Psh It's not like I care.

[Alexandra Patterson]

Morning of July, 14. 

Alex had sat a can of Ginger Ale and some aspirin outside of Oriel door earlier that morning. Yet according to her that didn't mean she cared. Also, when she was cooking herself some breakfast she made enough for both two people to eat. Still if you asked her this still didn't mean she cared. Alex only had a selected group of people she cared about and Oriel wasn't on the list...was he? It tended to be hard for her to admit she cared about people because she admitted to that it became too real. She rather keep the people she cared about to a minimum because the more people she allowed herself to care about was just more people who could disappoint her or affect her mood in a negative way or even manipulate her of they knew how she felt. To her showing any sign of emotions was just like showing all her weakness. Therefore, if you ever asked if she cared about him the answer was a huge hell no. Did she actually? Well to be honest she was starting to just don't tell him that or she will hunt you down and then go to extremes to deny it to Oriel. 

    Last night is when she realised she might actually care about him just a little though. The fight with him and Phoenix sounded really bad. So bad that actually she called the dorm monitors and she wasn't one to turn to staff for help. She wasn't sure but by the sound of it he was starting to get aggressive with Phoe which she didn't like. To her that was like kicking a puppy and it didn't help she had a history with abuse herself so she was more sensitive to it all last night. So on one hand she was sort of sour towards him for that but on the other hand she was concern because she knew from her truth or dare party that he didn't drink and when he came in last night he was pretty messed up. The fact he locked himself and the room and didn't let Phoenix even in was more than enough to know something was going on in his head. 

Alex was sitting on the counter, plate in lap, and her feet dangling when he came out. "Yo, if your hungry I made too much food if you want some," she said casually. She really wanted to ask what happened last night but she didn't know how to go about it. "Soo.... you were pretty fucked up last night" she started. 

[Deleted]

The night had been a long one. Oriel wasn’t even sure he remembered most of it. If asked, he would instinctively deny having done anything. But that would definitely have been a lie.

He didn’t sleep. That was to be expected. After Oriel barricaded himself in his room, it took a team of staff - probably telepaths, or super strength bozos, Oriel didn’t really remember - to push past it and get to the distressed and drunken boy who had retreated to the corner of his room furthest from the doorway. He vaguely remembered looking out the window and considering just hopping out it and climbing down the side of the building. Run away before anyone could get to him. Hide somewhere in town until they gave up looking. Maybe even hitch a ride out of town.

The foremost thought he had the entire night was that he fucked up. He fucked up and there was no way to fix it. Everyone hated him now. It would be best if he just disappeared so that he wouldn’t have to be a problem to anyone anymore.

Had the staff hadn’t gone in to get him, Oriel might’ve just gone ahead and done that.

They’d taken the time to reset up his room…at least place the furniture where it needed to be while he was checked to ensure he didn’t need any further care. There was no quick cure for inebriation, just time. Just had to wait it out. Phoenix had already been taken away. Who knows what they were doing with him but when he asked, they wouldn’t let him see him. He didn’t argue. Once everything was done with, Oriel was shuffled back to his room to sleep off the rest of the alcohol. A monitor was probably just outside the door to the dorm room…or maybe he was holed up in the empty room on the end? Who knew? Oriel didn’t care.

He spend his night staring blankly at the wall, never once allowing himself the rest he was supposed to get. The smell of food wafted in from under the door and his stomach growled. Right. He hadn’t eaten dinner the night before either. Oriel’s head hurt. It seemed to weigh him down even more as he heaved himself to his unsteady feet. Oriel opened the door to find the Ginger Ale and aspirin. He blinked a few times at it, confused, but after a minute knelt down and consumed both. Oriel ran his hand along the wall, holding himself steady, as he slowly stepped out into the common area, where he was greeted by the offer of food.

Oriel glared but approached the area anyway, and grabbed a fork, fully intending to eat straight from the frying pan. “Yeah…” was all he said. Well, grunted was more like it.

