Just Ink on a Page (Kiara)

[Tanner Larson]

It wasn't long after Kiara had left his room that Tanner had decided to put pen to paper. He had a lot of strange feelings to sort through, and while he was no mind reader, he had a feeling that Kiara was just as confused as he was. He was never the type of guy who could easily articulate his feelings, though, so the idea of writing them down instead was particularly appealing.

As he had moved out of his dorm room and into his new apartment, he was careful to include the return address on the envelope so that she would know he was no longer on-campus.

The letter had taken him a long time for him to write, but once he had, he was very satisfied with it. He wasn't sure how Kiara would react to him laying out his feelings like this, but surely she knew at last partially how he felt? Folding up the piece of paper, he stuffed it into an envelope before sealing it closed and tossing it into his backpack: he would give it to a mutual friend to deliver it to her the next time he was on campus for class.

Dear Kiara,

I apologize that it has been a few weeks since we've spoken. After what happened between us last month, I needed some time to sort through what I was feeling. I imagine that you similarly needed some time to process everything.

I still don't quite understand how I feel towards you, and that makes me feel bad: you deserve the truth, and I'm afraid I just don't know it yet. But I promise to be as forthcoming with you as possible - you deserve no less.

The truth, as I see it now, is that I am rather in love with you. I admittedly don't know much about love, but I have yet to come up with a more satisfying explanation. When you look at me, my heart flutters. When you speak to me, your voice fills my ears like that of an angel. And when you kissed me, I melted into you. Is that not love?

I don't know when I started feeling this way, but I do know when I realized I did. It was when we spent the afternoon together in the Home Economics classroom cooking together. When you ran your finger down my cheek and watched the little bubbles form on the batter you had left there, it was like you were the only other person in the world. I had wanted to kiss you every waking hour since that moment, to feel your body in my arms and do everything in my power to make you happy and show you how I cared. And when I finally got the chance to, I considered myself the luckiest man alive.

I hope that this revelation, though it may surprise you, does not make you uncomfortable in any way. I know that you are involved with someone else, and I only want to respect that. But I also think it is only fair that you know how I feel. I do not wish any harm to Jackson or to your relationship with him, though I do not quite know its status since we last saw one another. Regardless, I can only hope that you return a fraction of the affection I feel for you.

If knowing that I feel this way has changed your opinion of me, then I will understand if you want to spend some time apart. Though I must admit it would hurt me, I would honor any wish of yours. Otherwise, you can always find me at the return address included on this envelope. I can't promise that I can be the friend to you that I had always planned to be, but I am always here for you.

Please take care of yourself, and I hope that I will see you very soon.

With warmest regards,
Tanner

[Deleted]

Despite the fact that a couple of weeks had passed, the whole Tanner situation had never fully left her mind. Her relationship with Jackson had been revived after she finally got over herself and all those wrong assumptions, but it didn’t take away that an awful feeling kept hunting her. It had not been difficult to acknowledge the fact that Tanner must have developed a small crush on her, yet it did prove to be more complicated to even allow herself to dig within her own emotions. While their friendship might already be lost if neither did something about it, it could only make it worse. Plus, it would not be right to even consider pondering about it while being with Jackson. Kiara disapproved of cheating, and this felt close to that.

At least her mind had been made up about it. Until a mutual friend handed her a letter, which clearly hadn’t Tanner’s name (and new address) on it. She would also have recognized the handwritten, but the fact remained that it had been accepted with a lot of reluctance. God knows what he might have noted down. There was a slight suspicion about its contents, and that simply added to the hesitation. Nevertheless, the blonde had taken the note with her, back to her dorm (which wouldn’t be hers for long anymore since the moving in with Jackson had finally been kicked off).

There, Ki placed it onto the small coffee table in the common room and moved to get changed into something more comfortable. Given Jackson was helping her to get everything at his apartment, a couple of boxes had been piled up already. He would probably come and pick a few more up in an hour or so as well. For a moment she checked the clock, momentarily forgot about the letter, and ended up packing another box of her belongings.

Once it was full, having it picked up with both arms, she carried it over into the common room again. It was at that point that blue eyes fell upon the white rectangle again. Once nothing was in her hands anymore, the girl stepped over and sat down on the couch, right in front of it. And that’s how she stayed, for at least ten minutes. For a second she brought her hands up, rubbing at her face and ending up at her lips, pretty much pressing them together like those of a fish. Then she baled one hand into a fist, resting knuckles against her mouth while the other reached over.

Opening it seemed to take as long as actually having taken it from the coffee table, but eventually she had it unfolded in both hands. Dear Kiara…

As her gaze drifted over every single letter on there, Ki didn’t even grow aware of how she briefly held her breath. While a love letter would normally cheer one up, this one simply brought tears to her eyes. So many emotions began to rage at once and she couldn’t even decipher the mix. Once all words had been read to the last dot, Kiara placed it down again and sat back on the couch, dragging feet on the cushion before embracing her legs.

What had she done? What did he expect her to reply to that? Heck, Kiara didn’t even know how she felt at this moment. It was just too much at once. Of course the kiss had made her feel so much better and she had felt loved and safe, but just how much of her emotional condition had added to that? The girl had a lot to think about, yet she did know one thing for sure. She would have to reply to this.

She could start with taking paper and pen, which she did, before plopping down on the couch again. Dear Tanner…” And that was as far as she got. Not only did her inspiration run short, Ki could hear fumbling at the door, indicating Jackson was there. In a rush, she tucked the letter back in the envelope and, together with the other paper and pen, shoved it under the pillow of the couch.

”Hey there.” A smile, as genuine as it could be made.