Right beside you (Cameron)

[Mia Bell]

Mia was sitting in the grass; she was near the lake but not near the water. She was quite fine staying well away from it. She was afraid of water, just like she was afraid of so many other things. The date she was about to go on with Cameron was one of them. She kept reminding herself it wasn’t a big deal, at least it shouldn’t be a big deal. If it didn’t mean much to Cameron than it shouldn’t mean much to Mia either, right? At least she thought it didn't mean much to him, just another date with another girl, right? But she still had the butterflies, and still felt like she was going to puke.

Mia looked down at her notebook; she had been here a while now. No, she hadn’t been waiting for Cam, she had been sitting in the spot for an hour, an hour before they were supposed to meet. She figured it would have helped her nerves but alas, it hadn’t. For the past hour she had been drawing the lake, she was just now coloring it. She had drew the water, the dock, the few people in it, the trees around it and the sun and how the water beautifully reflected it. It had taken her an hour because her thoughts kept interrupting her work. Mia kept wondering if dating Cameron was the best thing for her, if this was the right thing to do. There was so many things that could go wrong, and her heart was at stake. She kept wondering if this was a risk, she could afford taking but even then she wondered if she would have been able to not take the risk.

Mia felt like she needed to know if there could be anything more between them, and the only way to find that out was to put herself in this situation. She couldn’t keep wondering about the what ifs of having feelings for him. She knew if she didn’t do this she would regret it in the future. Mia looked out over the lake thoughtfully; she just wished it would be easier.

[Cameron Osiris]

Luckily, Cameron wasn’t afraid of anything. He could be brave for the both of them. But he didn’t care where they were, so long as he was with her. Cam was a people person, and he would accommodate whatever her preference was. In Cam’s mind, the date wasn’t a big deal. Okay, that wasn’t true, but it really shouldn’t be any different from any of the other times they hung out. And the last time they did, at least he had bought her something. There was literally nothing to buy here, so she’d have to accept his company as enough.

Walking up to their meeting spot, Cam gave her a wave, taking in the sight of her. Seriously, she was stunning. No one else could pull of her hair, makeup, clothes, anything really. “Mia,” he said once he was close enough for her to hear, sitting beside her and wrapping her up in his arms in a hug. “You look amazing, as usual,” he said, staring down at himself. Jeans and a black t-shirt. “How do you fit all those things in your camping stuff?” He asked with a laugh. If Mia wanted to stop dating at any time, Cam hoped they would still be friends. Though she had a part of his heart forever. But that’s another reason why Cam liked dating – it was a risk.

The docks. Seriously, was this every girl’s favorite spot or what? “So you wanna go for a walk or something?” He got side tracked as he noticed her new notebook. “What are you working on?”

[Mia Bell]

Mia wished she had Cameron’s bravery, but wondered if he had went through everything she had would he still be as brave? Though if she knew he could be brave for both of them, she would feel more secure. She knew it shouldn’t be different from before; but for her it did feel different. It felt different when she had started dating her best friend from her early high school years and it felt different with Cameron. Mia just figured she had to wait and see what this was going to be like. Mia didn’t care that there was nothing to buy, if she remembered correctly she didn’t even want Cameron to pay for her. All she cared about was spending time with him; that was enough for her and it will always be enough.

Mia saw someone walking in the distance in the corner of her eye. She looked over a smiled as she saw Cameron and waved back. She wasn’t the only one who was stunning. “Cameron.” She grinned as she hugged him back; that was different and so was the compliment. A slight blush spread across her cheeks, she was going to have to start getting used to all the compliments again, it had been over a year she really wasn’t used to it anymore. “You also look amazing.” Even if he was wearing the simplest outfit ever, but simple suited his personality. “Oh gosh, there’s like a technique to it.” She didn’t think he was that interested in how she managed to fit everything in her camping stuff.

There were three reasons why she would want to stop dating Cameron. One, if she found that their relationship wasn’t going anywhere and this is what they would only have; she would need to move on sooner or later. Two, If she found that she just couldn’t handle the insecurities she had because of this. Three, if she found out about all the other people he was dating/interested in. She wasn’t keen on being just another girl he was dating just to say he was or had. Nor would she be happy about him taking advantage of her like that; out of everyone he knew how hard it was for her to get back into dating and knew how sensitive the whole situation was for her.

