Long Time, No Talk (Mia)

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Ever since Ravyn got back from her trip, there was one person she knew she needed to talk to - Mia. Noah had already talked to her about the situation involving Cam, and Ravyn was determined now to help Mia get through this struggle. She still liked Cameron as a friend and wasn't planning on talking him down on purpose, but she really did want to make sure Mia knew what she was getting herself into.

She knew, too, that Mia and Noah had met, since the blonde had told her. Ravyn was happy they were friends, and hoped that Noah's infectious optimism and goofiness would help Mia relax a little.

Standing before the girl's door in her pajamas (it was late, and she wanted to be comfy), Ravyn quickly knocked, a light, unforced smile on her face. This conversation had been a long time coming, and she hoped it all would end well.

[Mia Bell]

Mia sat at her desk looking down at her notebook; she had been randomly drawing the word ‘believe’. She was thinking of getting it as a tattoo, as a reminder to believe in everything and just be more optimistic of herself. These past couple of weeks had been on her and she was so emotionally drained; she didn’t know what she was feeling it was all starting to mix together. Cameron was on her mind for the past couple nights, she still didn’t know how to handle the situation involving him.

Mia heard a faint knock on the door and turned to look at her own door. She hadn’t planned on anyone coming over and half hoped it wasn’t actually Cameron. Not that the boy seemed to be trying very hard to spend time with her; or maybe it was because she wasn’t making an effort either. She sighed and got up to answer the door. Once she did, she blinked at the girl who has standing in front of her. Ravyn, she wasn’t the first person she thought would be standing her door way. “Uh Hi.” She moved to hug the girl, yeah she was affectionate she couldn’t help it. “Are you here to see Kouji or David?” Cause of course Ravyn surprise seeing Mia wasn’t something that popped into her head. She didn’t get many surprise random visitors.

[Ravyn Rozanova]

It took a few moments before the door creaked open, and as soon as Ravyn saw Mia, she gave her a bright smile. "Hey, pretty girl," she greeted her, returning the hug gladly. She shook her head at Mia's question, pulling away. "No, silly, I'm here to see you!" It probably was a surprise to Mia, since they hadn't talked a lot lately. "Do you mind if I come in?" After given permission, Ravyn ducked inside, making sure not to clip Mia with her wings on accident. It had happened before with other people, and she tried to make a conscious effort to keep it from happening again.

"How are you doing?" she asked, perching on the edge of Mia's bed. As always, gossip had been circling around about who was seeing who and blah blah, but Ravyn tried to ignore the whispers and hoped Mia would just be honest with her about everything. "I'm sorry we haven't talked lately. I was dealing with a... Lot of stuff for the past few weeks. But I went on a little vacation, and now I feel a lot better." She leaned back on her hands, smiling gently. "So I wanted to come see you. I missed you."

[Mia Bell]

Mia blushed at the way Ravyn greeted her; she just wasn’t used to compliments. She smiled, still a bit shocked that the girl was here to see her. “Oh okay.. I wasn’t expecting this. But it’s a pleasant surprise.” Till she figured out why Ravyn came here in the first place. “Oh Sure, sorry.” She stepped to the side to allow Ravyn in, cautious of her wings though if she did get hit by them she had a high pain tolerance so it wouldn’t be too bad; maybe for her ego. She closed the door when Ravyn came in.

Mia followed Ravyn into her room as sat on her desk chair looking at Ravyn. This was the first time Ravyn had been in her room, not many people have been. She looked at Spike, her one and only baby. “I’m doing fine.” Like she was going to make it easy? She wasn’t one for telling or showing people how notfine she was. “How have you been doing?” Mia shook her head when Ravyn apologized “No, it’s completely fine you don’t have to apologize. It’s not like I was making an effort to talk either… I guess I’ve been avoiding a lot of things lately.” She was avoiding Cameron and Ravyn she knew it. “How was your vacation?” She didn’t know they were allowed to take vacations… “I missed you too.”

