I'll Have a Blue Christmas (Kiara)

[Gabriel James]

It had become unnerving to Gabriel how long it had been since he'd spoken to Kiara. It wasn't as if he hadn't tried, either. The blonde had seemingly begun to ignore Gabe just before Thanksgiving, and not matter how many times the man reached out, he didn't receive any correspondence from his roommate's sister. He couldn't imagine why the girl would simply stop speaking to him, either.

At first, Gabe thought that perhaps the distance could be a good thing. He thought maybe the feelings he developed for the blonde on their little trip to Delaware would pass. It seemed, though, that no amount of time, booze, or other women could get his mind off Kiara. Yeah, he wasn't proud of how he'd been dealing with the attraction - but the man didn't see any other options. Kiara was Everett's little sister... they had made that mistake once about a year ago and he wasn't going to tread in that water again. He couldn't lose Everett - his roommate was like a brother to Gabriel. Gabe loved Everett more than his actual brothers. He didn't want to ruin that again.

But even as he tried to subdue the feelings which overwhelmed him, Gabriel found himself thinking more and more about Kiara. What was she up to? Why wouldn't she answer his texts? Was she still hung up over Jackson and baby Gabe? He even bought the blonde a Christmas gift. The purchase was slightly impulsive, and made while slightly intoxicated, but Gabe honestly hoped that Kiara would like it... if he could ever get her to talk to him.

That was why Gabriel James found himself at Kiara's door that morning. He waited patiently at her apartment building for someone to come and let him into the building, and then walked up the stairs to her apartment door. He had his guitar strapped to his back, and a small box wrapped in shiny red paper and a green bow in his hands. The navy blue beanie he'd worn on his head was still covered with Vermont's first snow, and his cheeks were still rosy from the walk from the car to the building. He unzipped his black leather winter coat a bit, allowing his red scarf to come down off his face. He hoped she'd be home. He saw no reason she wouldn't be...

Gabe reached up to the door and knocked, hoping to soon see the blonde he couldn't quite get out of his thoughts - no matter how much he wanted to or tried.

[Deleted]

Love hurt. Kiara knew that damn well by now. It was why she had grown so reluctant to men over the last couple of years. Past experiences had contributed to her not acknowledging the feelings for Gabriel the second the first butterfly fluttered in her stomach. She had forced herself to fight and ignore it. When that no longer felt like an option due to the amount of butterflies, she accepted it as slowly as possible. In the end, however, Ki had fallen hard enough to know her feelings had developed into love.

That was why it hurt to lack his presence in her life during the last month or so. Kiara had initiated the withdrawal herself though, and she completely ignored any attempts made by Gabriel to create some form of communication. The reason for that still haunted her every day, sometimes causing tears to flow as well. That night at the Churchkey had been imprinted in her memory. Gabe sitting at the bar, drinking, and the blonde assuming that perhaps he was waiting for her shift to end. The giddy feeling brought on by that assumption soon enough had made place for heartbreak though. While at first she hadn’t thought too much of the pretty woman flocking to his side, seemingly flirting and letting her hand smooth down Gabe’s arm, it hadn’t taken too long for the truth to surface. Gabriel had left to bar with his newest trophy – one who didn’t look like she would go to someone’s place just for a cup of coffee.

It tore down the walls of confidence Gabriel had helped Kiara built during the last couple of months. She felt insecure again, along with being convinced that she had only been another number to his list of bed mates. So when the music teacher tried to get in contact with her again, her thumb had grown used to automatically end the call. Bet he was just going through his list of contacts in search for a girl to spend the night with… And Kiara didn’t want to be that girl.

When someone knocked on the door that morning, she had just finished wrapping her gifts. A pajama pants, top and hoodie covered her body – an outfit that had mostly been like a second skin as of late, given the comfort it provided. No second thought was given to who it might be, simply assuming it was either Ev or Henry. No one else would be able to get into the building without being let inside. It was why Ki made no use of the hole in the door to check. Instead she carelessly opened up… only to be faced with the last person she wanted to see around this time of the year.

“Gabe…” She breathed without realizing. Shoulders slumped for a brief moment and her hand gripped the handle tighter. “How did you get inside?” Tension took over now and the blonde straightened her back. No movement nor indication to let him inside were made. Instead the college student uncomfortably shifted while still holding on to the door.

