Memoirs of an Insomniac

[Aki Welland]

This is what madness looks like.

And I’ve come to realize
Insanity is a path you can’t walk away from

[Aki Welland]

The Beginning of the end……….

Everything was becoming too much. My world was spiraling out of control. But when you don’t seem to notice yourself slipping away do you really even notice youslf falling over the edge? Can you really tell when that slight slip turns into a full scale plunge off the deep end? No, you don’t realize until it’s too late. So I’ve come to realize insanity is a path that once you start down you can’t walk away from. Not without help.

I didn’t even see it coming. No, there was no deer in the headlights realization or a cold feeling dawning on me once morning. I thought I was getting it right. All the training I was getting, all the rules I imposed on myself? They meant nothing once I really looked at them. They were just a lie I had used to hide what I was doing to myself. I had never lied to other people before, it was pointless. I knew what they were thinking, and for the longest time many people knew what I was thinking because I couldn’t control it. But as I got better I still saw no point in lying. Yet here I am, lying to myself. Oh what a tangled web we weave, when we practice to deceive. I don’t know who said it, but ya. I’ve woven such a terrible web around my mind.

Someone had to tell me. Someone had to finally slap me across the face to show me I was wrong. And even then it was too late because I’d already hurt someone, already done what I told myself I wouldn’t do. Now is when I need someone to lean on, but I’ve scared him away to. So they send me to the doctor. Will I be fixed, or is it to late.

Has the path of insanity caught me?

[Aki Welland]

And so I was consumed by
F I R E

“ Aki! Mom’s on the phone!” The much younger girl shouted, followed by a sort of hoarse cough. She wasn’t supposed to be yelling. A figure bound across the spacious apartment vaulting across the couch to where the younger girl was. Her thin frame was draped in a blanket, her normally full colored skin wan and ashy under it natural bronze. It made her look more like faded mud than a person. Aki scowled at her little sister and shushed her.

“ It’s okay ‘Loc. Don’t shout because your voice is icky.” The thirteen year old admonished. She was protecting her little sister as she always did, because she loved her younger sibling no matter how different they were. The older sister took the telephone from the young girl, making sure she went and sat back on the couch. Once she was settled, she put the phone to her ear.

“ Hey Mom.”
“ How’s your sister?”
“ Sicker than a dog. Her cough is real icky.”
“The medicine is in the fridge. Two spoonfuls”
“I know, I know. I volunteered for this, there’s no way I’d forget.”
“I’m just making sure.”

The subject of the conversation broke into another set of hacking coughs and the short talk was cut off as Aki went over and held the girl upright to try and help clear her lungs. Those few moments seemed to stretch into eternity as the teenager watched her little sister in pain. She really did wish she knew how to help. Usually their mom caught on much quicker when she was sick, knowing before them. It made sense since she was a meta. But work had her stretched quite thin lately and it was like a dulled knife. Once Taeloc was settle again Aki took the phone and went into the other room.

“ I’m worried. She seems really bad this time.” The teen told her mom. From the other end the woman sighed heavily.
“ I know. She’s going to the doctor as soon as I get home for more tests.”
“I’m coming.” For Aki it wasn’t a question but a statement of fact. Really, there was nothing to be done about it. It was times like this when her stubborn streak really annoyed people, but her mother admired the fact that she was always looking after her sister.

“ Yes you are. I wouldn’t try to exclude you. Now, I have to go but I just wanted to check up. I’ll talk to you later.” They said their goodbyes and Aki hung up, taking the phone back to the other room. She was rather quiet, noticing how her sister was asleep. She grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around herself, curling up in an armchair. A nap would definitely be a good thing…………….

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

A strange smell filled her nostrils. Not unlike bonfires she had had in the park when there were bonfire nights, or when they visited country relatives. But there was a sharp chemical tang in the air that reeked of burning plastic and industry. It took a moment for Aki to claw her way from the web of sleep, but when she did full blown panic caught her mind. That was the smell of fire! Aki scrambled off the couch, trying to tell where it came from.

The room was already filling with smoke, and she could hear people on the floors below screaming. Why hadn’t she heard them before? Why had she been so asleep that even that had gotten past her. A cough brought her attention to where her sister was, lying on the cough. The other thin girl was tossing and turning, coughing more and more as smoke filled her lungs.

“ ‘Loc….Tealoc wake up!” The girl cried, shaking her younger sibling. She grabbed the girl and picked her up, trying to cover her head with the blanket. The room was heating up quickly and she could hear crashing above her. There was only one floor above them, and apparently it was on fire too. We’ve gotta get out, the girl thought. That was her concern. She quickly moved to the door, and went to touch the handle. When she did her hand burned, blistering from the extreme heat of the metal.

Most of the other doors had the same reaction, and Aki was frantic by now. The air was getting smokier, and if she was going to carry Taeloc she wasn’t going to be able to crouch down to get good air like she was supposed to. Making a quick decision she took them both to the bathroom. Once there she ran towels under bath and put them over her sister and herself, not knowing what else to do. Taeloc was awake now, crying, making Aki want to cry too. Her little sister was so scared, and Aki felt it. Felt it in a way she had never felt anything in her life.

“ It’s okay ‘Loc. Shhh, it’s okay. We’ll get out and be just fine don’t worry.” Aki said, trying to sooth the young girl. The tumult of fear she was receiving only made her own fear of the fire and the loss of her sister greater, like a stabbing pain. She gasped, and things started happening.

The roof groaned under the weight of burning things, and something cracked. Taeloc screamed as the ceiling crashed in a beam fell towards them, glowing from having been lit aflame. Taeloc wound herself around her sister, letting the large burning wood fall across her back. Pain blazed through her, and her sight wavered, her senses taking in too much information to work properly. A physical/mental scream reverberated through her skull and the small room, touching the minds of all the people in the building and in the surrounding area. But pain and the smoke were getting to her. Her energy drained, the corners of her vision were eaten away as blackness consumed her.