Don't Worry, It's Nothing (Gryph, later Oriel)

[Deleted]

Phoenix flinched as Gryphon grabbed his hand, barely struggling as his friend pulled out the injury for all to see. He didn't look at it, instead shying away from his own arm, keeping his head bent and shoulders hunched. "It wasn't his fault," he mewled again, quietly, but the two were so involved with each other that he didn't know if either of them would hear. "It wasn't..." Phen couldn't look at either of them. He'd had no idea a simple visit would turn into this - his boyfriend and best friend going at it so fiercely, with emotions that had obviously been bottled for a while.

He did cringe again as Oriel simply laughed at the bruises, though. "It's not funny either..." he mumbled, barely under his breath. He gently tugged his arm away from Gryphon and wrapped both around his stomach, starting to shiver with fright. Nevertheless, he continued to stand in between them, in case one of them started throwing hits at the other. He didn't want that, not at all, especially over him.

His gaze jerked back to Oriel as he started speaking, his features twisting as the boy started speaking so cruelly to his friend. Phoenix knew, of course, where he was coming from, but... It wasn't Gryphon's fault for worrying about him! "Oriel," he whimpered, reaching up to intertwine his fingers with his lover's over his shoulder, but then attempting to unwrap himself. "You don't need to... He doesn't... He didn't..." What was he even trying to say? He looked between them both, distraught. "He doesn't need t'know about that!" he exclaimed as Oriel talked about the damage Phen had done to himself, had tried to do to Oriel, how close he'd come to almost falling back down from the successes he'd made.

"Stop... Stop!" he begged, clutching at Oriel's shirt. He looked desperately up at Gryph, expecting to see some sort of disgust. "Oh, please, stop!" His shivering had evolved into quite the shaking by now; he was getting all worked up with no sign of relief in sight.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon felt like... he was in a void. He had so many emotions, strong and powerful, trying to get through, but he just came up... empty. He knew pretty little about Phen's addiction -well, most things involving drugs really- so he didn't understand how serious it was. He himself had never taken drugs other than for medication, so this was a whole new branch of the world for him.

And it had all hit him in the face at once. So now, he was empty.

He couldn't... even imagine Phen being violent... Gryph stayed silent as Oriel spoke, over Phen's mumbling. Once the topic became more... graphic, I suppose, and Phen shouted out, he snapped back to reality. He'd heard everything, even if he'd seem to register nothing. However, now, he glared at Oriel. Phoenix was begging him not to go on, but he continued. He was torturing the boy.

Once he had finally finished, Gryph waited a few moments, computing everything that he had said, before replying as calmly as possible, trying not to get angry over Phen's state (because he felt like he could do nothing to help him without Oriel lashing out as pulling him away), "I've never gone through anything like that." he breathed, "I've never watched someone waste away, and I've never really had to stop someone from doing anything." He was amazed at how calm.he was staying... he was probably gonna have to punch a few cushions later to get the anger out though. "So I don't know what I would've done. But at least I seem to regret my past actions. You just... you laughed. That's sick."

He turned to Phen, "If I could've changed things, I promise I would've. If I'd known it would be like," he flicked his vision at Oriel and then back to Phen, "this, I never would've let you go."

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Oriel knew he should've just stopped when Phoenix asked him to, but…honestly he barely even registered his lover's pleas. He was just so fucking pissed that this hypocrite felt he could waltz in out of nowhere and try to tell Oriel what was best as if he understood anything. Someone who lived outside of this world had no right to say how those in it should live. Gryph should just stay in his own beautiful corner with rainbows and ponies and leave the broken be. Like he'd been doing all this time anyway.

Oriel wasn't going to let someone like that make him feel guilty for something he'd already punished himself enough for.

Had Gryph continued to let himself be ignorant, deny anything Oriel was saying, Oriel would have shown him the scars that Phoenix had left across his shoulders and back without a second thought. Though, while Gryphon had thankfully acknowledged that he knew nothing, it was like he was just looking for reasons to place any sort of blame on Oriel. To hold himself in the limelight as the better person and make Oriel look like a demon. Well…maybe he was. Oriel certainly was fucked up enough.

