Panic Attack (Oriel) [Trigger]

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Oriel couldn't move. He felt like he wanted to, but every time he tried he realized his limbs weren't going anywhere. His eyes wouldn't open. He tried again. Oriel could see himself moving, he could feel it, but when he looked again, there was nothing.

Was he still breathing? A seed of panic started to grow outwards from his stomach, branching up into his chest and out to his arms where he started to shiver and shake like it was the coldest day of the year. But it felt more like the chill of a ghost, like death had draped over him, trying to suffocate the dreaming boy. A bead of sweat trailed from his temple.

He could hear his own voice in his ears, he could feel it escape his throat, but it did nothing to rouse him from this nightmare. Finally, he felt warm hands on his neck and the urgings of a familiar voice. A comforting voice.

His eyes snapped open and he jerked his head back into the pillow. Oriel scanned the world wildly and with desperation, trying to discern where he was.

Where was he? Was this the shelter?

His foster home?

Some abandoned building?

The closet maybe?

Was this the hospital again?

It wasn't his room.

Not his room. At Hammel. Right, it was similar though. He'd been here before. Oriel knew this place. This room. Phoenix. Phoenix's room. And that's who this person was. Right. He gripped onto the arm of the boy leaning over him. He swallowed that lump of sandpaper in his throat and found his voice. "Ph--Phoenix?" His breathing was still sharp and shuddered, but was gradually starting to slow down.

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Oriel didn't rouse at Phoenix's initial shaking, and the worry blossomed in his chest. What if he couldn't get him to wake up? Phen hadn't noticed this before - how long had Oriel had nightmares? Was this just a freak incident? Or had Oriel suffered from them without him knowing? Whatever the case, Phen felt horrible, seeing his lover twitch and whimper from whatever he was experiencing in his head.

Finally, thankfully, what seemed after a long time, Oriel jerked awake, and Phoenix clung onto him, hoping that whatever his boyfriend had been dreaming about wasn't about him and wouldn't make Oriel think he was still asleep. "Shh, I'm right here," he murmured, reaching a hand down to fold into Oriel's. "It's alright, it was just a bad dream..." His other hand trailed up to trail delicately through the boy's long, dark locks; his gaze was full of worry.

"You must have been seein' something awful," he said softly, settling his hips down over Oriels as he continued to hover above him, like a comforting blanket. "D.... Do you wanna talk about it?" After what had happened earlier, he was afraid maybe it had something to do with the drugs and other bad things that had been brought up. He leaned down and nestled his nose into the space behind Oriel's jaw; his lover may have noticed that he was shaking, too. "You're safe from whatever it was," he whispered. "I'm not gonna let anything hurt you."

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Nightmares were something that Oriel experienced in the past. It was one of the many things that contributed to his insomnia which in turn created his lack of a stable sleep schedule and then his frequent napping during the daytime in awkward locations. Having the presence of someone else in the room, especially someone he trusted, helped alleviate the anxiety that would spin his head in ten different directions. While he had had nightmares still with Phoenix beside him before, this was the first time in a long time it'd affected him so much.

Upon waking, it was the same kind of fear and distress that had fallen over Oriel the first time he and Phoenix shared a bed, when Phoenix carelessly showered Oriel with his hallucination inducing dust. This time, however, he at least had someone to cradle him out of his agony. He blinked a few times, gripping his hand in Phoenix's and letting his caresses calm him down.

He wasn't sure if he could talk about it, or if he even remembered the whole of the dream. Instead he concentrated on his breathing and Phoenix's soothing voice for the next few minutes. Without speaking, Oriel rolled forward over his lover and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face into his chest like a child. "…I'm okay," he said, trying to convince himself as well as his lover. "I'm okay…." Though his voice was still shaky, like he was desperately trying to hold back his cries. "…I'm okay…"

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Phoenix still regretted the day when they first met, how thoughtless he had been when he had sprayed his hallucinogen all over the then-stranger. He was sure he'd apologized a thousand times for it, and now made an extreme effort to make sure it wouldn't happen again. The one time with Erik had been a fluke; since then, he'd managed not to dust Oriel again, although it happened to the occasional stranger, which was another reason Phoenix really wanted to get more serious about his training. He hated the person he had been when he'd been so caught up in his addiction; apathetic, uncaring, mean... He almost couldn't believe he was the same person. Phoenix squeezed Oriel's hand back with equal pressure, making soft, soothing sounds as Oriel shivered against him.

If Oriel didn't want to talk about it, Phen wouldn't push him. Whatever made his boyfriend the most comforted. He let out a small noise as Oriel rolled over him, but didn't fight it, instead enveloping his arms around the boy's back and pulling him snug and close, tangling their legs together. "Okay, okay..." he said softly, though he didn't believe it; Oriel was obviously still shaken up. He brought a hand up to press against the back of his lover's head, lifting his face gently so he could press soft, warm kisses all over his forehead and cheeks. He wasn't sure what else to do.

