Not Feeling Very Merry [Evan]

[Levi Xu]

(Set Dec. 9, the last day before winter break)

It was the last day before winter break officially started, and Levi was kind of pissed. Of course, it wasn't Evan's fault that his family celebrated Christmas and, you know, actually wanted him around for the holidays. And they'd already made plans for Evan coming picking him up a bunch of times, and they were working on convincing Mrs. Brackett that they couldn't really get into any trouble if he stayed over on New Year's and slept on their couch.

The freshman was still kind of depressed, though, because he was a little jealous Evan had those things. It wasn't fair, and he knew he wasn't being fair about it. Plus, the Bracketts were being nice about him having Christmas dinner with them, and Evan was going to come back to the dorm for the first night of Chanukkah.

But even though he knew that, Levi wasn't feeling particularly cheerful. He'd grabbed one of Adrianna's silly girly teen magazines and headed down to the student lounge. It was almost-empty, as so many students were either packing or were leaving that day. He knew Evan would come find him eventually, and he didn't want to be in such a pissy mood when the time came to say goodbye.

[Evan Brackett]

With his clothes and toiletries gathered and packed, it was time for Evan to head home. Levi's grumpy behavior hadn't gone unnoticed by the older boy. It made him feel guilty for leaving, but there wasn't much he could do about it; his parents wouldn't let him stay at school because it was the holidays, nor would they allow his boyfriend to sleepover. (It was on principle, they told him, since they never let David's girlfriends stay when he was in high school). And really, between Chanukkah, Christmas, and New Years, they weren't going to be apart for more than a week at a time. Even less, if Van dropped by the school before work whenever he could.

He was expecting Levi to be around to see him off, but failed to find him when he got to the other teen's room. Van wasn't going to leave without saying goodbye to his boyfriend, particularly considering his sour mood. Thus, the search began.

It wasn't an extensive search, the student lounge being the second stop on Evan's list after quickly checking Sam's dorm. Spying his boyfriend's dark, shaggy hair from across the room, Evan trotted over to the couch he was sitting in. "Hey you," he cooed sweetly, leaning over the back of the loveseat and wrapping his arms around the other boy. "I was wondering where you ran off to." The phaser gently rested his chin on top of Levi's head as he spoke. The idea was to be as nice as possible and convince the younger boy that he would be back soon and everything was going to be fine.

[Levi Xu]

For the record, Levi wasn't hiding from his boyfriend. He just expected Evan to call him when he wasn't in his dorm. He just wanted to be somewhere other than the room where he'd be spending most of break. And it was working, reading the ridiculous relationship advice in the magazine, and a small smile crept onto his face when he felt Evan's arms wrap around him. "Hey you." Levi was trying to be cheerful, but he could tell his voice fell flat. "I'm just, you know...here." He ducked his head and pulled away from Evan, putting down the magazine. "So when are you leaving?"

He knew it would be soon, and Levi kept telling himself that he wasn't being fair to Evan. He reached over the back of the couch and took the older boy's hand. "I'm gonna miss having you around all the time." Since they'd started dating, they hadn't been apart for this long, ever. And yeah, they had their cell phones and Evan had promised to call every day they didn't see each other. "Sorry I'm being clingy." It was just depressing, knowing his own family didn't want him around for the holidays. "Seventeen says I'm a bad boyfriend if I'm like this."

[Evan Brackett]

The tone didn't go unnoticed by the older teen, and he smiled weakly as he watched Levi put down his reading. Evan stared curiously at the pages. They looked strangely bright and bubbly. He was tempted to ask what exactly the other boy was reading, but addressing Levi's question was more important. "Well," he hesitated, "Ma's expecting me to be home within the next couple of hours, so I guess it'll have to be soon." He picked at the back of the couch, expecting Levi to mood to worsen.

Evan hated having to do this, and gently squeezed Levi's hand. "I'm going to miss you." The Senior had also become attached to their lifestyle, and having to go home bothered him too. It wasn't like they could spend the rest of their lives that way, though. This was inevitable.

"You're not a bad--wait, what?" Wasn't Seventeen a girl's magazine? Van looked again at the open page on the coffee table, and burst out laughing. "You're reading what?" he asked a bit incredulously, jumping over the back of the couch to sit next to his boyfriend. The phaser tucked his long legs beneath him, grabbed the magazine, and started flipping through the pages. "Seriously? Seriously?" It wasn't even the fact that it was a girl's magazine that confounded him, it was the quality of the content. Personally, he wouldn't be caught dead reading such garbage.

It struck him then that he probably shouldn't be mocking his boyfriend when he was already mad, and Evan slowly placed the periodical on his lap. Fighting to keep a straight face, he looked up at the younger boy. "Why?" That was the question he absolutely could not resist asking.

[Levi Xu]

Levi preferred not thinking about how this was inevitable. Evan was a senior. He was going to be graduating Hammel soon and heading off to college. (That is, if he managed to get a better handle on his power.) And Levi was looking at three more years of Hammel after that, which he also preferred not thinking about. "Of course you're gonna miss me. I don't sleep on your face like Spider does."

