The Color of Magic (Kai)

[Malachai Roen]

Kai was waiting for some sharp, snide remark. Hell, he was hoping for it. That would mean they were getting closer to how they used to be, before the whole breakup thing happened and... Sigh. But when Zach only trailed off into silence, Kai's heart fell. He kept driving, keeping his eyes on the road. "Suit yourself," he replied with a faint smile. "Maybe one of your twenty siblings entered the contest." He didn't remember seeing any Bishops, though; they would have stuck out like a sore thumb to the heartbroken man.

He gave another short laugh. "Trust me, there's a big difference between creative writing and scientific papers," he shot back. "I had to take those required introductory writing classes like everyone else. I barely got a B." And that was saying something for a Roen. "At least with technical papers we don't have to be all... Flowery." He smiled thinly. "Heh, flowery." It seemed a weird term to use towards Zach, who was much better at that type of writing.

Kai could practically finish the question Zach started. "I know, it was stupid," he replied. ".... I wasn't exactly in the best mindset at the time," he added carefully. "I wasn't really thinking straight." Would Zach make the connection? Maybe. Did Kai want him to? He wasn't sure.

He nodded, hiding a smile. "Yeah... I don't think it should be too hard, as long as my paper turns out well." And so far he was making some pretty good headways. He just needed to get a conclusive set of data about what he was specifically researching. They were getting close to reaching the coffee shop as Zach gave his answer, and Kai tried not to smile too big. "That'd be great," he replied genuinely. "Thanks, Zach. Whenever you have time, I can show you to one of the labs." He shot a look over at the older man before finding a place to park. He turned off the engine and stepped out, waiting for Zach to do the same before he locked the car. Already it was getting a few looks. "Right, here we are," he chimed. "The most expensive place in town." He chuckled awkwardly and ran a hand through his hair.

[Deleted]

“Eleven,” he corrected Kai with a roll of his eyes. Hadn’t they been over this before? “….ten, if you count JJ as one person.” Because technically they were, as the gestaltism made them one person. But they hadn’t fully synced yet, so…Zach supposed they could still be counted as two. It was confusing sometimes, but most of the family had long since, before they’d even manifested, gotten used to referring to them as one person simply because you could rarely ever find one without the other. And their nickname, JJ, made it especially easy. “Guess it’s easy to mix up that kind of thing when you’re an only child, right?” Zach assumed that Kai didn’t have any siblings. He didn’t remember Kai talking about it before…or did he? Zach couldn’t remember.

“What’s the difference?” he asked as he leaned forward to look at Kai, clearly not knowing the difference between the two writing styles. Zach had only ever done creative writing. “All you have to do is…I don’t know….add a few adjectives and adverbs in, right?” Zach sighed, shaking his head. “It’s not all flowery. Haven’t you ever heard of minimalism?”

Zach did wonder what exactly was disturbing Kai so much that he’d make such a stupid decision that landed him in the hospital. And it did occur to him that maybe, just maybe, he was feeling about as vacant as Zach had been the past several weeks. He wanted to ask….but fear was a powerful thing, and kept his inquiries as bay. “You should really be more careful…” he said quietly.

There was another dehumanizing rant in there that Zach was just itching to get out of him. But he simply swallowed his words and continued to look forward at the road.

“That’s good,” he said simply. Zach wasn’t sure how else to complement Kai’s work. “I hope it all works out for you.” Zach nodded. “Yeah, I uh….I’m pretty much done with classes so….anytime is good, really.” Anytime for the next three months, until classes started back up again at the end of August. Zach followed the younger man out of the car, looking up at the Starbucks sign. “Ha ha…” he laughed nervously at Kai’s overly-obvious joke. Zach meekly shoved both hands into his front pockets and slowly started heading inside. “I can at least afford this,” he muttered to himself.

[Malachai Roen]

"Eleven, twenty..." Hadn't they had this conversation before? Whatever, it made Kai smile, if only from nostalgia. He hoped to get to know Zach's siblings more; maybe if he did, Zach would see that he got along with all of them and... And would fit right into their family! Yeah... He could dream, at least. "Huh?" Kai blinked, looking over at the older man as he registered what he said. "Oh, did I... Didn't I ever tell you about Sera?" Well... That was awkward. Maybe he'd purposefully avoided it because of... Reasons. "She's my, um, younger sister. She goes to Hammel." Kai was looking straight ahead as he spoke of the cold young woman. ".... I don't think you'd want to meet her. If you think I'm bad...." Kai trailed off and tried to let the subject drop.

"The difference is..." Kai struggled to explain. "Oh, fuck, never mind. You'd understand if you'd ever written a research paper," he mumbled. Was he a little bitter about being a crap writer compared to the other man? Noooo... "No, I haven't. I have other things to do than to learn about fictional writing styles." Kai sounded angrier than he meant to, so he slowly looked over at Zach to judge his reaction. "I mean... I'm sorry," he finally said softly. "Ignore me, I'm being a brat."

