Lost My Mind [Kodi]

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

How he ever came to the decision to do this confused even Gryphon himself. He didn't regret it, and he wasn't about to back up on it, or change his mind. He was just... scared. The last time he'd got to thinking about doing this with someone, that someone was called Nick and he was not a good person. But this situation was a whole lot different, Gryph couldn't twist himself into thinking that Kodi was anything like that asshole. And calling him an asshole was really putting it nicely.

But back to the more important person. Gryph held an envelope in his twitching hands, unmarked except for a small heart in the center. He wasn't nervous for possible rejection or anything like that - knowing Kodi, and what the two of them had managed to do several times over, he would probably be pretty happy to see this, albeit a little shocked/amused/confused by the delivery of it. But Gryphon was a dork, and if this was going to be awkward, it was going to be awkward. So he made it dorky and shit to make up for how awkward he was about the subject.

However, considering Gryph's clear awkwardness about the subject, that didn't mean he wasn't ready, and wasn't giving consent. It was like... if when he went in front of numerous strangers to perform. If he didn't have the years of experience of doing so under his belt, he knew he would be scared and nervous as he waited to go on, but he would enjoy it all the same. Seeing as he did have so much experience, going on stage wasn't scary to him at all. Well, at least it was getting to that point. He was off topic - basically, he knew he would be more comfortable with the whole subject in due time, but maybe the first step was taking the plunge and... doing it.

...alright, he was fucking definitely doing this. Right now. He got up, went to Kodi's dorm, approached his door, and knocked. And froze. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit- Okay, he couldn't do this. But he couldn't go... in a quick moment of improvisation, he slid the envelope under the door before it could open... buuuuut he was still minorly panicking. He looked for somewhere to... not hide, per say, but... stay out of sight. Where Kodi couldn't find him. So basically, hiding. And where?

He... was being a real twit today. He went on the side of Kodi's door, so that when he opened it, Gryph would be hidden by the door. Because that technique of a five-year-old would work...

...maybe it would. He was willing to risk it. Once he was stood still, he tried to calm his breathing and relax. He hadn't done anything that was bad, or evil, or that would hurt him... except he was pretty certain losing your virginity would hurt.

Eep.

[Deleted]

For Kodi, it was just another day. He'd worked a few hours at the book shop (he was still amazed he'd been able to get that job) and had gotten back to his dorm not too long before in the evening. He was planning on going to see Gryphon at some point, but he'd been sucked into the next book in a series that he'd just purchased and, with bad judgment, figured he could read a chapter or two and get enough for the night. By the time he heard the knock on the door, he was almost to the fifth chapter.

Brow furrowing, he pushed himself off of his bed and hid the book underneath his blanket, wondering who it was. If it was Gryph, he would've just tapped and came right in, right? But this person hadn't. Bracing for whoever it was, Kodi was about to open the door when a soft noise caught his attention at the bottom of the door, and he looked down to see... What the hell? An envelope?

Bewildered, Kodi picked it up and ripped it open, quickly and confusedly reading over its contents. It took him about a minute to fully understand what it was that he was reading, and when it hit him, he stumbled back, gasping.

Gryph wanted.... He wanted Kodi to....!!

But what the hell, where'd he go? The dentokinetic opened his door and was met with... Nothing. "Gryph?" he called out, obvious excitement and giddiness in his voice. "Where'r you...?" Assuming he'd been the moron he was and had ran away with embarrassment, Kodi totally missed him hiding behind his door and started towards the dorm doorway, twisting his head to look up and down the hall. No signs of him. "The fuck, moron, where'd you go?" he laughed like a kid, back still turned towards his boyfriend. "Are you hidin'? Ain't nothin' t'be ashamed of, this's..." He had no words, but his happiness was clear in his voice. And, well, his desire as well. How long had he waited for this!?

