to his bag, taking out a picture of his mother and placing it next to his bed. "I love you momma," He said kissing the picture, and placing it down.

Lukas stretched and knew he had to get straight to work, he had taken months off of school in order to take care of his mother, but now that she had passed, he was now back in school, and even though staying a year behind, happy to be back. He missed his mother dearly every day, but he knew she would rather him be back here and learning. So he was going to make her proud.

He needed to settle one thing though. He needed to find Andi. He had just disappeared on that poor beautiful girl. She was the only thought that had kept him sane as he dealt with his sickly and dying mother. It was her face, every time that he closed his eyes that assured him that one day everything would be alright.

Lukas needed to find her. He would understand if she hated his guts, he did just up and leave her without a single word or note, but he hoped that she would understand. He had had no choice, he had to be home to take care of his mom.

He knew that Andi lived in the co-ed dorms, but he didn't know exactly which dorm room she lived in. So he went and knocked on each door.

Knock. Knock. "Does Andi live here?"
"No? Alright. Thanks man."

Knock. Knock.
"Does Andi live here?"
"What do you mean why does it matter?"
"Who the fuck do you think you are?"
"Does she or doesn't she live here?"
"No? Then fuck off. Asshole."

Knock. Knock...

Lukas prayed those beautiful green eyes would be behind this door. He prayed that he could just hold her again. That she wouldn't hate him as much as he thought she would. That they could finally be happy together. He prayed.

[Andi Thalis]

After all this time, things were looking up for the young woman. She had made a new friend, she was over Ethan and Matt, and her attitude was basically back to what it was before the whole mess with the boys. She was back on her bike, being a smartass and challenging life to the fullest. The only dark spot in her plan was Lukas being gone. The large muscular boy that Andi loved to tease and torment had become special to her, had helped her when she had needed it, and he held a special place in her heart.

After working on the bike, she walked to her room and took a nice, hot shower to relax her muscles. Warm, relaxed from her shower and smelling like her favorite pineapple and vanilla body soap, she exited and dried herself off. Looking at herself in the mirror, she pinned her wet hair up with a large clip and dressed in a baggy shirt and athletic shorts she had scored from Lukas when he had been home last. Stealing his clothes, spending time driving by his old apartment…she was acting like his girlfriend.

Something that he wouldn’t consider, since she was too strong to be his type.

Sighing softly, smelling him on the clothes she wore, she walked out into the common room just as she heard a commotion in the hallway. The raised voice was familiar, very familiar, and her stomach clenched as her heart raced in her chest, beating against her breastbone like a racehorse on the dirt track. She walked to the main door just as a soft knock sounded on the wood, and she wrenched the door open to look into those eyes of his, all sound drowning out as they locked gazes.

Lukas.

“Lukas…” she breathed, her green eyes never leaving his, and then she was hugging him, her arms around his neck as her body pressed against his. Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. “I missed you so much…”

[Lukas Wolf]

Lukas watched the door open, and behind it stood those green eyes he had been searching for. The green eyes he had missed so much during the few months he was back at home. How he had missed this beautiful girl so much. When he heard his name leave her mouth he had expected a hand to come and slap him, but instead she hugged him.

At first Lukas was a bit taken back from the hug, he had been expecting anger, but when he finally caught his composure, he picked up the petite brunette, and spun her around. "I missed you so much too." He said placing her back down, and pressing his forehead onto hers.

"I'm so sorry..." He whispered quietly, as his large hands cupped her face, wiping her tears away. "I'm so so sorry..." Lukas tried his best to hold his tears back, words couldn't express how much he had missed Andi. He couldn't explain how much he cared for her, maybe even loved her.

Still cupping her face, Lukas brought his lips gently onto Andi's. When their lips touched, Lukas was rushed with emotions, and could no longer stop himself from crying. "I missed you so fucking much Andi." He said kissing her over and over again, not noticing the tears escaping from his eyes. He wasn't used to crying, it was something new to him, but he knew he was crying from happiness.

