Want To Hold Your Hand (AJ) [M]

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

"It's alright," AJ told him. She could understand why he wouldn't want to talk about it. The break-up was still so raw and she should have known better, but she was worried about him and she really wished that Michael would stop texting him. Travis was teeter-tottering on the edge of anger.

"I'm fine," she said. All things considering, she was...mostly fine, she was just dealing with all sorts of feelings at once which she was kind of glad Travis couldn't see or feel because it was insane. "I mean...I just..." How was she supposed to say this? "You don't think he broke up with you because of me, do you?" She had to ask it.

And then he'd pulled her close and she let herself fall into him as another slow song started and they swayed together.

[Travis Morgan]

"I.. I don't..." This had not occurred to him yet, but he wasn't really in the mood to think about it. Travis shook his head, dismissing the thought. That was ridiculous. Michael wasn't that insecure.

Travis was tense when he pulled AJ into his arms. He was still trying to smother the fire that had risen in his chest, but the slow song was helping. The melodic love song filled his ears, effectivly turning his anger into.. well, what one might expect after a breakup. Thankfully, he and Michael had never officially had "a song", so he was at least spared that agony.

So the fire burned out, and he hugged AJ close as they swayed, feeling a multitude of different, complicated emotions. There were other couples around them, some staring into each other's eyes. Some holding each other tight. Some newer couples awkwardly laying hands on each other, not sure what to do. Some were kissing for the first time. Some people were standing awkwardly on the sidelines. Some people were running off to cry in the bathroom. Some people were making out in a dark corner. Some people were busy spreading drama-- Travis could feel it all, and he wasn't really sure what to do about that.

He felt alone, and awkward, and pissed off. He felt passionate, and in love, and turned on. He felt like the world was crashing down around him, and like he was soaring on cloud nine. Travis was resisting the urge to cry, and the desire to kiss AJ.. to move toward the back of the auditorium where the lights were dimmer.. to suggest they go back to his room-- and the desire to call Michael and bitch him out. Ignoring him didn't seem to be a deterrent, he noticed as his phone buzzed yet again in his pocket.

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

Travis didn't really give AJ a full answer. Well, he didn't even give her half of an answer. He just shook his head and she wasn't sure how to take that. Did he not want to consider it? Did he think that was why? "Sorry," she mumbled in apology. She didn't know what kind of a frenzy she'd sent Travis into and so she bit her lip as he pulled her in for another slow dance and let herself just fall into Travis like she had so many times. It seemed easier that way. Easier than to think about the possibilities of Michael breaking up with Travis.

She felt hyper-aware of everything, of his hands on her waist, of the closeness of their bodies and the heat between them. She didn't know what it was about it, but she was constantly aware of it and the fact that she could sense pheromones surrounding him, pheromones of all kinds...conflicting with each other. She had only just started to sense pheromones after some training which made her happy because it meant she was making progress, but also terrified her because she wasn't used to it. All of the chemicals...

She took a deep breath, trying not to be distracted by it, especially by the fact that the pheromone that kept being released all around her in this auditorium was passion and lust and desire...and that same pheromone was being released from Travis. Suddenly she was distracted by this, instead of Travis' conflict with Michael. She still had to concentrate fairly hard to make sure she didn't release any pheromones, especially ones that matched his. She didn't want to manipulate his...she wouldn't. Although she couldn't deny what she was feeling and she wondered if she suddenly felt more at ease about all of this since Phoenix and Oriel had apologized to her, but that didn't mean she was ready for this...whatever this was, there was still everything with Oliver lurking in the back of her mind.

His phone buzzing again in his pocket interrupted AJ's thoughts and she looked up at him, suddenly overwhelmed with the want to reach into his pocket and toss the phone across the room.

[Travis Morgan]

The mixture of intensified emotions filling the room was making Travis volatile. The drama and jealousy and resentment of sexually frustrated kids made his insides itch. The contrasting love and passion of the couples in the room made him warm. Made him tingle. Made him want to brush his lips against AJ's neck. The simple fact that he couldn't made the fire jump into his chest again. Wanting what he couldn't have was frustrating under normal circumstances. Wanting it in a room full of equally frustrated teens was like torture.

