your heart drop from the rooftop down to the street (Band)

[Mia Bell]

(ooc: this thread is backdated to when the spin the bottle thread is)

She shook her head, as she stared at her hand. She didn’t want to say, should she say? Could she open up to someone else again? Could she really put herself in the risk of getting hurt again? The last time she told someone about the car crash he ended up hurting her more than she ever thought he could. She looked at Amelia, “It’s not about what you said… It’s what was implied, not sure by you but by everyone in that room, and even our culture implies it. Can I really go to a party with people having genuine fun without seeing them drinking?” she didn’t think so.

Mia took her hand away from Amelia and headed to her room still. She sighed, “There’s more to it if you really care.” She was so tired of her opening up to people who ended up hurting her, or ended up not caring. She was so scared of opening up her heart then having it ripped out of her chest. She really hoped Amelia was actually different this time, because she did want to have that one person in her life that wasn’t going to hurt her every time she turned around.

[Amelia Zhao]

"Sorry if it came out like that but that wasn't what I was trying to say. I know you can have fun without drinking at a party". Amelia was mostly a social drinker though and if there was alcohol their she would drink. Drinking at parties was fun to her but she could be sober and still have a goodtime. She never actually brought it either, which was a good thing since Mia didn't like it it seemed. "I mean of course a sober party harder to find but it does exist". They were definitely far and few if it wasn't a kid birthday party but Amelia could count some dry parties she been to.

Amelia followed Mia to the room. "Of course I care Mia" . Amelia was confused why she would think she didn't care. Mia and her were becoming good friends so that left Mia with the benefits the rest of her friends have. Meaning she would always care and always be there for her. "We are friends you know. Meaning I care about you and you can tell me anything".

[Mia Bell]

Mia sighed and shook her head, “no, it’s fine… you shouldn’t be sorry.” She felt like she was making a bigger deal about this than she should be. Half of her just wanted to tell her that she just had higher morals, but that would sound completely bitchy. The only reason why she wanted to say that was because she didn’t want to go deeper into the subject. But the other half did want to, half of her wanted to tell Amelia everything, half of her didn’t want to be so strong anymore. Wasn’t she allowed a break here and there? But every time she tried to break down and open up to people those same people just turn around and break her even more. She was so tired of being hurt, and she always wondered if she should just never open up to anyone ever again. “That’s the point, they are harder to find, and why? Because our society says you can’t have fun unless you drink.” It was pathetic to her.

Mia sat in her computer chair and ran a hand through her hair. “I have heard that all before…” She smirked, “and yet I always end up getting hurt,” She looked at Amelia, with water in her eyes. “The people that always claim to care about me always hurts me the most. So why should I believe you?” She knew it wasn’t a question Amelia could answer, but she did want an answer, and she wanted to know if she could truly trust the other girl in her room.

[Amelia Zhao]

"Aw sweetheart please don't cry".  Amelia felt like she was going to cry herself as Mia eyes started to water. She hated when people that she cares about gets cries or gets sad. It was one of the worst feelings especially if she couldn't do anything about it. Mel stood in front of Mia and gently and cautiously wiped away a tear that went astray. "I know how to feels to get hurt by people you care about" she said referring to her ex Stacy and her mom. Both she cares about and both had and in her moms case keeps hurting Amelia really bad. So she wasn't an amateure when it came to being hurt by love ones. "I can't really give you a reason to believe me because no matter what I say you have to come to that conclusion yourself hun. Just know I know how it feels to open up and get hurt. I also know how it feels to hold things inside and never let it out. I would never wish that on anyone and I would never want you to go threw anything alone.  I won't just abandon you  because you get sad and emotional  like a normal human being. Heck these last six months I was cuddle up with Summit in  our apartment crying my eyes out over my ex.  Not to mention my visit with my mother do to me. We all get down sometimes ."  She shook the thoughts from her head. She was steering a little off topic and needed to get to her point. "What i'm trying to say is your my friend no matter what". She gave the girl a small smirk. "I mean it Mia you're stuck with me now. When you agreed to being my roommate and a friend you should've read the fine print . No exchange or take backs and a lifetime guarantee of Mel love" she joked. "Now come here kid". She grabbed Mia hand and brought her up to her feet. Once Mia was fully standing Amelia wrapped her hands around her holding her. "You don't have to worry about getting hurt with me I promise. You can tell me anything".