Asking him why he was there or what he needed should have been the next time, but Ki swallowed it back. Instead blue eyes looked at him almost expectantly, figuring he would provide that answer without her literally questioning his presence.

[Gabriel James]

The way Kiara reacted to his appearance wasn't quite how Gabe had hoped she would. His face fell slightly as his fear that she may be mad or upset with him was pretty much confirmed. Of course, the many had basically no clue why the blonde would be mad. He had no idea she was at the bar that night - had he known, Gabe would have likely paid little to no attention to anyone else in the place. Unfortunately, things ended a little differently that night, and Gabe had regretted it the moment he woke up next to the woman. However, he was under the impression that nobody ever had to know.

So Kiara's slightly tense reaction was pretty confusing to Gabe, and he hoped he could get to the bottom of it and make whatever he had done to upset Kiara right. "I uh... may have charmed one of your neighbors so they'd let me in," Gabe admitted with a small chuckle. "But I felt like if I buzzed up you'd pretend not to be home or something. Since you've stopped answering my calls and texts and stuff," Gabriel explained, unaccusingly. His tone could even be described as a bit timid, like he was being overly careful not to say anything wrong, not to make anything worse.

"I wanted to see you before you left for Christmas," Gabe explained, hazel eyes never wavering from her blue ones. He was trying to read her expression, but was only as confused as ever. "I uh... Ev told me you guys are leaving in a couple days and I wanted to give you your present," Gabe explained, finally looking down, and gesturing to the box in his hands. Even if she wouldn't let him in - although he hoped she would - he hoped she'd at least accept the gift he'd brought her.

[Deleted]

Kiara was nowhere near as happy as she would normally have reacted to his presence. Her mind was biased as well, full of assumptions and pessimism. This was why, when Gabriel confessed to having charmed one of her neighbors, a deep frown settled on her face. Bet it had been that pretty young woman from the floor beneath hers. She was easy on the eye and quite probably Gabe’s type. Then again, he probably flocked after any girl. His words, in addition, once more made her aware of his ability. It made Ki skeptical and cautious, even judging him able to use it on her next.

“I just didn’t want to waste your time much longer… I’m sure you have more important things to tend to.” While it hurt quite badly to make that statement, she was genuine. Seeing him with another girl had crushed her self-esteem, and the time avoiding him had been used to continuously compare herself to other women. Her tone of voice was kept rather monotone and, unlike before, she seemed to struggle with maintaining eye contact. She didn’t feel good enough for him; she even felt rather submissive and intimidated. Uncomfortable. Gabriel’s actions couldn’t have made it any clearer how he ‘felt’ about her.

If Gabe focused enough, he should be able to read her expression, and to link it to the one that had been haunting her face during one of their first encounters. Heartbreak over Jackson, and now heartbreak over him. Weak and vulnerable.

With a small sigh, her gaze fell down to the box in his hands. For now, however, it were the gloves which mostly caught her attention. The hallway wasn’t as cold as it was outside, but it still remained chillier than the inside of the apartment. So, without a word, Kiara opened the door further and moved with it to let him in. Once he was, it closed behind them and her back got turned to the exit before arms folded against the blonde’s chest.

“Why? I mean, why would you buy me a Christmas present?” To bribe her into liking him again? Or did he actually wish to apologize? If he was aware of the reason behind this all to begin with. Ki truly didn’t understand. Her assumptions were so strong, and the sadness so real. Blue eyes filled with confusion and in search for answers.

[Gabriel James]

Gabe studied Kiara's expression as she looked him up and down, seeming to be in an internal conflict on how to react to his presence. Gabe's smile wavered, and eventually fell when Kiara noted that she 'didn't want to waste his time'. He didn't understand. His mouth hung slightly open as he searched for the words to say or the questions to ask. But something about the way Kiara was looking at him made Gabe increasingly uncomfortable - increasingly more concerned about how she'd react to anything he'd say.

Before Gabe could say anything, though, Kiara was stepping aside to let Gabe in - though reluctantly. Gabe only took a couple of steps inside though, his heart slightly racing as he tried to go through their last conversations - figure out what he could have said or done to make Kiara mad or upset with him. The way Kiara looked at him, arms folded across her chest, sent shivers down Gabe's spine. There was anger in her eyes, yes, but also sadness and confusion. Gabe's gaze was mostly the latter.

