Salt In Old Wounds (Yulia)

[Chase Campbell]

Chase had a headache, and it hadn’t stemmed from power overuse. It seemed like forever ago that he had retreated to the staff lounge for coffee, Advil, and a quiet moment because of overexertion of his power with rowdy students. In fact, it had been months since he’d had a migraine from mind control.

He just... didn’t use it much anymore. It was very rare he let himself brush James’ mind, since he’d been attacked by Gabriel Underwood. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust himself, but he didn’t ever want James to shy away from him like he had after the attack. Just thinking about it made his stomach twist.

He was also less liberal with using it against out of control students. If he had safety concerns for a student with a somewhat out of control power, he would use it to force them to shut themselves down. But for kids like Verax, where he’d previously used it to stop them from mouthing off and misbehaving, he just... didn’t, anymore.

The list of offences Vincent Verax had performed in the training rooms was long, and somewhat painful to thing about. He’d done everything imaginable, and then some. Obnoxious noises to mimic bodily functions, actual bodily functions, playing with lighters and setting fire to things, voicing details about his sex life, asking for details about Chase’s sex life. The list went on and on.

Today, he’d been bad. First he’d made the discovery that it was cold enough for him to fog the window up with his breath. He’d written badly spelled curse words all over the window, followed by a crude drawing of a penis.

After being told off several times, he’d seemed to settle down.

Only to insist on having a party, and had dug out a few loose condoms. After blowing them up like balloons, he’d tossed them around like party favors.

Instead of doing what he’d have done over a year ago, Chase had simply ordered him out of the room. Loudly.

Now he was fighting a headache, and while caffeine was helping, what he really wanted was the Advil to kick in.

[Yulia Sokolov]

Yulia had been sitting at the desk in the training room that she frequented for session while working on training reviews. She thought that this gave her students the best feedback that she could provide. It was almost like a report card , since that was something they seemed to understand very well. The only problem was that they were time consuming to prepare. Today, she managed to get en less done than usual.

As Lia worked she found herself repeatedly distracted by the sounds she heard echoing across the hall. She did her best to ignore it, but as time went on she found herself sitting there in surprise over what she could hear. The actions of Vincent Verax were not the surprising part, save for the fact that they continued. She knew that his trainer was Chase Campbell, and this did not seem like the Chase Campbell that she knew.

She didn’t often end up overhearing her co-workers, given that she had her own work to do. On top of that she had been away for some time. What had she missed? Why wasn’t he cutting Verax right off? Lia shook her head and looked back down at the papers in front of her.

A few minutes after the bell had rung, Lia put the fifth paper she had finished to the side and decided that she had gotten as much done as she possibly could. She could not focus on this, there was something else tugging for her attention. She filed the reviews away and then headed down to the staff room. There was Chase, and there was coffee. She walked over and poured herself a cup before setting it down on the table and sitting down across from him.

“Hey.” The greeting was short and Lia took a drink before she spoke again. “The Chase that I knew…” she began in a tone that was almost musing. “…Would have shut up Vincent Verax before he could get two words past his lips. From what I could hear across the hall he managed to get out quite a few more than that.” She paused for another sip before setting the cup down once again

“Forgive me if this is blunt, but why did you let him?” Her brow knitted a little with a mix of mild concern and curiosity. “What is going on?”

[Chase Campbell]

Chase honestly didn’t know why he continued to be stuck with Verax. When most of the other students had to be held back from graduating in order to gain complete control over their powers... Vincent was quite the opposite. Vincent’s grades were always in the tank, but no one could argue that he didn’t have his power under perfect control. Granted, that was by default, being that his power kicked in automatically. Thankfully. Chase could think of at least six or seven incidents that likely should have killed the kid by now if not for his power.

Still. He wanted to be rid of him, but no other trainer would touch him. Chase didn’t blame them. Vincent was a terror, and it was by sheer luck that he hadn’t been expelled yet for his antics.