Selfconsciously, Travis pulled away from AJ about an inch so that he wasn't pressed right against her. Through shallow breaths, he wished that his jacket was a little longer.

His phone kept buzzing, and Travis realized that Michael was actually calling him now. He should ignore that. He really should ignore that. Nothing good would come from answering that call. He'd just be engaging in the petty drama that always seemed to errupt at these dances. It could only result in shouting and crying and emotional turmoil-- but before he even knew what he was doing, Travis had his phone to his ear and he turned away from AJ to bellow "WHAT!?" His hand still lingered on AJ's waist even as he snarled into the phone, "What the hell do you want Michael!? Do you get that I don't want to FUCKING talk to you!?"

He couldn't think. It only vaguely occurred to him that he was being extremely rude. Both to AJ and to anyone standing near them. The hazy impression was just strong enough to move his feet toward the door. He tugged gently on AJ's costume, wordlessly letting her know that she could follow if she wanted. He was to enraged to say anything to her. He didn't want his angry voice directed at her, and he couldn't control his tone right now. Shouting at Michaelw as the only thing that relieved the burning in his chest.

It felt good to yell. To emote. "You're acting like a child! Can you hear yourself right now!?" His voice lowered a few notches when he stopped just outside the auditorium.

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

And all at once, things seemed to reach an all time high. The intensity seemed unbearable. It built with the buzzing of Travis' cell phone and the growing intensity of the moment between them, the lights and the music and the pheromones and suddenly it was too much and the spell was broken when Travis pulled away from her and snatched his phone, growling into it at the person on the other end who had to be Michael. Hearing him yell was something she hadn't known and that made her pull back and really look at him, quiet, sweet Travis who was finally voicing how he felt and in a bellowing voice.

She felt him pull on her costume and she tried to find words, but she couldn't. And she stood there dumbfounded for a long moment before even thinking about following him outside of the auditorium. She weaved her way through masses of students, pheromones swirling around her. She felt so sensitive to them right now and she didn't even know why that was.

She finally found him standing just outside the auditorium. "Travis!" she called before making her way over to him. He was giving in. Michael probably wanted him to pick up, that's what he wanted and Travis was giving it to him.

[Travis Morgan]

"You're bein' a child! You.. you li'l bitch!" Michael's slurring voice could be heard through the phone several feet away. Travis pulled the phone away from his ear a little, and glanced at AJ when she called his name.

"Wow, that was a good one. I'm crushed--"
"Well wha'd'you want from me, Travis!!?"
"I want you to stop! YOU broke up with me! You don't get to be upset about it!! If anyone should be getting trashed and drunk-dialing his ex, it's ME!! What the hell is your problem!?"

Travis pulled the phone away from his ear again while Michael shouted drunkenly. He could hear it just fine from an inch away. Hell, AJ could probably hear it. "I'm sorry, AJ," Travis said quietly, realizing now that he was away from the dance that he was only feeding the drama.

"I fuckin' miss you Tray! I didn' break up 'cause I don' love you! I fuckin'... Chris git th' fuck off'a me, I'm 'n the middle'a somethin'!" Travis' eyebrows shot up and he blinked. He looked at AJ with his mouth open in disbelief.

"Michael-- Michael!" Travis interrupted, "who the fuck is Chris!?"

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

AJ stared as Travis argued with Michael. She could hear his drunken voice through the phone, bellowing like an idiot. Oh, why did Travis pick up? This is what Michael wanted. He could have just put his phone on silent or even shut it off, then there wouldn't have been the vibrations, the phone calls and texts. But the more AJ considered that he could have done this, the more she realized why exactly he hadn't. He had feelings for Michael still and while he was hurt and angry, he wasn't going to cut him off completely, out of sight out of mind.

She couldn't expect him to do that so easily and yet it hurt her to see him torturing himself by picking up that phone call and subjecting himself to what his drunken ex-boyfriend had to say.

When he said that he was sorry, she only nodded. She knew he was sorry, but it was driving her insane, the fact that he was doing this. It would only hurt him more and they'd been having such a good time.

She reached out and touched his arm as he began to freak out again at Michael. She'd heard what he'd said...about another guy. "Trav," she started. "Trav, you shouldn't be doing this. He wanted you to pick up and you're giving in to that. You shouldn't have picked up."