Lukas had been sad for so many months. So stressed and heart broken as he watched his mother slowly wither away and eventually pass away. Andi had been what he thought about during those hard time, she was what got him through the hard time. He had missed kissing her lips, looking into her beautiful eyes, and making love to her. But now he was back. And he knew he would never let her go again. Not without a fight.

[Andi Thalis]

When his arms slid around her, it felt like she was home, safe and warm in his embrace. She had felt like this when they had first met, when she had gone over to his apartment and they had spent the night together in bed. She had also felt like this after Ethan’s betrayal, cold and numb to the bone while Lukas had taken care of her. Her feelings towards him had gone from sexual attraction to friendship, and now…she felt like she could do more with him, like take that final step into a relationship.

She held on tight as he spun her, and her jade eyes met his when his forehead rested on hers. Gentle thumbs wiped her tears away as he held her face, and she could only watch him as he kept apologizing to her. “It’s okay,” she whispered, knowing that he would explain to her why he had left when he was ready. What she wasn’t ready for, however, was the kiss he laid on her lips. Andi hadn’t been kissed since last August by this boy, and she could remember the heat he gave her when he kissed her.

“I missed you too, Lukas,” she whispered back, meeting each of his kisses as he held her close. She could feel the wetness against her lips and realized that he was crying. Knowing that something bad had happened to take him away from her, she pulled back from his kiss and pulled him into the common room, closing the door behind him. Her roommates were gone, so they had the room to themselves. Taking his hand, she pulled him to her room and closed the door, enclosing him in a room that smelled like pineapple and vanilla.

“Sit,” she ordered gently, pointing to her chair as she moved to wet a washrag in her bathroom. She came back and wiped his face gently with the rag, sitting on her bed when she was done. “Now, tell me what’s going on, Lukas. I’ve missed you and I want to know why you left.”

[Lukas Wolf]

Lukas felt himself being pulled into Andi's dorm room. He tried to quickly wipe his tears away, but they just wouldn't fucking stop. He couldn't understand why. Why was he crying like a little bitch? Lukas could feel himself getting upset at himself, he was getting frustrated. He should be happy to see Andi, but instead he was crying like a little girl and he couldn't seem to make himself stop.

Entering Andi's room now, his nostrils were assaulted by the smell of pineapple and vanilla. It was such a familiar and comforting smell, it was like he was engulfed in Andi and her beautiful smell. This seemed to help slow down the tears, but just a little bit. Lukas couldn't understand why he was such a mess. There had been so many difficult things he had to go through these past few months, and he never shed a tear during those times. Not even when his mother passed, he stayed strong. But here he was, standing in a girl's room that smelt of pineapple and vanilla and sobbing with no intention of stopping. Lukas hoped no one either than Andi would see him like this, because he would probably try to kill the person.

When Andi told him to sit, he listened and sat. He watched quietly (still crying) as she left to go to the bathroom and came back with a wash cloth. Lukas closed his eyes as Andi wiped his face, and watched as she sat down on her bed. She was asking about what happened, and why he left so with a deep sigh Lukas began telling Andi what happened.

How one day Lukas was called to the school and told by his deadbeat father that his mother was dying, and Lukas knew at that moment that he had to be there by her side. So Lukas packed up his stuff and left immediately. After spending months taking care of his mother and staying by her side, she got worse and worse every day. Lukas explained how he felt like such a failure, that there was nothing he could do to help save his mother, and with that Lukas started to cry again. He further explained that over time his mother got worse, she became so fragile and delicate that Lukas was almost too scared to touch her, being afraid that he would just hurt her more. Then finally one day while Lukas was sitting next to her, and trying to read to her, she looked over, touched his face, whispered that she loved him, and then she was gone.

"She's gone Andi..."

That's when Lukas stopped telling his story. He was too over taken by his emotions at this point. He was sobbing now over the loss of his mother, and couldn't get the tears to stop. He needed this cry, he hadn't been able to mourn the loss of his mother until now, and he felt safe being with Andi. He knew she wouldn't judge him for crying. Placing his face into his large hands Lukas just cried.

[Andi Thalis]

Andi could tell that this was hard for him, to open up and trust another when he had had such a hard life. She could remember when they had first met, how standoffish he had been and almost eager to get her away from him. Over time, they had become friends, with the added benefits of sex of course, but friends nonetheless. After Ethan’s betrayal, Andi had felt really close to Lukas for helping her when she needed someone to take of her for once, and after he had left…

She had felt so alone.