Oriel scoffed at how knightly the yodeling turkey was trying to make himself. "How long have you been at this school, Dimples? Four, five years? About the same as Phoenix, right?" Oriel loosened his embrace around his lover and stuffed his hands in his pockets, rolling his shoulders back and tilting up his chin. "Where were you? You can't tell me you didn't notice that he was here too. So…where were you? Why is it only now, when Phoenix is finally clean, that you decide you want to be friends again? He's conveniently not fucked up anymore and you don't have to deal with his baggage now, right? You fucking hypocrite." He snarled. "You would've bolted once it got too hard to handle. Or ignored it until it was too late. Or until it miraculously fixed itself, right?"

Oriel needed to get out of there before he beat the shit out of this poser. He took a few steps back out of the room before starting to turn towards the exit. "By the way, I wasn't laughing at Phoenix. I was laughing at your ignorance." He lowered his eyes to look at Phoenix. "You coming?" Oriel waited a moment before moving on, regardless of Phen's answer.

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Phoenix's breathing was rapid, his scrawny chest hiccuping with each intake, but his eyes were dry... For now. He cared about both boys so much, seeing them disagree and go after each other like this just... Broke his heart. He wanted to be able to have both of them in his life, there was no way he could choose, it wasn't fair! But how the hell could he make it so they didn't shoot daggers at each other every time they came in contact? Phoenix wasn't good at working with people in the first place; there was no way he could be a mediator.

His gaze slowly rose as Gryphon spoke. He was still clutching uselessly onto Oriel's shirt, trying in vain to get him to stop talking earlier, but everything was out now. He expected Gryphon to be disgusted, sickened by what he now knew about Phoenix, but he just.... Spoke calmly, softly. Phen stared at him wide-eyed, shocked into silence.

Unfortunately, Oriel wasn't so quiet. Phen dropped his arms as Oriel pulled his hands away, cringing back from both of them and curling in on himself like a beaten puppy. "I wouldn't have wanted him t'see me like that," he whispered, gaze aimed at the ground. "I... I wish no one had to have dealt with me. You included." He shot a glance up at Oriel before looking away again. "It wasn't fair to anyone. I would have been better just... N-not here." As Oriel got more harsh, Phen hackled up slightly, and shoved a weak arm against his lover, his own face contorted with horror. "Shut up!" he yelled, voice cracking. "You don't know what he would have done! You... You can't say stuff like that!" He immediately went mute again and whimpered, backing away from the other two, horrified at his outburst. "S-s-s-sorry, I j-just..." Phen swallowed hard and ducked his head. "I just want you two t'get along..." he mumbled weakly.

He hugged himself tighter as Oriel began to leave, shifting backwards at his words. At the question, his gaze snapped up, and he looked between the two, shocked. He... He was supposed to choose? There was no way... He couldn't do that. He stood there for several moments, wavering, before letting out a sob and bolting as fast as his injured leg allowed him, away from both of them, unable to make a decision. He rounded a corner and stumbled, crumpling and curling up into a niche in the wall and hiding his face as more sobs wracked his body. Fortunately it was quiet, so there was no one there to see him lose it.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

He'd never known that his own nickname would make him cringe, but as soon as the word left Oriel's mouth, Gryphon's face contorted in displeasure. It was unsettling to say the least.

The calmness that he had managed to retain, however, was crumbling away with every syllable. He filled with guilt, and anger, and hatred towards Oriel. A small morsel of respect tucked itself away into the back of his head though; the psychopath did seem to actually care about Phoenix... but that didn't stop his rage from growing. Before he could retaliate, however, Phen spoke -well, shouted. Gryph, slightly shocked by the sudden outburst, practically froze for a second, before coming to his senses once Phen began apologizing. He said nothing, but sent an understanding look his way. Gryph turned back round to Oriel, cautiously, "I.." his words failed him. All he could hear and think about was Oriel's words bouncings around his head, filling his conscience with guilt...