It was beautiful, she didn’t have a lake where she has raised and it was a nice scene to sketch. It was over all just relaxing, besides there weren’t a lot of other places to go that was quiet. “Yeah of course!” Mia started to put her color pencil’s away, each one had teeth marks on it. She held the notebook out for him to see the sketch she had done. She didn’t think it was that great; someone else could have done way better.

[Cameron Osiris]

Bravery wasn’t something that came with experiences for Cam, it was like he always had been. Having been through his fair share of family drama, he came out strong and resilient. It was in his nature, his personality.

“You call this amazing, psh,” he made an astounded face, “wait ‘til I actually dress up for you.” And naturally, this was followed by a wink. When that would happen (if it ever did) was up for debate. “Do you roll up all your clothes? I’ve heard army people do that to fit lots of stuff into their duffel bags.” Cam had brought some toiletries and a few changes of clothing. Sometimes he was glad he wasn’t into makeup and a lot of accessories. Too much crap to lug around

In Cam’s mind, Mia wasn’t just another girl to date. It just so happened that he was single and wanted to mingle and if that resulted in getting a significant other, whether that was her or not, she would know and he would keep things casual. Not that they weren’t already, but hey, being someone’s boyfriend could mean different things and the parameters were up for debate. But dating Mia could mean he could learn more about her, and he was very interesting in her. They shared a lot, and their times together were good already, so, wouldn’t this be better?

Taking the notebook, Cam smirked. “You draw too?” He asked, handing it back. “A woman of many talents.” He sat cross-legged next to her. So far, there wasn’t anything happened to make this a date. Not yet anyways. He just had to think of a plan. Cam looked out over the lake. Balls of light appeared over it, dancing in and out of the water’s surface, which was easier said than done. Cam focused and the tiny balls the size of stars lifted upward, and formed a kind of portrait of Mia's face, including an outline and facial details.

[Mia Bell]

Mia had started out brave, she used to feel like there was nothing she couldn’t do and nothing she was afraid of. Then came the car crash and it had destroyed her inside, it left her scared and alone. Now she was trying to fix everything and she hoped she would be able to be that brave girl she once was.

Mia nodded “Yes.” Did he really need to ask? She grinned “wait, wait, wait.. You’re saying this isn’t you at your finest?” She said as she tugged the sleeve of his shirt. If he could actually dress up than she wanted to see it, because at this point she was kind of doubted he could. He already seen her at her finest and that was probably going to be the only time she dressed up like that. “That’s actually what I do…” She did roll up her clothes when packing; it was how she was able to fit most of her stuff in the suitcases when she moved to Hammel. It wasn’t like she minded it; she liked how she dressed even if sometimes it could be a bit much.

Mia had quite a lot to learn from dating Cameron. Like how to keep things casual; she never was any good at that. She had been with each of her past boyfriends for almost a year; nothing was casual about that. No matter what happened she wouldn’t regret dating him, because it was what she needed now. To have something that didn’t need to be complicated, she knew Cameron liked to keep things light hearted so it helped. She still had that hope though, that it will end up being something more. But she needed to learn not to think about the future as much as she did and again dating Cameron would most likely help in that aspect too.

Mia laid down in the grass and looked up at the sky as Cameron looked at the drawing. “Yeah.. But I’m really no good at it..” Maybe that was her being humble, but she really didn’t think she was all that great. Then again, she didn’t think highly of herself to begin with. She smiled as she took the notebook from Cameron. She sat up at his comment “You really haven’t seen the half of it.” Did something special have to happen to call this a date? She looked at the balls of light Cameron was creating. She smiled warmly, in awe of what she was seeing. It really was beautiful and amazing. She started blushing when the lights became of portrait of her. “You really do know how to impress a girl.”

[Cameron Osiris]

Cameron rolled his eyes. “You didn’t go to the LGBT Prom did you?” He sighed. “I was dressed to the nines! Red suit, hair all nice,” he wiggled his eyebrows at her, “I’ll have to put it on for you at some point.” Maybe she was at the Prom, he wouldn’t have remembered. He was a bit preoccupied with someone who was a bit preoccupied with him. He pointed at her. “See, I have you pinned,” he then laughed and shook his head. Hopefully she didn’t mind all his teasing.