His tears fell as she held his hands, her every sense tuned to him as he told his story. It was one she knew all too well, of her mother getting sick when she was nine. Her heart began to sink as he continued his story, knowing that the sorrow and the despair would soon come, one borne of a loss of the woman who had loved and cared for you for as long as she was able. He cried harder when he was finished, and she let a few tears be shed as she pulled him onto her bed and held him in her arms, his cheek on her shoulder and her nose in his hair.

“I lost my mom when I was nine,” she said brokenly, his sobbing making her remember that she had cried the same way when her mother had died. “She had cancer, and I couldn’t save her. I felt so helpless. If you ever thought I was mad you left, you shouldn’t, because I knew you would come back.” She kissed his temple, closing her eyes as her tears mixed with his.

“I knew you would come back for me…”

[Lukas Wolf]

Lukas sat there explaining what had happened over the last few months. He couldn't believe he was allowing himself to open up so much to another person that wasn't his mother. But he knew at this moment Andi was the only person he wanted around.

After he was done telling his story, and was a complete mess, Lukas could feel Andi trying to pull him over to herself. So he willingly stood and made his way over to her, placing his cheek on her shoulder. It was like he was being held once again by his mother. But the smell was different, it was this that helped him differentiate the moment from a memory.

It was during this moment that Lukas let go. He allowed all the tears he had been holding back to be released. He didn't care anymore. He looked like a huge bitch, being held and soothed by a girl as he viciously cried over his mother's death, but he didn't care anymore. This is where he belonged. In Andi's arms.

When Andi began speaking of her own mother's death, Lukas fell silent. The tears continued to fall from his face at a slower pace, but his sobbing and heaving had stopped completely. He never knew that Andi's mother had passed away as well. Although she was a lot younger than he was, she still knew and understood the pain of losing someone so dear.

Lukas nodded his head when Andi spoke of feeling helpless, that was what he had been feeling the past few months. Helpless in everything he did for his mother, and even helpless to Andi when he was away. All he wanted to do was make sure the two most important women in his life were okay, and he screwed up. He left Andi without a word, and sat by and watched as his mother slowly died in front of him. He felt so helpless and useless.

But when Andi said she knew he would come back for her, Lukas couldn't help but sit up and look into those beautiful green eyes, "Of course I was coming back for you." He said with a small smile as he cupped her face with one large hand, his tears slowing down now to an almost full stop. "I'll always come back for you Andi. No matter where I go. Or where you are. I will always come for you."

Pulling Andi into himself, Lukas held onto her tightly. Almost like he was too afraid to let her go. "I wish you could have met my mom," Lukas said softly into Andi's brown hair. "She loved you so much just from the stories I told her," He chuckled softly as he remembered the days he would just sit with his mom trying to describe Andi's beauty. "You two would have gotten along so well," Lukas said quietly, almost like he was just thinking out loud.

But then Lukas went quiet again, as he released his grip and pulled out of the embrace. Andi would never be able to meet his mom, and his mom would never be able to meet the one person in the world who had gotten him to behave. The idea of the two most important people in his life never being able to meet just made him sadder.

[Andi Thalis]

She held him as he cried, knowing that he needed to properly mourn his mother. After she had spoken, she realized that he had stopped crying, listening to her. She had never spoken about her mother to him before; it was too painful a memory to be brought up, but now he knew. She continued to hold him until he pulled back and cupped her cheek, smiling at her with tears glistening in those eyes of his. Her thumbs gently wiped his tears away, shaking as his words hit home, and it was like Ethan had never broken her heart.

Lukas had filled the void with his words…and his love, even if he never said the words.

“I’ll always be waiting for you, Lukas,” she replied as she leaned in and kissed him sweetly before he pulled her into his lap, his arms like steel bands around her. Her hands rested on his pectoral muscles as her head tucked under his chin, and she listened to the beat of his heart. She smiled when he spoke of his mother, knowing that her mom would have adored Lukas for being the wild child that he was.