[Travis Morgan]

Travis regarded AJ’s words with irritation, his attention split between her and the phone. He narrowed his eyes at her and tilted his head to the side, turning away slightly. He was really, really interested in who Chris was.

”He’s.. um.. jus’some guy I met—“

“Who. Is. He. Michael!”

”Look I cheated on you, okay!? You fuckin’ happy now?!” Travis turned his head and stared daggers at the phone. Michael was still yelling. ”I cheated, a’then I broke up wi’you! BECAUSE YER NOT HERE! God, Tray, wa’d’you want from me!? ‘m not fuckin’ perfect! I can’t do this— AND YOU’RE THE ONE WHO LEFT!”

“I didn’t leave! I was taken away! There’s a FUCKING DIFFERENCE!” Travis bellowed again, turning all the way away from AJ now so he wasn’t shouting in her ear. He pulled his arm back, burning to throw his phone against the wall and watch it break. Then he took a breath and made a visible attempt to contain himself. He rolled his shoulders and stood up straight, slowly and deliberately bringing the phone to his ear again. “…I’m sorry,” he said in an almost professional tone, “I can’t talk to you right now.”

Travis very calmly hung up, turned around and handed his phone to AJ. “Take this,” he said in that same tone, and without another word he walked briskly toward the exit. Outside. He should definitely be outside right now. It was cold out there, and Travis was on fire. Under the layers of white and black face paint, his skin was probably bright red.

Unless AJ decided to stop him before he got there, Travis would step outside and immediately scream at the top of his lungs. He would scream so loud that it hurt his throat.

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

Travis had every right to be angry and AJ knew that, but it was still so jarring seeing him like this. She was worried he wouldn't hang up and that he would stay on the phone, but she heard the news just as he did, clear as day.

Michael had cheated on him because he was far away. Taken to Hammel, even though it wasn't his choice. She was about to speak up again when he turned to her having hung up and handed her the phone. She took it in the palm of her hand and watched as he turned on his heel once more and walked out of the institute.

The effect of the night seemed to have shattered and she wasn't sure what to do. Did he want her to follow? She held on tightly to the phone and moved past several people who were talking in the hall to push through the doors into the cold October night air to find him.

[Travis Morgan]

Travis hadn't gone very far. He was standing a few yards from the door, breathing hard, picking up snow with his bare hands and chucking it into the night. Then he decided it would be more satisfying to throw snowballs at the wall, so he whipped around and let one smack dully against the brick.

The intensity in his eyes barely wavered when he saw AJ. He felt bad about this whole night, but that guilt didn't overpower his anger. "Do you know what's really fucked up about this? What's just so fucking pathetic about it!?" Travis panted, and hung his head. He drew in a deep breath of cold air, and put his hands on his hips. "I would have forgiven him for that. I really, really would have!" He looked up again. "But no! He had to do... this! Whatever the hell 'this' is! He just had to TALK to me! That's ALL he had to do! At what point did I become unapproachable!?"

Travis took another breath and huffed. "I'm sorry, AJ. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have fucking-- God! How do you... How do you be with someone for so long and not notice what a dick he is!? Am I just stupid or something!?"

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

When AJ found him, he was molding snow in his hands and then whipped it at the brick of the institute. She didn't ask him 'what?' It was a rhetorical question, he was going to tell her anyway. She let him get his anger out, glad that it was to her and not to Michael on the phone still. She held his phone limply in her hand, still staying several feet away from him as she took in his outburst, which is exactly what Travis had done for her so many times.

"You're not stupid," she finally said when he was done talking. "Some of us like to search for the best in people even if it's really hard to find...or not even there." And it wasn't a completely horrible thing to be one of those people, only sometimes it left you wondering why you spent so much time on them when they go and cheat on you or something else like that. "I still don't think you should have picked up that call, but I know why you did. And it's okay." She moved closer, lingering there, yearning to hug him, to somehow make everything okay.

[Travis Morgan]

Travis let out a short breath, "yeah, I just--" he looked away from AJ and didn't finish his sentence. It was much calmer outdoors. The throng of people was behind more than one layer of brick now, and even the sound of the dance was hard to hear. Travis huffed again, and blinked the tears from his eyes.