Thinking about Vincent killing himself was sadly not improving his headache, and the Advil was still taking its’ sweet time to kick in. The trainer hoped that it would have at least touched the throbbing ache before his next class. He’d had to teach with headaches before, and it was not a picnic in the park, that was for sure.

He was getting close to folding his arms on the tabletop and resting his head against them, ready to close his eyes and see if shutting out light would help. Instead he was distracted by company. He knew he hadn’t been the only one on the training team that had been happy about Yulia’s return. She had a way with the kids, like Honor did. Like they all did, he supposed, but in different ways. He knew a lot of her students respected her.

“Hey,” he greeted back, trying to look a little less miserable. At least he had company now, and that would hopefully serve as a distraction. At least, that had been his hope. But her question made him frown slightly and stare into his coffee mug.

“He’s not worth the migraines anymore.” He was steadfastly ignoring the fact that Vincent had managed to give him one anyway, regardless of power use, or lack of. Peeking up at Yulia, he wondered just how much of that she would actually believe. After all, she’d been involved in the whole MSAD debacle. She knew a good deal about those events. Perhaps not everything – he was sure that Sean and James were the only other ones who knew for sure – but a good deal nonetheless. On one hand, it was almost comforting to have someone else involved back in the school. On the other, he really wanted to put all the issues to bed. So what if he still harbored a bit of distress with the idea of using his powers on other people? It was called being careful, and respectful of other people’s minds.

... Right?

He shrugged and wrapped his hands around his mug, making more of an effort to look at his co-worker now. “Verax is just a pain in the ass, Yulia. He’s really not worth the effort to force into submission. Everyone knows the moment he’s released, he goes right back to being obnoxious.” He was avoiding her question a bit, yes, but he wanted to keep the heavier topic at a distance.

[Yulia Sokolov]

Yulia was quickly aware that she had touched something. It was a surprise to her, though she didn’t let it show on her face. Sure, she thought she might encounter something given how she had begun the conversation, but she wasn’t expecting the frown. She was used to hearing complaints, after all didn’t they bounce their frustrations off of each other all of the time in here. This room was for two things, that and coffee. She had seen a window into something else in that quick frown, and she wasn’t sure whether to approach it or let it be. Chase was her coworker after all, and she did respect his space. But still, there was something almost familiar there, and in the way that he was acting now.

Her alarms were truly set off moments later when he said that Verax wasn’t worth the migraines. Now that she didn’t believe for a moment. She could only imagine how satisfying it was to be able to stick it to a student like Verax the way that Chase could. She was just short of laughing, but couldn’t hide the disbelief that crossed over her face. After all, who could even cut Vincent any slack and honestly think that it was a good idea. She leaned back in her chair a little, trying her best to relax in it and really process the many thoughts now running through her head.

“You’re right, of course,” she told him. Everyone knew that he’d go right back to being obnoxious, there was no question about it. “But when has that ever meant to stop trying?” She lifted her mug and took a good drink from it before adding more. “And when have you ever stopped trying or given up?” There was active hesitation from her now as she tried to think of how to phrase what she said next. It was a delicate subject after all, everything about MSAD was. “A year and a half ago I watched you refuse to give up in the face of something that threatened… everything, absolutely everything.”

It wasn’t an incident that she liked to think an awful lot about. Still, given her history she felt like she could handle what had happened better than most could. After all, the casualty from that showdown had been hers. That was it, wasn’t it? Just, Mordechai. But then she remembered, no, it wasn’t just him. There was Gabriel as well, a death that had happened before that showdown. What had Sean said about it again? Ah, now she remembered, and then things truly started to click.

“I know that it has been a while since all of that, but I still reflect on it on occasion. I never thought I would have cause to do what I can do again, or cause another death.” She tapped her fingernails against the ceramic mug in front of her. "But then again, why bring that all up, my apologies."