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

It'd been a decent minute, at least. Even though that felt like an hour to Gryph, just standing there. Waiting. For what? Well, okay, he wouldn't have bought all that stuff and given it to Kodi unless he was certain he wanted this (he wanted this, he really wanted this)... so why was it so hard? Well, maybe it was because he was so-

-scared. The door opened quickly and Gryphon suppressed a squeak of shock, bracing for the impact of something, be it the door, or Kodi himself, but nothing hit him. He peeked open his eyes and... it'd actually worked. Kodi... hadn't seen him. His boyfriend was calling out to him, seemingly completely unknowing to the fact that he was actually in the same room as him, still. Well, this was... interesting. He took a breath and calmed himself down, he was getting too worked up about this. Like he'd said, like he'd written, he'd been thinking about it too much. And he did trust Kodi, he had made his mind up, nothing bad would come from this... he had to stop being such a half-ass wuss. He'd been holding Kodi back from doing this, holding himself back from doing it. If that didn't tell him anything, what did? He wanted this, he wanted Kodi, he wanted...

...to stop stalling himself with the internal pep talk. He carefully stepped out from behind the door and approached his boyfriend, but still stood a few feet away. He didn't get any closer, but he looked at his feet, before glancing up,

"Hey."

[Deleted]

Kodi must've been half-blind in his excitement, because he somehow managed not to see Gryph even in his obvious hiding spot. He was starting to think Gryph had either run, or this was some sort of game, or test, or... Something! He didn't know, his brain wasn't working quite right, he was too damn happy!

He was about to turn around and search the room for his adorable goof when he heard the "hey". Whirling around, Kodi caught sight of his bashful-looking moron, and he blinked several times; it seemed like he'd come out of the woodwork. "The hell...? How'd I miss you?" he laughed, fumbling over and and embracing him tightly. "Gryph, I... I.... I'm so happy, you have no idea..." When was the last time that sleeping with someone seemed so... Special? Never, he realized.

"You're such a dork though, this... This's really ridiculous and creative..." The dentokinetic was rambling now, pulling forward the silly pieces of paper and rereading the note with a smile. "You... You sure you're ready...?" Now that Gryph had been the one to say it, Kodi was the hesitant one. "I mean... I wanna make sure this's you that wants it, not just... Feelin' guilty for makin' me wait or anythin'. 'Cause that's.... That's not what I want our first time to be like." He'd never been so sensitive about this subject, either. Damn, Gryph was changing him.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

If there was anything that attacked Gryph's nerves, it was how happy Kodi sounded. It wasn't that he didn't expect the happiness, he almost could've imagined how Kodi would've reacted, but when you could hear it and (kind of) see it, it was pretty empowering.

Gryphon locked eyes with a seemingly confused Kodi before laughing quietly and looking at his feet again, "...the door. I was... behind the door." He jolted slightly at the hug but returned the embrace with about as much strength as was given to him. It made him smile pretty wide, Kodi's declaration of happiness. Making other people happy was one of the things he most liked to do, and he was basking in the warm feeling he got from Kodi's reaction.

Gryph rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled, "I know I'm not the best at talkin' sometimes, so givin' you somethin' t'read seemed t'solve that problem." He said, answering pretty logistically. "Also, I wanted t'actually give you a V card, my V card." It might not have been obvious, but Gryph had actually had that V card since he was... twelve? Thirteen? His mind wasn't helping him. It was before he got sent off to Hammel - Fi wanted to make sure he would be careful, and not forget about self importance, so she gave him the card and said, 'Don't give this to anyone until you're ready. This is yours to keep until you choose to give it away.'

So, in a way, the reason he was such a dork was because of Fiona. Yeah. Blame Fi.

Gryph listened with a tilted head to what Kodi was saying, what he was asking, confirming. This was what Gryphon liked - the fact that he'd done all this and shown such intent, but Kodi still had the common decency to actually check that it was okay. Which it was. He was sure of it, now. He nodded, "I'm certain. I want this, and... I want you." He looked Kodi in the eye with a small, honest, albeit a little sheepish, smile. Yes, he wanted this. He wanted this.

