Half of a whole (Brooke)

[Astley Pyatt]

Astley hadn't seen Brooke in... a while. Too long. For someone she considered her best friend, Brooke had been conspicuously absent from Astley's life for a few days, and it made her worry. She knew about Brooke's downswings, she'd witnessed them before, but she was never really sure what to do, or how far her friend might go. Which also made her worry.

And warring worries, whatever the cause, meant she should talk to Brooke.

But what if Brooke was avoiding her because she didn't like Astley anymore? Had she done something? Or said something? Was it something she didn't say? The thought briefly flitted into her head that Brooke had somehow remembered how she'd drunkenly kissed Astley the previous spring (something that Astley had a hard time forgetting), and now she was avoiding the blonde because... What?

Or maybe something bad had happened. Maybe Brooke had run away. Or been kidnapped. Or shifted into a cougar and couldn't shift back. Or maybe she was in the hospital. Or lying in a ditch somewhere in Vermont, crying out for her and-

Astley let out a sob of hysterical worry and pulled out her phone. She'd stalled and stalled, hoping her friend would contact her first, but now she needed to say something. She couldn't speak though, she'd sound just like she was - hysterical with worry and on the verge of tears - so she opted for texting.

She pulled up Brooke's contact card - still in as Brooke Lelovely - and hesitated before typing:

Hey, you okay? I haven't seen you in I'm worried about you. Probably just me being neurotic >.< let me know

[Deleted]

Brooke had been avoiding Astley for a while, but it wasn't for the reasons that Astley thought. First, it was because Brooke just wasn't feeling well or up to it. She had thoughts spinning through her head which had just been making Brooke not very good company. Then, it was because Brooke was afraid of making Astley worry because of her hair.

For all the years they had known each other, Brooke had always kept her hair long. She didn't know how her luvly luv would react.

But….avoiding had done nothing but cause Brooke to question how much Astley even care….after all, it had been days and Astley hadn't even tried to call or anything. She hadn't come looking for Brooke….Didn't she care?

Not that Brooke was making it easy for her…or had tried to reach out either…

Still, when her phone went off and it rang to be Ass-tley, Brooke smiled and promptly replied.

Heya baby! What? Really? You wudn't Believe how busy I've been! Busy Busy Busy Busier than a bee! Lotsa homewerk n stuff ya know! How you tho?

[Astley Pyatt]

Astley was relieved to get that instant reply, but the words didn't lessen her concern. It was hard to tell with Brooke, when she was being her upbeat bubbly self and when she was overcompensating. Also, she kinda found Brooke's excuse of 'homework' hard to believe. Still, she'd try to go with it.

Being a worry wart, as usual >.< I miss you, I started to think you'd been kidnapped or something - crazy, right?

If you're working on homework, you should come help me with mine. You make history bearable =P

And I miss you.

[Deleted]

Brooke always kept her phone on her. And she was always ready to send a reply whenever she received a text. But that didn't always mean she picked up the phone when it rang. It was much harder for the girl to hide the facade in her voice than it was on a few words on a screen. And much easier to distract with her entire body when in person.

However, right now, Brooke still didn't know if she could hold up the "in person happy and crazy" act, especially in front of Astley.

Awwwww! Yur so keeeewt! Betcha miss me, doncha? I'm around, jus werkin on a cuple projects. One fer history too!

if ya wan, you can cum over n I'll help ya

we shud go out soontime. gotta surpiz fer ya!

i wanna see yur face xD

:3

[Astley Pyatt]

There was a feeling that Astley couldn't shake, despite the happiness in Brooke's texts. And it was making her fingers tap nervous rhythms on her knew and the back of her phone. She couldn't get it out of her head that something was wrong. Maybe it was just because she was so close to Brooke - it was like part of her was gone and was being replaced with a hollow shell coated with marshmallows.

Ok, that didn't really make sense either, it just felt a little too cushy and sweet and fake. Like there was more there. And Astley couldn't ignore it.

are you okay?

A second later she shot off another, even though she felt incredibly stupid for sending it;

I want a hug. >.<

[Deleted]

To the first message, Brooke was immediately starting to reply with an "I'm fine" or some ridiculous variation thereof, but it was quickly interrupted by yet another one which made her stop.

She just stopped.

And stared. Brooke didn't pay attention to how long she stared at her phone, re-illuminating it over and over when the light started to dim, blinking rapidly as her eyes threatened to tear, but when she finally worked up the will to type out another one, her fingers were shaking.

cum over?

It was yet another long period of staring and poking at her phone's screen to keep it lighted before she finally hit "send".

[Astley Pyatt]

Astley's worry, which had waned slightly with the frequency of her friend's responses, grew more and more inherent as she waited and waited for a reply. She started to think she'd said something wrong, that she'd messed something up, that somehow something had changed-

She let of a breath of relief when her phone buzzed, but it caught in her throat at the two words she received. She couldn't tell is she was relieved or anxious. On the one hand, Brooke had responded in the positive(?) with the invite, but on the other hand, she hasn't answered the question - not even with a platitude - and there weren't any silly emoticons in sight.