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Ravyn had hid her emotions enough in the past to know when someone was lying about something, but she just raised an eyebrow at Mia's answer. "That's good. I've been doing really well lately. A lot of things have changed, mostly for the better. I couldn't be happier." It was true - she was determined to just appreciate the little things in life now. Still, knowing Mia was dealing with things (or rather, avoiding them) made her frown slightly. Before she could ask about it, Mia had asked her a question, and Ravyn just smiled. "It was nice. I worked it out with my teachers, so it was fine. It was just something I really needed to do." She had gotten to the point of near panic-attacks just being around people because of the guilt she felt and not knowing what she was doing with her life, and so after talking with a counselor, they allowed her to go.

"But I didn't come to talk about me," she continued, straightening slightly. "I want to know how you're doing, Mia. And also to make sure things are okay with Cameron. I know you guys really hit it off, and I think that's great, but I just wanted to see if anything has happened. He can be really frustrating sometimes, I know, but he can be really sweet too." She didn't mention about Cam's sexual behavior when not in a relationship - the truth was, even though he acted like that, he could also be really loyal. She knew, she had been there. "I didn't come to knock him down or anything. I just know how he can be and I... Well, I know how fragile you are." She kept a light tone, but she knew the truth behind her words. Mia, as much of a front as she tried to put on, was hurting inside.

[Mia Bell]

Mia nodded “that’s great. It’s always good to get away from things and try to find yourself.” She knew who she was, she knew what she wanted to do and how to do it. But the thing she needed to work on was loving herself. She always put herself down; she figured why should she love herself when almost no one else did? “I’m glad you’re doing better. “ Mia didn’t know the details about Ravyn’s life and the struggle she had gone through and half of her wish she had been there for her friend but the other half kind of didn’t want to know about the whole situation.

Mia raised an eyebrow at the girl. Of course she didn’t, what luck Mia had… Mia looked at the ceiling when Ravyn had brought up Cameron. “We’re dating, or at least I thought we were. Our first date didn’t go so well. And a couple weeks ago I found out he is screwing other people. So I guess in a nut shell I feel like crap about this whole thing.” She didn’t realize how much of the situation she had been storing inside of herself and how much she just wanted to talk about it. Mia looked at her, she wasn’t sure if all this would make Mia feel better or not. “So this is why you’re here? To talk about Cameron? You do realize our relationship revolves around him, right?” It was true, that one time they hung out was so she could keep an eye on what she thought was her ex’s girlfriend and now the reason why Ravyn had suddenly wanted to talk to Mia it was because of Cameron.

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Ravyn simply nodded at Mia's conclusion. It was definitely better to get away from things when they were overwhelming your life. "Thanks. I am too," she replied sincerely.

She listened intently to Mia talk. She didn't realize they had been officially dating, but Ravyn hoped they weren't taking it too quickly. But the sounds of it, it seemed like they might have. The fact about Cameron sleeping around didn't surprise her, though, and she tried not to roll her eyes. "Yeah, he does that when he's not involved with anyone exclusively," she told Mia, already familiar with Cam's antics. "I'm sorry hun, I should have told you. Unless you make it obvious... He's still going to go for other people." She didn't say that to make Mia feel like she had done anything wrong, only to inform her that it wasn't abnormal behavior for the blonde. "I'm sorry about the way it makes you feel though. I mean.... He should have told you he was seeing other people."

She gave a small smile at Mia's question. "I'm not here so much to talk about him as to talk about you and how you're doing. That was just the first thing that came to mind. Is there anything else you would rather talk about?" Ravyn hoped Mia would share with her - she really did want to help.

[Mia Bell]

Mia didn’t think they were going quickly about the relationship. But for her it was so much harder and she just wasn’t looking for someone to mess around with. “I wish I knew that beforehand…” She mumbled, she knew they hadn’t set up parameters of the relationship but he also knew how sensitive she was to dating and relationships in general. She wasn’t your typical girl. “I feel like I shouldn’t have to though… I guess I just want someone to just see me without me having to make the step by saying something.” Tears started to flow down her cheeks thinking about her last relationship. “It just makes me feel like I’m not good enough. I know that we’ve barely started dating, But I see dating as a trial run.” She just saw things differently. She didn’t know if that was a bad thing or not but she was only trying to protect her heart and protect herself from getting hurt because she just wasn’t sure how much more she could take.

Mia wiped the tears off her cheeks, but it didn’t help. “I’m sorry.” She looked at the ground, “Do you think it’s bad if I was to have feelings for two different people at once?” She was just so confused by her feelings; she didn’t know what to do with them.