[Deleted]

Kodi stared blankly at Gryph for a minute before leaning slightly to the side and peering at the area where he had been 'hiding'. ".... Oh," he stated, then laughed again incredulously. "I guess I thought you'd ran off an' were playin' chase or somethin', you dork," he snickered, bumping his forehead against Gryph's chest. "Didn't even see you..." Kodi felt like an idiot now, but he was too giddy to be too embarrassed.

He chuckled and shook his head at Gryph's explanation, holding the literal V-card in his hand and staring at it with a mixture of awe and amusement. It was dorky, but... So incredibly heartfelt, Kodi felt ridiculously emotional. "I promise I'll keep it safe," he said quietly, his voice a little rough. He cleared his throat and tucked the papers back against himself. "I... I wish I could return the favor..." he added in barely a murmur, guilt touching his words. Kodi looked down, expression sad. All those times he'd done it and hardly even cared... It almost made him sick now.

He knew Gryph wouldn't just give something like this to him if he hadn't thought it over a ridiculous amount, Kodi was just... Okay, he was nervous. He wanted to give Gryph the absolute best experience he could. "I want you too," Kodi breathed, standing on his toes to press his lips to his boyfriend's cheek. His hands rested lightly on the boy's hips. "Do you.... Now....?" Kodi's eyes were wide and searching, waiting for any hint that they were going to... To do this tonight. That's what he assumed, but again, just to be safe... "I-I have everythin' we'll need, I'll be gentle an' everythin', I promise."

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon felt himself blushing a little, "Yeah... I don' even know..." He laughed breathily at himself, at his own silliness. He had been on the verge of running, but he stopped himself. He was glad he'd stayed, now. He really was an absolute dork, though.

His eyes fell on his V card as well, smiling. He knew he wouldn't regret this, "I know you will." And then the mood turned a little sombre. He frowned slightly and tilted his head at his sadness, "It's alright..." He reassured. He knew Kodi had done this before and... it was fine. "It'll be our first time. You can give that t'me." And he trusted the Kodi would make it worth the wait. Gryph kissed his boyfriend on his forehead, smiling. It was worth it.

A rush ran through him as Kodi said those words, and he considered the question for a second, and the fact that he was... prepared. Gryphon knew about all the stuff that was necessary, at least Kodi was... yeah, prepared. He nodded slowly, giving him a short kiss, cupping his neck in his hands, "Yeah," He fiddled with the ends of Kodi's hair, studying them meticulously, nervous and a little worried, but... he was ready, he wanted this. He loved Kodi, and he wanted this, "...yeah."

[Deleted]

Gryph was so nice, hardly reacting badly to Kodi's lack-of-virginity comment. The dentoknetic still felt guilty, but as long as Gryphon was alright with it, alright with them, then it would be fine. "O... Okay," he mumbled, fidgeting with the hem of Gryph's shirt. "I-if you say so..." At least, he thought, if nothing else, he had some experience under his belt to be able to make this as pleasurable for Gryph as he could.

He felt a thrill rush through his own body as the winged boy confirmed his desires, his face lighting up with elation and desire that he'd been trying not to show too much of until he heard those words. "Okay.... Okay," he breathed, accepting the kiss with a hum and letting Gryph play with his hair while he fully immersed himself in the realization that this was happening.

Still gripping the papers, he took Gryphon's hand and gently tugged him back into his room, shutting the door and locking it behind him. After Kodi set the papers aside, he took a deep breath before whirling around to face his boyfriend, quickly pulling him into a deep, needy, blissful kiss as he gradually guided Gryph towards the bed. His hands clutched and pulled at the taller boy's shirt, wanting to get rid of his clothes as fast as he could - he wasn't going to hold back, only enough to make sure he didn't hurt Gryph. His own desires and passion were being freed to consume Kodi and bring out the side of him that Gryphon hadn't yet entirely seen, only in small, uncertain doses before being pushed back when consent wasn't given. It wasn't necessarily frightening, just... Energetic. "Mmm... I'm gonna.... Make this the best night... Of your life," he gasped between kisses.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

This was happening... this was happening right now. And Gryph's nerves were being partially replaced with excitement.

