Ann Hudgins' Journal

[Ann Hudgins]

May 2006

"You ready?"

"I am so ready."

"I'm so ready I am done already."

"Oh yeah? How did you do?"

"Came in first, of course. I got the gold in every division, even the ones I didn't compete in."

"That's amazing."

"Guys! I am trying to stretch here."

Ann and Aiden widened there eyes at each other and bit their lips to stop themselves from laughing at their coach who was stretching out for the tournament, the same as they were. This time, the AAU Tae Kwon Do tournament was in a college gym, the floor had been covered with mats and the waiting room was a cafeteria of sorts. Ann would by lying if she said she wasn't nervous, this would be her first tournament as a red belt, and while she was sure she would kick ass, she was still nervous to be paired with a black stripe. That little bit of extra training the other girl would have could be just enough for Ann to totally meet her match--Aiden, on the other hand, would easily have said Ann could have kicked everyone who was competing today into the ground--all with the same kick. Ann, however, knows she isn't Chuck Norris and it was a very Aiden way of getting her to grin.

The children were still up, so Ann knew she had roughly an hour or two before it was her turn to strain her ear for her name. She stretched with Aiden.

*~

Then her division was up and she watched all the ones pair up for Point Sparring (sell outs) and she waited for the Olympic Sparring matches to start. She was starting to get a sinking feeling in her stomach as she looked around and saw no one of her own age around her. She refused to believe she was the only thirteen year old Olympic sparer around, however. That just wasn't possible. She cheered as Aiden got called up for his match to start and sank lower and lower against the floor as all the male names in her same age group got called.

A person on the tournament staff came up to her. "Name?" They asked while looking over their official clipboard.

"A--Ann Hudgins." She hated to hear the tears in her voice, but she had no one to fight with. She knew what they did in those situations. They set you up with someone in the next class up (which would be black belt) and fight with them, who would half ass the fight and you would win the gold regardless, or they would just hand you the gold and you would qualify for Nationals without even having to fight. She pinched the bridge of her nose. Falling to pieces right now was not what she needed to do.

"Olympic sparring?" He looked incredulously at the thirteen year old, who nodded at him with shining eyes. "Sadly there isn't anyone in your age group that signed up for it, if you want to--"

"I'm not going to just take the medal. I didn't do anything to earn it." She had some strength left in her yet. Her mom came over to her.

"Aiden just busted the nose of his partner." She rolled her eyes, she never agreed with Aiden's...way of going about things. She then noticed the wrinkled forehead of her daughter--and she knew that meant one thing--" Is there not a girl out there that isn't afraid to fight my daughter?!" The woman nearly screeched. The heads of the 14-17 division waiting their turn, turned to look at them. Ann put her face in her hands.

"Just forget it." No one heard it around her hands.

"Aaaannn!" She wanted to melt into the floor. Aiden ran up to her, sweating and grinning ear to ear with his gold medal hanging around his neck. "That kid underestimated my awesome. Why haven't you gone?" He asked, his smile finally fallen. She looked up at him, and he sighed just as her mother had. "Ann, you are just too scary. Smile more."

"OK. How about we set you up with--"

"Fuck that!" Three voices rang in unison as mother, daughter, and bestfriend/brother voiced their disapproval for the spoon-feeding suggestion. "I am not going to fight with someone who is just going to pity me, and get the medal handed to me."

"....We could not give it to you if you lose?" He asked. Ann knew he was just going by what they always did, but Ann hated that there weren't any girls with spines at her age. She wrinkled up her nose and drove her palms into her eyes. Crying was not what needed to happen right now.

"Greyson," A tournament official came trotting up to the guy with the clipboard. "A kid waiting to spar just cracked his head on the floor, mother took him out of the building and won't let him fight."

"What age?"

"...Fourteen?"

"Belt?"

"Red with a stripe."

He looked at Ann and she glanced at her mom, who was chewing her lip in thought. "Who was he going against?"

"A boy same age and belt," the woman answered, it was clear she didn't understand the idea that had formed in all of their heads.

"I'll do that if the other boy isn't chicken shit."

"Ann. Language."

It was the second year that Ann was set up with someone that wasn't in her age group, or gender, or belt and came away with the gold medal, by earning it.

Aiden, however, never let her forget that she had almost cried on both occasions.

[Ann Hudgins]

August 2006

Thanks to the new decision made by the local school board, school didn't start in September, but actually the start of August. That wasn't exactly a horrible thing, but it did bring Ann's first day of high school earlier than it should have been. So she was put off the idea. Aiden was excited. He had the general interest in finding out who he was in high school and making a name for himself--being popular and all that. It was all well and good, for Aiden, but Ann just wanted to move on to the next step of her life that didn't have her living in her parent's house with all their arguments filling the air with an evil stench.

