Sweets for the Squish (Open)

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It would be impossible and inhuman for any person to feel absolutely nothing in the face of the son that they “abandoned” into the better care of their mother and had only met once when he was naught but 2 years old. A boy he had nothing to do with and had wanted nothing to do with…but still. This was Derek’s son. I was impossible for him to feel nothing. Any man who did in this situation was a true sociopath.

Derek was simply good at keeping his mouth shut when he felt it would betray him. When saying anything was unnecessary. Pointless. He rather not waste time with idle chit-chat.

Which is why he so quickly got the the point with his question.

The response he gave about his ‘boyfriend’ was…about what one might expect from a child, regardless of their supposed sexuality. “Are you unable to think or speak about anything else? Or are really so lacking in attention that you need to shove the fact that your partner is male into every conversation you have?”

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Phoenix couldn't help but wonder what he might have turned out like if this man had stuck around while he'd grown up. Would he have gotten into the gangs and drugs like he had? Or would he have been brought up under a strict, unwavering eye, and have avoided all of those things? He could only wonder.

Phen fidgeted uncomfortably, wondering if his face would ever stop burning self-consciously under this man's gaze.

When Derek spoke again, Phoenix's head snapped up and his face flushed even more (if that was possible). His eyes were wide and alarmed. "I-I," he stammered, shifting in his seat. "What... I mean..." What the hell was he supposed to say to that? "H-he's the b-best part of my life, s-so I guess that's why I t-talk about him so m-much," he stumbled. "B-but I don't see wh-why him bein' a... A guy has anythin' t'do with it..." Phoenix hadn't really met too many homophobic people in his life, fortunately; it seemed nearly everyone at Hammel was at least tolerable of it, and he didn't speak to too many people about his love life away from there.

Was his dad really...? "I-I love him," he continued with a slightly furrowed brow. "Just... Just 'cause he has a.... And doesn't have any..." Nope, he couldn't say those words in front of a near-stranger. "That doesn't mean anythin'." Did it?

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For some moments, even Derek had wondered what might have come to be if he had, not stayed with the child and his mother, but taken the child to raise in a better environment. Perhaps his ex-fiancee would have praised him for taking such responsibility and not have left him. Or even what might have come if Derek had taken both Myndi and Phoenix into his life and supported them instead of the woman he loved.

Certainly the boy would not be such a…disappointment. Running around sleeping with men, and failing to graduate on-time. The only redeeming thing Derek could find about the boy was that he was at least respectful towards his elders and had taken it upon himself to become employed, like a boy his age should be doing.

Also his focus. The way the boy carried himself. He didn’t seem all to confident when speaking either.

Derek could go on with the number of flaws he found in his son, but the primary one was this bout of rebelliousness. What did he hope to gain from engaging in such wayward behavior? “Don’t think I don’t understand. You’re young. Being in “love” is the most wonderful feeling in the world. So of course, young people “fall in love” more times in a week than they should in a lifetime.” Children didn’t know what love was. Just hormones and impulsiveness.

“Trust me. I was young once as well,” Derek said calmly. Because that’s how he was going to get through to the boy. Yelling at him would just scare him into doing more outrageous things just for spite. “You aren’t in love with your ‘boyfriend’. You’re in love with the idea of having a ‘boyfriend’.” Or girlfriend as the case may be. “No doubt that you attached yourself to the first person who paid you more attention than you got at home.”

Which, arguably, would fit the facts.

“I’ll admit part of that was due to my absence.” If he’d been around, then he wouldn’t have let Myndi be so loose with her discipline of the boy. “Even so, it’s about time you dropped these kind of childish distractions and grow up. You are an adult now, after all. It’s about time to behaved like one.”

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The longer this encounter went on, the more Phoenix's stomach dropped. He began to feel sick, and like a panic attack might eventually hit him and drown him in crippling fear and self-contempt. The way Derek looked at him just... Just made him feel like nothing. No, worse than nothing, like he'd had the opportunity to be something great, but had ended up a useless, sniveling piece of trash that couldn't survive one day without the caress of his dominant lover.