[Mia Bell]

She really hadn’t meant to start crying. But she was so sick of being hurt, especially by the people she thought cared about her the most, her mother, her grandmother, her uncle, her past friend, River who she dated. So many people, and half of them hurt her a lot, and continued to hurt her. And all of it made her hate herself so much. Because she kept giving the people she cared about grief, and kept hurting them in a way that she didn’t mean to nor understood fully…

“I’m sorry you know how it feels…” Being hurt by family members or a loved one in general was not a feeling she would wish on her worst enemy… This was the point where Mia actually started to cry a little. Ex? What did she say about an ex? It seemed they were both getting over someone, though Mia felt like she was over it. But after seeing River at the party thing whatever you want to call it she wasn’t sure how she felt anymore. Anyways, she was actually kind of glad to hear her say those words, no one ever really had said that to her except maybe Cameron… But some part of her just couldn’t believe her till she actually did stick around. Unfortunately the only way to test her word was to open up even just a little. She smiled a little when Amelia pulled her up for a hug, Mia squeezed the other girl with her arms just a tiny bit. “thanks. That means a lot to me..” It did mean a lot to her, but she still wasn’t sure how much she trusted Amelia, even though her words made her want to tell the girl everything about her and what she had done. She still couldn’t tell her everything.

Mia sighed, and crawled onto her bed, “So… I always end up waking up in the middle of the night crying because of nightmares…” She really wasn’t sure how else to start her story, other than she remembered Amelia saying that she cried a lot the past few months.

[Amelia Zhao]

"I;m glad it means a lot to you. Amelia brought the computer chair next to the bed and sat down. She felt like a therapist with Mia laying on the bed and her in the chair. She sat their for a second waiting for the girl to go on. "Do tell" she said when she was quiet. "What are the nightmares about"?

[Mia Bell]

Mia sighed, unsure of where and when to start. Mia looked at her ceiling, just thinking about it made her want to cry like a baby… “Sometimes I’m actually a victim, and other times I’m watching things play out. Either way it’s just so unreal, and quite a few times it’s a little bit different. I guess It’s because I wasn’t actually there…” She was kind of going off on a tangent, “ …Well the dream usually starts with my father going to pick up my older brother from college, with my little brother in the back seat.. It was summer break so he could come back home. When they are coming back home…” This was where she started crying again, she wiped away some of the tears before she continued. “A drunk driver hits them, and muddy slash icey roads makes crashes so much worse… this is the part where it changes, the crash usually happens differently but I could never remember the details other than it was different…” She wiped more tears from her cheeks before she continued again… Licking her lips she looked at spike who was on her dresser. “My brothers died on impact, and my father survived long enough to go to the hospital and for me to get there from my house… He died from internal bleeding… Because my mother is a doctor I was allowed to stay with him…” in the end she watched her father die, and lost the three closest people to her.

She sat up, and looked at Amelia. “That’s why I don’t like alcohol, because it took away the three people that meant the most to me… Having to watch my father die felt like someone was ripping my heart out. And when I was at the party all I could think about was what the drunk driver was doing before he killed my family. And it made me think that the guy was most likely had been at a party thinking he was having fun drinking…”

[Amelia Zhao]

She opened her mouth and then closed it back. Mel didn't know what to say. She couldn't even imagine if she lost Jason or her dad. It would just destroy her. She knew their was nothing you could truly mention to a person who lost a love one that would make the fact they're gone hurt any less. Instead she decided to just lay next to Mia on the bed putting her arm around the girl. Her heart slightly sped up when doing so. "If you ever have the dreams while you're in the apartment you can always wake me up. We don't even have to talk about it if you don't want to. We can just sit and drink some tea or if you want you can come sleep with me or Summit if that makes you feel any better. While you're here at hammel you can even call me whenever and I will talk your head of about random things in till you're no longer thinking about it. If I can do anything to help I will. Don't hesitate to ask me".

[Mia Bell]

It pretty much destroyed Mia, in more ways than anyone could imagine. “It’s been three years… and it hasn’t gotten any better…” She still had nightmares, she still missed them so much, she still wanted them back just as much as she did when they first passed away. She didn’t know how to miss them less, she didn’t know how to move on… She didn’t know how to get passed this. That scared her the most. Before she knew it Amelia had her arms wrapped around her. Her heart felt like it leaped into her throat, she just sat there and listened to Amelia’s very kind words. She wrapped her arms around Amelia, not sure what to really say. “Thank you.” It was a start at least. She wasn’t sure if she could ever find it in herself to bother Amelia like that. She smiled a little into Mel’s shoulder, “You’re the first person to ever offer to do that for me…” It was strange really… “do you ever have nightmares?” She was going to have to make this up to Mel somehow… Her kindness to her was beyond words, and she couldn’t thank the girl enough for it.

After a minute or so, Mia realized she should suck it up, she had to… She didn’t want to come off as whinny, and broken (even though she kind of was) to Amelia. She wipped her tears away, and pulled (slowly) away from Mel. Smiling at the other girl, “Alright, I think I’m done with my little pity party… I’m going to go back to packing…”

[Amelia Zhao]

Amelia could feel her heart thump in her chest as Mia wrap her arms back around Mel. She really hope that Mia didn't notice. If she got like this from Mia just putting her arms around her she wonder how she was going to feel if Mia did take her up on her offer to sleep in the bed with her. This little crush she found herself developing on Mia might been more complicated then she thought. "No problem. If no one said that to you yet then you need better friends". She shook her head sightly. "Nothing serious. My nightmares usually me picturing getting kidnap my King Kong or some other movie monster".