Astley's first instinct was to run to her friend's room and tackle her into a tight bear hug, but she had a feeling that that was a bad idea. Mostly cause she would probably run into something on the way there, or accidentally tackle one of Brooke's roommates. So she forced herself to walk (somewhat) calmly (though it was most like a brisk trot) to Brooke's dorm room, even as she typed: on my way.

She would probably tackle her friend as soon as she saw her, out of sheer relief, but for now (I missed you, she admitted via text) she would just try to get there in one piece.

[Deleted]

Now that she had sent the message, Brooke's fingers were shivering. Her heart was beating faster and her every muscle just seemed to shake. It was gone, she sent it, she couldn't take it back. And now….now what?

Would she come? Was that too selfish of her? What if she was bothering Astley while she was in the middle of something else? What if she couldn't get away? What if she didn't want to come?

Brooke was filled with a nervous anxiety as she waited for a response which she thought may never come, but which also did nothing to calm her nerve because now she was faced with another problem.

What was Astley going to say when she saw her? What if she was disappointed in her, what if she freaked out? What if she was worried but what if she wasn't or didn't even notice?

Then came the next message which…she still wasn't sure what to do what to say how to react it was all just happening to fast. Wasn't sure if she should look in a mirror real quick. Her eyes were swollen, that's for sure, but at least her hair looked good, cropped just above her shoulders and curled to the nines. And oversized T-shirt and semi-flared skirt made it look a lot more punk than normal but….she looked ok, right? Maybe?

Brooke continued to sit on the couch and curled her knees up, pulling her t-shirt over them, and then wrapping her arms around them. She looked straight ahead and waited.

[Astley Pyatt]

She wasn't exactly running, but she made good time as she rushed to Brooke's room, a knot of both fear and relief all jumbled up in her stomach. She raised a hand to knock on the door, but she ended up sort of half-knocking and then her knuckles slid down and she opened the door all in one move. In under ten seconds, she had put her arms around Brooke tightly, curling up next to her and burying her head in her best friend's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I know I'm over reacting," she apologized, feeling her heart finally calming from the loud thudding that had accompanied her trip to the dorm, "I just - I was worried, I'm sorry." She wasn't sure why she was apologizing, she was just so relieved that Brooke was okay, her anxiety had made her far more worried than was logical, but Brooke was- ...Was Brooke alright? Astley sniffed, her nose belying the tears she hadn't let fall, as she pulled back slightly - her arms still tight around the other girl, not wanting to let go yet, but her head craning back a bit. Her friend looked shaken, and her hair was short - a big change Astley hadn't noticed at first - and eyes red. It was hard for Astley to not cry upon seeing that, but she just blinked a lot and sniffed a little. "Are you okay?" Her voice was tight, the worry very evident, as she clung to Brooke.

She'd never seen her this bad before, though usually Brooke's episodes took place behind closed doors and Astley was left to her own devices to fret and worry over her friend's well-being. The worst she'd seen from Brooke before was a sort of mild numbness, an apathy that frightened her but seemed harmless. Usually she could console herself by saying it would pass, that at least Brooke wasn't doing anything rash, but this time... Every time Brooke had an episode, Astley's fear grew a little more, compounding over time, and now it was threatening to spill over in a surge of hysterical worry and relief. Because Brooke had done something, had taken an action - had cut her hair - and Astley couldn't do anything about it. And it terrified her that one day Brooke might cut something else instead, something more important, and Astley wouldn't be able to help her.

"...I was so worried," she repeated again, quietly, nuzzling her face back into Brooke's shoulder.

[Deleted]

The knock came and she tensed up, yet hadn't even the time to change her mind before it was opening and Astley was crossing the room to give her a tight and much needed embrace. Brooke didn't say anything while Astley shot off her apologies...they should have made her feel better but somehow only made her feel even worse. How could Brooke have done that to her, made her worry so much? The guilt twisted in her chest enough to make her whole body tense.

"Are you okay?"

As soon as those words fell from her lovely's mouth, Brooke's eyes started to sting again. She didn't want to say anything, but now that Astley was here - her dear Astely with those warm arms wrapped around her so tight she could probably feel her shaking - she had no choice, there was no way that Astley wouldn't notice that something was wrong. What was wrong? Everything! Everything was always wrong and it just kept getting worse and she didn't know how to stop it!

Brooke buried her face into her knees again and slowly shook her head. "No..." she replied in a long, distressed whine. "I'm sorry...." For not being Ok and for making her worry and for being such a burden to her luv. She lifted her head and dared to look over at Astley's beautiful face. But that only snapped that thread which was keeping her from breaking down yet again, and the tears started to fall like little droplets of rain. She tried to open her mouth yet it only contorted with her lips curling back and eyes scrunching up into what had to be the ugliest thing on the planet. "I...I cut my hair...!" she squeaked out which quickly turned into a unending, high pitched wail as she let her legs fall and grasped her Astley tight like she was the only thing the only thing in this reality which could anchor the sobbing girl to it. Brooke buried her face into Astley's shirt and continued weep her desperate tears.