The freshman blushed a little as the older boy reacted...well, exactly like he should have expected he would. There wasn't a rational reason for him to be reading Seventeen outside of having finished every issue of Highlights in the dentist's waiting room. But that didn't mean he was okay with Evan mocking him about it. "Shut up." As soon as the phaser put the magazine down, Levi snatched it back. (Sorry, Adrianna. When you get it back, the cover's going to be a bit wrinkled.) "Because it was right about what kind of boyfriend I wanted, okay?" Him already being grumpy was feeding into his need to be defensive about this. "And they've got stuff kind of geared towards guys too. About what makes for a good boyfriend and what doesn't. And it's not like it's that different."

Also, he'd been bored and Adrianna had left it out.

[Evan Brackett]

Evan's mouth curled into a smirk when Levi got defensive about the magazine. "I'm sorry. It just seems so...weird." And flamboyant, but he was smart enough to avoid using that word.

The explanation was a start, but Van didn't completely buy it. His eyes wandered to the titles of the featured articles on the cover, particularly the spotlight quiz for that issue. "Okay, but that means you had to start reading it to find that out. What possessed you?" That was the real mystery here, although he could guess it had something to do with curiosity. He was certainly curious now, wanting to know what Levi meant by the kind of boyfriend he wanted.

"Geared toward guys?" Evan's face scrunched in disbelief as he took another look at the now-wrinkled magazine. With that bright yellow font and pink flowers on the cover? And let's not forget that it identified what kind of boyfriend Levi wanted. "Are you sure about that?" Alright, that was enough teasing. The brunette gave a short laugh and ruffled the other boy's hair. "But I guess it's kinda sweet. I mean, the part where you're trying to be a better boyfriend. Not that you need the help."

[Levi Xu]

"You're weird." Okay, yes, he got that was strange he was reading a chick magazine. Since they were outed at The Talk, he'd had enough snide comments from people about being the girl in their relationship. Most of the time, he could just shrug it off, because who cared what they thought? Levi could ignore it, since he and Evan knew how they really were, and all of their actual friends did too. (If he really thought about it, he'd say that they were pretty well adjusted. Considering.)

Levi rolled his eyes and pulled his head away from Evan's hand. "Stop it. It's not that different." Usually, he was the one who could deal with any kind of teasing thrown at him. Evan was the one who was oversensitive about things.

But he knew he was just being irritable on purpose now, so he sighed and leaned against his boyfriend's side. "Thanks. I am trying though. You're the one who doesn't need help." Even when he was teasing him. "Maybe that's what I'm going to do for you for Christmas. Thanks to that," he tossed the magazine down on the table again, "I'm gonna be a better boyfriend."

[Evan Brackett]

Evan laughed at the weak retort, throwing his hands up in mock defeat. "I don't get it, but if you like it, I'm not going to tell you to stop." As terrible as he thought the content was, there really wasn't any harm in it. Well, except maybe other students giving Levi crap (in an intentionally cruel way opposed to a lovingly teasing way), but they could deal with that when and if it happened.

He reflexively wrapped his arm around his boyfriend, and pressed a kiss into his temple. "Okay, I was wrong. You're not kinda sweet, you're really sweet. But you can't do that for my Christmas present." Shifting his legs so they were resting on the table instead, he pulled Levi into a half hug. "You couldn't possibly be a better boyfriend than you already are." True, he was working extra hard to flatter him now, but he really didn't want Levi to try to change himself. That wasn't fair.

As he sat there, trying to think of over-the-top cheesy things to say, he further reflected on the news that his boyfriend liked reading Seventeen. The more he thought about Levi's defense, the less sense it made. There was something he didn't understand. "Wait...What do you mean by it's not that different? What's not that different?" Not that different than guy magazines? Not likely.

[Levi Xu]

Levi sighed and leaned into the hug, nuzzling the taller boy's neck affectionately. "You're a kiss-up." He really couldn't stay mad at him. Particularly because he wasn't actually mad at him in the first place. Evan was such a good boyfriend, and Levi hadn't ever been happier.

It had been almost a year since Mr. Underwood had been killed and Jake had left him at Hammel. Then, he'd felt so lonely and abandoned. It had been Evan that broke him out of that funk, made him feel welcome and secure. He had other friends, but like he'd told Adrianna when they'd done the silly relationship quiz: Evan was his best friend. And Levi was being a dick because he was jealous. "And you couldn't be a better boyfriend."

The freshman looked up at him and smirked, rolling his eyes a little. The magazine was silly, and he acknowledged that. "The boyfriend advice. For what girls want and what makes a good boyfriend?" He really didn't want to keep talking about this, not when they were saying goodbye. "That's not really different."