"I did know he was here, wise guy, but I didn't want t'get involved before for a reason!" He burst out, panting, "The last time I'd actually talked t'him, he practically dismissed me! I didn't want t'be involved, because I was 11 or something and I didn't want the memory of my best friend t'be ruined by a twisted version of him!" He breathed, "Yes, I was in the wrong then, but if he reverted back now? I'd never stop bein' there, because I'm old enough t'make actual desicions now!" He growled, completely oblivious of Phen now, his judgement and thoughts too clouded with everything else on his mind.

His glare sharpened when Oriel... ha, 'explained', his laughter. It was in that moment that his vision flicked back over to his best friend, who was struggling with himself to do anything. Gryph watched in complete uncertainty of what to do next, until the other winged boy hit the ground running. "Phen!" he called out, running a few steps forward to the exit... where Oriel was.

He could do nothing.

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Oriel heard what Phoenix was trying to say. He understood, he himself wouldn't have wanted anyone else to see him when he was down like that, on his last rope and just ready to shatter into a million pieces. But it didn't matter. The fact was that Oriel had already seen him like that, Oriel knew it was a possibility when he got involved with Phoenix and started helping him get clean, and as long as he was a recovering addict it was bound to happen again. Despite seeing him at his worst, Oriel still chose to stay and not to abandon his Phoenix just because things might get hard.

Gryph had abandoned him before. Phen's ex had done it too. Oriel wasn't and he wanted to make sure that nobody else was either, even if it meant pushing them away before it had a chance to hurt more than it already did.

Hearing Gryphon speak Oriel realized just how much scum this guy was. He not only ditched Phoenix once, but twice! And the second time, he didn't even bother making contact, he just ignored him. And that only pissed off Oriel even more. "You know what I'm hearing? A bunch of childish excuses. He pushed you away once and you turn tail and run! You didn't even try. And that is the depth of your so-called "love" for him." He did it once, he'd do it again.

However, Oriel's own history was prone to make him project the feelings he had towards himself onto others in similar situations. Oriel himself was barely 14 when he had his own serious experience with drugs that had made him so wholly against them. And he too had been overwhelmed with guilt for not being able or mature enough to do anything because he was just a kid. Despite how he was speaking and his adult-like appearance, Oriel still was just a kid, younger than either of the other two boys in the room.

When Phoenix ran out of the room, Oriel followed him with his eyes until he was out the door, then turned back to Gryphon. "Nice talking," was all he said before leaving himself, turning in the direction the Phoenix had gone, hoping to find the crippled boy soon before he accidentally hurt himself. And….well maybe Oriel did go too far. He'd have to apologize for that. Oriel rounded the corner to find Phoenix curled up, sobbing. He leaned against the wall and waited.

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Unfortunately, Phen had been too out of it most of the time to even register nearly anyone around him during his time at Hammel, let alone one person. He didn't blame Gryphon for not contacting him - he probably wouldn't have, if he was in the same position. But the two were still arguing back and forth, and Phen covered his hands over his ears, wishing he could mute out the whole conversation. "Stop actin' like I'm not here," he mewled quietly, probably only loud enough that he heard it. Eventually, the only option really did seem to be to run. And so that's what he did.

He felt awful about it, but what other choice did he have? He loved both of them, and choosing one over the other now would certainly result in something awful, either losing one of them or making irreversible damage to their relationship. No... This was the only choice he had. He'd go back to Gryphon later, apologize for himself, and for Oriel, and hope that he wouldn't hate him anyway...

But for the moment, he sobbed quite loudly in his little corner, feeling helpless and hopeless and like the worst boyfriend and best friend in the world. If it wasn't for him, those two might've been able to be friends. But now, they just... Argued over him, like he wasn't even there. Didn't they... Didn't they care about his feelings? Or were they so caught up in jealousy(?) and hatred that they were blind to it?