[Chase Campbell]

Though Chase’s nerves had been shot and raw after the incidents with MSAD, he’d thought they were mostly healed by now. At the very least, not so easily scratched at. But it was different with Yulia, because she’d been there. He knew a little bit about her history. She’d made it fairly clear when they’d had a group meeting in preparation for the showdown. He just didn’t know how handy that would come in when trying to string the whole story together, including his behavior now.

As satisfying as it might be to shut Vincent down from time to time, it really did give Chase a bit of headache. Usually, it was worth it, but days like today it was easier just to kick him out. He knew Vincent was just as frustrated with training sessions as he was, because there wasn’t a huge point to it. His power was automatic anyway. Chase suspected it was just a way to try to keep him out of trouble. Not that it worked, being that lessons usually ended with him being kicked out long before time was up. In a way, it was almost a way for Vincent to be rewarded for being bad.

Sigh. Maybe Yulia was right.

The blond watched his co-worker carefully as she spoke, trying hard to keep his expressions neutral. It was a challenge, but he thought he was managing quite well. At least towards the end. “That was different,” he said quietly, tracing a finger around the edge of his mug. “They were a threat to the school, to my family, to everyone here. Vincent... is just a pain in the ass, but he’s not hurting anyone.” Unless you counted his moronic best friend. “It’s not giving up, it’s choosing your battles.” Surely that would make sense to her.

He didn’t want to think about anything to do with the showdown, or really any topic relating to MSAD in any way, shape, or form. But Yulia was getting close to it, and it was making him grow steadfastly uncomfortable. He gave her a look that he hoped communicated that he didn’t want to go down this road, but he didn’t outright say it. Not until she mentioned causing death. He was sure only James and Sean knew about that, but now he was getting nervous. “Yulia...” He broke off eye contact and instead stared at the table. “We’ve all tried to put that behind us. Way behind us. We all did things we didn’t want to do.” Or knew they could do. “Let’s not open that door again.” He’d done his time with Sean, he’d recovered from physical wounds. Mentally, he was still scarred, but Sean and James had left him alone for a while now. Why couldn’t Yulia do the same?

[Yulia Sokolov]

Yulia didn’t like to cause trouble, in fact she generally was very careful about that. Given who she was and where she had come from she felt like she had to walk an extra thin line sometimes. It was a feeling that she was just starting to get past. That being said, it was clear to her now that she was dipping into something very uncomfortable for Chase. For Lia, it wasn’t as uncomfortable. There were things that had happened that she had faced before and that many of them hadn’t. It was something that she realized now that she had no realized back then. Mostly that was because it was the sort of thing that no one ever wanted to think about.

If there was one thing that Lia knew it was that those lasting scars weren’t for people like Chase, or really anyone else in Pilot Ridge from what she knew about them. They were all so kind and so wonderful in Lia’s eyes, and the burgeoning idea that they might have to suffer the consequences of those actions done during the showdown was a hard one to process. Perhaps this was because everything seemed to sink right back under the surface of the lovely little Vermont town. There was no understanding exchanged, no reflecting, because this was something that could never be truly understood. She knew that much

Chase’s face told her all that she felt she needed to know. She sighed out and looked down at her coffee for a moment, trying to think of how to begin all of this. She supposed it didn’t matter, and she assumed that she might hit more animosity for this. But maybe, just maybe, she had an insight here that others did not. That made this worth a shot.

“It’s funny how people say that, but if you close up the wounds that conflicts like the one we went through cause without cleaning them out, they fester. And those are not easy to clean.” God, she needed a cigarette right now. “I have come from a place of conflict.” Lia’s hand tightened around her coffee cup and she could not help but look away for a moment. “I have done terrible things,” she muttered, her head to the side. She half looked back up again. “And I haven’t done them for any kind of home or family. That is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life, but I do.” It was painful to talk about, it always would be, but she got a hold back on herself and focused on Chase again.

“Chase, what happened to Gabriel Underwood?”

