Secrets

[Layla Harlow]

So I can't really express all of the deep thoughts I have in the comic strip I use for personal events, I kinda figured I'd start up my own little secrets booklet. This is a place for things I write (lyrics and poetry) or just things that I can't tell anyone else.

Entry 1 - 8/2

Whisper, whisper
The truth is, I haven't heard the words 'I love you' from my parents in the past six years. I know it's more than likely my fault because I've ruined their social rep, but honestly they don't seem to know how hard it is to know that they've lost all the love they've ever had for me. If they had any to begin with. As hard as I try to hide it, it's caused me a lot of problems. I feel like if someone ever falls in love with me, I'll disappoint them to the point that they'll stop and I'll have nothing.

There it is, my secret of the day.


Entry #2 - 8/3

Whisper, whisper
Usually after I fight with someone, I point out everything that is wrong with them because I can't accept all of the things wrong with me. I really don't like putting people down for their faults and honestly most of the time I make something up. It just makes everything hurt less in the moment, but when I'm done fighting I try to get away as fast as possible because in exactly two and a half minutes later I start crying uncontrollably because of the overbearing guilt. That being said, I find it difficult to apologize afterwards.

Yet another secret that I'd rather no one knew about.

[Layla Harlow]

Entry #3 - 8/4

Tell me what you want

Do you want a girl who talks
Do you want a girl who stalks
Do you want a girl who sees
Do you want a girl who needs
Do you want a girl who knows
Do you want a girl who goes
Do you want a girl who cares
Do you want a girl who scares
Do you want a girl who loves
Do you want a girl who runs

Do you want a girl to be
Do you want a girl like me

[Layla Harlow]

Entry #4 - 8/5

I got my first tattoo about a week ago and to be perfectly honest, I'd always planned on getting one on my hip of the batman symbol because it shows my inner geek. What I hadn't planned was getting another of a set of lyrics to a song that I heard that day on my way to getting the tattoo in the first place. It was an impulsive decision because a set of lyrics kind of struck a nerve because it made me think of the guy I'm currently crushing on. Okay, not crushing, I'm kind of in love with him and even told him, but still. He doesn't know that the tattoo is about us, at least I hope he doesn't.

I'll tell him when I'm ready to admit it....

[Layla Harlow]

Entry #5 - 8/6

I have a deathly fear of clowns. I know, it sounds pathetic, but clowns make me burst into tears at the very sight of them and I have to watch Mamma Mia to make me feel better. It stemmed from a rebellious act when I was younger because my parents thought I wasn't old enough to watch the movie It and so I uh, I watched it on my own when they were gone and scared the living hell out of myself. Later I watched Mamma Mia and the fear all but vanished. I'm sorry but that movie is magical and has healing powers.

I know...I'm weird.

[Layla Harlow]

Entry #6 - 8/7

One of my biggest pet peeves ever is when people click their pens during class. I absolutely can not stand it. I imagine taking that pen and jabbing it into their jugular because it annoys me so much. If I ever am sitting next to a pen clicker, I will stare at them until they stop and if they start again I typically end up throwing something at them. I never said I was nice after all. So be warned, if you ever click your pen around me, it may end up sticking out of your wind pipe ^^

[Layla Harlow]

Entry #7 - 8/11

Halloween is approaching in like two months and honestly I couldn't be more excited. I'm the type to thrive during the costume parties and this year I think I've got the best idea yet. I'm throwing a party (as I do annually) but the difference is that I'll first of all, have a date and second of all will be trying to impress said date. I've already ordered my Poison Ivy costume, because the theme is superheroes/villains. This year I chose to go with a villain because the villainous girls are always so hot and hey if Ri ends up being my superhero, he can punish me *winkwink*. Anyway, I'm going to see if I can somehow convince him to be CA or Batman, hell even the Hulk would be hot seeing as how there's no mask and he'd be shirtless. Either way, I'm determined.

I'll keep you posted on how that works out.

[Layla Harlow]

Entry #8 - 8/16

So after Riley and I talked about moving in together and adopting Kalila, I tried writing down lyrics of some sort, but couldn't quite get them to flow with the music so I instead just made it into a poem, so yeah.

Take Me Away

Away away we go
Away from the disappointment
Where I'm never worth their time
Away from the constant loneliness
Because they're never there
Away from my personal rebellion
When they say I can't
Away from a place with no love
Empty of warmth, void of passion
Take me away from this prison
My solitary confinement
Take me away my darling
Show me we're not like them

I'm really just hoping that soon I'll be able to leave and they won't be able to stop me.

[Layla Harlow]

Entry #9 - 9/19

Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness
I just wanted you to know
That, baby, you're the best

I got my red dress on tonight
Dancing in the dark in the pale moonlight
Done my hair up real big beauty queen style
High heels off, I'm feeling alive

Oh, my God, I feel it in the air
Telephone wires above are sizzling like a snare
Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere
Nothing scares me anymore

~Summertime Sadness by Lana Del Rey

[Layla Harlow]

Entry #10 - 11/23

It's been a while since I posted here, lots have happened, but of course I'll remember that.

Anyway, I have a secret that I haven't told anyone yet. Not Riley, not Sophie and not Jack. I can't really tell them yet because I just feel like I'd be complaining and it's not worth getting eyerolls and being called an attention whore. Even if they wouldn't do that.

I told my parents I was getting married. It had been about two weeks after they kicked me out, saying that they didn't want me mooching off of them anymore and that I could live with whoever had the patience to take care of a little wench like me. Believe it or not, those were actually their words. And you know, typically that wouldn't have gotten to me because I've always known that they were just waiting until they legally didn't need to care for me to kick me out. Still, the way they went about it...I broke down at Sophie's when I asked if I could stay with her. It took me a while to even tell Riley. He wasn't too thrilled.

Which is exactly why I didn't want to tell him that...they've completely disowned me. They're not coming to my wedding, my father isn't walking me down the aisle. They told me that I was young and stupid and that they didn't raise this woman that I'd become. That I was a disgrace to their family name and that it was good that I could finally be someone else's problem and share his name instead of theirs. They told me it wouldn't last a month because I was so pathetic and dependent. And that I wasn't grateful for anything that I was given....

And believe it or not...I believe them