"Tell me what I can do to help," he murmured, surprised by the calm, steady sound of his voice. Even if he was shaking inside, at least he could pretend to be stronger than he felt. "Anything. Okay?" He said this firmly, rubbing his hand up and down Oriel's spine, running his fingers over the soft, supple muscles and giving gentle, massaging touches every few moments. "I'm here, and I love you, and I'm not leaving you, no matter what." He placed a lingering kiss on the corner of Oriel's mouth.

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Oriel was going to be alright, he knew that even if he didn't feel it right now. He just needed time to calm down and find himself again. To let his heart stop beating and let the swirl in his head stop spinning. To just take in the scent of his lover beside him with every desperate breath he took until his lungs stopped burning.

The images from the dream were nothing. But still, thinking back on them as they faded from his memory caused a knot to form in his stomach. Pictures of monsters and mutants and things of the strange were what people normally associated with nightmares, but something so subdued and tame, so non-chaotic, evoked anxieties and fear far more than any of those things combined. But still, Oriel wasn't sure he could describe them, not even to Phoenix. It was…embarrassing to admit what terrified him. Especially when he didn't quite understand it himself.

Oriel shook his head. "Fuck…I dunno…" Honestly, this was something new. He'd not had a person to comfort him before after a nightmare like this. Normally he just curled in on himself and trembled for the rest of the night. Maybe go for a run, practice his dancing somewhere outside. He'd always done it alone though. But just by having Phoenix here, feeling his touch and hearing his voice, Oriel was already feeling better a lot faster than he would have been. He closed his eyes and pulled Phoenix in tighter. "B…better not…" he mumbled followed by a halfhearted chuckle.

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Honestly... Phoenix would probably be able to stand the terror of what would normally seem unimportant more than a lot of people. His hallucinations hadn't always been pleasant - not by a long shot. He'd seen things he couldn't explain, shivered and shook with his eyes shut tight against the demons that wandered in his visions, manifestations of his own inner turmoil put on display just for him to see. Other times they were just vague shapes, fluid and seemingly harmless, but somehow terrifying all the same. Whatever Oriel was afraid of, Phoenix would do his best to understand.

"Mmm..." His brow creased as Oriel spoke, and both of his arms slipped down to the boy's lower back again, snuggling him tight. "Just... Take your time, love. Breathe, scream, cry... I don't care, whatever makes you feel better." He tucked a loose tendril of hair behind Oriel's ear. He smiled a little at the small chuckle, giving Oriel a comforting squeeze. "You're my person. My Squishy. I'm gonna make you smile again."

He hummed for a moment, trying to think of something, before leaning in and giving Oriel another kiss. "You wanna get up and burn off some energy? Or maybe get some tea or something?" Maybe that would be better than laying here motionless, waiting for the adrenaline to wear off.

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Oriel wasn't going to do any of the things Phoenix suggested….at least he didn't think so. He didn't want to, really. He just wanted to forget and enjoy this warmth. Enjoy his words. Get a hold on what was real to phase out what wasn't.

A few moments passed and already Oriel was breathing easier. He lifted his head to accept the kiss from Phoenix. "Yeah…" he said in a rough voice. Oriel swallowed. "That sounds good, yeah…"

Oriel started to pull away, picking himself up. His muscles felt weak and shaky. In fact, he nearly stumbled upon getting out of the bed, using Phoenix to catch himself. "I'm okay…" he assured his lover. A few minutes later, he followed Phoenix out into the common room, clothed in just his jeans and damp hair. "….thanks," he mumbled. "Didn't mean to worry you like that. It's just a stupid….stupid dream anyway…" He gave a nervous chuckle, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over him and looking down at the floor. "....what time is it anyway?" It was dark out. And quiet.

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If what made Oriel feel better was Phoenix cuddling and holding and nuzzling him all over, he'd gladly do it. Forever, really. It wasn't a chore - Phen loved doing it, loved showing his affection in such obvious ways. It made him feel needed, comforted, even though he was mostly trying to comfort his Squishy.

He was relieved to hear Oriel's breath calm down. It helped settle his own fears, and his hands stopped shaking as he ran them through his boyfriend's hair. "Okay..." he breathed, shifting to sit up a little, wincing as his back twinged. He really needed to let his wings back out...