[Alexandra Patterson]

"I'm not as good as a cook as you but I do okay" she said making small talk. "But hey when I'm famous I can hire you as my personal chef". Alex fiddled with her fork as she tried to figure out how to approach this. She knew Oriel probably didn't trust her enough to tell her everything that went down but she wanted to at least know the gest if she couldn't know everything. Finally Alex not being one to not get straight to the point she had to just blurt it out. "What happen last night? I could of swear you didn't drink". Which if the reason was because how he was last night she could totally understand now. "Are you okay? Don't lie either because I will be able to tell".

[Deleted]

Oriel normally would have at least snorted in amusement at her comments, specifically the one about hiring him as a chef. But he was detached from the world right now. He was barely even sure he was moving, that he was alive. Oriel felt like he was a robot, just mindlessly going to the small motions of getting up, eating, and eventually…shit, Oriel didn’t even know what he was supposed to do next. Go back to his room and rot, probably.

“I don’t,” he replied blankly. Though he sure felt like he needed a drink at that moment. Then he wouldn’t have to care anymore. “….and that’s the reason why I don’t.” Oriel didn’t want her asking any more questions. He hoped that Alex would just take the hint and drop it. Pretend like nothing happened and move on. “I’m fine,” he lied. He was anything but, but Oriel wasn’t going to tell her that.

[Alexandra Patterson]

"It just...I know how it is." Alex bite down on her lip and her eyes focused on her plate not sure if she wanted to say anything more about it. She wanted to drop it, but some reason she just couldn't. "Not having someone to talk to can be rough when you're going crazy and shit." she said abit of emotions leaking out in her tone. Alex knew from personal experience. Their were times she just wanted to scream and punch something and she felt like she was going crazy and she had no one to tell. No one who cared to listen or that she trust to listen. No one even notice and it made her feel even worse. "So, you know ... I'm here if you want to talk or whatever. Hell even if you just want a drink I got you." She was quiet for a second before she added. "I'm offended you didn't come to me for a drink in the first place. You know I have the good stuff." She looked up deciding that maybe she said too much. "I mean I can't have you around here mopey killing my vibe," she said back in her normal tone with a small smile. "I rather share my stash if then have you kill my mood. Though I probably should get rid of it because they are probably going to sweep our room soon after last night" she said making a note to herself on the last part. "Anyway if you're hold up in your room that means their no cookies cooking in the oven and nothing can interfere with you making cookies".

[Deleted]

Oriel just wanted her to shut up. Stop talking. Drop it and never bring it up again. Pretend like nothing happened, because…that’s certainly what Oriel wanted to do. It was ten, no, a hundred times easier than talking about it. Reliving it. Letting others know that you…

“Like shit you do,” he replied with a harsh tone. She couldn’t possibly understand what he was going through, Alex was not Oriel! That was the only difference that counted!

But what got to him the most, what was possibly the stupidest thing Alex could have said to him, was that she would ‘offer’ him a ‘drink’ if he ever had shit he wanted to get out. Needed to hang and relieve stress. And Oriel’s only thought was how incredibly stupid she was for offering such a thing. “Fuck that!” he yelled, slamming the pan back down on the counter. “Didn’t you hear what the fuck I just said!? I said that’s why I don’t fucking drink! Because shit like that happens!” It was like the hold that he had on his temper, the only thing that kept it from blowing out full force 24/7, was dissolved, allowing Oriel to run rampant in whatever kind of rage he had. Oriel was dangerous. “But if you’re fucking fine with that, the sure!” he continued, looking to the rainbow headed skank with ferocity in his eyes. “Get me drunk, let me fucking rape you, and we’ll see how fucking willing you are to share that stash of yours with me.” That was the last thing that Oriel wanted to do, but the truth of the matter was, that Oriel had a hell of a time keeping his anger in check, keeping himself from doing something goddamn stupid, when he was just living out his daily life, completely sober.

