For Fear of Insanity
Jun 18, 2013 17:15:48 GMT -5
Post by Jacelynn Heron on Jun 18, 2013 17:15:48 GMT -5
A journal? I'm really writing a journal. And here I always made fun of the people that kept these stupid things to write down their feelings in. Now I'm one of them. Great. I've never needed one of these because I always just sort of dealt with things as they happened. Granted, the way I went about it probably wasn't the best, but at least I hadn't resorted to this melodramatic way of handling my problems. I guess if I'm going to do this I might as well commit. After all, maybe it'll help me with my commitment issues...highly unlikely I know.
Anyway, here I am, sitting on my bed in my dorm room with nothing to do. Usually I would go out and club it up with a small group of strangers. It was fun and stress free, but am I really allowed to do that now? Sure, I'm not married or even engaged, but I'm in a serious-ish relationship now. With Les. Can it really be called serious though? All we've done is casually date for a little while and well I met his family, but...is that serious? He's close with his family, of course he'd want them to meet a friend of his, and that could be all I am. Sure, we kissed and all, but that doesn't mean anything.
Or maybe it does?
How am I supposed to know anything about this? I've never really done the whole serious relationship thing. I don't even know how to go about this. I don't even know if he wants to do this. By the way he spazzed out after he kissed me 'without permission' I'm just not sure this is such a good idea. I can't stand putting up with another guy ditching me once they figure out what a freak I am. I mean really, Sam, Cart, Aiden...I don't need to add another to the list. Cart I guess doesn't really count, but I mean he was still a good friend of mine and he left. Sam was supposed to be all military approved and all, that didn't really last. Aiden was nice and even flirting. What is it with me that repels them so much? And why hasn't Alessandro picked up on it yet?
I know I'm freaking out for maybe no reason, but it scares me still. I like him, I do, but what if he doesn't like me after he figures out what I'm really like. What will happen if he meets my family next?
Guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it....
Anyway, here I am, sitting on my bed in my dorm room with nothing to do. Usually I would go out and club it up with a small group of strangers. It was fun and stress free, but am I really allowed to do that now? Sure, I'm not married or even engaged, but I'm in a serious-ish relationship now. With Les. Can it really be called serious though? All we've done is casually date for a little while and well I met his family, but...is that serious? He's close with his family, of course he'd want them to meet a friend of his, and that could be all I am. Sure, we kissed and all, but that doesn't mean anything.
Or maybe it does?
How am I supposed to know anything about this? I've never really done the whole serious relationship thing. I don't even know how to go about this. I don't even know if he wants to do this. By the way he spazzed out after he kissed me 'without permission' I'm just not sure this is such a good idea. I can't stand putting up with another guy ditching me once they figure out what a freak I am. I mean really, Sam, Cart, Aiden...I don't need to add another to the list. Cart I guess doesn't really count, but I mean he was still a good friend of mine and he left. Sam was supposed to be all military approved and all, that didn't really last. Aiden was nice and even flirting. What is it with me that repels them so much? And why hasn't Alessandro picked up on it yet?
I know I'm freaking out for maybe no reason, but it scares me still. I like him, I do, but what if he doesn't like me after he figures out what I'm really like. What will happen if he meets my family next?
Guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it....
