So what had happened was... (Adrianna)

[Lani Hunter]

Holding it together on the flight back from Ireland was rough. Rough doubly because his parents came to pick him up at the airport. And he couldn't even explain to them why Odion staying in Europe hurt so terribly. Caroline had given him a look but he'd escaped safely to Pilot Ridge. He'd promised he'd call Adrianna when they got back, but well, 'they' did not come back. 'He' came back.

Part of Lani knew he was being unhealthy he had probably eaten his weight in chocolate in the past couple of weeks. He didn't remember the last time he'd showered or shaved or done anything but lay in bed and be depressed. He just kept swearing and screaming at the stuffed bear still on his dresser. He realized he'd better call Adrianna before she decided he was being an ass again.

His heart wasn't it in, but then perhaps she could understand? He didn't know. But when his phone floated to his hand he knew he needed it.

He dialed her and simply put the phone on his pillow and lay his head on it and wrapped his arms around the blankets and pulled them over his head blocking out any light. And he just waited for her to answer.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Adrianna was happy for Lani, whole-heartedly happy for him. He finally had someone that loved him and that he loved back. As happy as she was though, she was envious as well. She couldn't catch a break in the ways of the relationship world. Venn had come back to tell her he joined the military and poof he was gone again. She couldn't even enjoy the time he was here because it had been so short. And honestly...she wasn't sure he was worth it anymore. Of all the people that she'd been with, she had always loved him so much, but he was also hurting her with everything he did. How was it that someone that was so perfect was the one that hurt you the most?

But as always she kept it to herself. She hadn't even been able to tell Lani when they reconnected about Venn's recent appearance and she was glad that she hadn't because to tell him that Venn was gone again...it would just make everything so much harder to face. Wasn't it bad enough that she was still getting over the death of the one person who had never left her? Of all people, Venn should have understood...

When she heard about the trip to Ireland, she had been excited for her best friend. A trip to Europe with someone that you loved was quite the romantic get away and she had been dying to hear how the trip went. Yet she hadn't gotten a call or anything and she was afraid that he was disappearing again.

So when her phone started ringing on her bed side table, she had expected Ellie (the only person she really had around anymore) and was shocked to see Lani's name and picture flash on the screen. With a smile she answered the phone and greeted him happily, "Hello there, darling. I was wondering when I'd get the call. How was everything? Did you get me anything? You better have or I'ma have to beat you up mister." It always started like this now, her forcing the peppy and bubbly girl that she had once been, but the deeper into conversation she got, the more it faded.

[Lani Hunter]

Despite everything Adrianna’s brightness made Lani’s lips crack a smile. And then abruptly he fell off a cliff. She didn’t know, he reminded himself, she was still thinking everything was good. Lani didn’t know how to say it. He was sure that once it came out he’d be pretty much down for the count and he really did want to talk to her. Somebody. Hear someone’s voice that wasn’t belting out a sad song on a radio. “Yeah, sorry I didn’t call sooner… I got caught up in things.” Lair, his mind accused, you got caught up feeling sorry for yourself.

He bit his tongue and listened trying to absorb her happiness and fill the sudden void that had formed in his heart. Gone. Just like that. One last fight and it was gone. Over. Oh god. Why did it hurt so bad? “Of course I got you something! You think I have a death wish?” He let out a little huff of a laugh and it fell flat even to his ears. He had it was somewhere in his suitcase still. Which at least meant it was safe from Lani’s tantrums as he hadn’t unpacked anything yet. He didn’t want to remember any of it. But he was haunted by the good memories and the amazing memories and the fights. Lani yet again was at the bottom of his hole and he had no one but himself to blame. Every time he tried to help, every time he wanted to do the right thing it blew up in his face. Well that was it. He was done. Done with love. Done with honesty. Done with Odion. Done with good deeds.