Nobody knew what it was like, to be so fucking angry all the time, and have to pretend to be so fucking normal and happy as the next person just so people didn’t have do deal with his shit. Oriel hated it! But he couldn’t stop it.

[Alexandra Patterson]

   Alex scared jumped at the sound of the pan slamming. As Oriel looked at her and kept talking Alex didn't know if she was more frustrated or scared right now. On one hand, she was a little frustrated because he was getting mad at her. The girl actually wanted to help for once and it was getting taken like this. Sure he didn't have to take her help but the fact he didn't acknowledge she tried to open up even a little made her feel dumb to say anything in the first place. Which made her even more frustrated. There were two things she didn't just do with just anyone. One she didn't let just anyone drink from her stash and two share even the slightest information about her thoughts or real feelings. So offering her stash was just her way of saying without having to say directly he could have come to her last night if something was bothering him if he wanted. It was also her saying "hey look I care enough to give up the little something that I have that is the only thing to silence my thoughts some nights if you needed it to feel better". She just wasn't good at directly saying things like that. Of course Oriel couldn't read her mind to know that but it still made her mad that he didn't get it. Like she cooked him food and made sure he had some damn Ginger Ale and aspirin outside his door for his hangover. She got what he was saying about drinking but she needed him to get she was making an effort without having to say it and not yell at her because of it. Yeah maybe it wasn't a perfect one but it was an effort all the same.

Now see on the other hand Alex was kind of scared of him right now. If he hurt Phoe like she assumed he did what was stopping him right now from going and hitting her? All the angry from last night could still be their and even worse now. It wasn't helping the word rape was never a word she took too lightly seeing how she had been a victim of that on multiple occasion. To anyone else she would say she could take him, easily but she knew at the most she could just decently defend herself if that if it really came down to it. She probably wouldn't be able to focus enough to make a clone to even help her so yeah if he was serious about that letting him drink wasn't a good idea. Yet the frustrated side was winning over her being scared. 

"Why the hell do you have to take this shit out of proportion?" she snapped. She wanted to take him and shake him yelling 'look you little fucker I actually give a damn about you so can we just not be mad at each other for once'. Alex hop down from where she was sitting on the counter at so if she needed to she could defend herself better. She figured judging by the look in his eye if Oriel was anything like her mom boyfriends she knew she should of approach this more cautiously than that, but she wasn't acting on logic. "Urgh why can't you just understand Oriel? I honestly just want to help and give you someone to let you're feeling out on, but excuse me for giving any kind of fuck on how you feel. I'll just next time try harder to not care about your well-being okay"? 

[Deleted]

Alex was right to be scared. It was what Oriel was trying to do. Though his threats were not made lightly. He knew himself, both inside and out. He knew what he was capable of. And if scaring people was the only way to keep them away from scum like him, if it was the only way he could protect them from such a rotten asshole like himself, then Oriel would scare every single person who came within arm’s length of him.

Out of proportion? What, was the stupid bitch completely blind as to what happened last night??

“Well good!” he shouted. “Because I don’t want your help! I don’t want your sympathy! I don’t want you sticking your nose where it don’t belong!” Oriel slammed both hands down harshly against the table in front of him. He seethed as he leaned over it, trying to keep himself from erupting even further. Oriel knew she was just trying to help, but he didn’t need that right now. He just needed to be left alone. To not be reminded of it every other minute. So he could pretend it didn’t even happen and get on with his life. That’s all he wanted.

[Alexandra Patterson]

"You sure need some kind of help" responded with an eye roll. The fact that the bold girl didn't really have a sensor on her brain was probably not helping with the boy anger. She knew her mouth was going to get her in trouble one day and this might just be the day. Alex jumped again at the sound of his fist slamming down on the table. She sighed putting her head in her hand. "Just calm down before you hurt yourself Oriel". Or me for that matter, she thought. "If you don't want to talk about it fine just stop yelling at me. I told you before I don't care if your mad or not but don't yell at me like I'm a child. Phoe and other people may put up with that but I'm not going to". She leaned on the part of the counter by the silver drawer as she realise this wasn't probably the best time to bring up that name. "Just forget I said anything. Did you get the Ginger Ale and the aspirin I left you"?