[Chase Campbell]

Chase had had enough trouble to last a lifetime in the past two years. He’d had enough of his family being threatened, and was grateful for the mundane pace that life had returned to recently. Everyone had been healing, albeit some slower than others. Like Morgan, who finally had his sight back. And himself. He’d been healing, though he knew he’d never be 100% ever again.

Mental scars, like those James had carried after Gabriel had been in his head, were bad enough. Though Chase had few physical scars from his altercation with the Gestalt pair (mostly small scars from glass cutting his skin), he also had scars he couldn’t describe. They were less mental scars like James had, and more niggling reminders of what he’d done in the forms of twisted dreams, and a general reluctance on his part to use his power if he didn’t have to. He wasn’t afraid of losing control. No, that was something he’d already figured out would be impossible unless faced with a similar situation. He just didn’t want to remember the capabilities he’d discovered.

The trainer glanced up at Yulia as she continued, much as he didn’t want to listen. He got the feeling she knew what she was talking out. And why wouldn’t she? She’d been responsible for Mordecai’s death. But... it hadn’t been so up close and personal. Her power was designed for destruction. His... wasn’t. He’d never been prepared for what he could do. His grey eyes glanced back down at the table, but they flicked back up in slight shock at her question.

Everyone knew he’d died. To sidestep the question wouldn’t work. But he wasn’t ready to own up to it to anyone other than those directly involved. Twisting his hand around his mug, he looked back at the table.

“He was murdered,” he said carefully, slowly. “But that wasn’t... the person responsible... they didn’t mean to.” It was inelegant, but it was all the explanation he wanted to offer.

[Yulia Sokolov]

It was hard to continue with this topic, but something in Lia told her it was necessary. It was the closest she had come to her old life in the last few years, and that was something terrifying. After all, how was she supposed to say what she was trying to say? She didn’t know the whole story, she did know that much. She could tell that something wasn’t right but goodness knew that she could be on the wrong path here entirely. Or maybe this had another side to it. Maybe she needed to say something for herself as well, maybe that was why she had been gone so long…

She knew that her history probably wasn’t an ideal one on paper, but Hammel had given her a chance. In return she had helped to protect the place that provided a level of safety and understanding that she was honestly envious of. However, it had revived a part of her that she hoped to put away forever, the part that could harm, the part that had blood on its hands. But at the same time, it was a reality that she had come to grips with. She owed it to them to pay that forwards.

“You can’t murder a man like Gabriel Underwood.” She said it bluntly, unapologetically. “It is an awful thing when our hands are forced, but I do truly believe that there are certain people out there that play a role in their own deaths. It’s cruel to make a monster of yourself, but much worse to make innocent people think that they are monsters.” She could guess the connection by now, but she couldn’t just ask it. She knew that there was a level of brutality to what she was doing now, and she wasn’t going to push it further.

“How did he die?” She asked the question evenly, unsure when she would hit the breaking point, or if she would at all.

[Chase Campbell]

Chase had spent a lot of time reflecting on what he’d done after Gabriel had died, and especially after the fight. He’d shouldered a lot of the guilt and the blame for the whole fiasco. Not only had he been responsible for someone’s death, but for injuries that had occurred in the fight. Anya’s leg, Morgan’s sight. He’d carried the guilt for a long, long time. If he’d just reined in his temper, his need to act on revenge on behalf of James. It had made everything so much worse. He’d never intended for it to happen, but it had. And it still hurt him from time to time.

It was something he’d never expected to cope with in his life. Not only had it been a shock to kill someone, but to kill someone with his power? He’d never imagined it possible. He knew if he wanted to, he could indirectly control someone into death. Into the path of oncoming traffic, off a bridge. But to snuff out life like he’d managed to? It was still nauseating to think about. And he was having to think about it way, way too much right now.

He stared at her as she came out and said it. Honestly, he’d never thought about it like that. Sure, a man like Gabriel almost deserved to die, but that didn’t mean that you were supposed to act on it. Part of what she said made sense, but not the rest. Regardless of whether Gabriel had deserved it or not, Chase had still killed someone. That automatically made you some kind of monster, didn’t it?