He let himself be lead into Kodi's room, standing very close by for the moment when he whirled around and attacked his lips. It seemed... more urgent than anything they'd done before. He was pushed back, but let it happen, reciprocating the kiss and trying to keep up the best he could. This would be going further than Gryphon had with anyone ever before... he tried not to think about that too much as it all happened, and as Kodi began wrestling with his shirt. He pulled back for a quick second to just rip it off before diving back into the kiss.

He fizzed at the idea of Kodi's intentions, feeling the back of his legs hit the bed. He smirked and tugged away a second, biting his lower lip a little and looking Kodi's features over, "...get on with it... then." He teased. Oh, he was such the romantic type.

[Deleted]

Kodi was a little afraid that he might end up being too rough, but... At this point he was finding it hard to worry about it too much. He trusted himself not to mess this up - he'd thought about it so damn much already, after all - and it seemed Gryph wasn't too worried either. He stepped back for only the briefest of moments to watch the taller boy strip off his shirt, letting a faint moan escape at the site before he was sucked back in.

Once he felt Gryphon hit the bed, Kodi's arm slipped down to the small of his back, supporting his weight as he slowly lowered the older boy backwards and crawled over the top of him. During the process, he stripped himself of his own shirt, smirking at Gryph's demand. "So impatient," he retorted, lowering his mouth to nip and nibble on the boy's neck, trailing down to his collarbone as he pressed his bare torso to his lover's. "Foreplay's half the fun, babe."

And so he continued to taunt and tease for a while, but eventually he, too, grew too impatient, and fell into the lust and desire he'd been holding back for so long, giving Gryph his best performance that he could manage while still trying to stay gentle for the virgin boy's sake....

-Fade to Black-

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Okay... Gryphon was no longer a virgin. Nineteen and now not a virgin... his breaths were heavy as he tried to catch them, as he let that fact sink in, as if it hadn't been doing so whilst he actually did the deed. It was... better than he imagined. But he wasn't sure what he imagined. Strangely enough, he was pretty certain that he was imagining it more negatively, which was completely unlike him. But he would remember this - holy crap he would remember this. This was not a negative experience.

He was slightly curled in on himself, with his eyes half closed and smiling softly as he thought of all this. He opened his eyes a little more and pulled himself closer to Kodi, nuzzling again his forehead. His voice came out in a slightly croaky mumble, "That was... amazing." His smile widened and he looked over Kodi's face with a particular gleam in his eye, "Thank you."

And that was a thank you for multiple things. That Gryph was too tired to internally list.

[Deleted]

Kodi was beyond giddy and ecstatic, if exhausted. While he normally enjoyed rougher, more violent sex with his past casual partners, this had been so much different, but... Better. More intimate, more interactive, more talking and making sure both of them were comfortable and communicating what felt good and what didn't. Overall, the dentokinetic was pleased with his performance, especially since it seemed he hadn't hurt Gryph other than probably making him unable to walk tomorrow... Which was normal.

He held Gryph from behind, arms wrapped affectionately around the older boy's waist with his chin tucked against his boyfriend's shoulder. He felt incredibly tired, but he was basking too much in this afterglow to sleep just yet. "I'm glad you enjoyed it, babe," he breathed, twisting his head to kiss Gryphon's cheek. "You feelin' alright? Not too sore or painful, right?" Kodi expected some pain, but not horrible.

He chuckled, giving Gryph's waist a squeeze. "No need t'thank me.... I had a lotta fun," he murmured. Kodi took a deep breath. "Th... Thanks for lettin' be your first." That fact made Kodi ridiculously happy, and he nuzzled his face into the older boy's back, keeping himself tightly pressed against Gryphon.  

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Did he have any lessons or training tomorrow? Gryph hoped not. Because as much as it was very enjoyable, he did have pains... in places. He knew that was to be expected, of course it was, but... ouch. He rested his head a little against Kodi's, smiling at the cheek kiss, "I'm fine." Or at least, he would be. He hoped. He wasn't really worrying about that at the moment, he was more focused on his boyfriend and his presence.