Bright and early, Ann's phone rang just after she hopped out of the shower. Aiden was at the front door already, eager for this first day. She was towel drying her hair when she opened the door for him. "Biznatch, you aren't dressed for school," he accused her. She looked down at the shirt and shorts she had pulled on to let him inside the house and then lifted an eyebrow at him.

"The school doesn't start for like another hour," she pointed out to him as they made their way back up to her room. Her father was already at work and her mom wouldn't wake up for another hour for work. Once inside Ann's room, Aiden flopped down across her bed as she started to sift through her drawers to find some clothes that Aiden would deem 'appropriate'.

"Remember now, you wanna make a great impression! So dress nice." Ann rolled her eyes at him.

"That's stupid. I dress up for the first day of school to give everyone a wrong impression and then let down the ones that actually care when I act like myself every other day." Ann threw a shirt at him for his stupid idea and he caught it and held the shirt up to his chest as if he thought about trading it for his black and white shirt. Ann rolled her eyes at him and decided her Metallica "rock out the ass" T-shirt would do, it was only a matter of taking a pair of pants out of her drawer because they all were interchangeable. She pulled her pants on over her shorts, because that was just how she was, and slid into the bathroom for the rest. Once her shirt was on she moved back into her room and located two socks (because matching them was overrated) and slid on her converse.

"MY GOD," he sighed as he sat up, "I thought you'd never get dressed! Come one! Race you!" He was out the door then, and Ann being one of great pride over her ability to kick Aiden's ass, grabbed her back pack and--instead of following him down the hall--she slid out through her window and jumped down on the trampoline, jumped off of that into a roll and ran to the front of the house, where she made it a second before Aiden slid out the door.

"Dammit Ann!" He scolded as he locked the door behind him. Ann did a slight victory dance before they walked to school, where she teased him the entire way.

[Ann Hudgins]

December 31, 2010/January 1,2011

The past three new years of her life were spent...polar opposite to this. She wasn't holed up in her room, after she cried herself to sleep. Instead, she was sitting thigh to thigh with Alex watching the news coverage of Time's square in his apartment that he shared with Conrad Manne, the older of the three Manne brothers. Ann, Jean, and RC had walked with Alex from Hammel (before curfew) to the apartment and had an alochol free party, ate some delicious food, and watched some random movies. She had a lot of fun, and spent a good half of it too embarrassed to speak a word because of the fact that Ann and Alex (or as Jean called them Annex) seemed welded together, and had only been out of a three foot radius when one of them had to use the bathroom.

It was two minutes to ball drop when Ann's phone rang with a generic ring tone (Jean made a promise to fix that in the future) and she took the conversation out into the hallway of the apartment room. "Aiden!" She said a little breathless, and slightly surprised that she had gotten a call from him, because he was never one to celebrate New Years (Ann had never been gaga for it either though).

"Aaaaannnn." His voice was a little more high pitched than normal and he seemed giddy. Ann held the phone away from her ear as he half screamed her name. The background noise coming through the speaker was also loud. "Haaappy New Year!" He continued to nearly bellow.

"Happy New Year, Aiden....are you drunk?" She couldn't help but ask because he wasn't exactly his normal self.

"Fuck yeah I am! It's fucking fun! You gotta try it! Even if you are meta, being drunk is stilllll great!" He started to giggle a little and Ann felt a small ping of annoyance. 'Even if you are meta' he said, like it was a bad thing. She pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I don't think I will. Aiden, are you going to be alright? Who are you with?"

"Well, mom. I am with my friends. Lucy, Devon, Micheal, Chris 'The Fetus', Shane, Carly, Jun--no wait Jing Kai, aaaand Rubie!" Ann could tell he was making eye contact with each person he named because of the random cheers and hollers she heard from each one, all sounded drunk. "I juss wanted to tell you that I love you. Not like just friends. Not like family either. I loooove you. Always did. I knew you didn't, though. You love everyone. That's just how you are. Thoooought you should know though. Since I couldn't comeup for Christmas 'nd tell you."

Ann couldn't form a word, but her thoughts were in overdrive. Aiden...loved her? Not like a sister? It was almost too much to deal with at the moment but a small little snide voice told her all the signs were there (just as well, Zac had planted the seed of doubt to begin with). She rubbed her face with her hand. "Aiden..."

Get off the phone, Aiden! It's time for your New Years kiss! It was a guy speaking which made Ann roll her eyes but Aiden hung up the phone without saying anything else. Ann stood there for a moment, still washed in the cold surprise and realization. She stood there with the phone still at her ear for a moment longer before she unfroze and flipped it shut and put it in her pocket. She rubbed the side of her face, feeling a bit of moisture there, she rubbed at her face furiously. She did a few breathing exercises and centered her mind, to think of calming things, then traced her minds eye to her chakras and found her unrest and isolated it, then forced it out of her system.