The trainer kept his gaze on the table, his fingers twisting tighter around his mug to keep them from trembling. “He suffocated,” he said quietly. “His lungs failed to work. His heart stopped beating.” That alone made him shudder, and he couldn’t stop it from happening. How safe was it to let Yulia in on this whole thing? He didn’t know if he could trust her like he trusted James and Sean. She’d been part of the team, yes, but they’d never told the team directly what he’d done. Sean had mentioned his injuries being related to the terrorist leader’s death, but that was cryptic.

Then again, with Yulia’s background, his knowledge of the event, and his refusal to make eye contact probably told her enough to guess.

[Yulia Sokolov]

Lia didn’t need words out of Chase at this point, though she would not have minded getting some. Then again, she figured that they might have been harsh ones before this point, words to ward her away from what she had approached. She had expected it earlier rather than later, because it was always easier then. Also, the best excuse later was always the same. You don’t understand. But she did, if anyone did. Sure, that did not mean that any of this was her business exactly, but it was her duty to try. If there was one things that was very clear to her in Pilot Ridge it was the concept of paying it forwards. After all that had been done for her she wanted to give back.

It was difficult to express something like death when it came under circumstances like this. She couldn’t think of a way of putting it well, and that was something that always had her a little bit shaken as well. It was something in the look on his face, his reaction to what she had said, that let her know that he had carried the thought through to the wall. Justification, what did it mean to justify something like death? Was there a scoreboard? Did everything get added up and weighed against that? Or was it an eye for an eye? Was do unto others as you would have them do unto you applicable here? Well, if you were awful would you want someone to kill you? The answer was none of the above. Still, that did not change the fact that there were occasions when it came down to one life or another.

“Quick then, that’s good,” was her reaction to how Gabriel Underwood had died. She watched Chase, she’d seen the shudder. The physical reactions were confirming, but so were his words. What he said of Gabe’s death was too specific, and given what she knew about Chase she could put two and two together. It made her want to wince. “There are many things that I have never told anyone in my life,” she said to him as she cast her own eyes down at her mug. “I had some trouble adjusting when I came here. I was discharged from the military after an injury…” She trailed off for a moment, unsure how to put what she was trying to say. “Basically, I had never felt so guilty in my life. I did not understand how after everything I deserved a second chance, and in a place where I would be accepted still.” She paused and took a drink, nearly emptying the mug.

“It took me a while to realize what I had been given, and how I had been letting what I had done take that away. There was nothing that I could do to change what I had done in the past, except for let it take away everything that I had now. Once that came to me I refused to let it take so much as a breath away from who I am now.”

[Chase Campbell]

Chase had no more words for this situation. He’d always been guarded over the incident, for obvious reasons. It had been a miracle thus far that he hadn’t been turned into police and sent to prison, regardless of how evil Gabriel Underwood might have been. Hell, he might have turned himself in if it hadn’t been for his family. Despite the major threat being gone, he still found himself protective of them.

He just didn’t want to open up the mostly healed wound now. He’d already gone into depth with Sean over it, and that had been months ago. He’d been doing better recently, but he was fairly certain that he wouldn’t ever fully heal from it. Who could, really? Then again, Yulia had killed that crazy musician early in the fight. She hadn’t seemed to beat herself up over it. In fact, she seemed remarkably well adjusted. But it wasn’t the same. He’d been in Gabriel’s head. It had been darkly intimate, and he didn’t want to think about it. He’d spent a lot of time internalizing his feelings about the whole thing, though Sean and James had intervened before he’d gotten to self-destructive levels. Thankfully.

The trainer gave her a look when she mentioned it being quick. Not quick enough, in his mind. Now when he’d had to watch. He clutched his mug a little tighter and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to shut out the image of Gabriel as he’d died. How long would he have to carry that around? “Not quick enough,” he muttered, giving a tiny shake of his head. He almost wanted to go back to his classroom and escape all this, but he got the feeling he was stuck now. Instead he just listened to what the other trainer had to say. He’d heard she was ex-military, and he could only imagine just how that was when it came to their Russian counterparts. Surprisingly, he found himself able to relate to what she was saying. Not deserving a second chance. God, how often had he thought that about James once his husband had known the truth?