It was several long moments before he realized someone was standing near him, and he glanced up to see Oriel standing there. Phen flinched and curled in on himself even more, hiding his tear-streaked face from his lover. "W-w-what are you doing?" he sniffled, turning himself slightly so his back was towards Oriel. "I th-thought you were g-gonna go somewhere else..." His throat caught and he coughed, wiping uselessly at his eyes. "Aren't you... Aren't you mad at me?"

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Maybe he was still just a kid.

Sure, he had had a few hefty bumps in the road so far, which had taught him some valuable lessons, but in the way of actually having knowledge and understanding how the world works, Gryph was... uneducated. And every word Oriel spoke proved that, and fillled him with a feeling of guilt and stupidity. He really was a terrible person...

...why did he never help Phen before then? Possibly the uncertainty of it all, and his own ignorance caused him to back away... or maybe he was just too feeble to deal with anything important.

Gryphon had good reasons for his actions, the series of circumstances at the time had made it all too hard for Gryph to do anything other than what he had done... except for not taking the leap and helping Phen when he needed the help. That guilt still rested strongly on his shoulders... even with his reasons and and rhymes, he had lost all of the fight in him. He was lost on what to do. He simply just watched as Oriel made his final departing remark, before standing frozen for a short time to consider all that had happened.

Turning on a heel, he went back into his room as quickly as possible, and tried to distract himself in any way he could find. After pacing, sitting, listening, typing and trying to stay calm, he found himself lying on his bed hugging a pillow.

He didn't know what else to do; he'd fucked up any chance of still being friends with Phen, and he felt like he just couldn't function.

[Deleted]

Whether or not Gryphon decided that this little encounter was enough to ruin his friendship with Phen was completely up to him. Oriel had made a point of his past "devotion" and used it as ammunition against the winged boy to either get him to back off from Phoenix now, to run away like he'd done before just because things got too hard, or to get him to fucking man up and prove Oriel wrong. Prove to him that he wasn't going to let reality make him run away at a critical moment, when Phoenix needed him most. Who knows when that might happen, or if it would at all, but it was something Gryph had to be aware of, if he was going to be Phoenix's "Best" friend.

Though the fact that Gryphon hadn't even gone after Phoenix when he ran did not work in his favor.

Oriel looked down at Phoenix, the sobbing boy who was only curling in on himself more, and he closed his eyes, trying to keep his own spiraling emotions in check. Was he mad? Well….

"Of course I'm mad," he said, making no effort to hide it or sugar coat his words. "I walk in there to hear you declaring your love with a kiss to a guy who treated you like shit and then just shows up out of nowhere, rising right up to position of "best friend" like he had the right to be….to be important at all to you." He grunted, kneeling down with a scowl next to his cowering boyfriend. "At that rate, how long do you think it'd take for him to be more important that me?" After everything Oriel had done for Phoenix, the asian boy was holding someone like Gryph at the same level of importance without the guy having to even lift a fucking finger! Of course Oriel was pissed. And jealous as fuck! "It was like a slap in the face to hear you say that."

He reached over to turn Phoenix's head to face him. "But…that don't mean I don't worry when you go running off like that. And it don't mean that I don't want to be around you. Got it?" If anything, this whole thing just made Oriel want to be with Phoenix more, if just to ease his irrational fears.

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Phoenix cringed visibly as Oriel confirmed his fears, the words feeling like a knife to the chest even though he'd expected it. At least Oriel was being honest... Phoenix was awful at sharing his emotions. "You weren't supposed t'see that..." he mumbled quietly, which didn't help his position at all; it just sounded like he was doing things behind Oriel's back. "He's... You don't know him like I do," he whimpered. Oriel didn't know their history, how close they'd been when they were young... "He was my best friend back then. I... I want t'have that back again." He curled up even more as Oriel knelt down, sniffling and pressing his chin against his knees. "N-no, it's nothin' like that!" he exclaimed. "I never would... He's not..." Phen swallowed hard. "You... You don't gotta worry about that. He's... He's important t'me, but he's not you." He loved Gryphon, but not in the way he loved his Squishy. "I'm s-s-so sorry..." he whimpered. "I never wanted t'hurt you..."