She found her self leaning towards her as she pulled away but stop when she realize what she was doing. "I'll help you pack" she said and hurried up and got up from the bed grateful for the distraction. "Lets see what do you have left". Amelia went and open one of the drawers and as soon as she did she busted out laughing. Her face went red as she picked up one of the lacy underwear and held them up. "Woah Mia I remember you said you like lace but wow. Who did you buy these for" she joked. "Whoever the lucky person was must of passed out when they seen you in these".

[Mia Bell]

Mia was too concerned about her own feelings coming undone, she really wasn’t paying attention to Amelia’s heart. But maybe she should have been.. Granted, she was pretty sure no one was interested in her like that. Especially after she had showed this emotional burdened side of her. She smirked, “I.. haven’t told very many people about my nightmares.. and not very many people know about my family.. Well at least here in Vermont..” Everyone she knew back in Alaska knew about… well the car crash and the suicide attempt… “Really?” She giggled, “That is kind of the silliest thing I have ever heard. No offence.. I wish more of my nightmares were like that..” Or well, maybe instead of king Kong it would be Amelia.. Granted that was less like a nightmare, and more like a wet dream..

“Wait!” She tried to stop Amelia from opening a wrong drawer. Licking her lips she went over to Amelia and grabbed the panties away from her. “Knock it off…” Her cheeks must be very red, she could feel the tip of her ears burning up. She felt a little humiliated, no one has ever seen her bras and underwear… She shook her head, “I didn’t buy them for anyone else’s pleasure…” She put them back and closed the door, “No one has seen me in anything other than my everyday clothing, and my pjs… I’m a virgin..” She felt even more humiliated… She never thought she would have to tell anyone that, especially not this way. She bought these kind of bras and underwear because the only time she ever felt sexy or even pretty was when she first put them on everyday… Before she had a chance to remember…

[Amelia Zhao]

Amelia giggled as Mia took them away. "Hey come on I was looking at those". I'm still a virgin. Mel couldn't hide the surprise look on her face. It had been awhile since she heard those words come out of someones mouth. It had been about four years since she could honestly say that herself. "Aw really"? She for someone reason found that to be cute. It was even cuter that she seemed embarrassed by it."Their nothing wrong with that" she tried to convince the red faced girl."You don't have to be embarrass. To many people give it away willy-nilly so say it with some pride girly. Repeat after me". Mel cleared her throat and raised her voice. "My name is Mia Bell and I am proud to be a virgin" she joked loudly.

[Mia Bell]

“Too bad, they aren’t for prying eyes.” She gave her a look, she really wasn’t comfortable with people looking… She licked her lips as Mel seemed to think this was really nothing. It kind of annoyed her a bit, she didn’t understand, it wasn’t something she wanted to still have… There were times where she had wanted to have sex, but it wasn’t her will that stopped her, it was her insecurity…

Looking at Mel sternly, “No, Mel, I’m not going to say that.” She couldn’t believe that Mel was making this into a joke… She turned away and started to pack other things up, like her school books, she was done with all her tests, so she didn’t have to study for anything. She wasn’t proud of being a virgin, and she wasn’t going to lie to herself.

[Amelia Zhao]

"Seriously there's nothing wrong with it Mia. Its actually really attractive to me for some reason" she admitted to her."Well everything about you is attractive period" she mumbled but probably bit too loud. She smiled at her. "You will have it when the moment and not to forget the person is right. Its really not something to be ashamed of. I wish I was still one and I didn't lose it to who I did but hey no regrets right? What do you young whippersnappers say now and days?  Yolo". 

[Mia Bell]

Mia looked at Mel with her eyebrows raised, “Of course there isn’t anything wrong with it if you think it’s attractive…” how could someone find innocence attractive? She wasn’t really able to figure that out… She found it pretty cute, yeah, but she wasn’t sure if she was attracted to it. She was too busy with her own thoughts, and packing to hear Mel’s other comment. “Seriously, would you really be okay with having sex with someone who didn’t know what the hell they were doing? At least at your age..” She doubted that any of Mel’s classmates were virgins. Yes Mia figured people who were fifteen or sixteen were alright with their partner not knowing a thing, cause quite frankly both of them wouldn’t know what they were doing.

The only thing wrong with the ‘right moment’ and the ‘right person’ is that every time she thought about the whole ‘having sex’ scene, it came down to her partner being disgusted with her, and walking out because of her scars. People have already walked out of her life because of her self-harm, she couldn’t figure how that moment would be any different. As far as the ‘right person’, well she hasn’t found that person yet, and she was so scared that the person she thought was right, wouldn’t be the right one… She sighed, “That’s the thing that scares me the most.” She looked at Mel, “Is me thinking it’s the right person, but finding out it’s not.” Because she has gone through that so many times now, and she didn’t want to go through that heartbreak again, yet she knew she was probably going to. “By the way, us young ones don’t say ‘whippersnappers’.”