Impossible? (Clarisse)

[Chase Campbell]

Things were getting better. Chase was making progress in his sessions with Sean, his marriage seemed back on track, and he was involved in planning Nikki’s birthday/adoption party with James. Things weren’t perfect, but they were certainly better than they had been. Under Sean’s guidance, he was ‘processing’ what he’d done, and he was working to close that chapter of his life. It was dark, and ugly, and it was a place he wanted to forget.

One thing kept irking him, though. Every time he’d thought about the situation, start to finish, one detail didn’t seem to fit.

He shouldn’t have been able to do what he’d done.

Mind control didn’t work like that. You couldn’t simply keep someone from breathing. You could implant ideas, change their courses of action. Force them to move, force them to calm down. But those with mind control weren’t supposed to be able to cut off someone’s air supply.

He hadn’t thought about it then. If he had, he might have found some answers.

Or he might have been killed.

Thinking about it now, it didn’t made sense. But there was no other explanation.

He’d called Clarisse earlier, hoping she had some time for him that afternoon. She was one of the few people that knew everything. And, hopefully, she was one of the few people that could have an answer for him.

During his free period, he’d set a few student files aside in favor of heading down to Clarisse’s office. Knocking on the door and trying to keep a calm demeanor, he smiled and poked his head in. “Hey, Clarisse. Did you have some free time now?” He was aware her speciality was side effects, but she also had a phenomenal understanding of how powers themselves worked.

He really hoped she could help him find an answer.

[Clarisse Prideaux]

Clarisse was filing away some printed emails from contemporaries in her field. There were fascinating studies on side effects happening overseas, and she’d been asked to join the loop via email. To keep records, she always printed emails. The heavy rolling of the filing cabinet shutting almost masked Chase’s quiet greeting.

She looked up to him and smiled fondly, standing to welcome him into her office. “Mister Kilbourne! Or no…” She paused and chuckled, waving him inside. “It’s Mister Campbell now, isn’t it?” Clarisse gestured to the couch in her office, offering him a seat. “Either way, It’s good to see you. I’m free now, yes.”

Near the door, ChiChi the tarantula tried to clamber up the glass sides of her terrarirum. Clarisse ran her fingers on the other side of the glass, fondly cooing at her pet. “What can I do for you, my friend?"

[Chase Campbell]

Clarisse’s greeting made Chase blush slightly and duck his head. He was still getting used to that. Sometimes it took him a moment to realise someone was talking to him. His students were also slightly baffled with the transition in name. Some, like Vincent, were just obnoxious about it. Others just forgot most of the time. “Uh, yeah.” The trainer rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Still getting used to that,” he admitted to the French woman.

At the gesture, he slid into the room and closed the door quietly behind him. This was still so much a private matter. After looking at ChiChi and greeting her with a little finger wiggle, much like he did to Milo at home, he made himself at home on the couch. He’d been a few times, mostly on behalf of students with particularly bad side effects, asking advice to make training bearable for them.

But this was different.

“Well, I wanted to ask you some things about mind control.” He steepled his fingers together, not quite meeting her eyes. “I just... have a few questions, I guess. And if you can’t answer them, it’s fine. I just thought that if anyone might know something about it, it would be you.” Was he avoiding directly asking his questions? Just a touch.

[Clarisse Prideaux]

Clarisse gave a Chase a puzzled look, sitting in the chair at her desk. She swiveled to face him, her stocking-clad legs crossed politely. Resting her hands on her knees, she tilted her head to turn her quizzical look to the air. “Me?” She repeated. “I’m sure if there is any such thing as an expert on mind control at the Institute, you would be it Mister Campbell.” Clarisse pointed out.

Seeing his nervous stature though, Clarisse pursed her lips and nodded resolutely. “You know you can ask me anything. I’ll do everything in my power to help you.”

She had a sneaking suspicion what this could be about and, unfortunately, she did not have the heart to tell Chase she didn’t want to talk about it. She’d tried very hard to accept and move on from the things that had happened to her in the distant and more recent past.
Bringing it up now wasn’t going to help anyone…

…but if this what was Chase needed for closure, she would have to do her best.

[Chase Campbell]

“Me?” He echoed her surprise, quickly followed by a little head shake. “Please. I’m no expert. There are things about it I don’t even know about. Which is why I’m here.” He could hope, just for a moment, that she might think he was asking about some side effect he was experiencing that wasn’t common. But that hope didn’t last long. Clarisse was a smart woman, and it wouldn’t take long for her to figure out why he was there.

“Yes, I know,” he said softly, starting to toy with his wedding ring. It had become a nervous habit, of sorts, twisting it around his finger. It took him a few moments to pull his thoughts all together, grateful that Clarisse wasn’t a telepath. By now Sean might have analysed his questions and proposed an answer.

“... Clarisse.” He finally looked back up. “Have you ever heard, anywhere, of mind control having the ability to... consciously stop someone from breathing?” The words starting coming out in a rush. “I know it’s part of the brain that regulates things like breathing, but I didn’t think mind control could influence anything that’s as unconscious as breathing is, but it did and... I need to understand how.” So he could avoid ever, ever doing it again.

[Clarisse Prideaux]

Yes. She had been right. Clarisse closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was always the hardest sort of side effect to explain, or rather primary effects. The kinds that didn’t have an explanation.

“I’m sorry Mister Campbell, but I haven’t.” She admitted with an anguish look into his eyes. “That sort of power is unheard of in studies of meta-human biology with regards to abilities. Granted, my specialty is side-effects, but the implications of infiltrating the mind to such an extent as to cause it to cease such a basic function…” She trailed off and shook her head gravely. “They’re extraordinary.”