“... How did you come to terms with it, Yulia?” Finally, the blond man looked up to meet her gaze. “I’ve tried everything. I’ve talked it over with Sean over and over again, and I know I’m better than I was, but still. I can’t get it out of my head.” Every so often he’d still wake from a dream involving that day, sweating and cold. How did anyone make that stop?

[Yulia Sokolov]

Lia could see that she was running smack into a wall here, and she was unwilling to push Chase any further on this subject. Regardless of what she knew and didn’t know, and her own concerns, this was his business and not hers. After all, what did she really know? It was hard to put into words how she felt about those parts of her past, and part of her knew that there was no way that she was going to be able to express any of that well. She also wasn’t willing to run through a history of what she had done in the past in order to convince him of some common footing. It was too much, it would always be too much.

Lia bit her lip and was about to find some way to excuse herself when he asked the question that she had been hoping for in a way. It was permission to reach out to the best of her abilities, and it also told her a good deal as well. Lia took a good breath as she tried to decide where to start. “It isn’t easy, but you know that already. First I would say that you shouldn’t expect it to go away, but I think that you know that as well. Most of it is getting to the point where you feel like you can make a choice as to whether or not to let it haunt you. It is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. But that is the thing, living with it, not living around it.” She wasn’t sure if this was coming out the right way. “If you let it stand in between you and anything that you might do then you are living around it.”

Lia finished her coffee and put the mug down. “But things are different between you and me. What I can do is cause pain, and I have known that for as long as I have known that I was different. It has been a fact of my life, and it is a difficult one. It is hard to discover that you have that potential, and I am sure you know now. But Chase, I think you have discovered something that is more than just potential to harm, if what I can assume is correct. If you can cut that line, perhaps you can mend it as well.” Maybe, just maybe?

“How do you feel about using your ability now? How do you feel about reaching that far?”

[Chase Campbell]

Chase hadn’t specifically been a private person until the whole M.S.A.D. debacle. Since then, he’d been a bit more closed off in some aspects of his life. In particular, he’d been more guarded about his family with strangers. It had taken him a while to give into the fact that, with the group gone, Pilot Ridge was relatively safe again. It didn’t stop him from being protective over his family, though. Just like it didn’t stop him from being careful about his powers, his thoughts, everything. He’d loosened up a bit, but not enough to go back to how things had been before.

Sean had been hard to talk to. While he’d been there during the initial contact with the group, and there for the aftermath of Gabriel’s death, he’d never killed anyone. Yulia... this was different. Sean could give him all the logical coping tools in the world, but Yulia had experience. More than he’d realized, given her talk of being in the military. He listened, with less resistance than he’d given to Sean months ago. Then again, he’d still been holding tight to the guilt at that point. Reminders had been all around him. Anya’s limp, Morgan’s blindness. Not only had he been carrying guilt for ending a life, but for everything that had happened to the staff involved, as well.

The trainer studied Yulia as she finished. “Well, you heard what happened with Verax. It’s like... I spent so long fine tuning my power with James. I could soothe his anxiety in seconds without even thinking about it. I couldn’t even do that for him, between Gabriel’s mental attack on him, and my... yeah.” He trailed off lamely. “I still can’t do it without some sort of nervousness. It’s the same with the kids. I’ll use it if I have to, if someone’s power is out of control, but other than that, I just... don’t. I don’t even want to try that kind of reach again.” Finally releasing his coffee mug, he brought his hands up to his hair and rested his head on his palms. “I never wanted to do it, Yulia. I just wanted to scare him. I had no idea I could do what I did.” And that was the worst part. He’d seen the extent of his control. And it scared the hell out of him.