“I don’t understand people not thinking their talents are any good,” he gave her a look. “Seriously, they wouldn’t be called talents if they weren’t any good. So quit denying that you’re good at something.” He hadn’t said it in a harsh tone, but with a smile on his face. People were so hesitant to think they were good at anything. Come on!

“The power helps, but it’s not all I can do,” he said, a smug grin on his face as the lights all but disappeared. “That, was a lot harder than it looked,” he said said, lying down next to her. “What’s that one called again?” He asked, his hands behind his head as he gazed up at the stars.

[Mia Bell]

Mia blinked “I didn't even know there was a prom... Besides, I already told you; the retreat dance was the first dance I have ever attended..” Mia wasn’t around for the prom, it had happened before she moved to Hammel. “I can’t believe I missed that.” Mia just stuck her tongue out at him; she didn’t mind the teasing if he didn’t mind her teasing him.

Mia bit her bottom lip and looked away from Cameron. “sorry..” She whispered, she knew he was only speaking lightly but it was more personal and harder for her. For the past year almost everyone at her school had told her she was no good at anything and said so much more to her but after a while she started to think the same things about herself she was told. She closed her notebook and placed it in her bag.

She looked at him with a warm smile “Well it’s more than I could ever do…” She watched the lights as the disappeared and then looked up at the sky. “I’m sure it was, thank you. But you didn't have to do it...” She looked at him “If you’re talking about the stars than I have no clue, I will be able to tell you in the future though.. I’m taking the Astronomy class and I’m think about joining the club.” She looked at the stars “So, since you gave me crap for not asking you if you wanted to join the EA club would you like to join the Astronomy club?”

[Cameron Osiris]

“Riiiight,” Cam said, scratching his head. Honestly, he forgot things in a nanosecond. “Hey there’s always next year, unless you don’t wanna go ‘cause you’ve already been to one.”

“Well duh, you don’t have my power,” he said, sticking his tongue out at her. “Seriously Mia, you make it so easy to tease you, you must like it or something.” He laughed, shaking his head no. “That sounds like the worst club ever,” he said, rolling to his side to look at her instead, “I mean, aren’t we supposed to make our own meanings of things? I’d like the stars to remain a mystery.” He had no idea what he was talking about anymore.

[Mia Bell]

Mia looked at the sky thoughtfully. “I might go. It depends on what the future brings… though I had fun at the last dance so it might be something to look forward to next year.” Her reasons for not going wouldn’t be because she had already went to one. It would just depend on how her year at Hammel went.

Mia chuckled “well yeah.. But that’s not really what I meant…” She stuck her tongue back out at him. She blushed a bit “Well! I don’t mind it… It so hard to find something to tease you about though; it’s so not fair.” Mia watched the stars “I guess we just have different interest…” it didn’t matter and it saved her the explanation of her having to tell him she wasn’t going on any of the field trips. “I don’t like mystery.. I want to know everything there is to know and more.” She hated the fact that she didn’t know if her father and brothers had went to a good place or not, or if they were even happy.

Mia looked at him “So I’m guessing you don’t like Psychology than?” She was only asking because she was thinking about making a career out of it. Was this even a date? Or was this just two friends hanging out? It didn’t feel like a date, she figured it would have been a little different than their other times hanging out but it was the same. Maybe she expected too much, or maybe it was because she was a hopeless romantic.

[Cameron Osiris]

“Well I’ll be there, you know, if that helps make your mind up.” He offered with a silent smile. Seriously, it was probably good for him to be looking forward to things, especially since he was officially on a date with Mia. He didn’t really think about whether his relationships would last, he just expected them to, like the rising of the sun the next day.

“You’re not trying hard enough,” he said with a wink, followed by a laugh. “Besides, you tease me plenty, more than anyone else.” Really, most everyone else just accepted his teasing nature and didn’t challenge him in return. Well, besides Chester of course. “I don’t think that’s as important as just living,” he said with a shrug. It was simple and true and Cam lived by that. He wouldn’t be who he was if he stopped to figure every little thing out. Life was best lived hot and fresh.

“How people think? I don’t know, I haven’t studied it or anything, not really that interested in it when I have plenty of people to study right in front of me.” And for once, he wasn’t trying to be sexual about it. No, she was right, it totally didn’t feel like a date. Maybe he should’ve brought his guitar... Oh well. Cam rolled over again, looking at her. “Why’d you ask?”