Clarisse looked to her feet momentarily, uncomfortable with what she was about to attempt to share. “I know it is difficult to have the weight of…someone else’s life…in your hands. Because of your power.” She finally stammered out, closing her eyes again. “But the human body, and the human mind, are amazing things. In times that we perceive as life or death, impossible things can be accomplished.” Clarisse folded her hands on her knee and blinked back a welling up of tears.

“Things we never thought we would be capable of.” She sighed again and winced slightly.
“What I’m trying to say is that…well, unfortunately there is nothing that you can do to stop what you’ve already done. You just have to take the knowledge you accidentally uncovered and either bury it again or learn from it.”

[Chase Campbell]

The expression Clarisse wore made the trainer regret coming here, asking these things of her. But, while the guilt wasn’t eating him alive anymore, the questions were.

His grey eyes shifted as he looked up at her, almost wincing at the hurt he could see. It bothered him, making her revisit that awful day, but she was the only one he could talk to about it. She knew everything about powers. Everything she was saying, it was dashing his hopes, but he tried not to let it show. It was clear she was having just as difficult a time with it.

He bowed his head, still listening. All of it seemed to lead to the same conclusion. He might have become one of the only ones to... to kill using nothing but mind control. He was well aware that Gabriel had killed. And in some ways, their powers had been similar. But there was a difference between making someone’s body die, putting it in harm’s way, and snuffing out the very basic mechanics needed for life.

There was the remorse, too, of course. Chase was sorry. And he was damned sure Gabriel had never been sorry in his life.

“I’m sorry to put this on you, Clarisse.” The apology was in earnest. “I just... I can’t get my head around it. Even now, months later, I still can’t. I never thought I’d have to warn students against using their powers in such an extreme way...” He knew Morgan had been talking about the repercussions of side effects. His own power had struck him blind. He sighed. “I guess there has to be a first time for everything, hey?”

[Clarisse Prideaux]

Clarisse nodded slowly. “There certainly is. And even experts know so surprisingly little about meta-human biology.” Looking tired, Clarisse rubbed her brow. “I’ve studied it for so long and it still seems like every day is a new mystery.” She sighed again.

“There are always things to worry about with abilities like we have, that’s why we train ourselves to control them.” She looked to her lap with some uncertainty. “It’s possible that you could do this all along, and your training suppressed the ability. Under stress, that portion just melted away.”

She shuddered to think of such a think being true, but it was the best hypothesis she could even come up with. “But until scientists find a way to quantify meta-human abilities, there is no way to truly know what happened that day.” Clarisse stood up and sat next to Chase on the couch, laying her hand on his arm. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you more closure.”

[Chase Campbell]

Chase listened as patiently and quietly as he could manage. He should have known that this would ultimately end up as a dead end. If others could do as he had, there would have been literature on it. Something. Stricter guidelines on training certain powers. They all had the potential to be dangerous, to humans, and each other. He’d proved that. Gabriel had proved that. He was sure there were more out there. He sighed and dropped his head slightly, so that he ended up staring at the ground.

He gave a little shudder at the idea he’d been able to do this all along. “Oh, Hell, Clarisse. Maybe I should have been locked up.” Then he wouldn’t be a danger to anyone else. His students, his family. He felt a little ill over that thought. He was so well trained, yet he’d still...

He’d thought these feelings were gone. The thoughts of being locked in a cell, the fear of his own powers. Apparently not.

He glanced up slightly when Clarisse shifted beside him, her hand on his arm. “No, it’s fine. Really. I think I knew it was going to be a dead end. If it wasn’t, we’d all know. And they’d be more strict with certain powers.” He couldn’t meet her eyes again. “I guess all I can do is keep... that part of me locked up.” He never wanted a repeat of what had happened at the compound. “But thank you. Really.” He let his gaze fall to the clock on the wall. “... I should probably get back to the training rooms. The kids’ll be there soon.”

[Clarisse Prideaux]

Clarisse nodded slowly when Chase eyed the clock. Before she stood to open the door for him, Clarisse closed her eyes. She would never be able to forget the day of her husband’s death. The police, the scene…everything was still as raw as they day it’d happened. When she opened her eyes, they were soft and vulnerable.

“Chase…” She said gently. “If you hold on to this, you and the people around you will never be able to heal.” Clarisse smoothed her hands over her lap and cleared her throat. “Humans have been hurting each other since we learned to do so…the best way to prevent that is to stop hurting yourself.” She advised, nodding slowly before she stood and escorted him to the door.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more for you.” She murmured. “but know I’m always here if you need to talk about anything. Complete confidentiality.”

[Chase Campbell]

Chase couldn’t tell what was going through Clarisse’s mind, nor how difficult this kind of conversation could have been for her. But the way she spoke, the look in her eyes... he believed that she understood him on a level that Sean didn’t. He didn’t know the why, or the how, but it gave him the tiniest bit of comfort to know that there were other metas that knew how he felt.

“I understand,” he murmured back. And he did. He’d seen the effect he’d had on James, on Nikki. It wouldn’t be a quick fix. A little band-aid would make things better. It was going to take time, and it was always going to leave a scar.

“You did plenty, Clarisse,” the trainer assured. Maybe not exactly what he’d come for, but she’d helped him in another way. “Thank you. Really.”

And then he was gone. He actually felt ready to teach his afternoon classes with a clearer mind.