Il Mio Giornale

[Casper Cole]

October 19^th, 2004

Dear Journal,
It's almost needless to say I'm confused right now.
Today is my first day at Hammel Institute.
It's 2:32am and I can't sleep.

Looking back on it, when I got in to the car with the recruiter, I hadn't even asked for his name. I still don't know it.
He told me I was a 'Sonic Manipulator'. How weird is that? I can control sound waves.
Well, that's a lie. I can't control anything yet, let alone sound.
They asked me to wear sound-blocking head phones until I get some more training. I actually kind of like them, because I don't hear anything. It's just quiet.
I miss my parents. My mom started crying when I left. Dad was eating breakfast, on the other side of the house. He just pretended like I wasn't even there. That I wasn't going away, probably forever. I think that hurt more than leaving my mother.
I promised to write to her, but I don't want to.
I don't want to be here.
I don't want to be me.

The recruiter told me that by the time I'm eighteen, I should have a good grip on my powers. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life holding back. Being an outcast. A freak.

It's not that I hate metas. I've heard of anti-human groups, and I think they're crazy.
I just wish that I could be a human, you know? Boy, that sounds weird.
Or, you know, if I could have a power that helped people. All mine does is hurt people. What's so good about my ability? I'm a walking abomination. That's what my dad told me.

The beds here are comfortable. The food is good.

I want to go home.

[Casper Cole]

December 31_st, 2004

Dear Journal,
Well, lookie who I found?
I was pretty sure I'd lost you weeks ago!

It's been just over two months since I got here.
Life isn't easy. It's hard work, and I get a a lot of headaches. Often. But it seems like I'm not the only one; headaches, nausea, that stuff is a side-effect of a lot of different meta-powers.
And, unlike at my old school, the nurses actually give us ibuprofen and other pain-relievers. It's one of the perks of the school I guess. I've found that being a meta isn't so bad. I still think I'd prefer to be a human (that still sounds so strange to say; I mean, I'm technically not human. Kind of a lot to absorb.).

I'm still wearing the sound-blocking headphones. My trainer says that if I have no sound to manipulate, my powers weaken greatly. I guess it's difficult to control sound volume in silence.

I still have to try not to clap my hands, though. Already damaged a few desks and made a nice dent in a training room wall.

Before, when I lived in Pennsylvania, I'd never actually met a[nother] meta. Now that I'm here, at Hammel, I've seen more than I thought I ever could in one life time. I think that if I could choose, I'd want to be an Empath. Someone who can connect with others through emotions; someone who can really see what another person feels... Lying to someone like that would be impossible, right? And their powers never broke anyone's leg. And they probably don't have to wear these huge, clunky headphones all day and all night.

As for training, I can't say I've progressed much. For the past few weeks, all it has been is testing. Figuring out potential, I guess. I'm only 5'4'' (I weigh 110lbs soaking wet!). Two months of testing seems... excessive for someone like me.
Besides, I can only do two things so far. Make things really loud (apparently, if someone is standing nearby me, they can hear it all too. And I guess, eventually, I'll be able to mess with sound waves like putty. Just do whatever I want with them.) and make sonic blasts by clapping my hands together (I really hope they teach me how to control that soon. I'd rather not blow out the student lounge if I'm watching soccer and Alessandro Del Piero scores a goal).

Mom and me are... sort of keeping up.
I haven't written to Dad and he sure hasn't wrote me.

I miss home a lot. I miss being normal. But I think I could like this place, after a while. If anything, I hope I eventually start to enjoy myself. Maybe I can make new friends.

I hope so.
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