“My mother would have liked you because she was a rebel, like you,” Andi replied when he pulled away, looking at him. “I like to think that they’re up there, talking about us, pain free and not sick anymore.” She took his hand and slid her smaller fingers between his larger ones, feeling small against him. “Would that make you feel better, to know that she was healthy and watching you all the time, and that she could finally see the person who you fell into lust with?” She giggled softly, her eyes sparkling as she watched him.

[Lukas Wolf]

Lukas sat there quietly as Andi spoke about their mothers being healthy and watching over the two of them. A small smile crossed Lukas' face when their fingers intertwined. He hoped his mom was happy and healthy in heaven, fuck, he knew she was. She was a saint, she had to be in heaven. And Lukas knew that she was proud of him for at least being able to come back to school.

When Andi asked if that made him feel better, Lukas nodded his head and looked down at their intertwined fingers. He couldn't help but break out laughing at that moment. "Oh fuck. If they're going to just sit there and watch us, they're gonna see a lot of nasty shit they don't wanna see!" He said with a loud chuckle.

That's when she said it, "she could finally see the person who you fell into lust with?" This caused Lukas to fall silent. His eyes starring deeply into Andi's beautiful jade eyes. "Lust?" He asked her, confusion dancing on his face. What was she taking about? Lukas thought to himself. Bringing his large hand up again, he cupped the brunette's face again, "Lust?" He asked again, as his thumb rubbed her cheek.

"Andi, I don't lust for you." He said softly, his face serious, "I love you." Lukas said placing a small kiss on her lips. "I mean, I'm back for you. I'm here for you. I would go through hell for you. I love you Andromeda Leigh Thalis."

[Andi Thalis]

Andi laughed when he did, knowing that her mother had seen more than her share of what Andi and Lukas did behind the bedroom door. Whenever it was just the two of them, Lukas was one of the sweetest guys Andi had ever known, sweet and considerate of her feelings. In public was a different story, but now that he was home, she had a feeling that the whole dynamic of their relationship would change. She squeezed his fingers gently as her eyes met his, and the atmosphere of the room changed.

“Lust,” she murmured when he cupped her cheek, knowing that if she said the words, it would make things awkward between them again. “It was all sexual attraction from the beginning.” And then it had progressed into this…this…this dark emotion that made her feel like she could do anything, like she could fly without wings or swim without breathing. She pressed into his touch, and then her eyes widened when he finally said the words.

Lukas…he loved her.

“Lukas…” she breathed, her heart in her throat and adrenaline racing through her body. His kiss sent another burst of warmth through her body. Her hand squeezed his, her body shaking as she tried to process his words. All her life, after her mother died, she had wanted the dream of loving someone so much that it hurt to breathe, yet you were floating on cloud nine. Lukas had just given her that, and her eyes started tearing up.

“I love you too,” she told him, wrapping her hand around his wrist and pushing into his palm. “Oh Lukas, I love you so much. My heart hurt so much when you were gone.” She leaned up and kissed him, pouring her emotions into the kiss as more tears fell from her eyes.

[Lukas Wolf]

Lukas smiled as Andi expressed her love back to him. Those three words were only ever spoken to him from his mother, and it was such a great feeling to hear them from someone he truly loved just as much as he loved his mother. Lukas rubbed his thumb gently on Andi's face, as she told him how much she loved him, he couldn't help but shed a few tears seeing the amount of love she was returning to him.

When Andi leaned against him and kissed him, Lukas returned the kiss with just as much emotion and passion. He gently placed his other hand behind the small of her back, and pulled her closer. With their bodies pressed together Lukas felt intimate and connected with Andi. It felt like in this kiss, the two were becoming one single soul.

So Lukas kissed her, and kissed her, and kissed her. Moving her gently, he placed Andi down onto the bed, and gently placed himself on top of her. Holding himself up with his arms, he continued to kiss her with all the love and adoration he felt inside.

He had missed Andi so much, and wanted nothing more to be intimate with her. Now they could say that they made love, rather than just fucked. And though Lukas would never admit this, he was excited for his first time making love to someone he truly loved. But he wouldn't push her until she was truly ready to be fully intimate with him.