He blinked and sniffed again as Oriel tilted his head, unable to meet his boyfriend's eyes; instead, he stared at the ground. "I didn't want t'choose," he mumbled. "I... I couldn't..." He finally looked up with watery eyes, cheeks splotchy and red from crying. "I l-l-love yoou!" he hiccuped, quivering. "Pl... Please don't leave me..." He reached up and held his hand against Oriel's. "I'm s-s-sorry..."

[Deleted]

He wasn't supposed to see that? "Yeah, guess not. Wouldn't want your boyfriend to see you sneaking around behind his back. You must think I'm pretty damn stupid, huh?" Did Phoenix really think he could hide that kind of thing forever? It was clear they liked each other, it was obvious the Gryph wanted to bone Oriel's boyfriend, but they didn't have to be all secretive about it, lying about everything. That's what Oriel didn't like.

You know, in addition to just not liking Gryph to begin with with and feeling like he was slowly being replaced.

Oriel continued to stare at his sobbing lover with a stone face, doing all he could to hold his own emotions back. "….I'm sorry I put you through that. I shouldn't have." He wasn't sorry, however, for the things he'd said to Gryph. That guy needed a serious reality check and Oriel was the one who gave it to him. "I'm not leaving. I said so back there and I meant it." Oriel leaned in and wrapped his free hand around Phoenix pulling him into a tight embrace. "I love you too much…..I need you too much to…" He buried his own face into Phoenix's muss of hair as he brushed his fingers through it gently, soothingly. "I…I just don't want you to hate me….please don't…." At this rate, Oriel was going to choke up himself.

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"N-no!" Phen sobbed, trembling at the tone of Oriel's voice, and what he was saying. "That wasn't... I didn't mean..." He took a shaky breath. "I don't feel that way about him," he promised. "I j-just... I know you guys don't like each other, b-but..." He fell into silence, unable to think of what else to say. None of this was going like it should be, he'd been so excited about his job interview and now... "I don't think you're stupid," he whimpered. "You're not." He was just... Extremely possessive and jealous. But no way would Phen say that. He loved his boyfriend far too much.

He finally managed to cut off the flow of tears that had been leaking from his eyes since he'd ran, but now his eyes were puffy and red, and his cheeks all splotchy. At Oriel's apology, Phen looked up with a watery blink, surprised. "It's... It's okay..." he mumbled, even though it didn't feel like it was. He sniffled as Oriel promised he wouldn't leave, clinging onto his words like a lifeline. The clinging turned physical when Oriel pulled him into a hug; Phen wrapped his arms around his lover, shivering and shaking, trying to take comfort from his warm embrace. He was going to start sobbing again if Oriel didn't stop talking. "I don't hate you!" he exclaimed, digging his fingers into Oriel's shirt. "I n-never would. You're... You're everything t'me..." He couldn't imagine life without Oriel now. He gave another pathetic sniffle and blinked blearily up at his lover. "C-can... Can we go somewhere else?" he mumbled. "I... I don't want someone t'see..." He trailed off. The hallway just didn't seem the best place to be having a meltdown/making up.

[Deleted]

Phoenix's tears were enough to make Oriel want to cry. They always were. But at the same time he thought, what would that accomplish? Oriel was just so upset at this whole situation he wasn't even sure what to feel anymore. He wanted to yell at Phoenix, but didn't want to make him feel even worse. He wanted to go back and beat the shit out of Gryphon, but that too would upset his lover. He couldn't very well let it go and say it was okay, because it wasn't! Oriel had been hurt too! And didn't Oriel also deserve to have some reassurance?

Or had he just been freaking out over nothing again? Letting his mind play tricks on him, making him see things that weren't there, and then replaying those fears over in his head until he drove himself crazy again?