Nothing new there...

He cleared his throat and looked out the side window. "I won't do it again," he reassured the older man. "I don't particularly want to die in such a... Dull way." Kai was determined to leave the world with at least something memorable, and hopefully with his name in books so his research would be remembered, too.

Research, right. Not thinking about them being alone in a lab together... "Alright, I'll let you know when a good time would work, then," he finished. Kai needed to think about something else. He coughed to hide a laugh at Zach's awkward response to his 'joke', holding the door open for the writer as they stepped inside. "It seems like forever ago we went to Starbucks for the first time," he mused quietly, stepping in line beside Zach. When they reached the counter, Kai quickly gave his order for what he usually got and, after a moment of hesitation, stepped to the side. It really felt wrong to make Zach pay for his own drink, even now.

[Deleted]

Zach rolled his eyes. “….yeah, well, I guess it can seem like twenty sometimes.” And he was speaking the truth.

“Sera?” No, he didn’t, at least not that Zach could remember. Zach looked a Kai curiously as he seemed somewhat…perturbed over the subject of his sister. “Why, what’s so…how can she be that much worse than you?” Now Zach was interested in meeting this sister of his.

“Alright, fine. You’re…probably right,” he said, slightly irritated with Kai’s attitude. Zach had to do research papers before, but probably not the kind that Kai had to. The technical kind. He took a breath and pushed Kai’s ‘insult’ to the side. Nor did he comment his self-proclaimed brattiness.

You are a brat, he wanted to say.

“That’s…good.” What else to say? What else could he say? “So….how would you like to die? I mean, if a bee sting is dull, what…what would you consider exciting?” Was this an okay topic?

Zach nodded. “Okay, just let me know…”

The memory of the first time they went to Starbuck, the first time they met, brought a smile to Zach’s face. “YeahI feel like…I was kind of a jerk to you back then…” Maybe. Zach should have paid for his own coffee back then too. Maybe… He didn’t know… Zach stepped up once Kai was done and put in his own order and handed the cashier a $10 to cover his drink. Once he received his change, Zach turned and stepped aside for the next customer. “So…uh…” What now? He stuffed his hands in his pants as he awkwardly waited for the drinks to be ready.

[Malachai Roen]

Kai mentally cursed himself for mentioning Sera. That was a subject he... Really didn't want to get into with the older man. He snorted as Zach asked how she could be worse. "Trust me... She makes me look like a damn angel," he grunted. "She's as vain as I am, but without the sense of humor. She's... Constantly trying to be better than me at everything, like we're competing to see who ends up more successful." It was something that Kai wouldn't admit he sort of felt obligated to do. "She buys her friends. Literally." He glanced at Zach again. "... If you ever meet her, don't tell her I said any of that. I love her, but she's..." He trailed off yet again.

He was surprised that Zach agreed with him, and didn't offer any snappy comebacks. This... Wasn't the Zach he'd known before, and he missed it. Terribly. "... You can insult me like you did before, you know," he said quietly. "I'm not going to... React any differently." It was weird, giving him permission to be meaner to him. But... It was what Kai wanted, in a weird way. The bickering... He missed it. The petty kind, at least.

"Uh...." The subject of death wasn't something Kai thought about a lot. He liked to think he had a lot of time left on earth. "I... Damn, I don't know," he laughed. "Saving someone I love, maybe? Fuck, something cliche like that, sure. Or..." Kai wavered. "... To be honest, I used to think about joining the Navy or Marines or something when I was a kid." He chuckled again. "Never said anything to my parents though. I know they would've forbidden it." They would've said he was being rash and foolish, wasting his life that way.

His smile came back as Zach spoke. "Were you? I don't really remember. Must've been... Something I liked about you." Considering the next time they met, they hooked up. Kai's eyes went foggy as he briefly lost himself in memories. His smile faded. It was a couple moments before he realized Zach had trailed into awkward silence and he looked up again, trying to snap himself out of his haze. But seeing Zach's face so close in the small shop just made his heart hurt more. "You know, uh..." Kai cleared his throat and rubbed his stubble. "My, um... My sister is planning this cabin retreat in a couple weeks... Inviting a lot of people... She asked me to come, and, ah, said I could bring anyone I wanted..." His eyes looked hopefully at Zach, urging him to understand what Kai was getting to.

[Deleted]

Oookaaay. Sera, huh? If she was someone that had Kai acting as nervous as he was, then perhaps she was someone that Zach didn’t want to meet. At least not without Kai there to smooth things over.

Zach smiled slightly at the thought of Kai having to protect him from his own sister.

“She…buys her friends…??” Zach asked with pure bewilderment in his voice. And on his face too. He’d never heard of anyone doing that before. “I, uh….I won’t.” He held up his hand in a sort of awkward salute or something. “Scout’s honor…?” He was never a boy-scout.