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Ravyn reached out and grasped one of Mia's hands, squeezing it gently. "I know. I should have talked to you sooner, but I was still so upset about things and I just didn't know what to say..." She trailed off, not eager to jump into her past problems. She was over them now, for the most part. Ravyn frowned as tears started to run down Mia's cheeks; she hadn't realized this would upset her that much. "Hey," she murmured, pulling her into a hug, letting her fingers brush through her hair sympathetically,"None of this is your fault. You know that, right?" Dating was complicated, Ravyn knew that, and the fact that it was Cameron they were talking about made things even more confusing. He wasn't a bad person, he just liked to have fun with multiple people. After all that had happened lately, Ravyn almost - almost - understood why he was the way he was. "This may be a really weird thing to ask," she said slowly, breaking the embrace but keeping her hands on Mia's shoulders,"but have you ever thought about... Seeing girls? I mean," she quickly added, a little embarrassed,"I won't lie, I thought about it for a while when I was away for a few days. It just seems like there might be less drama, you know?" It wasn't a sure fact, but Ravyn had thought for a long time about the possibility. She finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't for her, but hey, maybe Mia would be different. "Feel free to bash that idea," she added, chuckling humorlessly.

Ravyn leaned over and grabbed a tissue off of Mia's desk, dabbing her cheek lightly before handing it to her. "Don't be," she murmured. "I was in your place not too long ago." She didn't elaborate, but Mia's question had her frowning slightly. "No. I don't think that's wrong - you have feelings for a reason, and if that's how you feel, then there's no wrong about it." She could definitely relate - having feelings for both Lucah and Noah had almost torn her apart. She was still aching about it, but had managed to get over most of the past feelings. She had heard Lucah might be seeing other people, which she was happy about for him. Noah was a different story. "I know it sucks, though," she concluded.

[Mia Bell]

Mia sighed “I know, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that , I just never knew how to start it… I feel like a complete ass for not going to you and talking to you about Cameron.. I’m sorry. It’s not how I usually am.” She usually put aside her feelings; she always put aside her feelings. She didn’t know why this time was different she felt herself changing and that wasn’t a good thing. She needed to step back and fix herself. Mia hugged back and closed her eyes; she found it nice to be held after all the nights she had gone through like this. “How is it not? I… I feel like I could have done something more to keep his attention. I just feel like he’s saying I’m not worth it and I know he’s right I have it carved into my thigh…” She hadn’t realized what she had said. Maybe she was looking for love too much, or not wanting to get hurt too much that when something like this happened it made her feel like a complete idiot which made her feel worse.

Mia shook her head “I’ve thought about it, but I don’t care either. I don’t care about gender what happens, happens.” She shrugged, she has made out with a girl before, it was actually in a hospital but that wasn’t a story she was willing to tell. Nor did she think anyone would care, it wasn’t a big deal. She never planned on dating, coming to Hammel she had planned not to date but after a while just hanging out with guys again made her want to. It was just not something she planned, and she couldn’t tell herself not to date because that would make her want to date even more.

Mia took the tissue, having feelings for Cameron and Noah was really confusing. She didn’t know where to go with either of them. She felt like she would always have feelings for him even if they just stayed friends, it was always going to be there; or maybe it wouldn’t and she would get over him sooner or later. But Cameron was her first friend at Hammel and her closet friend at that. “I feel like it’s wrong to like two people at once… I feel like an ass and that I’m leading one of them on.” Noah, she just along so well with Noah; they had a lot of things in common and they were both just dorks. But she didn’t want to get in more drama because of another guy. It just wasn’t going to happen and half of her wondered if it was a good idea to get into another romantic type relationship so quickly. Again she wasn’t planning on anything the feelings were just there.

[Ravyn Rozanova]

"Don't. Don't feel bad," Ravyn told her, gently but firmly. "It's neither of our faults. The entire situation was just a little out of our control, but it'll get better from here on out." She really hoped that was true. Ravyn couldn't relate exactly with what Mia was going through, but she was optimistic that things would get better. "Honey, if you feel like you had to act a certain way to get his attention, that isn't healthy for you, and you shouldn't be spending your time worrying about it. When you find someone that loves you for you, it will just feel right. If that's not the way it is with Cam, then maybe you just need to take a step back and just take some time for yourself." What she said next made Ravyn take a sharp intake of breath and her eyes narrowed slightly, but before she could say anything, Mia was talking again. Ravyn made a mental note to ask about it when she got the chance - did she really say what Ravyn thought she had?

