Property of Angela Chambers! No looking!
Jan 7, 2012 17:34:24 GMT -5
Post by Angela Chambers on Jan 7, 2012 17:34:24 GMT -5
I’ve started seeing Dr. Neville. Well one appointment so far. I’m not entirely sure he’ll actually be of any help to me though. The constant fear and loneliness I feel… Well I’m not sure that’s something that ever really goes away. Not even with therapy.
You would think Hammel would be the perfect place for somebody like me, right? Never really having a strong connection with my family because… Well just because. You would think that being surrounded by others like me would give me a sense of home? Or a sense of belonging, right?
No. Actually, it makes it worse.
See, I know I’m a freak. That this isn’t something I should, or even want, to be. I hate being this. Never wanted to be this. But the people here, Bell and Riley at least, they’re so nice and carrying and normal. And they make me feel that way too!
Until I’m not around them. Then it’s like I’m being punched in the stomach with the memory and weight of the fact that I’m a freak.
And it’s like that day however many weeks ago when I first found out I would forever be a freak.
Things could’ve been different if I weren’t. I would’ve finished high school, packed my things, left, and never looked back. I could’ve made myself forget about them. Easy. Could’ve lived anywhere, done anything. Been whoever I wanted. And that life was snatched away from me. From now on, I’d been seen as a victim and a Meta.
I’m not sure which is worse.
If somebody finds this, I don’t want them to misunderstand. Meta’s are fine. I have no issue with them. I can’t imagine people in the world better than Bell and Riley. But that doesn’t mean I want to be one. And the fact that I wish I were back home, in a house filled with hate, makes me positive that seeing Dr. Neville was the best option.
You would think Hammel would be the perfect place for somebody like me, right? Never really having a strong connection with my family because… Well just because. You would think that being surrounded by others like me would give me a sense of home? Or a sense of belonging, right?
No. Actually, it makes it worse.
See, I know I’m a freak. That this isn’t something I should, or even want, to be. I hate being this. Never wanted to be this. But the people here, Bell and Riley at least, they’re so nice and carrying and normal. And they make me feel that way too!
Until I’m not around them. Then it’s like I’m being punched in the stomach with the memory and weight of the fact that I’m a freak.
And it’s like that day however many weeks ago when I first found out I would forever be a freak.
Things could’ve been different if I weren’t. I would’ve finished high school, packed my things, left, and never looked back. I could’ve made myself forget about them. Easy. Could’ve lived anywhere, done anything. Been whoever I wanted. And that life was snatched away from me. From now on, I’d been seen as a victim and a Meta.
I’m not sure which is worse.
If somebody finds this, I don’t want them to misunderstand. Meta’s are fine. I have no issue with them. I can’t imagine people in the world better than Bell and Riley. But that doesn’t mean I want to be one. And the fact that I wish I were back home, in a house filled with hate, makes me positive that seeing Dr. Neville was the best option.
