AU: Letters Never Sent

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh's face fell as Ethan punctured his carefully constructed hope, deflating it with the intrusion of reality.

"Oh."

He turned away from the doctor, focusing instead on the still form of his best friend. How many more days would Sean lie there while the world outside passed him by? Days he could have spent sailing, or playing poker or pinochle, or casually drinking and bantering with friends would instead be spent in a hospital bed, unaware of what went on around him.

The promise that they would be neighbors in the same retirement community would no longer apply, broken by a tragedy he still didn't fully understand, even after the letter that Sean had written. They were in their fifties; there could be decades more of life before them.

Decades of visiting an unconscious best friend in the hospital until death mercifully took both of them did not sound like a very appealing future to the attorney. Maybe some sort of breakthrough would be discovered before then, a cure for every sufferer of comas. Medical breakthroughs were always a possibility, as long as industrious humans strove to understand the workings of the human body.

But then again, Ethan had said that if Sean weren't psychic, he would already be awake. Given that psychic powers were not particularly prevalent in society as a whole, it was unlikely that they would be given special consideration with regards to grant money or medical attention.

He dropped his chin to his chest, breath ragged with emotional pain.

"Do you mind if...ahh..if I stay a little longer?"

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Ethan was roughly the same height as Josh, and he reached out to rest a hand on the older man’s shoulder. “I know that it’s a lot to take in.” That was, undoubtedly, an understatement. The doctor had seen the way that Josh looked at Sean; he had watched the tender touches to the telepath’s unconscious form. Ethan did not know the history between the men, although he could extrapolate some of it. Josh was Sean’s emergency contact person, he held his legal authority while the telepath was comatose, and the attorney visited almost every day.

Whatever had happened between them, or whatever they had wanted to happen between them, was none of his business. Still, the doctor could see the pain in the attorney’s face during these visits and in response to bad news, or even less encouraging news than that for which he had hoped.

Squeezing Josh’s shoulder, Ethan replied, “Stay for as long as you want. We finished with his medical tests for today, and aside from when he needs an IV changed, you’ll have the room to yourself.”

The doctor thought that the older man would appreciate the lack of interruptions.

“If you see any changes or have any questions, you can call for a nurse.” The staff was attentive.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh appreciated the physical reassurances, even if they only temporarily alleviated his stress. Unless Ethan suddenly acquired the ability to force people out of comas there wasn't anything he could do long term to help, but he knew that the doctor was trying his best and for this he was grateful.

"Thank you," he murmured wearily, pushing up his glasses to rub behind his eyes.

Once Ethan had departed the room, Josh once more found himself sitting in the guest chair beside the hospital bed. He held Sean's hand in silence for a long while, wondering if the brain activity Ethan had mentioned meant that Sean was aware of his presence.

After twenty minutes of lonely quiet he began to speak again.

"You know, sometimes I think about kissing you to see if it will wake you up. You'll be a little disoriented, and then ask if I'm your Prince Charming and of course I'll say yes. And then you'll tell me you always knew when I was here, but you could never get your body to work to let me know."

Hot tears splashed down his face onto the psychic's still hand.

"But of course I won't. You can't consent to being kissed, so I won't."

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to shut off the tears now streaming uncontrollably.

"I read your letter. The good news is you're wrong, you're not dead."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Unfortunately for Josh, Sean did not reply. He could not reply; instead, he could only lie there, as he had for the past months since slipping into this coma. His large hand remained warm against the younger man’s, although his was limp and unmoving.

The attorney was correct, in that Sean was not dead. The warmth of his hand, the slow rise and fall of his chest, and the steady beeps of the heart monitor confirmed that. The telepath was not dead. He was not brain dead or in a permanent vegetative state. Still, his coma was the reality of his present state of life.

Josh was also correct, in that Sean could not technically consent to being kissed at this moment. However, the older man’s personal papers doubled as a monument to the interpretation that he would not mind if Josh chose to kiss him, if he were in any condition to be aware.