"That's really open-minded of you," Ravyn commented, nodding agreeably. "Just keep your eyes open, Mia. I'm sure there are other people out there who will love you just the way you are. I know I do." She smiled softly, givng Mia's hands a squeeze. Unfortunately, she just didn't swing that way, otherwise she probably would've just asked Mia out right then and there.

"I don't think it's wrong," Ravyn shrugged. "I mean, if you were exclusively dating one guy and flirting with another, that's a different story." Ravyn's heart twinged slightly; that had touched close to home for her. "But it's natural to have multiple crushes. We're young, it's what we do!" She ended with a smile, tilting her head back. "I can think of several people I had mini crushes on just this past week. Does it mean I'm going to pursue all of them? Of course not. We have feelings for a reason, but you just can't take all of it too seriously sometimes."

"Now," she continued, her brows furrowing as she studied Mia. "What did you mean by a carving on your leg?" As she spoke, her eyes were drawn down to the arm-sock things that covered her wrists, and realized with a jolt... They were always, always covered. Maybe she was being paranoid, but it made her suddenly frightened for Mia.

[Mia Bell]

[trigger warning: cutting]

Mia nodded “You really think it will get better?” It just seem like they had let it come between them a lot more than either of them thought. It was like it had put a stop to their friendship. Which was something Mia didn’t like and something she should have focused on more. She looked at the girl and sighed she was right “I just feel like in the end I’m just going to have to settle…” It wasn’t something she had ever believed in, just settling with something, whether that was settling with a certain person or settling with being alone. But Ravyn was right, she had to take a few steps back and focus on herself a little more.

Mia shrugged “I guess?” She sighed “I just feel like no one will love me if they saw what lied under everything.” Yes, she was talking about the self harm but she was also talking about how broken she was. She just kept telling herself she was just too complicated for anyone to want to figure out.

Mia nodded “your right, just need to wait to see if anything happens. “ She wasn’t the type of person to plan things, she was a dreamer but she never expected things to happen. She sighed she never the type of person to crush on multiple people, she wasn’t sure why but she always kept her attention on one person.

Mia groaned, she hadn’t meant to say that, and she couldn’t believe she let something like that slip. Mia rubbed her wrists, she figured she start in the beginning to make it less confusing. Mia moved the fabric on her wrists up a little, not removing it but just so Ravyn could see some of the cuts. She wasn’t ready to tell her about her suicide attempt and would never tell her unless she had to or it came up. Tears started to flow down her cheeks again and she could hear the rain pouring down. “I started cutting myself a couple days after I moved to Hammel… After a couple months it just got worse, and like a month ago I had wrote pathetic and worthless on my inner thighs with a razor blade.. and recently I had added ugly.” She covered her warm back up, the cuts went up to the middle of her forearm and there were cuts on the sides of her arms also. “Oh and then there’s my stomach..” She might as well add that in there too.

[Ravyn Rozanova]

[trigger warning: cutting]

Ravyn nodded. "I do. I mean, I was in a depressing situation recently, and I just had to take a step back and get some perspective, you know? Life isn't all about finding 'the one'. What we, and I mean that as in everyone, need to do first is find ourselves. We're not ready to let someone else in until we can love ourselves, right?" She shrugged, suddenly feeling like she was in one of those corny love movies. But it was all true. "You're wonderful, Mia. You have no reason to settle for anyone. And if you feel like you are, then you're not with the right person. So find someone that makes you happy, that brings out the best in you, if you think you're ready. If not, then take a break and get out in the world and find yourself." Ravyn let out a breath, tired from her mini monologue.

She shook her head firmly at Mia's doubt. "No, don't think that. See, Mia, you need to just build up your self-esteem. I know that's easier said than done." She rubbed the back of her neck. "Just try to think more positively. Every morning, I go through a list of three things that I like about myself. I know it sounds corny, but it helps me get a bright start on the day." It was a small bit of advice, but she hoped Mia would take it.