He wrapped his arms around his own waist, so they were on Kodi's, savouring in their closeness. "I made the right desicion." He said, murmuring sleepily, "I'm glad I chose you." Because it was enjoyable, because he took such precautions and made sure that Gryph was alright the whole time. He wasn't sure how much better it could've gone. Of course, he didn't have anything to compare it to, but... he didn't need to have that to know that he liked it.

Gryphon yawned, "I didn't realize it was so... tirin'." He could feel his eyelids getting heavier already. He rolled over carefully and wrapped his arms around Kodi, wanting to be as close to the other boy as possible. He felt three words on the tip of his tongue, the three words he'd said to Kodi, but Kodi hadn't said back. He wanted to say them, but he bit his tongue. Literally, put his tongue between his teeth and stopped it from moving, even if his muscles were lax anyway. At this rate, he'd be out cold in minutes.

[Deleted]

"Mmm.... Okay, good," Kodi murmured sleepily, letting his hands slip downwards a little. He caressed Gryph's sides, and gently rubbed his rump, before lifting them back up to his waist. "We can take it easy tomorrow," he mumbled. At least it was a weekend, if he was thinking right in his fuzzy mind. "It'll get easier with time." If Kodi could have what he wanted, they'd be doing this on a regular basis - but of course, he couldn't expect that. Just... Fuck, that had felt so good after months of abstinence.

He gave a dopey smile, hearing those words coming from his lover. "I'll never forget this," Kodi promised, pressing his mouth to Gryph's shoulder. An idea came to mind, and he chuckled, crinkling his eyes at the older boy. "Maybe next time, we can switch," he suggested. As much as Kodi liked giving the D.... He liked receiving it equally as much. And, that way, they could switch who would be the most sore the following day.

Kodi nodded in agreement, stifling his own yawn. "Yeah.... It's like any kinda exercise..." he mumbled. "I'm gonna wanna sleep in tomorrow..." He wasn't even sure how late it was now, but it was dark outside, at least. Kodi shifted as Gryph rolled over, tucking the older boy's head under his chin with a content smile. He... As much as he wished he could say what Gryph had said to him, he still wasn't ready. Kodi could feel it, what he thought was that emotion, he was just... Scared to say it. He'd get the courage eventually, just... Not now, not when everything was so raw and open and new. "Goodnight, moron," he breathed instead, eyelids closing as he slipped into unconsciousness.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryph chuckled breathily at Kodi's touches, his head rolling about in a lethargic manner, "We can and we will." He replied, softly. He wondered if the pain would be any more or less after sleeping - he hoped for less, even if it was pretty low anyway. And if it was too much... Gryphon was in a really 'don't care' kind of attitude, he had the idea that if it was too painful and he did have places to be, he wouldn't bother. Whether that would the case or not was... unknown. And whilst Gryph was determining all of this, the idea of doing it again... it most definitely wasn't offputting, not by a long shot, but it wasn't something he thought he could do within the next 24 hours.

"Neither will I." And for good reason. He would be thinking about this for a long time after, he knew that. He considered Kodi's next idea, "Mmm... maybe." He hummed - he hardly knew what he was doing anyway, but there was no harm in trying... right?

His pillows felt a lot softer when he was drowsy, "I'll stay with you for that." He mumbled, smiling. Generally, Gryph was a pretty big fan of early mornings, but he had a feeling that that wouldn't be the case tomorrow. He snuggled up against his boyfriend in a content state of mind. He knew that he mattered to Kodi, and a whole lot from what the boy had told him himself. As much as he was gently subdued by the lack of the words, he knew that forcing it was unfair, and he'd practically tackled Kodi with it at a very early stage in their relationship. He had to be patient about it. At some point, his eyes closed and stayed that way. "Night, you." He mumbled, barely.comprehendable as he, too, slipped into another world.