[Deleted]

That was—! Of course, it was obvious Oriel needed some kind of fucking help, but it was just as obvious that he didn’t want anything from anybody. And forcing oneself into so-called “helping” when he wasn’t ready for it only added fuel to the fire. And then he’d beat himself up later for acting like such as asshole towards their goodwill, no matter how poorly timed it was. And then he’d just make it worse by refusing to acknowledge it and apologize like he damn well should. There was just…a cycle of problems that only perpetuated themselves and made everything worse, and yet nothing nothing nothing could stop it!

“I am calm!” he shouted. Liar. He tried to take in a breath, slowly through his nose and ten out his mouth. Her comment about people putting up with him struck another chord with him. Of course, people just put up with him. Oriel wouldn’t have anyone around otherwise. Oriel was such a degenerate, no-good, worthless piece of cow dung that all he could ever hope for was for people to put up with him. Either that, or they were crazy. Because why would anyone willingly put themselves through the shit Oriel threw at them.

Oriel curled his hands into tight fists as he tensed up even more, remaining unmoving from the table which he’d just accosted. “Yeah,” he said in a strained voice. “I got ‘em…” Breathe. “…thanks.” Another pause. “….sorry.” It felt awkward to say it. He never did, after all.

[Alexandra Patterson]

Alex smiled. "See that wasn't hard was it? No problem though". She took her hair out the bun subconsciously and started playing with it. "I guess I should say i'm sorry to....so Im sorry if I cross any lines. If you tell anyone I'll murder you in your sleep but I was just worried. I'm starting to sort kind of like you. As a friend of course because anything more then that would be disgusting" she hurried up and added the last part. "You can be alright when you're not being an ass you know and since I know I'm freaking awesome you're probably starting to sort of kind of like me also, even if your not going to admit it. I'm honestly not trying to push any buttons I'm just not good at this consoling thing and whatnot so cut me a little slack okay"?

[Deleted]

Yes, it was hard and he hated it whenever people said that kind of shit to him. If it wasn’t hard, then he would’ve been able to do it easy, simply, smoothly in the first fucking place! Right? Oriel glared. Not necessarily at her, but possibly more at the mass of space between them.

Oriel couldn’t take her words seriously. She must’ve been lying, just trying to make him feel better. Telling him what he wanted to hear so she didn’t have to ‘put up with him’ anymore. That must be it. Oriel gripped his hands tightly, trying to hold himself back from causing any more damage than he already had. Than he already….

Phoenix…he’d…to him… “He hates me…” he muttered. Oriel could feel the burning start in his eyes as the realization hit. “I’m never going to see him again, am I?” He couldn’t even attempt to think about what Alex was saying right now as this reality became more and more…real. And it was his fault.

[Alexandra Patterson]

"Of course you're going to see him and of course he doesn't hate you" Alex said actually believing it and not saying it just trying to comfort him. She came a little closer to him. "You know that boy like a little puppy when it comes to you. You can do anything to him and at the end of the day he'll still come up to you and lick your face. Plus the way he was trying to get in the room when you lock yourself in shows he wasn't mad. He probably wants nothing more than to be with you as we speak".

[Deleted]

Alex’s words weren’t as reassuring as they ought to have been. He hated the way she described it too. Was it really true that Oriel could get away with anything when it came to Phoenix? No matter how bad? That wasn’t right… Oriel was a twisted fuck-up, there’s no way that anyone would want to willingly subject themselves to whatever he dished out at them.

Oriel continued to brace himself against the table, head down and with a dampness in his eyes. Why did Phoenix have to be like that? So…? “….y-you’re right,” he shuddered out. “….and I don’t….don’t deserve someone that perfect….” Not after what he did. And what he knew he’d probably do again, given the right circumstances. Oriel stood, his posture slumped, and started back down the hall to his room.