“I-it was good.” Adrianna sounded so happy Lani didn’t want to ruin her good mood, especially since he knew she was struggling after her mother’s death as well. Lie Lani, lie through your teeth and put on the mask of smiles. But it’s cracked. Lani felt a sudden wave of rage. How dare Odion build him up as he did. How dare he force his way in until Lani didn’t have a foundation without him. And then leave! Lani knew he was a terrible person, and he thought that Odion would at least give his parents a chance. He didn’t expect that he’d done something unforgivable. Damn. Fuck. Lani bit his knuckles and closed his eyes as sorrow quickly followed rage. It had been a cycle for the past two weeks and he was getting sick of it and sick of himself.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Adrian wasn't stupid. She wasn't naive. She was a lot different than the girl that he had once filled her head with lies. That being said, she still cared about him and she knew that if he was lying about something like this, it was for a good reason. The only reason she even figured it out was because his voice was off. It wasn't the same as it had been when he first left for Europe. The excitement was drained, his whole bright mood seemed gone and it instantly filled her with worry for her best friend. Honestly, as much as she wanted to deny it to prevent herself from hurting more, he was all she had left.

It was one thing the way they fought, but in the end he always managed to make his way back to her and vice versa. Adrian really did want everything for Lani because despite what he thought, he deserved so much better. He deserved to be happy and loved. Here she thought Odion would make him see that. Adri didn't even have it in her to crack a smile because she just heard it more and more as he talked. Something was wrong. Something had happened and he was keeping it from her for a reason. "Yay, when can I come and get it?" Or rather, when could she come to see what he was doing because knowing Lani, if something bad happened he wasn't taking it as well as he tried to make it out. She was really starting to worry about him and she found herself pacing her new dorm, chewing on her lip.

God she wanted to call him out on his lie! It wasn't good, why couldn't he just tell her what was going on? The more he put it off, the crazier she would get because ever since her mother passed, she found she had grown far more protective over the people in her life. Ellie and Lani were all she had to go to and with Elisia being broken over Guy and Lani keeping something from her, she was going insane with worry. They were both such sweethearts and deserved the best from life, yet neither of them were very lucky. Why did good people get the shit end of the stick? She didn't understand what any of them had done to deserve the things brought upon them.

"I'm glad to hear that, hun. I missed you a lot while you were gone, but I figured as long as you were having a good time, I should be happy for you." But now that she knew something was up, she wondered if she was justified in worrying while he was away.

[Lani Hunter]

Lani had somehow in the long line of life lost his ability to lie to a total of three people. One of them was a mindreader so Lani wasn’t sure if he counted. But the other was Adrianna and the third was now gone. Gone. “Uh…” Lani paused and shook his head. “I’ll bring it over sometime. I didn’t really get a chance to unpack before w-we left and it’s kinda a war zone.” Lani said, as if she’d be surprised. Really, she’d seen his room at Hammel, but this. This was bad. He knew it and he was going to have to clean soon before the neighbors started wondering if something had died in here.

He supposed he couldn’t have blamed her for being angry that he was keeping something from her. He was a liar at heart. He needed to just accept that, but Adrianna was getting too good at seeing, or rather hearing through his façade. Perhaps that was the problem. Odion and Lani had been so busy trying to help fix each other and the fighting had been the last of it. And Lani’s trick had pushed them over the edge. Lani remember leaving. He’d been so happy, Boston was done for and the nightmares about that had at least become night terrors and had no real grounds in the real world anymore. He couldn’t have been happier. Well, Lani wished he could remember what that felt like. He knew better than to complain about relationship problems to Adrianna, but perhaps, as terrible as it was she might be able to understand the way he was feeling better than others. Dammit. Lani had let Odion meet his family. Lani’d let him in where no one else had ever gotten. Damn, damn, damn, damn.

