Have you ever felt... (Cart!)

[Jacelynn Heron]

One hit after the other, a constant bashing of her self-esteem and confidence without any intention of doing it. How was it possible that something so small that would normally never bother her could be the cause of so much pain? So big deal one guy didn't like her, that wasn't such a horrible thing right? Why did it have to be this guy though? A guy that she figured would be able to understand her and who she herself could understand in return. It wasn't fair was it?

Jacelynn wasn't a crier. When things went wrong, she pushed back all signs of sadness or weakness and just put on a happy face. Why should anyone get the benefit of seeing her at her lowest? No one would have that power over her. But that caused problems, too. There was one person she could cry in front of who would never judge her and that was Jackson, but that wasn't who she wanted right now.

Oh no, her fingers only scrolled down a little ways before she selected the number she would be texting. It wasn't someone she typically went to for anything like this, but someone rather she went to for a little fun. Well the last thing she figured would come of this conversation was fun. With trembling fingers, she typed out a message to Carter;

To: Cart(:

Hey, haven't talked to you in a while...How are things?

Simple and easy, and yet totally lacking the typical Jace fashion of emoticons out the butt. Her texts were usually filled with strange faces and lolz. Jackson would be able to pick up on that, but she doubted Carter would.

[Carter Chevalier]

There were many things about the opposite sex that Carter understood. And when it come to receiving messages from those he had connected with in a typically physical way, Carter knew what the inner meanings and desires were. At least, he assumed as much. So when he received a message from Jace, if nothing else he determined that it was some kind of foreplay to an actual event.

Though, he had been wrong before.

[Jace: Things are good with me. Nothing new to mention, anyway. What about you?]

No, he didn't recognise anything missing with her message. He had no real reason to.

[Jacelynn Heron]

Gosh what was she doing? Jacelynn felt like an idiot for even having thought that maybe Carter would be able to make her feel better. It wasn't like they were close or anything. They had a nice conversation one day, then hooked up another, what made her think that this was okay to talk to him about? The more she thought about it the more she was getting scared of the results. He wasn't going to understand and he wasn't going to care.

Her phone buzzed on her abdomen and she picked it up to read the message. She bit her lower lip as she thought of things to say. Secretly, she'd been hoping he wouldn't ask about her. But wasn't that why she texted him in the first place. Jace just couldn't figure out what she was going to do about this now. She couldn't just blow him off.

To: Cart(:

Glad to hear it. Uhm, well I've been...better. A lot better honestly...

[Carter Chevalier]

During the wait, Carter sat up from his bed and tossed his phone against the desk near the wardrobe. Opening it, he idly scratched against his abdomen as he searched the contents for a decent looking shirt to wear.

The buzz of the phone against the surface of the desk brought his attention away from a myriad of coloured button-ups to the conversation at hand. He frowned curiously at her message;

[Jace: Why? What happened?]

[Jacelynn Heron]

Jace stared at her ceiling as she waited for his response. She knew it would bring up questions and she knew it was part of her intentions. The other part was that she missed having fun and Carter had brought her out of one slump, she figured he would be more than capable of pulling her out of another unintentionally. Still, she didn't want to burden him with her problems, it was the biggest reason that she kept things to herself more often than not. Why should other people have to know about her issues?

But she was going to him as a friend and though they may not have been close, he was someone who would give her an honest opinion. Sugar-coating was something she couldn't take right now.

Her phone buzzed again and she flipped it open, reading the questions that she had been expecting. Well there was no going back now, she'd opened up the topic and he was asking. The one thing she refused to do though was complain about her situation. Jace hated when girls complained and whined about a boy not liking them. Try having several guys reject you, your mom call you a skank and have extreme self-image problems on top of that. Then those girls had a reason to be less than thrilled about the situation Jace was currently in.

Cart(:

Long story. Summed up version, I'm pretty sure my mom was right when she told me I'd never find a guy that cares about me because I'm too much of a whore right now. Other than that, things have been just peachy xP

That was her way of making light of the situation. Why be so serious and bitchy about something when she could make fun of herself for it?