[Astley Pyatt]

"I'm sorry...."

Astley shook her head - which kinda seemed more like she was wiping her nose on Brooke's shirt, but she didn't mean it that way - and squeezed her best friend again, reassuring her. "No, no honey... it's not your fault. ...It's never your fault." Seeing Brooke cry made Astley's heart ache in sympathy, but part of her was so happy - so happy that she was here that she could be here for Brooke, that Brooke didn't have to be alone. A few tears escaped her eyes, but they were tears of relief. It was like she was complete again, like this was what she was made for, for holding Brooke and comforting her, and just being there.

"I...I cut my hair...!"

A surge of... something... some sort of selfless giving ran through Astley as Brooke grabbed her, and she clutched her right back, feeling comforted by the tightness of their embrace. It felt like each of them would be shaking apart if it weren't for the other there, holding them. The feeling was sad but joyous, gruesome but beautiful all at the same time. It was painful, but somehow euphoric.

She let Brooke cry a bit, until the sobs had lessened a little. "Your hair is beautiful," she assured her friend, a slight smile threatening to turn the corners of her lips. It seemed so silly, to worry about hair now, it just didn't matter. Not like Brooke mattered. "You're beautiful," she repeated, her head resting on Brooke's shoulder, shifting a little to keep her tears from running into her ears.

[Deleted]

"No, no honey... it's not your fault. ...It's never your fault."

It was nice to hear those words, but it didn't alleviate Brooke's distress as much as it should have. In fact, it just seemed to stir up more guilt in the sobbing girl, who couldn't believe just how kind and beautiful her Astley was to say something like that, to come look for Brooke when she'd been lost, to find her and hold her up when she couldn't stand by herself. God, that sounded like some cheesy song lyrics....

But it was true and it just made Brooke think that Astley must be some sort of angel or saint to be willing to put up with Brooke's angst when any normal person would have already given up by now. Or even simply let her be, assuming that Brooke would eventually pull herself up...and she usually did. But it was so hard. And this time was just so bad, that mere fact only propagating her anguish.

Brooke sobbed like a newborn child into Astley's shirt, her arms wrapped tightly around the other girl's torso, until it seemed like she had spent up her remaining stock of tears and had only whimpers left to express that misery which would not fade. "I..." she choked out, her throat scratching from it dryness. "I never had my hair short....I's ugly." She sniffed up the snot that threatened to fall into her Astley-luv's blouse. "Why....why did I do that...why did I...?" And just when Brooke thought she had no more tears to cry, they began to fall again down her hot, ruddy cheeks.

[Astley Pyatt]

Astley didn't let go of Brooke, even with all the sobs. Her heart was breaking for the girl, but she wasn't sure what more she could do. She just wanted to be there, to comfort her through this mess. Brooke didn't seem to believe Astley's previous words. "It's not ugly," she insisted again. It was maybe a little messy, but the look suited her, in it's wild way.

As Brooke began to cry again, Astley pulled her hair back from her face, getting a little air to her in the hot stuffy den she'd made in Astley's shoulder. "Shhhh..." she used her other hand to rub Brooke's back, rocking slightly. It was like with her younger brother, the way she sometimes had to comfort him when he was crying. "It's gonna be okay." And she believed that. Hammel had some of the best staff for helping resolve issues. And she was there, too.

[Deleted]

No matter what anyone said, Brooke would still believe she was ugly. Not just her twisted crying face, or her chopped up hair, but her black soul that she just couldn't scrub clean no matter how many candles she lit, or Hail Mary's she said, all that stuff about forgiveness and a loving God was a big fat lie and she knew it but....

Astley wasn't lying, right? Why would she lie to Brooke? She had been the only thing (aside from Sean) constant in her life since she became a Hammel student. She was warm and soft and....far more forgiving than any human had a right to be.

Brooke continued to sob silently in Astley's embrace, taking comfort in her soothing shush's, her mother-like rocking, and cooes that everything was "gonna be okay". Brooke wanted so desperately to believe that. "Say it again..." she pleaded. Maybe if she heard it enough it would start to be true? Like the words to a magic spell or something? And Astley the sorceress to cast that spell. It could work, right?

[Astley Pyatt]

Brooke's response was heartbreaking. But apparently Astley's heart could break again and again, because there it went. "Oh, honey..." She just wanted to make everything better for Brooke, any way she could. It wasn't fair that Brooke had to put up with all of this. Still rocking gently, she twirled a piece of Brooke's hair carefully around her finger. "You're beautiful. And you're hurting. But it's going to be okay." Her chest was aching, stinging, trying not to cry as she reassured her friend. "Everything's going to be okay."