He took a step closer to AJ. "Y'know what? Fuck him." Travis tried to smile. Tried to make it seem not-so-bad, but the attempt was failed almost immediately. He bit his lip to keep it from trembling, and looked up to discourage the tears from falling.

He felt betrayed. Like Michael had just been fooling him this whole time. He wasn't really gentle and he didn't really care. This Michael, the one he'd just spoken to, this is who Travis had really been with. This mean-spirited, immature, blame-casting, asshole was just hiding right beneath the surface. Travis felt foolish. How did he not see it? How could he fall in love with someone like that? He thought Michael was better. He just..

Travis looked down again, sniffing but no tears falling. He closed the distance between them, hessitated for a second, then wrapped his arms around her. He didn't feel that he deserved comfort, since he'd just managed to ruin the evening by being a terrible judge of character a year ago-- and by getting swept up in a room full of over-dramatic teenagers. But AJ's emotions were pretty clear. He'd figured out how to pause and feel, like holding his breath to listen better, he'd figured out how to ignore himself for a moment to take in AJ's mood. Right now, she seemed set on making him feel better. "Boys are stupid."

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

"Y'know what? Fuck him." He could say that, but AJ knew that he was still hurting and it was hard to just drop the subject from your mind that easily. But she let him pull her into a hug and wrapped her arms around him in return.

"Sometimes we're blind to the actions of people we love. It's just kind of how it goes unfortunately..." She was sure what she was saying wasn't helping and so she just hugged him tighter, unsure of what exactly to do. She had been so frazzled with everything happening at once at this dance and the feelings that had evolved from all of it. She let out a slight laugh at his comment. "Yeah, they definitely can be," she agreed.

She was trying to push all of her thoughts and feelings away--especially those that were about Travis and the pheromones he'd been releasing back in the auditorium. She wouldn't...she couldn't bring that up to him. "Maybe...maybe going to this dance wasn't such a good idea," she mumbled, more so to herself.

[Travis Morgan]

Travis hugged AJ tight. Her energy was comforting, even if the drama had worn her out a bit. "I'm sorry, AJ," he said when she mumbled about this dance being a bad idea. He didn't want her to feel like that. Sure, maybe walking into a room full of intense feelings hadn't been his best idea ever, and yeah, it had caused him to react badly to Michael's bullshit. But he knew that if it had happened another way, he wouldn't be out here screaming and throwing snowballs at the school. He'd be sitting in his room, probably, quietly suppressing his feelings. Repressing them so they could sneek up on him unexpectedly a few months down the road.

This was better.

"I wanted you to have a good time," he mumbled into her hair, "sorry for being a drama queen." He wanted tos mile at that one, but he couldn't. He still felt raw from the quickly escalated situation with Michael. Travis took a deep breath, and the smell of AJ's hair soothed his senses. He closed his eyes, and let himself fall into her again.

She was safe. He could understand why Michael cheeted on him. He really could. AJ was here, and her comfort was better than Michael's had ever been over the phone. It just wasn't the same. Contact was important-- no it was necessary. There was no substitute for this. Arms wrapped around each other. The other person's scent in you're nose. Their heat against your body. Their energy enveloping you.

Maybe that last part was just Travis, but it was still necessary.

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

"It's okay," she told him, still holding him tight. Sure, AJ had an idea of how the night would go and this wasn't it, but she was happy that he was expressing himself instead of repressing his feelings. That never worked out well for anybody. Travis had become a lot more expressive lately, even if he was angry. It was healthy, wasn't it?

"And if you ask me, Michael's the drama queen in this situation. You were just reacting and isn't what what we do? React? To everything around us? I think it's only human." And Travis was finally allowing himself to feel, what AJ had been urging him to do all along. "Anyway, I'm proud of you really...you're expressing yourself." She pulled away just enough so that she could look at him. "But...I don't think you should subject yourself to talking to him anymore. He knows how you feel and that's that."

She wanted to ask him. She did. About the pheromones she'd picked up on earlier on the dance floor, but did he actually have feelings for her or was he just being affected by everyone in the auditorium? She didn't want to ask a stupid question.