That proved moot, as the attorney’s cell phone began to buzz with an incoming call. The number was one now saved to his contacts list, but which had not been on his radar prior to Sean’s injury. Ryan Finnerty had never had cause to call Josh prior to his uncle’s injury.

[Joshua Bernstein]

If it had been any other number Josh would have been tempted to ignore it. He wanted to remain where he was, basking in Sean's presence and angsting to the best of his considerable abilities. He didn't really wish to speak with anyone, even Sean's nephew. But Ryan and Sean had been close before the accident, and in any event he knew that the young man wouldn't call him unless he thought it was urgent.

With a sigh the attorney pressed answer and put the phone to his ear. "Hello, this is Joshua Bernstein speaking. How may I help you?"

[Dr. Sean Neville]

As soon as the older man answered the telephone, Ryan’s familiar voice began to speak. “Hello, Mister Bernstein.”

Sean and his social circle were informal when it came to family situations. The telepath had insisted that all of Josh’s nieces and nephews refer to him as “Sean” rather than use an honorific; he reserved that for professional boundaries, when it was necessary to establish a firm divide between his position as a psychiatrist or an educator and his patients and students. When students graduated, he invited them to use his given name.

Likewise, the telepath introduced his friends by their first names rather than by titles and surnames. Unless one of his friends insisted on drawing that same boundary. Josh had never requested honorifics when speaking to Ryan.

However, the recent college graduate wanted the attorney to understand that this was not a social call. Also that he intended this call as a matter of respect, to the best of his abilities.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but I wanted to let you know that Mom is trying to involve herself in Uncle Sean’s care again. I thought you might want to hear it from me first.”

The young man knew that his mother and his Uncle didn’t get along. He also knew that his mother still had some familial connection to Sean, something wholly lacking with Joshua Bernstein. Her contempt was not a secret in the Finnerty household.

[Joshua Bernstein]

The formal greeting set Josh on edge immediately, perhaps because he was already in such a negative state. He wanted to object, and to request that Ryan refer to him simply as Josh, but then the news was given.

"Thank you for letting me know."

His voice sounded dull and monotone to his ears, but he couldn't bring himself to exhibit more emotion than that. He knew it was hardly fair; he ought to show more gratitude, since Ryan was doing him a favor. But he couldn't feel more than numb. This whole situation was already so surreal and stressful, and he really didn't need Kathleen interfering.

Again.

"Sean's orders were clear enough, she'll have a difficult time getting them changed. But I can call her, if that would do any good."

He knew that it wouldn't, but he felt he ought to offer anyway.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Ryan was apologetic, as he didn’t want to add to the older man’s burdens. He knew that Joshua Bernstein was his beloved uncle’s closest friend. The college student was worried sick enough about his uncle, and that was only as his uncle. Josh Bernstein had known his Uncle Sean for one and a half of Ryan’s lifetimes. They were very close, and Ryan knew that they had history. As a result, he had only the utmost respect for Josh’s decisions for his Uncle’s care, and he also respected his Uncle’s wishes as reflected in his medical proxy and his living will.

At the same, he was only barely old enough to drink legally, and he had no power whatsoever to make his mother listen to him on any topic. His mother loathed Joshua Bernstein, she resented him, and she did not react well to feeling powerless.

None of that constituted good news.

“I know she won’t succeed, and I think she knows that deep down. But she’s stressed and she wants to take charge.” She had already failed in that once, but time had passed with no positive changes in Sean’s status. “You don’t have to call her.”

Ryan did not anticipate that such a telephone call would end well.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh could sympathize with Kathleen on this regard; he, too, was stressed by the lack of change in her brother's status.

"Thank you for letting me know."

He wasn't sure what he should add now. Should he ask about school? Or jobs?

"Ahh...if you ever want to come up to visit...I'm sure that just hearing the sound of your voice would help."