[Mia Bell]

Mia chuckled, “Of course you will.” She didn’t think it helped any, cause she really didn’t know what their relationship was going to be like next year, it was all a mystery and she hated it. But it wasn’t something she could help either; she just had to live day by day.

“Oh you really think I’m going to put in more effort to tease you?” She shook her head “though I don’t know, maybe it would be worth it to see you blush.” She stuck out her tongue. She smiled “Do I really tease you more than anyone else?” Was that something she really needed to ask? Probably not. “That’s the thing I guess.. Just living is nothing to worry about.” There wasn't anything to worry about when you just lived day by day. but Mia couldn't do that, she always thought about everything she didn't know and tried to make sense of it. That is why she had to know about everything she didn't, and what she couldn't learn about would probably drive her insane if nothing stopped her from doing so.

Mia moved onto her stomach, holding her shirt down as she did so. Just so her stomach wasn’t exposed; that was the last thing she needed. She crossed her arms on the ground and rested her head on them as she looked on Cameron as he answered her question and asked his own. She sighed “I’m thinking about becoming a Psychiatrist or something along those lines… I guess I just wanted a second opinion about it.” She could understand where he was coming from; normally people weren’t really interested in psychology.

[Cameron Osiris]

“Hey! You’ve seen me blush a couple of times now, haven’t you?” He asked, knowing that she knew damn right that he had. And it was all her fault too. “Isn’t that why life’s called life? We’re not called human doings.” He said, like he was so insightful and everything. But just maybe, he was deeper than he let on. And maybe that’s why he wasn’t feeling the chemistry between them, because they had gone beyond the surface, and he simply wasn’t used to doing that.

That, and she was so self conscious around him, he could feel it. Maybe she was like Ravyn, who thought he was too extreme for her. But hey, the twins didn’t cut it for her either. Maybe the problem wasn’t him then...

“Really? You don’t wanna do something with your singing?” He asked, curious. “Huh. What inspired you?” He asked, since they were on a date and he was trying to get to know her. He moved his hand suspiciously to the side, but since he couldn’t find her hand, he let it be. Why was it so hard to get close?

“Mia,” he said, since he was wondering, “do you trust me?” He had to know. Ravyn hadn’t, and well, he wanted to be trusted by someone, especially the girl before him.

[Mia Bell]

Mia laughed a little “But you don’t blush nearly as much as I do.” She moved to pinch his cheek; she wanted to see him blush more, in a way she figured it might make her feel just a little more secure between them. “It’s harder for a person to just live life when they worry and fret about things…” She was talking about herself but if he thought she was talking in general than that was fine by her too; she rather him think she had been talking in general. Mia figured it would be easier to feel the chemistry between them because they were so close; at least that’s how she felt.

Of course she was self-conscious; what did he expect? She wasn’t the kind of girl he was used to and if he couldn’t get used to that than there was no point in being in this relationship or whatever it was. She wasn’t self-conscious around him because he was ‘too extreme’, she didn’t care about that; she liked sky diving, mountain climbing, dog sledding, snowboarding, she liked doing all of it. The reason why she was so self-conscious was because of her own past, her past relationships and the way she knew Cameron could be easily using her.

Out of all the questions he had to ask why that one? Mia sighed deeply, so many sore subjects were coming up for her. “I did, and I still kind of want to.. But that dreamed died about a year ago..” She didn’t want to talk about it anymore, not when they were outside. She looked up at the sky and could already see the clouds slowly coming in. The next question was even harder for her to answer “Just wanting to help people.” There was much more to it than that but if she said anymore than that she would say too much. “Anyway, enough about me. What about you? What do you want to do?”

Cameron was going to have to try a lot harder to get close to her than that. She wasn’t the type to openly fall into a person’s arms. For her to completely trust that she wasn’t going to get hurt was by being closed off and having them try harder. If they stuck around then they passed if they didn’t they weren’t worth Mia’s time or heart. She’s been through enough heartache.

Mia rolled over on her back and sat up, she looked to the stars that were beginning to be covered by the clouds she was drawing in. “Tell me Cameron. Why should I trust you when you have already used me?” She looked at him “I know, I know you didn’t mean to. But you still did and it still in the back of my mind.” Really, how did she know he wasn’t using her now? He had made it hard for her to trust him. But she hadn't said that she did trust him, or didn't; but she wanted to hear it from him why Mia should trust him.