[Carter Chevalier]

Carter hauled the tank top over his head, turning in his place to look to the mirror on the wall and ensure his hair was still perfect. A simple run on either side with his fingers and it was good to go. The phone, now in his back pocket, took longer than expected to offer a reply. It made Carter assume he was being given the full story. Or at least, some of it. Long messages took longer to write and therefore send, after all.

When he read it though, he drew back in surprise. A glance around before he opened the desk drawer and received a slightly crumpled packet of cigarettes. He drew the window open, placing a cigarette between his lips and lighting it. As he leaned out the window, he used his free hand to hit the call button instead.

"Some guy did what?" He asked when she answered.

[Jacelynn Heron]

Jacelynn didn't want to get into the whole story about her mother's lecture and the rejection she suffered from even before Lark, at least not through text. It would come off as complaining and wanting pity and Jace just wasn't that type of person. But she didn't want to call anyone for fear of them hearing the toll it took on her. If she hadn't gotten away from Lark fast enough, he could have seen the fissure in her mask and that would have just created more sympathy and pity that she didn't want.

After walking over to her vanity table, the place where she spent a good majority of her time, she stared in the mirror. Her phone was place on one of the little shelves so that she'd hear it go off. Upon looking in the mirror she could almost see the girl she used to be. The tangled blonde hair framing her alabaster skin, her thick-rimmed glasses covering her eyes and when she opened her mouth, the wires, rubberbands and saliva from her braces. It was an unpleasant sight, and yet she couldn't un-see it. It was like this every time she looked in the mirror after her self-esteem took a beating.

No one knew just how lowly she saw herself.

Jace's eyes drifted to her phone as it buzzed more than once and she realized it was a phone call. Brushing the teardrops that had fallen down her cheek, she picked up the phone and held it to her ear. She said a quiet hello, but instead of a greeting she was given a question. She winced a bit and took a deep breath. In a way it was almost comforting having him call her because it meant he at least somewhat cared, not that she was getting her hopes up about it.

"It's n-nothing really, just another rejection...typical I guess..." She trailed off and pulled her hair around her shoulder with her free hand. What more was there to say? A guy didn't like her and had only asked her out because she was nice to look at. How was that different than any other time she'd been at a club?

[Carter Chevalier]

Carter had never been the type to waste his words. Pleasantries he understood, of course he had to. The front man to a crumbling house had to have a graceful appearance at social events. But this didn't feel like a time to oblige with general social cues. Clearly there was something wrong, and driven by either curiosity of care, Carter wanted to know what it was.

"Who rejected you?" Carter asked, influencing his words in all the right places. As if to say, who would dare reject her? As far as he was concerned, she was wonderful; at least, as far as Carter understood, though that was as far as her being a phenomenal partner for certain important intimate activities.

[Jacelynn Heron]

Biting her lip, she frowned. What was it about her that attracted guys that lost interest so quickly? Was she really that boring? Ever since she improved her physical appearance, she hadn't been called boring because with that came her confidence. Unfortunately, her confidence was only a front for people to see. It didn't matter though, for some reason people just didn't like her as more than a screw pal or friend.

The inflections in his voice made it sound like he was shocked, but how could he be shocked by that? She'd been rejected before, and she would be after this. "His name's Lark, goes to the Institute. He's really nice and pretty cute, too," And totally interested in another girl. He may not have seen it just yet, but he was falling and that was why he'd lost interest in her so quickly. It was a wonder Carter hadn't up and forgot her. Sure the sex was great, but there were plenty of girls that were probably just as good.

[Carter Chevalier]

Lark. What kind of a name was Lark? Carter had to assume it was some kind of nickname. Though the more he thought about it, social circles and all that, he started to recognise the name. "Branleur." The French boy scoffed, rolling his eyes as he brought the cigarette back to his lips. He allowed the silence to linger as he held the phone to his ear and drew in the toxic smoke. After a moment or two, he breathed out the window and looked down towards the earth.

"I think I know him. Or rather, I know of him." Carter tried again, though where to find him was going to be more difficult. "What do you want me to do?"

[Jacelynn Heron]

Lark was a nickname, but she happened to like his name. It was fitting for him. Honestly she wasn't bitter about the rejection, it just came at a horrible time. From the sound of Carter's, what she assumed was an insult, she figured he at least knew someone with the same name. And considering it was such a unique name, she figured it was the one she'd been talking about. Silence lingered between them for a few moments and she sat there, twirling her hair around her finger.