Her entire appearance of positivity crumbled when Mia showed her her wrists and continued crying. Ravyn could only listen with wide eyes and hardly-concealed shock as she explained what was going on. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. She had never known someone that cut themselves before (that she was aware of), and the depth of Mia's self-mutilation was hard for her to grasp. Over everything, she was hit with an overwhelming fear for Mia's life. It was one thing to cut in one place, but all of the places she mentioned... "Oh Mia," she breathed, feeling tears prick her eyes as she wrapped the girl in a hug. "Oh honey, please, please talk to someone about this. Have you seen Dr. Neville? Or do you have someone in your family you could talk to?" Ravyn wanted to take Mia to the hospital immediately and get this taken care of, but she knew that wasn't the right way to approach this. "I don't want anything to happen to you," she stammered, feeling overwhelmed with the situation. What if her decision determined whether or not Mia harmed herself too much? "You are worth something, Mia. You are absolutely worth something, not just to me. I know Noah thinks the world of you, and even though Cam's been weird lately, I know he cares about you, too. Please, Mia, just remember that."

[Mia Bell]

Mia shook her head “I haven’t been trying to find ‘the one’. I don’t need a guy or a girl… I figured that out a long time ago.” She wasn’t like Ravyn, she wasn’t boy crazy she never had been. She was just super insecure and was just looking for someone to love her no matter what. “Why Should I love myself when no one else seems to… I always do something that makes everyone around me give up on me.” And that’s what she felt like Cameron had done, then again she believed she wasn’t worth fighting for. “No one is going to want to be with me once they realize how messed up I am… Once they see past the layers they’re not going to want anything to do with me.” It would just be like what happened a year ago when everyone found out about what she had tried to do to herself.

“That’s easier said than done…” Mia nodded to what she said “I’ll try it…” But really it was harder for Mia because of everything she had been through. Between the bulling from her ex and his friends to her friends giving up on her; she shouldn’t even be alive.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t want anyone to know about this. This isn’t something you should have to carry on your shoulders. This is my problem not yours. It’s not a burden you should have.” Mia knew how unhealthy it was, but it was an issue she had none of the less. Her issue to get past and Ravyn didn’t need the burden of knowing about this, no one did. But now she felt horrible for Ravyn knowing and Liam having no clue about her self-harm issue. She needed to tell him, because she would never feel better about this if she didn’t. “I already am. I have session with him every Friday morning.” She’s been having them since she came to Hammel, but not for the self-harm issue. There wasn’t anything the hospital could to do help her other than send her to a mental institute. “I know.” That’s what her mother said. She felt like an ass, she was hurting people by the things she was doing to her own body but she didn’t know how to stop it either. Mia didn’t say anything about Noah or Cameron, because the way she saw it, if they found out they wouldn’t care about her anymore. “Please don’t tell anyone about this.”

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Yeah, Ravyn was definitely boy crazy. It was just who she was - she couldn't be blamed for thinking guys were attractive, and getting together with them if she connected with them. Mia was just a different story - she obviously suffered from extremely low self-esteem, and there was nothing Ravyn could do or say that would change that. It was something Mia had to do on her own. Ravyn would support her all she could, but it was just beyond her capabilities. She didn't comment on Mia's self-degrading comments, instead just looking at her sadly. It was all just.. Wrong.

Ravyn let out a breath, rubbing at her eyes. She hadn't expected to be told this much when she had come over. She didn't regret talking to Mia - if anything, she was relieved she was at least one person that knew now - but at the moment, she was overwhelmed with the information. She needed a while to process it. "It's fine, Mia," she murmured, looking into the distance vaguely. "You shouldn't be alone in this." At least she said she was seeing Dr. Neville - if anyone could help Mia, it would be him. "That's good, that's really good. He's a great guy, Mia, he'll help you through this. Don't... Don't give up." What else was there to say? Ravyn felt the sudden urge to get away, to fly. She had to get rid of this tension. "Of course I won't tell anyone. It's not my place to do so."

After giving Mia another long, tight embrace, she stood. "I'm going to go for a bit of a flight. If... If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to call or text me, okay? Or just come over to my room - you know where to find me." Without bothering to use Mia's door, Ravyn went over to her window and cracked it open. She needed out. Now. With a powerful WHOOSH of feathers, she shot out into the sky - she didn't know where to go, but she was just going to fly until her thoughts calmed down.