[Cameron Osiris]

Cameron swatted at her hand playfully and laughed, “It’s my job!” He sighed, knowing full what that she was talking from experience. “And you can’t just turn those things off either,” he said with a shrug. “Maybe it’s a personality thing,” he added, unsure one way or another and now just talking for the sake of it.

There wasn’t one type of person Cameron was used to. In fact, he liked all people and could love them all too. He was the type of person who saw beauty in others and wished to give them the confidence he had. But he would never admit to it, no, he just befriended everyone who was willing and saw that happened from there. Maybe he’d be more sensitive to her if he knew where she was coming from. But Cam wouldn’t be Cam if he didn’t strive to keep things moderately light and pain free.

The starlight suddenly went out, and Cam noticed the clouds coming in. “Sorry,” he said softly, not trying to upset her, his eyes full of concern and wonder. How lucky she was to have such a mighty power and yet, how unlucky, that it gave her away so easily. “But I want to know you,” he said, before giving a sigh and relenting. “Honestly? I have no idea. I want to go to University, maybe I’ll figure it out there,” he gave a shrug. That was as far as he’d ever planned anything.

No, she could’ve just said that. Cameron sighed, rolling onto his back and staring at the sky instead. “You’re right, I’m a total idiot,” he said. It was like he was facing himself in the mirror. He didn’t like falling all over everyone like he always did, but it wasn’t like he tried. He was just surprised and a little hurt that she still thought about that. He hadn’t for so long now. He wasn’t asking why, he was asking if, and she didn’t, so. He liked her, why wasn’t that enough?

This was getting awkward quickly. But he felt paralyzed. It was the first time his stories had really gotten to him and caused someone a lot of pain when he hadn’t meant it, when he was only trying to get over someone who told him he wasn’t good enough for her. He was getting over it but Mia brought it up again. He’d screwed up any chance he had with Mia. “I was bound to screw up eventually, I’m not perfect,” he said generally, still glaring at the sky.

[Mia Bell]

Mia laughed a little as he swatted at her hand. He made it so easy to be comfortable around, but at the same time so hard. She frowned; she knew full well that one couldn’t just turn off her worrying, she had tried so many times but it never got her anywhere. “maybe..” She guessed it was her personality thing then.

Maybe that was a reason why it was hard for Mia to come to terms with this relationship with Cameron. He liked so many different kinds of people, look at Ravyn, she was completely different than Mia; sure they had some similarities but they were still completely different. What made Mia so special? What made Mia stand out from the diversity of Cameron’s love life? But that was a big difference between them; one that could ruin the relationship. Cameron wanted to keep things light; but Mia couldn’t always do that not when she had so many things she worried about day in and day out. She was too sensitive to keep things light; nothing was ever pain free for her.

Mia shook her head “No, it’s fine. I understand; it was a simple question and one you had a right to ask.” But she couldn’t help that the simple question had so much more meaning to it for her. “I also want to know you.” She just wasn’t as open to asking questions as he was. “Really? I figured you would want to do something that involved music…” It seemed it was the most important thing in his life, she could tell he was very passionate about it. “But it’s great that you want to go to University. Is that why your such a secret dork?” Yeah she was teasing him.

Mia closed her eyes “Cameron the truth is, being in any kind of relationship with me isn’t going to be easy.” She looked at him; she wanted to tell him if he wasn’t up for it than he should just leave because she wasn’t interested in the heartache that will come later if he decided he was going to give up on her. She moved to sit close to him and leaned over him a little “But, you still have a chance, if you didn’t I wouldn’t have said yes. If you want my trust you’re going to have to earn it…” Her trust didn’t come easily, not after what she had been through. No, him liking her wasn’t enough and it will never be enough. Not after her past relationships, not after her first boyfriend moving and then never speaking to her again, than there was her last boyfriend, who decided to mentally torture after her suicide attempt.

He was going to have to try a lot harder with her, in general. If he wasn’t up for it, he might as well just give up now before Mia gets too attached and it ends up hurting her more than it would now. “I know you’re not perfect. That’s why I’m still here.” She was giving him another chance, the question was, was he going to take it?