He finally spoke and she chewed on the inside of her cheek. So he did know of him, but she couldn't understand why he sounded so bitter about it. Lark had seemed like a really nice guy when she met him. Other than the whole constantly being rejected thing. And then Carter asked what she wanted him to do and she frowned deeper if that was possible. "I dunno Cart, I mean nothing to him, he didn't do anything wrong. It's just me. I don't know what it is, but I'm just not worth anyone's time in the long run."

Jace pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head, "But that's whatever I guess."

[Carter Chevalier]

Carter sounded bitter about most things. Bitter or sarcastic were his two trademarks. But perhaps in part it was easier for her to sound or maybe even be concerned. Surely in some way, it made her feel better.

He peered out over the window, taking another drag from the cigarette between his fingers. What he gathered was that she wanted him to do something about it. If she didn't, she would have said so. Her indirect answer to him was a yes; perhaps she hoped part of him would want to in order to make her feel like something to someone. "Did he make you think you meant something to him?" Carter asked curiously, "For more than sex, or whatever it is you ended up doing with him."

[Jacelynn Heron]

Jacelynn was getting more frustrated than upset now. Not at Lark, or any of the guys that had been rejecting her ever since she broke up with Sam. More at herself for being the way she was. She was pissed off that she was letting herself turn into one of those clingy, whiny bitches she had to hear complain so much. Sure, she'd like to blame it on someone, but she couldn't. There was only herself to blame and it left a bitter taste in her mouth.

His question just tipped it all off. "No. That's just it Cart! I'm turning into one of those stupid girls that expects something to happen after one goddamn day! All that happened was we flirted at the House, he asked me out and then when we were out, he blew me off." Maybe that was putting what really happened a little harshly, but either way she was getting really fed up with her new attitude that she'd acquired.

The urge to throw something was getting worse and she really just wanted to go out and find some random guy to have some fun with. She needed to cut the bull shit and stop expecting anything to happen. Jace wasn't a relationship type girl, so why did she want one so badly? It could have been the fact that one of her best friends was settling down and had a kid already. Or maybe because she wanted to prove to her mother that she was capable of being serious with someone. Either way, she couldn't keep it up.

[Carter Chevalier]

Carter listened as she went on; clearly he had set her off in some way given what he said. Perhaps it was logic getting to her. At this point he couldn't really say, but part of him found interest in figuring out why she was acting the way she was acting. It could eventually end up detrimental to him, after all. "To be fair, if he asks you out he should at least stay faithful for the duration of the night." He pointed out. Doing otherwise was somewhat of a rookie mistake.

"We aren't cut from the relationship cloth, are we." He started again. This was news he seemed content with. Or rather, something he'd gotten used to. He could have pressed in a harsher way, but that seemed like a bad idea. Carter pressed the end of the cigarette into the windowsill, flicking it outside with his finger before backing away again. "You sound like you could use cheering up," He began, sliding the wardrobe door open again, "I'll be there as fast as I can."

[Jacelynn Heron]

Honestly, she hadn't meant to go off like she did. It was a sore spot because she knew it was stupid. She knew she was being the over dramatic type, but she rarely ever got to over react and if this was the first time, then she had a right to flip the top a bit. After all, she did have a lot more drama in her life than most people realized. And with Kale having all but disappeared, she didn't have many people to talk to about it. When she stopped talking, he spoke and she listened to what he had to say. Automatically, she shook her head, though she knew he wouldn't see it.

"It's rare that guys are ever 'faithful' for a night if all they're looking for his a booty call. I can handle that, but this was different. I mean, I told him something...something only one other person knows." She didn't regret it because Lark understood what it was like. It was something they shared in common and that was the only real reason she'd told him at all. "Not that I think he'd go off telling someone, but I thought since it was so personal we might have been friends at the very least..."

She let out a sigh, "No, I don't think we are. And that never used to bother me, I don't know why it is now." Jace had always enjoyed being so carefree with who she had flings with, she didn't want that to change. He spoke again and she smiled slightly, "Don't rush too much, I need to find something hot to wear... I'll see ya in a bit." And with that she tossed her phone on the bed and went to her closet to look.