Or so he hoped.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

“You’re welcome.” Ryan was glad to have warned his Uncle’s oldest friend. Then he added, “I’ll see if I can come by.” Truthfully, Ryan wanted to, but the entire situation was complicated. With his mother on the warpath, she might feel as though he was taking sides if he snuck up to visit his uncle. More than that, he wondered if Uncle Sean would want him to see the telepath so vulnerable and still.

He tended to think that would be an affront to his Uncle’s dignity.

With that, the call ended, and Josh was left alone with Sean in the hospital room again.

The telepath’s monitors continued to beep, signifying that he was still alive, although he remained unchanged.

That pattern continued for several days. Sean’s readings never changed, and the hospital staff allowed Josh unfettered visits. The monitors beeped their welcome and goodbye to the attorney each time he entered and left the room, but otherwise the telepath gave no acknowledgment of his friend’s presence.

This pattern was interrupted one day when, in the midst of a visit, the sound of a familiar and irritated woman’s voice could be heard arguing with the doctor outside the room.

Sean’s monitors continued to beep.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh's shoulders tensed at he sound of her voice. He and Kathleen did not see eye to eye on anything at all, and her attempts to wrest power from him in a situation he otherwise was helpless in did not sit well with him.

He gently disentangled his hand from Sean's, reluctance written across his face. Whatever relationship they'd had, it had long since stopped being romantic, and he didn't want to provide yet more ammunition for his friend's sister.

He tread slowly toward the hall, peering out the door with trepidation.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

The familiar form of Kathleen Neville Finnerty stood in the hallway, arguing with the doctor about conditions in the hospital and Sean’s course of treatment. Every inch of her remained unchanged, as though she had stopped aging at forty. From her flowing red hair to her petite frame to the utterly severe expression on her face and the harshness in her green eyes, she was every inch Sean’s opposite and every bit the sister from whom he had grown estranged eight years ago.

“I read that there’s an experimental surgery, and I demand to know why your hospital has yet to inquire into finding a reputable surgeon. It can’t be a matter of money, since his medical trust-”

“Mrs. Finnerty,” the doctor’s patience was thinning, although he kept a professional air about him. “You’re correct that this isn’t about money. We haven’t been authorized for such a procedure, and we aren’t going to go rogue without that authorization.”

“If you need authorization, you have it.” Kathleen, too, was losing her patience. She had opinions about medical bureaucracy as she was a doctor’s daughter and another doctor’s sister. This hospital did nothing to make traumatic experiences easier on patients or family members, although she attributed that to the remote mountain location and distance from a real city.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh felt his stomach drop as he came close enough to hear the content of the argument. He wished he could disappear, but that was hardly fitting the man with medical power of attorney. Instead he cleared his throat to announce his presence.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

The doctor breathed a sigh of relief, and he flashed Josh an apologetic look, since he was going to pass Kathleen off to him. He felt for the older man; everyone in the hospital knew how close Josh was to Sean (although lacking specific details, most of the medical personnel had seen the attorney interact with the telepath’s comatose body and could extrapolate from there). Moreover, after spending only a few minutes with Kathleen, he already had a headache, and thus he could imagine what would happen with Josh.

“Unfortunately, Mrs. Finnerty, you don’t have the authority to grant that permission. If you’ll excuse me, I have rounds to make.”

With that, he disappeared down the corridor, picking up a chart and ducking into the nearest room to tend to his other patient obligations.

Kathleen turned around, narrowing her eyes at the attorney. “If I have to challenge the medical directive in court, I will.”

Never mind that she had already tried that and lost, when the Judge ruled that Sean had made his medical authorization and other estate matters with sound mind and free of duress or undue influence. That, as with every other area of life, the telepath had done so meticulously and by the book so that there were no technicalities to invalidate it and revert back to blood family.

[Joshua Bernstein]

"Did you come up just to tell me that?" Josh sighed, pushing at his glasses with one hand. "I'm not authorizing any experimental procedures. They're risky enough for non psychics, and the telepathy means they're all but unpredictable. If you want to waste resources and time in court I can't stop you, but don't you think it would be better for all of us to focus our attention on caring for Sean?"