Pulling away from the kiss, Lukas smiled down at the beautiful brunette he loved, "I love you so much Andi," he whispered before continuing to kiss her passionately.

[Andi Thalis]

Andi wasn’t much of a kissing girl, preferring her mouth to be more active in other places, but with Lukas, she could kiss him until they both ran out of air and she wouldn’t tire of it at all. She loved the closeness he presented, the warmth and strength that was hers to caress and embrace. Her body pressed against his, and the tender moment sparked that long-hidden fire within her soul that always burned for Lukas.

After a moment or two, she felt herself being moved, her back and head against her pillows as his big body came down atop hers. The pressure felt amazing, and she softly moaned into his kisses as her legs moved to make his body comfortable. Her hands stroked up and down his back before coming up and sinking into his hair. She could feel her body heating, melting in preparation of what she wanted, and when he broke the kiss, she met his gaze with shining emerald eyes.

“I love you, Lukas,” she whispered as she raised her head and met his kiss, pulling him closer.

Two hours later…

Andi lay in the circle of Lukas’s arms, her body warm and shivering from the heat that was slowly dissipating. It had been some time since they had done this, and it felt right to lay beside him, now in her bed finally. Smiling, her cheek pillowed on his chest as he lay against the pillows, she traced little hearts over his heart as she glanced up at him. Her hair fell in silken waves on his shoulder and chest, caressing his skin with cool fire.

“So…where does this put us, Lukas?” she asked quietly, her eyes somber. “Are we…together, now? Or still friends with benefits?”

[Lukas Wolf]

As the two lay there on the bed, Andi cuddled into Lukas' arms, he tried his best to stay awake. It had been months since he had been intimate with another person, and had completely forgotten about how much energy it drained from him.

Lukas smiled as he kept his eyes closed trying to regain some of his strength, or at least try to stay awake. Gently petting her hair, Lukas could feel her tracing little hearts on his chest, and it made his smile grow. He was so happy during this moment, and he didn't want it to ever change. He had gone through so many hard months, trying to care for his mother, and then eventually watching her pass away. But now that he was here with Andi, his heart didn't hurt as much anymore.

He still missed and mourned for his mother, of course, but this felt like a break. An escape from reality. Like he was high, but without any sort of substance.

The silence was broken when Andi began to speak. Lukas leaned forward a bit to make eye contact with the woman he loved. "Of course this makes us together," He laughed, and kissed her forehead. "I'm pretty sure if another guy touched you I would fucking beat the living shit out of him. So yes. We're together," Lukas said soothingly as he kissed her forehead again. He knew he had been protective over Andi before he left, but now that she was his, he was willing to die or even kill for her.

"I love you," He said resting his head back, as he continued to pet her hair, "You're all mine."

[Andi Thalis]

His fingers in her hair made her shiver, since her scalp was sensitive to any kind of touch. Lukas was the only one to use it against her, by sexual means or a way to win an argument simply by tugging on the strands of mahogany. As she looked at him, he leaned forward to answer her question, and his answer made her cheeks glow with a pink tint, coloring the golden tone of her tanned skin. Her heart beat erratically as he kissed her forehead, and her hand reached for his to twine their fingers together.

“That goes for you too, you know,” she said, still watching his face. “No other girls for you, unless they’re tutors or just friends. I’ll run them over if they try to steal you from me.” He laid his head back and she laid her cheek on his chest, his hand still stroking her hair. Like a cat, she melted into the caress, wanting more and feeling selfish. He was all hers, as he had told her earlier, and she wanted to keep him away from the world, have him stay in this room with her so that she would be feel wanted…feel loved.

When she closed her eyes, she could see her mother standing there, tall and proud and smiling at her with tears in her hazel eyes…sparks of the green she had given her daughter shining brightly. Andi missed her mother so much, but she knew that she was in a better place, and now she was with Lukas’s mother, talking about their children and what would happen. Her arms tightened around Lukas as she began to drift off to sleep, one sparkling tear falling down her cheek and resting over Lukas’s heart as she dozed, and then all she knew was sleep and dreams.

Fin.