When the older man started patronizing him for his feelings, Phoenix slumped even more, his cheeks positively burning as he stared into the table. Everything he was saying hit Phen's core, sending his thoughts whirling into a pool of uncertainty and self-consciousness that he didn't know how to get out of. "It hasn't been just a couple weeks," he whimpered, fiddling with his hands in his lap, unable to meet his father's eyes. "It's been ten months. This... This isn't just, just a phase...."

Was it? Phoenix's doubts were growing bigger and all he wanted to do was run away and hide in Oriel's arms.

"I... I do love him," he argued. "You have... No idea what we've been through together. How h-hard it's been, and we've still stayed t-together." Phoenix didn't doubt his feelings of love for Oriel, but he was starting to wonder if it was because he was... Sick, or something. It reminded him of the day when he and Gryphon had kissed, back then they were children, and they'd been afraid they would get in trouble for it.

The comments about it being his lack of attention at home and the fact that Derek hadn't been around to discipline him or whatever struck a cord, and Phen's spine straightened as he looked at his father with anger and disbelief. "That's not true!" he cried, but his voice cracked. "Mom did the best she could, I just... Just wasn't a good kid." She'd been working several jobs just to get by, what did one expect? "It wasn't her fault. And you... You're mean!" His eyes sparked with defiance. "I am an adult, but that doesn't mean I don't have things I still need to learn. It's... It's not my fault, or mom's, that it's just taken me longer to get there!"

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Derek released a long sigh, exasperated at the boy’s reaction to his words. He should have expected an outburst, in fact he did expect one - what else could one expect from a child being told they couldn’t do something - but…Derek just wasn’t a father. Of course he wasn’t. Maybe he would have liked to be, back with his fiancee, but this boy was nothing like what he expected to come from his own genes.

He’d hoped that maybe he inherited just a little bit of Derek’s common sense, some of his natural character and charisma, maybe even some of his intelligence, but no. It seemed like he fell flat on all those points. For that, Derek did feel a slight sense of guilt for not being there to guide his son in the right direction.

But all those missed years….clearly Derek hadn’t developed the patience necessary to be a father. Nor was he as persuasive as he thought he’d be.

Derek waited until the boy was done with his little tirade before speaking again. Of course it was important to let them get out what they wanted to without interrupting. “Are you done?” he asked just to make sure. “With your little tantrum?” Because that definitely was the tantrum of an undisciplined child.

Derek leaned forward in his chair and clasped his hands together. “First off, son, I—“ Derek started to say, however he was unfortunately cut off with the arrival of the waitress. He sighed again and turned to the waitress. “I’ll take a glass of cabernet.” He turned back to Phoenix. “You can order whatever you like.” It may not make up for a lifetime of being absent, but Derek could at least buy him dinner.

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As soon as Phoenix got out what he wanted to say, he was out of breath, and, panting slightly, slumped back in his seat once again, looking dejected. He almost immediately regretted his outburst; his cheeks were flushed with embarrassment. Surely the man would lash out at him, or tell him all of the reasons he was wrong.

When Derek just asked if he was finished, Phoenix's face burned even hotter, and he gave a tiny nod in response. There would likely be very little, if any, raised response coming from the pixie again. He just wasn't a loud person to begin with, and adults made him nervous anyway. Add to that the fact that this was his dad and...

Phoenix swallowed hard and continued to stare at the table as his father seemed to start on some tirade, but was cut off by the waitress. He glanced meekly at the woman, and then his father, and muttered,"I'm not hungry... I'll... I'll just take a glass of..." He stared blankly at the drinks menu before something popped out at him. "Raspberry lemonade. Please." His gaze still averted from Derek, he shut his mouth again, trying to mentally prepare himself for whatever the man had to say.