[Evan Brackett]

That wasn't the answer he was hoping for. "You're reading it so you can be a better boyfriend?" he clarified, his expression souring. "A better boyfriend for a girl?" That was the conclusion he had jumped to, anyway, and it made perfect sense based on what Levi just told him. Seventeen was about what girls wanted. What they wanted to know about hair. What they wanted to know about fashion. What they wanted to know about celebrity gossip. And, most importantly, what they wanted to know about boyfriends.

Last Evan checked, he wasn't a girl. "So basically you're telling me you want to date a girl." The phaser crossed his arms and forced an annoyed huff through his pierced lips. This whole better boyfriend thing wasn't nearly as sweet as he thought it was.

And then the doubts started to form. Maybe he had everything wrong before. Maybe the reason Levi was being grumpy wasn't because Van was going home for the holidays, but because he wasn't a girl. The thought only served to irritate the brunette further, and he bristled as he added, "Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you then."

So much for sweet goodbyes.

[Levi Xu]

"...What?" Levi looked down at the magazine, then back up at his boyfriend. Out of all of the conclusions Evan could have jumped to, and he had to pick that one? "I'm reading it because it's there and it isn't that bad, Evan!" So much for trying not to be pissed off; at least he had a reason for it now. "And being a good boyfriend really isn't that different!"

It was all stuff about not pressuring for sex and little, affectionate, sweet things that made people happier. (And every single tip he'd tried on Evan had worked by the way.) It had nothing to do about gender, even if Levi couldn't express that well. "No. That's stupid. Of course I want to date you." A few months earlier, after Mia had outed them, he'd told Evan that he wasn't gay, and he was attracted to girls too. The conversation had been awkward, but he'd thought Evan had taken it well enough."

Levi sighed, exasperated, "I'm not disappointed you're not a girl." This was straying so far from the goodbye he'd wanted; he'd rather Evan hadn't come found him at all at the moment. "I'm disappointed you're being stupid." Yeah, he wasn't trying to hide being grumpy anymore.

[Evan Brackett]

Levi's shouts fell on deaf ears; Evan missed the point entirely. "How do you know? Maybe what I want isn't the same." Had the boy realized that these tips were indeed universal and that he did actually respond well to them, things would be going differently. As it was, it felt more like his boyfriend was preparing to break up with him. He thought Levi was catering to something that he was never going to be, and that really upset him.

It wasn't Levi's sexuality that bothered the older boy. Van was quite open to his boyfriend being bi (or pansexual as the case may be, but he didn't understand the difference). While he was still getting use to it, it really hadn't been taken into account in his thought process on the girl issue. This was more a case of him being irrationally offended by yet another misunderstanding, with a hint of jealously thrown in for that non-existent girl he decided he was competing against. Of course.

Things were only getting worse from there, the insult to his intelligence adding to his anger. He could ignore it the first time, but the second instance quickly gave it precedence in his mind. "Stop calling me stupid," he cut back aggressively, nostrils flaring. "You're the one still stuck in pre-algebra. That's a frikken middle school class." Cheap shots, he was taking them.

[Levi Xu]

"Well, since it's all about not being a pushy asshole, I'm going to say yeah, it is the same." For someone so smart, Evan was really stupid sometimes. Levi slid down the couch, away from him, and crossed his arms too. If he wanted to date a girl; he wouldn't date a guy. Not when it meant the snide comments he had to ignore and his father's disapproval.

Levi winced at Evan's retort; he honestly hadn't expected his boyfriend to use that in an argument, ever. The only reason he was going to finally pass the class was because of Evan. He'd missed over a year of regular schooling, and his "tutors" during that time hadn't prepared him. (Mr. Underwood had other things on his mind.) But the older boy had always been so nice about him repeating a grade; he had said it wasn't his fault, and had helped him get decent grades. (Unlike Nomi, he didn't fit the "Chinese are smart" stereotype.)

That's probably why it hurt so much when Evan called him out on it. It would be like Levi calling him out on his terrible phasing. "Fine then. You're not stupid. You're just really fucking insecure." This wasn't how he wanted to say goodbye, so he didn't. The younger boy just got up and left, leaving the magazine behind him.

Happy Holidays.

[Evan Brackett]

Guilt briefly swept him when he saw his boyfriend wince, but anger quickly boiled up again and squashed all thoughts of apology. "I'm--I'm not insecure," he argued back weakly, his head following Levi's movement as he left the room. As soon as the other boy was out the door, Evan gave a short frustrated cry and kicked the coffee table in front of him. The few students that were in the room were staring, but he didn't care.

With Levi gone and metric shit ton of angry vibes left to expend, Evan turned to the only target he had left: the magazine. Flipping the table back over with his foot, he got up and started tossing its former contents back into place. The last thing he grabbed was the issue of Seventeen Levi left behind, and the teen was less than gentle with it as his scooped it up. "Stupid piece of trash," he muttered under his breath. "Such a waste of paper." Flopping back on the couch, Van flipped through the pages again. A few seconds later he drew a pen from his pocket and started scribbling immature additions to all the pictures, articles, and quizzes. He'd be sure to slip the fully defaced product under his boyfriend's door before he left.

Happy holidays to you too.