Zach blinked, surprised that Kai actually said something about…that….about him refraining from engaging in their usual…bickering. “I….I don’t even know how to respond to that…!” he said, irritated. The bickering wasn’t just….something he did consciously or whatever. What…what was he supposed to do with that?? He just…wanted to pop Kai one for saying something so….for putting him on the spot like that!! Zach scowled and turned away. He refused to engage.

The answer Kai gave was a lot…deeper than he expected from someone like Kai. He thought he was going to answer something childish like…like…shit he didn’t know. “Huh….I…honestly can’t picture you joining the service.” Any of the branches. “Knowing you, you just wanted to look cool in your uniform so you could pick up women.” Damn, now that Kai had given him permission to be mean…it really was slipping out unconsciously. Zach couldn’t believe himself.

“Yeah…well, I don’t know. Maybe I just think I was because…you kind of pissed me off that time too.” Just for being the ignorant rich-boy that Kai normally was. It was really all Zach’s problem from the beginning. Zach breathed out a long sigh as he stared at his coffee…which he’d hardly taken a drink from yet. He looked up when Kai started speaking again. “Huh? A cabin retreat…?” Was….Kai asking Zach to go with him? As a couple….or just friends…? Zach couldn’t tell, but he wouldn’t put it past Kai to use this as an excuse to “accidentally” put them in the same cabin. “I don’t know if that’s…..” Appropriate.

[Malachai Roen]

"Yup," Kai replied casually, as if this were the most normal thing in the world. "She... She can be hard to be around. I've tried to help her on how to make friends naturally, but... It just hasn't stuck." He cleared his throat, obviously feeling something awkward about the conversation. Kai snorted at Zach's salute, smirking over at him. "I was never a boy scout, and neither were you," he called him out. Imagining Zach doing something in the wild outdoors was... Ridiculous.

"Sorry," he replied sheepishly. Kai focused on the road. "I just... Wanted you to know... So hopefully this won't be too, you know... Awkward." It had already been pretty damn awkward, but Kai wouldn't regret taking Zach out for anything. He glanced over and frowned at how the writer was reacting, but didn't say anything else.

He wouldn't expect anyone to guess he'd once imagined those dreams. He hadn't told his parents, or even Sera. No need to give her something to mock about. "Yeah... I guess I can't either," Kai sighed, then laughed at what Zach said next. "Or any hot, willing men on the battlefield," he retorted. "You have to admit, I would look pretty good in uniform." As soon as that came out of the younger man's mouth, he snapped them shut. No need to go... Purposefully provoking Zach. "... Never mind."

"Did it make you that mad that I didn't know how to make the copy machine work?" Kai asked, only half-joking. "Come on, let's go sit..." Kai took his drink when it was ready and let the older man over to an empty table, swirling the cup in his hand. He felt a little crestfallen at Zach's response to his offer, but he wasn't going to give up yet. "There will be plenty of other people there. I invited Vanessa too," he offered with a small shrug. "Just, you know... Friends." Kai sipped some more at is drink. "So, if you're not going to be busy... It should be fun." I hope. "Maybe you could get... Inspired or something, out in the wilderness. Who knows?"

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“That’s kind of…incredible, actually.” Zach had never known that people like that actually existed. It was the sort of extreme he thought only existed in book and movies. Zach smirked. “I could have been…I’ve at least been camping before.” There was no way that Kai had ever done that. “Kind of.”

Zach knew what he was talking about…he just didn’t know if it was…why did he have to point it out so obviously? It made it…weirder. More obvious when Zach was trying to hold back. Especially when Zach was busy trying to figure out what was okay and not okay between them.

Though…he was trying to relax, to be more at ease with Kai and how he related to him. How else would he have let such a statement slip out? Zach shook his head and sighed. “….no, actually, you’re right,” he admitted. “You would look good.” Now that he thought about it. It was actually a little irritating. Wasn’t there anything that this guy didn’t look good in?

Zach chuckled at the idiotic notion. “No…not that.” Because that was just something that happened sometimes. To a lot of people, actually. So Kai wasn’t the only one who didn’t know how to use a printer. Should he say what the real reason was? “Okay…” Zach…was surprsingly feeling a little bit better, now that he’d been around Kai a little more. Talked with him, laughed over things. He could probably afford to relax. It was just….the offer to go on retreat with him was a little….was that okay? “Oh…Vanessa too?” That stung a little. Were they going to use this as a weekend getaway…to get closer? With Zach as the third wheel? No, there were going to be other people there…a lot of people that Zach didn’t know. “Maybe…is….she going to bring Christian?” Did Kai know yet that Vanessa and Zach were more-or-less friends? Honestly, it would be easier if she was there….Zach could take care of Christian while those two went off and did their thing…..yeah, Zach could do that. He…had to be okay with it.