"I uh... why wouldn't I?" Gabe asked, his confusion becoming even more obvious. "I mean... we talked about having a second Christmas together, but since you stopped talking to me..." Gabe noted, not intentionally trying to turn the blame on Kiara, but shutting up as soon as he noticed that may be how he was coming across. Gabe put the package on the table, and took his guitar off his back, setting it against the wall nearby. "Did I do something?" he asked, honestly trying to figure out what could have possibly happened between them which could leave Kiara in this state.

[Deleted]

Gabriel didn’t deny that the blonde was wasting his time. No immediate protest. Whatever hope was left completely dissolved itself. There probably was no point in letting him in, but it was still in her nature to care about the comfort of others. Even if it was of someone who had crushed her heart. The tiny bits and pieces still beat slowly though, picking up their pace ever so slightly as blue eyes took in the confusion on his face. At one moment she would have cared, she would have wanted to resolve it, but now it just made her nervous. Had he not caught on to her feelings by now, she wasn’t sure he ever would. Or maybe he simply didn’t want to.

The latter assumption was somewhat enforced when his lack of insight became obvious. He had met another person to spend Christmas with, right? Kiara wanted him to be happy. By backing off, she figured the chance of messing it up for him would be limited. The fact that she had to clarify things for him kind of upset the girl. It felt like placing herself in the open again, reminding herself of that night.

“I didn’t get you anything…” It was somewhat of an avoidant reply. But at the same time it could also explain why she didn’t get why he would have brought her a gift, right? Maybe. Anyway, as a soft sigh slipped from her lips, one arm dropped down and her other hand uncomfortably rubbed at the upper part of it. Second Christmas? Kiara didn’t confirm nor deny it. The answer to his more forward question would possibly serve as an insight. As well as to why she had stopped talking.

“I just… I don’t want to interfere with your happiness.” Yes, he did do something. He took home a girl, and it wasn’t her. It was a life style Ki didn’t want to be part of. She couldn’t get herself to pinpoint it directly though, so her way of handling it might be somewhat more ‘subtle’ as eyes fell down to the package and a hand weakly motioned at it. “Doesn’t your girlfriend mind?” Giving gifts to random girls? Her voice seemed to die out some towards the end, and the lights in her eyes completely faded. She barely faced him, only occasionally succeeding at stealing a glance through eyelashes.

[Gabriel James]

"Well you didn't have to get me anything anyway," Gabe noted, still desperately replaying the last month in his mind, trying to figure out what he could have possibly said or done that would have the blonde treating him this way.

"The only way you're interfering with my happiness is by ignoring me!" Gabe said, voice rising slightly, though his statement ended with a slight chuckle - at the irony. He shook his head, slightly, looking at Kiara even more confused when she asked about the package, and if his girlfriend minded.

Gabe's thick eyebrows furrowed, and his face contorted as if Kiara's statement was the most ridiculous question ever asked. "Girlfriend?" Gabe asked, because his relationship status was new to him. "What Girlfriend, Ki? Why the hell do you think I have a girlfriend?" He asked, still laughing slightly, because in his mind he was thinking that this was just some huge misunderstanding. That Kiara had gotten some false information from some unreputable source. Although he couldn't imagine why that would upset Kiara so much that she shut him out completely. Wasn't she the one who just about a year ago yelled at her brother for staying out of her private life?

Sure... Ki had given Gabe plenty of clues that maybe there was something between them. Gabe had assumed, though, that they were both under the impression that the feelings had to be forgotten... left behind. For the better of their relationship with Everett. So jealousy wasn't quite something Gabe was convinced could have been the issue.

[Deleted]

If she didn’t have to get him anything, it should be the same the other way around. Either way, making such remark happened to be the last thing on the blonde’s mind when the man rose his voice some. The soft laughter being interpreted as him not taking her serious, as him making fun of her.

“You don’t need me to be happy,” Kiara practically shot back as the grip on her upper arm intensified. Despite the force behind it, the words came out hardly above a mumble. The second part of the accusation being meant to expand some more on the previous statement. “All a girl has to do is bat her eyelashes at you and the rest of your day will be made. It doesn’t even have to be me.” A frown sharpened her features. Bet he wasn’t getting enough attention from that dark-haired bomb shell anymore.

What made it worse was the fact that this other girl wasn’t even ‘serious’ in his eyes. It might have been easier to deal with had her heartbreak at least been worth it. “Oh right… number 20. I forgot you work with numbers. I was 19 and she was 20.” It was mean and harsh for the blonde to state it like that, but if the bombshell was nothing more than a fling, he better had had some great sex for Kiara could feel some repulsion grow. For a second Ki also wanted to add that if he had needed some affection, she would have been more than happily to provide, but that might just make her sound cheap… Even cheaper than the blonde felt at this moment.