When she opened her eyes, she was the epitome of calm. She sagged against the wall, suddenly very tired. She rubbed an eye as she opened the door to the apartment and walked in. She could see from the screen on the TV that she had missed the ball drop. It was now 2011.

"You missed!" Jean informed her, since he was the first one to see her walk in. Alex turned from the couch and gave her a small little smile and made room for her on the couch as she walked over to him.

"Happy New Year, Ann," he smiled slightly as she sat next to him, she murmured her reply and started to drift off to sleep almost immediately.

[Ann Hudgins]

January 2011

"Count of three, I want to love this plant." It wasn't a kind suggestion, but an order. Ann looked from the plant in question to her slightly hair-brained trainer, Jackeroe. He insisted on her calling him by his first name, and after working with him for a few weeks, she'd finally stopped trying to be formal. She looked back at the plant and started to imagine the complexity of the emotion he wanted to feel. She had been getting better in this section of her power, because of his pushiness about it. He didn't take no for an answer and worked her until she was ready to pass out. It was good though, because she had gained so much control in the short time they had been training together. She let out a long breath.

Of all emotions she was able to conjure up for people, love was the hardest, because no two people felt the same way about love. Happiness and other smaller, spontaneous emotions were easier simply because they lacked the depth that love had. Ann found it easier to draw up a synthesized feeling of love by drawing from her own chakra that love was generally felt. The person that came to mind also brought a faint blush to her cheek; Alex. He was...darling.

"Three." Ann hadn't even heard the first two counts, but she had worked up the tight warm feeling in her lower belly and willed it over to Jackeroe. His expression softened momentarily and then he frowned. "I said the plant! Not some boy!" He growled and her eyes widened in embarrassment. She dropped the act and Jackeroe sighed deeply and massaged his temples.

"Sorry!"

"That's the third time today!" He still decided to be a little mad about it but after three seconds his expression cleared and he swung himself into his desk chair so he spun in a circle as well as slid a few feet to the side. He placed his feet on the ground as he came around to face her and then put his elbows on his knees and smiled his little smile at her. "So who is he that's got you all distracted?" He wrinkled his nose up in amusement for a moment and then waited for her answer.

Ann had half a mind of denying it, but she knew there was no point. Jackeroe had already felt a watered down version of what she felt towards him, without knowing who it was towards (like much of her own power history in high school and her soaking in crushes of people she didn't know). "We...uh...had physics together and worked as partners on a project..." It was a start and she was about to continue, but she was blushing and embarrassed. She hadn't actually told anyone yet. Jackeroe did a slightly alarming tittering laugh and then bounced back up onto his feet.

"Say no more! Now we'll do this again, and you do it right, you can go. I wanna love this plant one three." Ann could actually appreciate his exuberance now that it got her out of embarrassing herself. She focused and started again, though this time, she drew on the feeling of that love but didn't put the face it went to, and instead pictured that plant and tried to design it (completely by though and imagining) the love to the plant. Once he said three she pushed it towards him. A drop of sweat slid down the side of her face which startled her and she wiped at her head with the sleeves of her jacket. When she put her arms back up, Jackeroe had draped an arm around the pot of the plant and turned a smile towards Ann. She pulled back in the faked emotion and he steepled his fingers in front of him and nodded his head in approval.

"Quite right. Now was that so hard?" He asked with a smirk and a wink. Ann had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. She never knew if she should reciprocate his friendly and not-so-superior-to-herself attitude or not. So most of the time she didn't. "Kay, get out of here. See you tomorrow. We will work on touching again."

It wiped the smile off her face, but she left the room without protest.

[Ann Hudgins]

February 2011

Things change. Things are always in motion. That has been proven, especially in my case, this past half year. This time last year, I couldn't have a conversation with someone because I couldn't handle their emotions and my own in my body, and I couldn't separate them. At this time, I thought I was just going to drop dead one day from taking in too many emotions. I didn't, and I finally got the help I needed. Because of that help, I started training really, really hard. I could talk to people--not easily--but I had the choice to have conversations. I could separate emotions, I wasn't burdened. I started to make friends.

I patched up things with my parents and kept up my pen-pal relationship with James, as well as remained in constant contact with Aiden. My confidence started to grow and I started to feel...better on the day-to-day routine than I ever had. Somehow, in all that, a dark cloud was growing--if you could even call it that. Because I sure as hell don't know what to call it. Zac LaRousse, for some reason, got it in his head to....I don't even know.