[Malachai Roen]

Kai shrugged. To him, it was his life. That's just how Sera was, and he'd grown up with it. He snorted as Zach mentioned camping. "I've been camping!" he protested. "... In cabins. Big cabins." Pause. "With private lakes. And... Things." Yup, that was roughing it.

What Zach said next caught Kai by surprise, and he sent the writer a shocked look, like, 'where did that come from?' "... Thanks," he finally managed to get out. Kai cleared his throat and looked out the window. "... If I ever get the chance to put one on, I'll make sure you're around to see it." Now he wanted to buy one just for the hell of it if he could.

Kai sipped at his drink, trying to determine where this conversation was going. Had it been a bad idea to invite Zach? He just couldn't... Couldn't help himself... He wanted the writer there more than anyone. He liked Vanessa a lot, he really did, but he wasn't in love with her like he still was with Zach. "Yeah... She's my friend." Kai cleared his throat. "And... You know." The mother of his son? Duh. The last thing he wanted Zach to be was a third wheel, though. "I, um, I think so. I don't think she'd want to leave him with someone for several days. I wouldn't want her to, either." Kai's brow furrowed, but he looked up a moment later with very puppy-like eyes. "What do you say? Want to come 'rough it', Roen family style? You won't have to pay a penny... Unless you want to," he added quickly. And then he smiled like a moron for letting that slip out. "I'd... Be really happy to have you there. It... Wouldn't be the same without you."

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“Uh-huh,” Zach uttered, humoring the “poor” man. It did happen to bring a smile to the writer’s lips, however. “If that’s what you call camping, then I have plenty of experience.” With the big Bishop family summer trip that they did every year, to their summer home. That was next to a (not private) lake. That, and sleeping in the treehouse in the backyard was about as “rough” as Zach got.

Maybe he shouldn’t have made that jibing comment? he thought, flitting his eyes to the Asian man. It was true, though. Even if they weren’t…together…Zach couldn’t deny that Kai was an attractive man who looked good in suits. So a uniform…Zach imagined he must look just as good. “…okay,” he said with a nod. That was okay, right? Not too familiar?

Sigh…it was so hard to find the right medium of friendliness…

Which was why he was having such a hard time deciding if the invite to the Roen ‘camping’ trip was okay or not. “Well…yeah, I know that,” Zach said. Thinking it that way, that she was the mother of Kai’s child, made it seem less unusual for Kai to have invited Vanessa. “Yeah, that makes sense,” Zach said softly, looking despondently down at his coffee before taking another sip from it. A light chuckle passed through his lips. “You’re paying? Of course you are…” Probably for Vanessa as well. The young mother didn’t look like she had much more money than Zach did. Zach doubted she would be able to afford such a trip unassisted either. Zach signed. “Fine, I’ll go. I’ll even be a baby-sitter if you two decide you need a break from parenting.” Zach still assumed that Kai didn’t know the first thing about caring for a child. He must be failing spectacularly at changing a simple diaper. Actually, Zach would pay money to see him try.

“…You said…you’re sister will be there too?” Based on everything that Kai had said so far about his sister, Zach was a little bit wary now. “Should I be worried?”

[Malachai Roen]

Kai cracked a grin at Zach's teasing. "Okay, okay, we're both experienced 'campers', then," he replied with a chuckle. How had they even started talking about this...? Oh, Boy Scouts, right.

Awkwarddd... That's how this whole dat- no, 'hanging out' was going. Kai's lips made a hard line and he just nodded at Zach's okay, unsure of what else to say. You'd look good in uniform too? No, you'd look better in my bed with nothing on.... Yeah, that was a great idea.

He just nodded as Zach seemed to get why he had invited Vanessa. Kai would have felt rude if he hadn't. He sipped pensively at his drink, smiling faintly when the writer mentioned paying. "Between Sera and I, we have plenty," he said. And by that, he meant their parents, mostly. But whatever. It was tradition, sort of. Kai's eyes lit up as Zach agreed to going, and his heart leapt in his chest. "You won't regret it, I promise," he swore. At the offer to look after Christian, Kai's brow furrowed and he looked down at the table uncertainly. "I... I mean, if you want to..." he finally said. "But... That's not your responsibility. Don't feel obligated to." He shifted uncomfortably. Kai still didn't feel the most qualified person to be a father, but he didn't have a choice anymore. "I'll appreciate your experience, if nothing else." There. That settled it, kinda.

"Yeah..." he trailed off with a sigh. "It's okay... I'll, uh, keep an eye on her. She, um... I'm more worried about Vanessa, really. Sera's a very... Jealous person." Kai was lost in thought before he shook his head and mustered up a smile. He laid a tentative hand on Zach's. "Don't worry about it. It will be fine."

Oh God he hoped he was right.