Arms went back to folding against her upper body, but not before a hand had quickly rubbed at one of her eyes. The college student could feel tears brimming, though they gained no permission to flow. “It’s going to be quite an expensive Christmas if you’re buying all of us gifts…” The anger had made place for pain again, to which her voice easily adjusted.

[Gabriel James]

Gabe's face contorted, even more confused, as he processed the words that Kiara was saying. Calling herself 19 and referring to 20. It took Gabe a few moments as Kiara continued to grill him, commenting on the gifts he should be getting 'all of them'. His face fell as he finally put all of it together. "Oh my god you were working that night..." Gabe whispered to himself, probably to soft for Kiara to notice, but she probably could have heard if she really wanted to. And while the guilt about the situation Gabe had been trying to suppress bubbled up again, the man realized something. He shouldn't have to be sorry... because they weren't even together! They couldn't be!

"Ki, I'm sorry that you had to see... whatever you saw..." Gabe said honestly, though there was a little bite to his voice. "But it happened. And it's over. And it was one night. Frankly, I find it slightly hypocritical that you're angry at me over this..." Gabe noted, eyebrows furrowing again, but in a stern, slightly annoyed expression. Just a year ago Kiara was being judged for drunkenly sleeping with Gabe by her brother! Gabe had even defended Kiara saying she was an adult who could make her own decisions! Didn't the same apply to Gabriel!?

"I don't see what business you have in my love life, anyway, but you're not just number 19. You never were, Ki! I thought I'd made that pretty clear!" Gabe said, visibly hurt by the fact that Kiara thought differently. They'd shared so much in the past year, and at the VERY least Gabriel considered the younger Lilien a close friend. And while his heart longed for more, he knew better, and decided to do what it took to move on from those feelings. Seemed like Kiara was making it easier by casting him aside.

[Deleted]

By the look on his face, Kiara could tell dots were being connected. She also caught on to the fact that something was being whispered, but the heartbeat which had reached her ears by now was making it even more impossible to hear. It would also have been better if the rest he had to say could be ignored like that. “Hypocritical?” The blonde asked while trying to place the words that had flowed from his lips just seconds earlier. The way he described it… That was exactly how things had gone down with them. Had he possibly brushed it off just as easy to god knows which girl? Gabe should probably pick his words wisely for her inner tension rose and so did the upset feeling.

Of course it only became worse the second he decided that his love life was none of her business. What Gabe added to that statement pretty much went by unnoticed. After all, if she were not just number 19, he should understand that some input should be allowed. “Made that pretty clear? What, Gabe? That, yeah, it was pretty much a mistake, but that there were no regrets? Yes, you did…” For a moment he had indeed fooled her into believing she was not just a number, but that got messed up quite badly a couple of weeks ago.

“What you never made clear, however, was what I am then? At least not until you pretty much hooked up with a girl in front of my eyes.” Kiara was sick and tired of hiding her feelings. Gabriel had been blind to them for over a month now. She doubted stating them out loud would make him see it any clearer, hence the reason none of her words were ‘censored’. Her voice slightly raised and hands gripped her upper arms tightly as they were folded against her chest. She didn’t speak with a steady tone, easily betraying the overload of emotions which hogged her words.

“But yeah, right. None of my business. How stupid of me to think that my opinion ever did matter.” Or her feelings for that matter.

[Gabriel James]

"What are you?" Gabe asked in slight disbelief. Maybe Kiara didn't understand Gabe as much as he thought. He was under the impression that Kiara understood how much he had let her in. He thought she understood just how important to him she had become over the past year.

"You are the girl that I spend hours talking to after a long night of work, just for the hell of it. And it was awesome and I'd do it a thousand more times. I took you to Deleware to meet, arguably, the most important person in my life. You're one of the only people who I could ever tell some of the things I've told you! I really fail to see how all of that puts you in the ranks of all the girls I've been horrible to," Gabe said, a deal of force behind his voice. He recognized that he'd not always been the best when it came to women and relationships, but he still failed to see how he was really in the wrong here. After all, even though he wished he could be, he wasn't in a relationship with Kiara.