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Looks like Derek was right. Just a childish tantrum and nothing more. Derek had his own counters for it which he would have given if the waitress hadn’t interrupted them. Derek found no fault with the woman interrupting them, she was merely being a professional and doing her job. It was the boy who was being disrespectful, for raising a fit in the middle of a public place, and he supposed, partially his own for bringing him here in the first place. That was…unwise of Derek. He should have anticipated something like this and chosen a more private venue. Unfortunately, the sudden encounter didn’t give him much time to plan ahead, so he would forgive himself for that for now.

The boy wouldn’t take him up on a meal, but the drink was just fine. And since he didn’t, Derek wouldn’t order a meal either. That would be rude, for him to eat while his guest didn’t.

Once the orders had been put in, Derek faced the young man once again, his elbows resting lightly on the table with his hands clasped over his mouth while he was considered his words again. “First off,” he continued. “You’re young. That cannot be disputed, and with your youth comes a gross lack of inexperience. The relationships that young people invest in are often impulsive and superficial. You’re right, I have no idea what you two have been through together, so I can’t accurately say how “genuine” it is. However, it’s a hard, cold fact that most high school relationships don’t last past graduation, and even if they do, they end soon after.”

Because children thought that it was that easy to find the love of their life. The first person who paid them attention suddenly became their soul mate and when they become disillusioned by the outcome, it’s suddenly the end of the world. Nothing could be more terrible than breaking up with their high school sweetheart, the first person they thought they had feelings for. Even in the face of the rest of their lives and the billions of other people they could potentially meet, they become convinced that they’ll “never love again”. And with a male/male relationship….that was even more impulsive and risky, because no doubt the fact that it was an “unconventional” relationship meant that it had to be true love. “You have your entire life before you,” he said. “I’m certain there’s a girl or two out there who would support you much better than this boy you think is your ‘one and only’.”

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Phoenix just wanted to run away. Could he do that? Did he dare? Despite what mean things his father had said towards him so far... Derek was still his father. And, even though the man hadn't done anything to support him as he grew up, Phoenix still felt some sort of obligation towards him. He wouldn't be alive if not for him.

He just stared down at the table as Derek started speaking again, keeping his mouth shut. Every word felt like a thorn, especially when he go to the part about high school relationships not lasting. Phoenix swallowed and quietly replied,"But.... But not all high school relationships end after graduation. There... There are some that last." His voice sounded uncertain, even to him. "R.... Right?" Phen didn't dare look up; he was too scared to see the expression on the older man's face. "We... We got promise tattoos. It wasn't... It wasn't something we just did on a whim. We planned it for a while." To Phoenix, the tattoos were practically as good as an engagement ring. They were meant for each other. They had to be. Right?

Phoenix hated that this was making him doubt himself. Doubt Oriel. What if the younger boy didn't believe they would last once they were done with Hammel? Was that why Oriel hadn't wanted him to leave, because he knew that would be the beginning of the end? Fear seeped into Phoenix's heart. "The first an' last time someone broke up with me, I ended up being a useless addict for over two years," he uttered, not mentioning it was his dust he'd been addicted to. "Oriel, he... He got me out of that. Helped me see clearly again. I don't... I don't want some girl who might support me t'some extent that he already does. He takes care of me. He keeps me from slippin' back t'how I was before." He took a shaky breath. "And... And I'm gay. Girls don't... They don't do anything for me." Not anymore. But he didn't add that part. Phen continued staring at a not in the table, waiting for the retort. At least he'd kept his voice level this time.

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Had he been able to read his mind, Derek would have agreed. Yes, Derek was his father, Phoenix would not be alive were it not for him, and based on that sole fact yes, he did deserve that sort of respect from Phoenix. It was just expected. Derek had been unable to maintain that sort of respect for his own parents and he was cast out because of it. He’d shamed his family for the sake of bringing his son into existence. Phoenix damn well better have respect for his father!

“Percentage wise, more than half of teenage couples are broken up within the first five years of marriage. Those aren’t good odds. For a homosexual couples, those numbers increase dramatically.” He might have been exaggerating on those statistics. Even so, he’d never known many “gays” to maintain a long standing relationship(not that he’d known too many). From his understanding, they cycled through each other, never committing, even imposing their so-called sexuality on other people…from his perspective, it was classic attention-gathering behavior.

