The Importance of Wearing Pants (tag Brendan)

[Ari Jasinski]

Brendan could out-talk him without any effort, which was unusual, and he seemed kind of high-strung, but honestly, Ari had liked the guy right off the bat.

So when they literally ran into each other downtown, after apologies and introductions had been exchanged, they'd gone to hang out and shoot the breeze for a while over a few drinks, and then things just sort of went from point A to point B to point "Hey, let's go down to the Lake and strip down and go swimming!" and sometime after that, the wheels came off the wagon, and now here they were.

"So," Ari said, calmly, "we're at the Lake wearing nothing but our underwear, which is fine, I'm good with that, swimming is, like, a good thing, but our clothes seem to have gone missing, and along with them, our cellphones, wallets, and everything else useful. Any ideas as to what the hell just happened here?"

[Brendan James]

This was probably quickest friendship Brendan had ever formed. Literally, they’d only met earlier that day. Got to chatting. Went for some drinks. And then had stripped only to jump in the lake. I wish I could say this was unusual behavior for Brendan. However, stripping with a near perfect stranger was not.

“The only way this swimming session would be better is if we were free balling! But I draw the line somewhere though. With people I only just met that is.”

Looking at the ground, dripping wet, Brendan didn’t actually find he cared. After all, they were just clothes right? They could buy new clothes. The thought of his phone and wallet didn’t cross his mind until Ari actually listed those things off. “Oh shit, you’re right. I guess we should’ve assigned a guard or something, huh?”

Whatever. This guy was still pretty awesome. And he wasn’t about to let it ruin his fun. “Well, I guess we can fill a report or something. Lets get clothes first. Eugene can probably hook us up at the theater with something.” It was then that Brendan realized what exactly he’d been wearing. “AAAWWW MAN!” He said, swinging (read flailing) his arms. “Those bastard took my favorite tie! Ugh douches.”

[Ari Jasinski]

"Uh, yeah, I only get naked with-- yeah, okay, no, let's concentrate on 'all our stuff is missing and we're stripped down in the middle of the Lake area', okay?" He was a little freaked out, actually. He couldn't think of anyone he'd met yet who'd prank him like that.

He paused. "To be fair, I didn't count on anyone snatching our stuff. Who would've thought we'd need a guard, right? Thank God we're not teachers. Jesus. And... wait, the theater? I mean, I'm good with not being mostly naked in public, but why the theater, they're gonna have, like, costumes, not clothes, right? I'm not down for wearing a codpiece, okay?"

[Brendan James]

“Oh dude, don’t worry. I only get naked with just about everybody. You just don’t seem the type. So I didn’t suggest-” Then Brendan realized just what it sounded like he was saying. “Oh no no no! Not like… naked for sex. Oh no. I’m not a whore. But things somehow become immensely more fun or funny when you’re sans clothes.” After a moment of just looking at Ari awkwardly, Bren clapped his hands together. “Yeah! Sooo, clothes! And stuff!”

Brendan nodded in agreement. “I didn’t think so either. As many times as I’ve skinny dipped in the lake before, this is the first time my clothes have been stolen.” At the mention of not being a teacher, Bren’s face flushed only slightly. Because he had been. Until royally messing that up. Not that you’d ever hear him complain, too happy with how things had turned out. A burst of laughter escaped Brendan at the word codpiece. It was a word he was very fond of after all. It just sounded ridiculous. “Yes, it’ll be costumes. But no, I will not force you to wear a codpiece. If you’re lucky.” He said with a smirk, beginning his trek.

[Ari Jasinski]

"Naked is funny, but clothes! Clothes are good!" Ari agreed enthusiastically. Jesus, this was turning into a night. "Clothes are very good, especially pants, since it's getting a little chilly," he added as he followed Brendan. "So isn't this friend of yours going to be a little, oh, I don't know, a little unsettled by two guys showing up 90% naked at his workplace? Or is that just a thing that happens sometimes? I gotta say, wouldn't be surprised to hear it."

"And I don't think I know anyone well enough to have them take off with my clothes, so sorry-- I think the culprits are probably people who know you," he said, then paused. "Or, okay, total strangers who thought it'd be funny to do."

"And that's a no-way-in-hell on the codpiece," he added.

[Brendan James]

“But clothes are restricting! Besides, the best of times can be had without clothes. Don’t worry though, we won’t get nakie.” Glancing at Ari, Brendan actually had to stop in his tracks and laugh for a moment. Would his boss be unsettled? HA! Once his laughter was controlled, he swiped his fingers under his eye to rid his face of tears. “Hmmm… Will he be unsettled… Haha oh god, if he is, he obviously doesn’t know me well.” And he continued walking. “His name’s Eugene. And we’ve been friends for years now. Eugene absolutely despises me but utterly loves me too. This has happened…. Many a times.”

Nodding, Brendan couldn’t help but agree. “Yeah… I do know some people who are pretty much douches. But ya’ gotta admit, if it was complete strangers, it’d be funny as hell. And the perfect crime too. Since we didn’t catch even a glimpse of these guys… I’m a little jealous of their ninja skills.”

Shaking his head vehemently, Brendan got a horrified look on his face. “Oh god! No! No no no! God! Those things are just…” An obvious shudder ran through his body. “They’re like, medieval torture devices! I mean what you’re wearing one and get, ya’ know… somebody wants to say hi!” Unfortunately, it’s not unusual for Bren to discuss such things with people’s he’s only just met.

Out of the woods now, Bren told his new friend that the theater wasn’t too much further, but they’d have to suffer through a block or two dressed so scantly clad.

[Ari Jasinski]

"Bren, buddy, I'll be fine with not talking about naked fun in public, okay? At least not when I'm stripped down like this," Ari corrected, then sighed as Brendan started to laugh.

"Look, your friend Eugene may be used to you turning up naked or half-naked or whatever on a regular basis, but how often do you show up mostly naked with a total almost-mostly-naked stranger-- wait, no, never mind, that probably happens a helluva lot with you, doesn't it? Never mind, carry on," he said. He started to shove his hands into his pockets, then realized he didn't have pockets, so he just stood there feeling stupid until they started walking again.

"So, ninjas stole our pants. Bastards," he muttered. He didn't actually think there were ninjas, of course, but this was Hammel, so he wasn't going to rule it out, and then-- "Somebody wants to say hi...? Jesus, Brendan. Can we not talk about penises right now?"

[Brendan James]

Chuckling, Brendan nodded. “Yeah, he wouldn’t be to surprised by me showing up with a half naked friend. I’m sorry Ari, but you’re not my first.” He said, smirking at his own play of words. “Though, he might be just a tad jealous. It’s yet to happen with him. Genie’s just a tad too straight laced. I’m trying to break him out of it though.”

“Ninjas man. You have to admit, the idea is awesome. Having actual ninjas in Pilot Ridge. Ugh, only in my wildest dreams.” Of course, when he spoke of ninjas, he more imagined them dropping from the ceilings Mission Impossible style. “You gotta admit, I’d look good in a ninja outfit.”

Laughing, Brendan held his sides. “Ok ok ok. I’m sorry. All talk of nakedness and penises is done for.” Sometimes, just sometimes, Brendan forgot some people weren’t used to his behavior and he should think of his personality as a pool with cold water, most people liked to ease their way into it. “Granted, I don’t know what else there is to talk about.”