"Your opinion matters more to me than your brother's, half the time, Kiara," Gabe added, face turning red from frustration. "But you know, when you ignore me for a month, you don't really get to have one!" he added, still incredibly upset that she had refused to talk to him for so long over something that was so stupid. Stupid in the sense that it meant nothing, and he regretted it. Not that Kiara was even around to figure that out. "If you had an opinion about it, maybe you should have stopped me before I even walked out of the bar - instead of waiting for me to practically break into your building and show up at your door!"

[Deleted]

Kiara had had the exact same thoughts about Gabriel. About his importance and about just how much she had let her guard down to let him in. He clearly hadn’t understood that either. After all, why else hook up with a girl in the bar where the blonde worked in the kitchen? It had pretty much undone everything the music teacher had managed to achieve during the last year.

While the man’s explanation of what she was should offer some comfort, it didn’t. “Kind of like a best friend then,” she breathed out in a small mumble. The expanded description was nice, but Kiara quite possibly would have found one single label to be way more effective at that point. Despite the fact that the words seemed to have come out calmly, the blonde was still highly upset, shifting her weight from one leg onto the other. There was something else that threatened to be blurted out, but his next reaction pretty much cut her short. Saying that she didn’t get to have an opinion… The college student visibly tensed and tears began to brim just as clearly. He might as well have said that she had to shut the fuck up.

“I shouldn’t have had the option to stop you to begin with!” Her voice raised now as a finger accusingly pointed at him. “Maybe you could have freaking waited for my shift to end and I wouldn’t have minded going home with you!” The arm tightly pressed against her upper body again, joined by the other, as she shakily inhaled during a small sob - the first of many to follow, she was sure. Perhaps that was the kind of language that he understood. It included a reference at sex after all. Even if it had not meant something with the other girl… he could have gone for someone who could have made it more meaningful.

Now angry about the fact that this confession was out on the table, the blonde gave him a pained look. Her voice bitter and sharp. “You want to know what puts me in the same ranks as those other girls, huh? The only difference is the fact that you gave me a chance to fall for you before you went and moved on to the next girl.” A somewhat sarcastic laugh slipping past her lips as she shook her head at him. “Did I even cross your mind when you were at The ChurchKey? Because I know I was ecstatic about you being there… I was happy. Just as happy as you were to take that girl home.”

Some disgust filled her eyes before dipping her head some as a hand quickly smoothed away some tears. “You didn’t even notice me.”

[Gabriel James]

"No! Kiara. Everett is my best friend. You... you're..." Gabe sarted, running a hand through his hair. How did he want to end that statement? You're different? You're so much more? "You're Everett's little sister," Gabe said, almost pained - all the emotion he felt about the matter readable in his eyes. To any outsider it would be clear how much this fact was eating away at the man - because Kiara was supposed to be off limits, and Gabe had already broken that rule. He felt incredibly conflicted on how to proceed with his feelings when it felt so wrong to go against Everett's wishes. "You're Ev's little sister and there isn't any power in the world that could ever change that!" Gabe said, frustrated, wishing there was something around he could throw to release the pent up aggression forming within.

"I had no idea you were working there that night, Ki. If I had, I can 100% promise you, that it wouldn't have happened," Gabe said, words becoming faster as he became more frustrated and upset. His mind was racing and Ki's words were hitting him in a way that stung, and he couldn't even quite absorb the fact that she had feelings for him as well. "Because yes. Yes! You crossed my mind in the bar. You were the reason I was at that bar. Because I can't think of anything but you and it was driving me fucking crazy, Ki!" Gabe admitted, faster than he could think about what he was saying.

"I've been doing whatever the hell I can to distract myself from these goddamn feelings! Drinking at the bar! Flirting with other girls! Writing stupid songs about anything else but they always end up being about you anyway! Drinking at home because, well fuck, Everett fucking reminds me of you, too," Gabe rambled, pacing slightly now, everything he'd been holding back coming through the opened floodgates. "And guess what. Every damn girl looks like you no matter how hard I try to ignore it. And every fucking drink brings me back to that first night I met you. And it's tearing me apart!" Gabe yelled, finally taking a moment to breathe, and look over at Kiara with pained, hazel eyes. "But the only thing worse than all of that is you thinking that you didn't mean something to me. And taking it upon yourself to ignore me for a whole damn month," Gabe said bitterly.