“Promise tattoos.” Derek sighed. HIs son really was an idiot. He shook his head and squeezed his fingers over the bridge of his nose. Derek felt a headache coming on. “You know those things are permanent, right? In ten years, when you’re no longer together, the only thing that tattoo is going to serve is being a constant reminder of how stupid you were as a child, jumping so impulsively into a relationship that ended up failing anyway.” Removing a tattoo was an expensive procedure. He’d known many people who’d made that mistake and ended up having to cover up their “promise tattoo” with another one just because it’d was no longer applicable. “I know you think you’re thinking things through, but at your age, with your lack of experience, anything you do can be considered a whim no matter how far before hand you planned it.” Derek really hoped he was getting through to this boy.

The revelation that Phoenix had been addicted to drugs was disturbing to Derek. How could his son be so stupid as to let himself be overcome by such weakness? “You shouldn’t have needed someone to pull you out of it. The fact that he had to only means that you’re more dependent on someone who isn’t going to be there forever.” That wasn’t healthy, but it wasn’t for Phoenix’s health that he was uttering such opinions. He just didn’t want his son to be with this…boy. “You just haven’t found the right girl yet. Just because you haven’t found a girl that suits you yet, doesn’t mean you have to give up and turn to men who are only going to keep you around for as long as it’s convenient.” Derek didn’t know anything about their relationship, but from the sound of it, it was just as unhealthy as every other homosexual relationship he’d come across. Superficial, transient, and existing solely for the sake of a man’s carnal needs. That wasn’t love.

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No. Phoenix didn’t want to believe what he was hearing. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of, only a couple years down the road, that he and Oriel would get married and then divorce. His lower lip trembled visibly as he let this soak in, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. “But.. But not all of them end,” he said weakly, his voice pleading for some form of support. “We… We won’t be just a statistic like that. We’re better than that.” Weren’t they? Or did all teenage couples act like the two of them did and end up breaking up anyway?

Phoenix wanted to cry.

Instead, he swallowed and nodded, trying to blink back the moisture in his eyes. “Y… Yeah. Well…. They’re not entirely permanent, actually,” he mumbled dejectedly, not wanting to think about the fact that- “…. My boyfriend, he’s an ink manipulator. He could just peel them off if he really wanted to.” And he already had once, but Phoenix wasn’t going to tell his father that. He winced at Derek’s reprimands, sinking lower and lower in his seat in an attempt to hide from his cruel ‘words of wisdom’. “I’m not stupid, and I’m not a child…” he mumbled, but it might have been quiet enough that Derek hadn’t heard. The moisture was building up in his eyes again, and Phoenix rubbed his fists against them, making a single trail of tears drip down his cheek before he could wipe it off. Why was his own father being so harsh? Was he really as awful and dumb as Derek made him sound? “So you’re sayin’ that I’ll look back and regret everything I ever did at this age?” he mumbled as he let his hands drop again. “Why should I even bother doin’ anythin’ at all, then?”

He shouldn’t have mentioned the drugs. Phoenix knew that. But it was too late now, and he had to suffer through this anyway, so he might as well get out everything. “I might be dead by now if it wasn’t for him,” he spat weakly. “I was on a path of self-destruction. I owe him my life.” Of that, Phoenix was certain. It was the possibility of Oriel not staying around that was what worried him the most. “I’m not convenient for him either! Fuck, I’ve already been nothin’ but a burden t’him anyway, I’m just lucky he loves me enough t’put up with me and my… My pathetic-ness.” So much for not having another outburst. “I’ve been with women earlier in my life too, okay? I tried it, and it didn’t work out, and I don’t want to go back t’that. I like boys, and… And boy…. Stuff.” He couldn’t say sex or ‘parts’ or anything to his father. “So… So I guess you’ll just have t’hate me.” Throat burning with unshed tears, Phoenix heaved himself out of his chair, prepared to storm out.