Lani felt the tears in his eyes and he knew he wouldn’t be able to hold it together. He pulled the blankets tighter around him and curled into a ball. It was in her voice to. That was her ‘I know you’re keeping something from me’ voice. She might not realize she had one but it was definitely there and Lani felt it like salt on his wounds. “I missed you too,” Lani replied and heaved a sigh and it was all over. He missed Odion. He missed him like his soul had been torn in two, he missed Odion like he’d miss his own arm, or leg, or both arms and both legs. He was ashamed as he let out a little sob. Happy. God, he’d never be happy again. “Adrianna… Adrianna. I’m a horrible person and Odion broke up with me.” He blurted and dissolved into hysterics until he turned his face into his pillow and just kept the phone by his ear. Oh god. Calling was a bad idea, he didn’t even know he had this many tears!

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Another clue that something had happened. He was keeping her from coming over because he had something there that would only make it easier for her to see that something was wrong. She expected a mess from Lani because he wasn't the organized type, she didn't judge him for it and she really didn't mind it as much as he may have thought she did. "If you insist," She said trying to at least put a little of her silly, mocking tone in there. It didn't really work out the way she hoped though and she wondered if he had caught on yet. One would think that if he had, he'd say something about it by now. But that wasn't Lani.

Adrianna smiled faintly when he said he had missed her too. Was it horrible that she still loved when he missed her? She couldn't even think about going there, even if she did a lot of times. She was a glutton for punishment it seemed with the way that she always went back there. Back to when it had been her and Lani instead of him and Odion and her and Venn. She went back to when she had been blissfully unaware and so incredibly happy just being around him. The only thing that had really changed was a violent shove into the real world and forced back feelings that threatened to bubble up every single time that Venn left her again. He often ended up in her dreams as well and it had happened more and more frequently since her mother's death because unlike Venn...he had been there to hold her and tell her everything was okay. He had been there at the funeral to keep her sane and he had been there as a protector from the people she couldn't stand to be around. Adrian was in denial about the whole thing though and wouldn't even admit it to herself.

Her whole thought process stopped abruptly when his confession came out and he broke down on the phone. Hearing him cry like that...it broke her heart and she found herself fighting back tears. Why wasn't she there? What was she doing just sitting here on the phone when her best friend was crumbling with each passing moment. Now she knew how he must have felt all of those times that she broke when he wasn't there to comfort her other than with his words. How had he done it? How was she supposed to do it now? She couldn't take hearing him so broken like this. But then the flip was switched and she found that she was pissed at Odion for doing this to Lani.

Adrian gripped her phone tighter and her jaw clenched before she got a grip and let out a very soft sigh. She had to take care of him first. "Lani...you are not a horrible person. Shh, it'll be okay, love. Just breathe, hun and talk to me. Tell me what happened. Or I can come there, you shouldn't be alone right now. Lani just tell me what you want me to do," She said softly into the phone. Odion should be happy he was in Europe and far away from her right now.

[Lani Hunter]

Lani’s lips felt as if they’d like to smile but his heart had plunged him down and the weight against his mouth made the action seem like running a marathon. She knew. She definitely knew. Oh no. If Lani had thought he could get away without calling her he would have done so. This was bad, very bad. He had never had his heart shattered so thoroughly. It hadn’t hurt this badly when he and Adrianna had broken up. But they had been drifting apart, they ended as a whisper and grew to a volume of anger much later. But there was so much anger and so much… He didn’t even know what. It was like his world had been taken out from under him. The one person he trusted more than anyone was gone. Gone.

He didn’t even know what had happened between her and Venn, really they could have rowed in the same boat at the moment. Once the words came out there was nothing to stop the floodgates and it was all over. She knew and he knew she’d ask why and she’d agree with Odion. He’d done a terrible thing with his lie. No, he wouldn’t help anyone again. Even as the thought passed through his head he knew it to be false. He could never shut himself off from the world, though he wanted to, though he should. Helping people made him feel like he wasn’t a completely horrible person. It helped him feel like he wasn’t his boss, or ex-boss. He was shaking all over and before he felt they could dry he was caught in dry sobs. He smothered himself in his pillow. There had to be a way to make it stop hurting. Something to stop the pain.