As soon as Oriel stumbled, Phen reached out, holding firm to keep him upright; his eyes were lit with worry again, and only faded a little at Oriel's reassurances. "Alright..." he said waveringly. He crawled out from under the blankets after his over, immediately shivering as goosebumps covered his bare form; it was cold. He quickly grabbed his thick pajama bottoms and dragged a blanket out to the common room with him. Phen trailed behind Oriel, coming up behind him as he rested against the counter, and wrapped the blanket around both of them. "Don't worry about worryin' me, just... Do whatever makes you feel better." Phoenix could deal, as long as Oriel was alright. "Dreams can be scary shit. Trust me... I know." He sighed, pressing his cheek against the boy's bare back. "Um... I dunno," he replied, squinting at the clock next to the TV. "Three-ish, I think?" Dead of the night.

"Mm... I'm gonna get us somethin' warm t'drink," he hummed, going to fill a pan with water and set it to boil as he grabbed a couple teabags. Phoenix couldn't cook to save his life, but even this was simple enough for him. Once the water was warm enough, he filled two mugs and handed one over to Oriel, taking the other for himself. He sipped it idly, staring vacantly into the mug, before peering up at his lover. "When was the last time I told you you're the most gorgeous guy I've ever met?" he smiled, leaning against Oriel's arm.

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Oriel was a little too in himself to notice any pain Phoenix might be going through, or to even consider that the consequences of the events earlier that night would already start to be catching up with them. The bruises on Phen's wrists probably hurt, his wings too, and psychologically…..well, they both were pretty much a wreck. Though later, Oriel would probably feel 10 kinds of guilty every time he saw those bruises…

Phoenix might've been cold enough to feel like wrapping himself in the comforter and walk around the house like the homeless-blanket-woman, but Oriel, as usual, was enjoying the cool air. Especially after that. He had been feeling chills and sweats before, but now it was just the sweats. It was too hot. Maybe he should take a walk outside? "Yeah…" he mumbled in a low voice. Though it wasn't that it was scary….maybe it was. Terrifying. That knot of anxiety was still present in his stomach just thinking about it. But he could barely remember what it was about anymore.

Oriel continued to lean against the counter as Phoenix prepared the tea, taking a mug once it was offered. He brought it up and breathed in the warm steam, letting the scent of the drink fill his senses. When he caught Phen's words, he blinked his heavy lashes and smiled down at his lover. He shifted himself and wrapped an arm around Phoenix, clasping onto his shoulder and holding Phoenix into his side. Oriel finalized the move with a kiss on the other boy's head. Then he turned to his tea.

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After a short period of time, Phoenix decided that it might be in his best interest to let his wings out (they were hurting more the longer they were in, it couldn't be good for the healing process), so as he shuffled around the common room, he let them slowly emerge, biting his lip and holding back a pained groan as they slipped out. It gave him a good amount of relief, although they still hurt; he'd need to get the stupid brace back on before they fell asleep again.

Phoenix would be terribly against going outside, at least mentally; if Oriel asked, though, of course he'd follow - hell, he'd follow Oriel anywhere. His lover's skin did feel awfully warm to the touch, though; Phen hoped he wasn't getting sick or something. "How are you feelin'?" he murmured, pressing the back of his hand to Oriel's forehead. "Any better?" It was a relief, almost, to have someone to worry about - not that he liked seeing Oriel like this at all, but at least it gave Phoenix a distraction from his own fears and anxieties.

And just.... Relaxing there against Oriel, with his arm around Phen's shoulders and a calming drink to finish the setting, was doing wonders for Phoenix's anxieties. He was still nervous, and worried for Oriel, but he was getting better. He sipped idly at his tea for a few moments, before setting it down and snuggling closer to wrap both arms around his Squishy's waist. He stayed that way for a while before a dumb idea came into his head that he felt like trying to pull off. Taking Oriel's mug and setting it down next to his, he took Oriel's hands in his own and gently pulled him to the open area of the room, humming softly as he awkwardly moved around with his casted leg, making a sort of shuffle-y rhythmic dance that would not be winning a dance competition anytime soon. He shot a dorky grin up at his lover, hoping he'd join in and not just laugh at him.

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Oriel continued to watch his breathing, keeping it slow and steady to keep his nerves from trembling up and down his limbs. It wasn't doing a good job, he felt like his very bones were shaking. Still, he didn't want to worry Phoenix. He'd already had a rough enough night. "Yeah, a lot better than before…." His voice was still a bit shaky and hoarse. The tea ought to help. Hopefully.

Yeah…it did. The warmth inside him helped ease the discord between his mind and his senses. Enough that he could actually enjoy the comforting touches that Phoenix was trying to give him.

When Phoenix moved away taking both their mugs with him, Oriel looked up, confused. "What're you…?" He rubbed his thumbs over Phen's hands as they were pulled forward. And he started to dance. Like an idiot.

Well, if Phoenix was trying to make Oriel laugh, he was doing a good job. Oriel shook his head, grinning in complete disbelief at the level of ridiculousness that was possible by his boyfriend. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" No, Oriel did not join in, the Dark Overlord did not engage in such an unrefined kind of dancing!