Breathing heavily, it took everything in Gabe not to cry. His father always yelled at him for crying, and since Gabe did everything in his power not to cry in front of anyone. He hated appearing weak. And he had already let out so much in front of Kiara. It had finally processed with Gabe that Kiara had admitted to falling for him too, but Gabe couldn't bring himself to completely take it in. Because she was still forbidden territory. He was kind of ok with being mad at her. Kind of. Because at least then it would hurt less to have to ignore those confessions.

[Deleted]

Friend zoned. Hard. The pain he felt for making that statement seemed to be contagious as the blonde visibly winched some. Of all the options he had had to finish his sentence, he just happened to pick out the worst one. If no power in the world could change that, it was doubtful love – the strongest of all - would help him see past that. Kiara had nothing to say to this. Gabriel was making his point and wishes clear. Out of everything that could have been said, he opted for the most painful way of doing it.

Even if she had not been working… in her mind it shouldn’t have happened. “Well, excuse me for fucking up your life!” The blonde snapped at the man. Because the more he spoke, the more obvious it became that she was clearly the cause for the many mistakes he made. Her sad chuckle was filled with some bitterness. “Even if I did mean something to you, it’s not like it matters, does it? So why shouldn’t I ignore you? What difference would it have made? I’m just Ev’s little sister. The way you word it, it actually sounds like you will be better off without me in your life.” Have him forget her by not spending time together anymore. “I’m doing you a favor!” Her volume close to matching his as she got more revved up towards the end again.

With a small whimper, the girl moved into the kitchen to find a paper tissue. While she refused to let tears to break free, her nose effortlessly betrayed how overwhelming this conversation was becoming. “And if you want to move on so badly, why are you here?” Having found some household paper, Ki tore off a piece and looking over at Gabriel once more. “Why are you giving me a gift?! Why?” As if it wasn’t hard enough yet. He was doing the opposite of his words here. Blowing her nose, she stepped back over and picked up the gift, offering it back to the music teacher.

“If I meant something to you, you wouldn’t get so caught up in other girls.” Her tone rather hostile and harsh. Kiara could have gone back to Jackson, but did she? No. “If you truly cared, you would have spoken to Everett. You would have fought for me.” She snarled.

[Gabriel James]

"I never said just Kiara. I never said you were just Ev's sister. Don't put fucking words in my mouth," Gabe said angrily as he followed Kiara into the kitchen. "But fact of the matter is, you are. And I don't have the strength to contest that Ki. I don't have the strength to risk the only goddamn friendship I have in this town!" The end of that statement was a bit of a hyperbole, but in the heat of the moment, most of what both Kiara and Gabe were saying seemed to be so. "Everett is basically the only family I have anymore, Ki. I thought you'd realize that. And I'm not strong enough to risk fucking that up."

"And I didn't want to screw up whatever relationship we had, either. I'm not strong enough to believe you will actually love the real me. Because the real me is a fucking mess, Kiara. The smiles and that laughs... yeah they're real. But I can't even look at myself in the mirror most mornings, so how the hell am I supposed to believe anyone could ever deal with my shit along with me. That's why there's so many damn numbers, Ki. Because I can't convince myself that I'm worth having for more than a goddamn night. And you know what else? I'm not strong enough to watch you walk away every goddamn time that baby coughs and his dad begs you to come help him. I can pretend I'm ok with it, but it kills me inside, because I'm convinced you'd pick them over me in a heartbeat," Gabe admitted, revealing another insecurity he had. He didn't think Kiara loved Jackson anymore, but he knew she loved that baby. And Gabe was pretty sure he was #2 in the list of 'Gabe's most important to Kiara. "Yet I'm not strong enough to move on, and trust me I've fucking tried, Kiara. Do you know how much easier it would be if I could just forget about you and actually be ok with 'just friends' instead of having to fucking pretend all the time?" Gabe asked, honestly wondering if Kiara even tried to understand his point of view at all.

"You mean fucking everything to me!" Gabe yelled. His heart felt like it was in his stomach, broken into a million pieces. "You mean everything," Gabe said, softer, as he caught his breath. "You mean everything, and I mean nothing. So how the hell can I believe something like that could work out?" Gabe asked, voice calming down, but heart still racing. He stared at Kiara with hurt hazel eyes just for a moment, before turning away abruptly and grabbing his guitar, letting himself out of her apartment quickly before he started crying. Tears were on his cheeks before he even hit the stairwell, but Ki didn't see and so he didn't care.