Lani shook his head into the pillow ignoring the fact that she couldn’t see him disagreeing with her. His shoulder shook and he tried to take a breath but it just brought on more pain. She was right, he probably shouldn’t be alone right now. “But I am,” Lani cried, “I’m ah-ah-ah liar! Oh god! Why does...” He cut himself off and screamed into his pillow. He wasn’t supposed to break down like this. No he was supposed to be stronger than this! Pull yourself together! He screamed at himself. He took a deep breath and shook his head again. “No. I mean… not right now.” He did want her here, but he wasn’t so far gone that he was going to let her see him like this. “I-I lied. When we went to I-Ireland I t-t-told Declyn to m-m-meet us at the airport. I knew O-o-odion’d never go if I told him! Ah… fuck… I’m such an idiot. I thought Odion’d understand, I thought he might want to meet his parents. But… He… I…” he stopped before he broke down again. Hiding under his blanket was a comfortable place but he wasn’t actually sure what he wanted to do. He didn’t want to leave the apartment, God no! But he didn’t want her here to see his filth.

He sat up a little bit and looked around at the room. If he could Febreze and shove everything in his closet. He had no pride left to swallow and he wrapped an arm around himself. He was a fool for thinking he didn’t need her. He needed her now. “C-can you give me an hour? And…” Swallow your pride Hunter. “Can you come over?”

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Adrian knew what it was like. The constant pressure in your chest, the tightness of your throat, everything, every movement hurt more than the last. The only thing that had made her experience worse, was that it had all happened when her mother's health plummeted. Everything had been added onto by that and that was what had driven her to self harm and thoughts of suicide. She didn't think that Lani would ever stoop to that level, after the reaction he'd had knowing that she did, it didn't seem logical or likely. He was better than that, he had always been stronger than her.

But she still worried about him staying home alone when he was going through something so hard.

She heard the scream and she flinched. Adrianna didn't like hearing him go through this. Over the phone she couldn't do anything. She couldn't help him. "Lani..." She didn't continue, she just listened as he tried explaining through his stuttering words. When he got through it, she finally understood what had happened and she sighed softly. As much as she hated it...she understood what Odion might have thought about the whole thing. He probably felt betrayed and hurt, but that didn't give him a right to react the way he had to her best friend. If she had been tricked into meeting her father for the first time by Venn, she'd have been furious, but she never would have broken up with him for wanting her to have that relationship with her dad. She understood both sides, but she was ultimately siding with Lani because Odion never should have reacted so harshly.

Adrianna chewed on her lower lip and when he asked for an hour she felt relieved. "Of course, sweetie. I'll give you as much time as you need, I just don't want you to be alone anymore," She said softly. "I'll let you know when I'm on my way, love. Do whatever you have to, if you need anything just call me."

[Lani Hunter]

Lani knew Adrianna had the best of intentions. He shouldn’t be alone, but he wanted to be alone. But then again, the more that he thought about it, it was shame. Shame in his current state, shame that he’d foolishly let someone get so close. The doors slammed with a catastrophic boom, sealing away his heart in a fortress, stronger than before. He did want to be with someone. Perhaps he needed someone to tell him that it was going to be alright, even if it was a lie. Lani hadn’t thought of suicide but he’d been starting to look at his pills with a strange look of hope in his eye. He’d already taken a fair few of them and they hadn’t helped the imaginary pain at all. No perhaps it was best he wasn’t alone.

He rambled on and stopped abruptly and tried to forcibly get control of himself. He sucked in his sobs and tried to do his best to recover from his break down. It might take him a little while to get over this. A long while, perhaps. He hadn’t even felt this terrible. Not even when his secret had first come out. He didn’t think it was possible for him to fall any further than that but it seemed like he had slip past that handhold long ago and finally realized that this was an abyss.

Sniffling as he listened, he wanted her here now, but no he needed to make himself presentable. “Thanks, Adrianna. I’ll see you soon.” He sighed a little as he hung up and looked about. He didn’t even know where to start. He should probably shower. Yes. Showering would be a good idea.