Well….maybe a little.

Oriel lightly swayed his shoulders and hips in time with…with the music that was obviously not playing around them. "You….are a dweeb, you know that?" He snorted at the lame quip. Would never come out of his mouth if he was feeling at the top of his game.

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Phen didn't want Oriel to hold back for his sake if he was feeling anxious still - he'd just try even harder to make things better. "Okay... Good, I'm glad," he said softly, pressing his lips against the boy's jaw. "If there's anything else I can do, just... Just tell me." He nuzzled his forehead against Oriel. "I wanna help." It made him feel wanted, useful.

At least the tea was helping. And, hopefully so would the impromptu 'dancing'. "Shhh," he said with a tiny grin, bobbing along to the music playing in his head. He knew he had no talent of the sort, he was just doing this to try to distract Oriel from his dream and make him laugh, even if it was at Phen's own silly expense.

He returned the smile that his lover was giving him, continuing to hobble on his good leg and try not to bump his bad one; he was leaving pretty heavily on that side of Oriel's body. "I'm dancin'," he replied with a flair of his right arm. "What's it look like I'm doin'?" He wasn't sure he wanted Oriel to answer that question.

Ahhh, there Oriel was responding a little. Phoenix giggled, trying to do some sort of spin and failing miserably; only Oriel being there kept him upright. He was laughing harder now, fumbling against Oriel's chest, before he managed to push himself off again. "Maybe I am," he agreed, still swaying around. "But... I'm a dweeb that you love," he added, reaching up and tweaking Oriel's nose with a mischievous smile. "And you're my lovely, brave lion. Your mane's growin' out an' everythin'." He drifted in close again and buried his face in his boyfriend's hair, taking in a deep breath. "If you still got some extra steam t'blow off, we can go wander around or somethin'. Whatever you want." Phoenix wasn't sure if he'd be able to go back to sleep either.

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Oriel rested his hand on Phoenix's head as he came up and pecked his jawline with his lips. "Right.." Perhaps Oriel should take his own advice sometimes and learn how to depend of Phoenix more? But…Phoenix simply expressing his concern was support enough for Oriel. Just knowing he was there and available, even if Oriel was feeling tense right now, he knew he would be ok.

But geeze, this was a bit idiotic. No, more than a bit. Oriel did not bounce around like a dweeb and call it dancing! Phoenix could do that all he wanted thought, Oriel would just….. "That ain't dancing," he said, shaking his head and suppressing a smile. "Ain't sure what it is, but sure as hell ain't dancing."

He had to roll his eyes at how ridiculous Phoenix was being. "Yeah, yeah…and it spoils you to thinking you can get away with this level of stupidity." Oriel growled with a large grin when Phoenix started talking about his hair and nuzzling up in it. "You'd be right though."

Yeah, a walk sounded good. He could probably use the exercise, give them time to settle down before trying to sleep again. "Sure, why not? You gonna be ok though?" Oriel pointed down at Phoenix's leg, still braced up.

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Yep, Phoenix was making a fool out of himself, and he had no shame! If there'd been anyone else around, he never would have done it, but this was Oriel, and Oriel wasn't going to hold it against him... Probably. "It's dancin' if I want it t'be," he retorted, wiggling his butt a little. "An' you can't stop meee~" He stuck his tongue out and smiled broadly. At least it seemed to be helping. Laughter was the best medicine and all, right?

He finally stopped his ridiculousness in order to nuzzle up to his boyfriend. He thought his job had been pretty well done. "Well, if the stupidity makes you laugh, then it's worth it," he declared, nibbling on Oriel's neck. Phen would do anything to make his Squishy happy, even at his own expense.

Phoenix pulled back slightly as Oriel replied, shrugging a shoulder. "I'll be alright, I'll just grab a crutch." He wouldn't be able to go very fast, but it'd be something, at least. "We can get a danish or somethin' on the way," he chuckled, going in to peck Oriel one more time before hobbling back to their room and grabbing on of his walking aids. "All set," he told Oriel; the blanket was pulled snugly around his shoulders again, to ward off the cool air they could encounter.

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"Oh, I can't, huh?" Oriel would take that challenge. Which ended with him placing his whole hand over Phoenix's face and pushing him away in all his dork-dancing glory. At least Oriel was smiling now.

If Phoenix said he'd be alright, then Oriel supposed it wouldn't hurt for the two of them to take a midnight walk(or 3am walk). Oriel closed his eyes for the few minutes that Phoenix was gone retrieving his crutches, taking a series of slow, deep breaths. Checking himself to make sure he was alright. When he returned, Oriel turned to greet him.

"Alright." He nodded, and held the door for Phoenix as they left the room.