Was he just supposed to lie and say it was okay just to make Phoenix feel better? No, Oriel hated the idea of doing that. Because he was always so terrified that that's all anybody ever said to him. Even now, it was hard to take Phoenix's reassurances as genuine with the memory of what he'd just seen replaying over and over in his head, even as Phoenix asserted them as truth with tears in his eyes. It'd been an act before, it could be now too, right?

Oriel still didn't want to lose him though. Oriel never wanted to let Phoenix go. No, he wouldn't.

He cleared his throat and nodded. "Yeah...let's go back inside," he said quietly, running his fingers through the boy's silky black hair, rubbing his hand over his back, trying to show Phoenix the affection and comfort he needed to calm down....no, trying to take from Phoenix what Oriel needed to calm down. He stood, gently leading Phoenix to his feet, and wrapped and arm around his shoulders as they walked back to Oriel's room.

[Deleted]

Couldn't Phoenix just... Have both of them? Oriel his boyfriend, Gryph his best friend? Couldn't that work? Just because he let Oriel sleep around with other people didn't mean Phen was going to, especially not with someone that Oriel was obviously so threatened by. No, he was going to try to keep both relationships in his life, and try to figure out a way to make it work so everyone could be happy. Somehow.

In the meantime, Oriel was here, and obviously upset, so Phen would do his best to reassure him, despite how awful he felt himself.

He nodded silently as Oriel spoke, trying to take comfort in the boy's soft touches. It was helping, definitely, but only time would make Phen feel completely better. He stood on shaky, wobbling legs as Oriel pulled him to his feet, leaning a good portion of his weight on his boyfriend as they headed back to Oriel's room. "I'm sorry for pushin' you," he mumbled as they reached the door, his eyes cast down at the floor. "I... Dunno what got into me..." It wasn't like it had done anything anyway; Phen had the strength of a butterfly, Oriel hadn't even budged. Once they got inside, Phen hobbled over to the bed and flopped down on his stomach, face-planting down into the mattress. He still felt awful.

He looked back up at Oriel, knowing he must look like a mess. "C... Can I do anythin' to... Make up for it?" he mumbled, digging his fingers into the sheets. "I-I'll do anything." Anything to make his Squishy happy again, even if it meant his own cost.

[Deleted]

It was horrible, this feeling. Up until a few minutes ago, Oriel trusted Phoenix utterly and completely. He would be able to confidently say that he knew Phoenix wouldn't betray him and leave him because he found someone else. It was Gryphon that he didn't trust and Oriel had no reason to, especially not with the eyes he'd seen the winged boy pass over his lover. But now....now Oriel was filled to the brim with a hundred different kinds of doubt against someone he was supposed to be able to trust unconditionally.

He hated this feeling. It drove him mad to have it nestled in the deepest corners of his heart, threatening to stab, twist, and mangle his insides at a moment's notice.

Just push it aside, he tried to tell himself. Phoenix said he didn't mean it like that. He's not going to leave you. There's no reason for you to not believe him.

Oriel clung to his lover like it was the only thing that could possibly hold him down from this craziness. But he didn't even know how to respond to anything anymore. So he fell back onto his old tactics; pretend nothing was wrong. "Huh? You pushed me?" he tried to joke. "I must've missed that." Though, even his snarky smile looked strained.

Once in the bedroom, Oriel closed the door and stood there, facing away and down as his hand held loosely on the knob. He was still torn. And hearing that Phoenix would do anything, anything to make up for it just dug at him more. Oriel could so easily make him do things he normally stayed away from, stuff he'd fantasized about, push Phoenix to the edge and farther until he broke....but again, what would that accomplish? Would it really make him feel better? It would at least trick Oriel into feeling like Phoenix was his, completely body and soul. But as his prisoner, not a lover.

The boy turned back to his love, host posture slumped and eyes far less hard than they were moments before. "...Can I just...hold you....for a little while...?" He stepped over to stand over his Phoenix and brushed the back of his hand over his cheek the to cup around the back of his neck. "Please..?" Oriel barely waited for an answer before crouching down and covering Phoenix's lips with his own.