Anyway, after very disastrous project between the two of us, he'd kissed me and I'd responded violently. I'd absorbed him a bit which was...icky to say the least. I was just as arrogant as him, and it was just..odd. Anyway, he'd also choked that day and I'd done the Heimlich to save his life. It worked, and he did survive, but I'd passed out because of it. Anyway, after that day...he'd just not left me alone. I'd kinda gotten used to him being around, and all his stupid gifts that he broke into my dorm to put there. It got on my nerves, mostly because it was a drastic waste of money, but through a bunch of ridiculous pieces of clothing and gadgets, he did actually throw in some useful things here and there, like a winter coat and gloves. The rest I just put in the Student Lounge. He also started to..well for the lack of a nicer word stalked me. He showed up everywhere and eventually I got used to his pushy...jackass self. No, I wouldn't call us friends, but I suppose we were. To a point, or something.

He kept trying to get me to go on a date with him though, which I refused, because of the 'moment alone' we'd already shared. THAT was not going to happen again because Zac had a tendency to hear only what he wanted to hear. Whatever. He could find another girl to creep out. I met a couple of other people over the course of a month or two and they, like Zac, had this weird interest in me. It was completely bizarre. Then it seemed, after this...cluster of people, there was...a cherry on top. Alex.

We'd had a physics project together, in the library. And it was pretty fun, I'll admit, even though I hate physics. Anyway, after a weird luck from the universe, I gave him a call because my roommate Jean knew him, and during the call, Alex asked me on a date. He was much more of a gentlemen and a world nicer than Zac so I wasn't afraid he would be like what Zac had been...pushy, arrogant, and invasive. So we went. And I had a blast.

I couldn't exactly tell what Zac thought about it, because over the time we've known each other, he has gotten to the point where it was really hard for me to sense his emotions other than the ones he shows on his face or in his words. It's almost kinda eerie. But whatever, his odd gift-showering and stalking persisted despite me nearly yelling at him to quit. He's just got it in his head he's gonna wisk me off my feet. For some reason, he wants to. I just can't figure him out.

Despite how much he gets on my nerves, he's kinda grown on me. He's just as much a part of my day as training or walking to class with Alex now. I like my routines and don't like much when they change. However, after Alex and I decided to go to the February dance together...Zac came to me, all dressed up and with flowers--the whole nine yards--and asked me in an...almost sweet-but-still-Zac way, to go to the dance with him. He's been kinda nice these past few weeks so I almost felt bad to tell him I'd already gotten a date (Me, a Date. Still surprised). He'd deflated a bit, but handled in his own way. He wouldn't take his flowers and stuff back, though and practically ran away. I really did feel bad. He'd put thought into that and all, but still. I'd much rather go to the dance with Alex than with Zac.

It's still hard for me to even believe one person wanted to go with me, let alone two. I've spoken to Sean about Alex, and he's given me good advice, and my training with Dr. Collier and Mr. Connick have helped me so much, to the point I can touch skin for a few seconds without being effected, as well as slow down the process of getting sucked in so quickly. It's still painful, however, and I'd rather get to the point and stop it from happening then learning how to make it bearable. However, I knew going in to training with Mr. Connick that he would help me not just get to the point where I could handle it, but learn to integrate it into my life perfectly.

I just wish this weird interest guys had in me went away. It's just weird.

Bye for now

[Ann Hudgins]

August 2011

I know I haven't written anything in....quite some time, but I've been really busy. I've gotten a job as a receptionist at Patching Adams. It's nothing to hard but my abysmal skills at dealing with people are getting marginally better as the days go by.

Oh, and I'm in College now. I live in the dorms on campus, nearly just down the hallway from Alex. He's perfect and he has been helping me. I don't know what made me decide be a full-time student with sixteen hours of classes. A Week. I still work at Riley's, because it costs me about ten dollars in gas every three days. I need the money, and Riley is just too sweet, he's like my dad, only a thousand million times nicer.

I miss Dr. Neville. I haven't seen him since I left the campus, and I think soon I will visit....whenever I get a spare moment to breathe, and see how he is doing. I really don't know what happened over the summer, when all those teachers and instructors got sick--I heard one teacher went blind! I mean it all happened at once so it has to be related, right? I dunno really, and I try not to think about it. (the poor guy....)

Aiden has moved up out of North Carolina and to the University. I don't see him a crazy lot, but he manages to find me when we are in the cafeteria eating. He is the same as I remember him, but older. He's still my best friend though. We reflect on the old days and Aiden tries (and succeeds) to embarrass me in front of Alex. There is a martial arts team at the school, and I have been thinking about joining it....I think I'll ask Dr. Neville what he thinks about me doing that. Aiden said if I did, he would, but only because he knows he'd be the only guy that went 'fair' on me--not to be confused-- Aiden would try to beat the living crap out of me. He has never once let the fact that I was smaller than him and a girl deter him. He knows I'd kill him in his sleep if he did. If I am ever going to win a sparring match, it is because I goddamn deserved to, and not because they went easy on me and let me win.

I'm a black belt myself, back to my former glory, thanks to training with Mr. Muller, and I can tell the difference between actually sparring and just....sparring.

Oh the time! I'll be late for my lab!

With love,
Ann