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If the boy would just take his advice, then he wouldn’t need to worry about getting to emotionally involved in something that was just going to be painful later on when it finally ended. That was the problem with kids these days. They thought that everything lasted forever, that they were invincible, and that nothing bad would ever happen to them. And then when it finally did, their confidence got shattered and it was ‘the end of the world’….until they fixated on the next life-turning event of their youth. “You think that now. And that’s natural. Most kids do go into their relationships thinking it’s going to last forever. But that only makes it harder on them when they find out that “happily ever after” is just a fantasy.” And a foolish one at that. Did kids even think with their heads these days? Or was it just with their loins?

Derek was never so irresponsible.

Derek rose an eyebrow, surprised to hear that the other boy had that kind of power. “I see…and that’s all well and good but…he can pull it of if he pleases. Not you.” Did the boy even understand that? “When you finally break up, can you honestly tell me that you’ll be comfortable asking him to remove that kind of thing for you?” Not stupid…it sure looked like he was from Derek’s angle.

There were tears. Yes, of course, Derek would be a fool to not expect them. What they meant to Derek, however, was that the boy was actually hearing what his father was telling him. Maybe Derek could get through to him yet? Before he ruined his life on an impulsive relationship.

“No…what I’m telling you is that you should trust the advice of your elders who have already experienced such things and would rather not see their children repeat the same mistakes to their own detriment.” Not that Derek had ever made these mistakes himself, nope(lies!).

Derek scowled as the boy continued on his foolish rant. From the sound of it, even if it weren’t something like a homosexual relationship, it didn’t sound all that healthy either. “It sound to me like you’ve just attached yourself to him because you don’t think anyone else will take you, which, while I understand it doesn’t seem like that now, is completely untrue. And that’s a self esteem issue…not because of any sort of preference.” Of that, Derek was absolutely certain now, after hearing about the boy’s drug problem, which was a completely other matter in itself. Derek eyes his son as he prepared to throw yet another tantrum. Derek didn’t move from his seat. The accusation, if that’s what it was, stirred something in the pit of Derek’s stomach…and his brows furrowed in response. “Are you leaving?” he asked in a tone that was growing more harsh. “Your drink hasn’t even arrived yet.”

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Phoenix had been watching a lot of Disney movies ever since Dani had introduced him to them, and he'd - admittedly chidlishly - been hooked on their themes of true love and love at first sight and happily ever after. Sure, his and Oriel's relationship wasn't like those ones were, but it worked for them! "You don't know us..." he mumbled as a last weak response. Phoenix didn't have the energy or responses to argue anymore; he felt hopeless.

He bit his lip and his face tightened angrily at the question Derek threw at him. "I... I don't know," he mumbled. "I'd probably keep it regardless." In the hellish scenario that that did happen, Phoenix wouldn't want to get the tattoo removed. Call him clingy, but it might be the last speck of anything that could keep him sane; something to remind him that he was once loved.

Something sort of snapped in Phoenix then, as Derek spoke. His eyes went dark, his fists clenched, and his jaw tightened; it was reminiscent of back when Phoenix had had temper tantrums during his dust-crazed hallucinations, only this one was more controlled, if no less intense. "My elders, huh?" he said lowly, tears still shining on his cheeks. "Your experience? Tell me, have you ever even been in love? Or are you sayin' all this stuff because you... You're just a bitter old man who didn't even try t'support the woman he got pregnant!"

He didn't know where that had come from, but now that he'd said it, Phoenix knew he couldn't stick around. Already he was crumbling again, feeling like he was on a rollercoaster of emotions from this encounter. "It's not self-esteem! I'm a fuckin' mistake, you said so yourself!" Well, he hadn't exactly, but that's what he felt like had been said. "Nothin' but a failure, destined t'have a sorry, useless life until I finally croak in some alley from an overdose." He hissed in anger and resisted the urge to knock something over. "So I'm gonna be with him as long as he'll have me. At least he loves me more than the father that I never had." He ignored the comment about his drink and stormed to the front entrance, fresh tears burning down his cheeks once again.

What was he doing...