A Hard Day's Night (Gabe)

[Deleted]

Weekends at the Churchkey tended to be crowded; Friday night included. Kiara didn’t mind though. It kept her busy; it kept her thoughts from wandering off. In addition, given she had just recently turned twenty-one, Cecil had offered her the opportunity to help out in front. Most of the times she would stick to the kitchen though, making sure dishes were done and that the room in its whole was kept clean and ready for the following day. With it being a Friday evening, she could make herself useful serving people their drinks as well whenever an extra hand was needed. Having come in for a late shift, however, her first priority was to tend to the kitchen. An extra lesson at college had interfered with her initial plan to arrive earlier. Not that she minded.

What the brunette did mind, on the other hand, were blue eyes landing on a familiar face at the bar. Of course her friends had every right to grab a drink, but in this case it looked like the man had already consumed more than what was good for him. It brought a frown to her face as she stepped out of the kitchen’s doorway, drying off her hands on the towel she had been holding, before placing it down behind the bar. Her gaze never drifted away from Gabriel as she moved over, stopping right in front of him with just the bar in between.

Kiara didn’t want to make assumptions though… for a split second giving him the benefit of doubt. “Hey Gabe.” Was he drinking away his problems? Sleeping them off with women? Surely he had moved on by now. After all, his conscience about Everett was the main obstacle between them. He kept the ball in his camp.

“No game night at home with Ev?”

[Gabriel James]

Friday nights at the Churchkey had become somewhat of a ritual to Gabe. He refrained from visiting the bar during the week for the sake of his job. Weekends, though, were fair game. And the Churchkey was Gabe’s favorite spot, if only because Cecil still offered him discounts on his drinks in exchange for his occasional entertainment services. And Fridays were perfect, because Kiara didn’t work. Not that Gabe minded seeing Kiara – but it was easier to let go and get lost in himself without the distraction. He could freely drink himself into whatever kind of a stupor he pleased without fear of judgment and without having to worry about being coherent the following morning.

So tonight, after enough drinks to lose count, Gabe was extremely surprised when the woman wandered out of the kitchen. He all but ignored her questions – not on purpose, but because his brain was not processing the words quick enough to formulate a proper response. Instead, the man uttered the first thing that came to his mind – “You…. Don’t work on Fridays,” he said, somewhat slowly. His eyes squinted a bit, to be sure he was actually looking at Kiara Lilien and not just drunkenly imagining the bartender was someone he’s not.

But it was Kiara. A couple blinks of Gabe’s slightly glazed over eyes were enough to confirm that. It was then that Kiara’s question finally seemed to click in Gabe’s head, and he finally answered, but not after taking another sip of the glass of whiskey that was in front of him. “Game night… is Sunday,” he said simply, setting down the glass gingerly. “Tonight… is bar night,” Gabe explained, poking his finger on the bar as if to say ‘it is tonight, and I am here, and therefore it is bar night’. He turned to the bartender standing just a couple steps away. “Janny… Joey…Johnny…” Gabe corrected himself, “Can I get one of those orange things you made me last week? The tropical whatchyacallit?”

[Deleted]

The benefit of doubt didn’t work out in Gabe’s favor. The second he opened his mouth, Kiara’s frown intensified. What was he saying? That he had been avoiding her? Part of her wanted to question this, but now didn’t feel like the right timing. If anything, she dreaded the possible answer. “Apparently I am…” She spoke while eyes took in every aspect of his movement and expression. Gabriel was drunk; this much was clear. And it kind of stirred an angry feeling. Last time the man had blamed her: it had been his attempt to forget about her. But now? Now it couldn’t be his excuse since it had been his decision to place his friendship with Everett as an obstacle between them.

When Gabe ordered another drink, an eyebrow arched and blue optics immediately shot to the bartender. He quite possibly tensed the wordless disagreement from Kiara for he looked over at her as if asking for permission while already reaching for a bottle of alcohol. She gave a light shake of the head before immediately turning her attention to the music teacher again. “I think you’ve had enough to drink, Gabe. Or how about some water? It might help your memory some.”

She momentarily eyed the glass of whiskey in front of him, but for now the girl left it untouched. Instead her gaze drifted up to the man’s face once more. “Why are you drinking this much?” The concern was obvious, but part of the blonde didn’t want to have that feeling. It were more worries than a normal friend should feel…

[Gabriel James]

Of course the drinking was an attempt for Gabe to forget about Kiara. But it was so much more than that. It was an escape from the reminder of his niece's suffering. It was an escape from the anger and self doubt he suffered from years of his parent's verbal abuse - an abuse he still dealt with to this day. It was a chance to feel a warmth inside that didn't seem to sprout on its own anymore. It was a lot of things. It made Gabe forget, and it made Gabe feel. Frankly that was everything the man wanted then as his life seemed to be full of things worth forgetting and feeling either awful or nothing at all.

When Kiara offered water to the man, he shook his head violently in protest. "No... no water makes everything cold again," he explained in the simplest terms his brain could spew out. "And... and I don't want to remember," the man added, not being specific about the things he was trying to suppress.

Gabe downed the rest of the whiskey in his glass in one glup after Kiara asked why he was drinking so much. At first he shrugged, then stared at his glass for a long time. Most of the time was spent formulating a response, though there was definitely a point where the man clearly spaced out completely. "Nothing hurts," he said simply, and confidently. "I spend.... so much fucking time where everything.... everything hurts" Gabe stated angrily with a little hiccup in the middle of his thought. "I like it... because nothing hurts.... who drank my whishkey?" The man looked sadly into his empty glass, already having forgotten what happened to the liquid it contained.

[Deleted]

Instead of drinking he should just give Kiara a chance to spark that warmth. She still was more than willing to be there for him, but acknowledging his opposition to this option actually kept her from taking the risk of reestablishing the closeness they had at one point. Perhaps this made her words be out of place, yet they flowed without any regrets. "Drink some tea or coffee then - not as cold of water." There was a stern vibe to her voice. Him being drunk was clear by now, and this possibly eliminated some of the woman's usual softness.

"And what do you want to forget, Gabe?" She breathed out under a sigh. Her conscience only just strong enough to keep herself from adding: "Me?" To handle with pain and loss like this was beyond the young woman's understanding. The Gabriel in front of her... This wasn't the guy she had gotten to know. And, while Ki did feel bad for a split second as he continued, he didn't receive much of a break.

"You do have people who care for you. You make it sound like you're all alone. Like you never knew happiness." To know that she probably contributed to the state he was in bothered her. She didn't want to feel like it was partially her fault. "And you drank your whishkey." Reaching forward, Kiara took the empty glass from him. She rinsed it and then poured some water in before placing it in front of Gabe again.

"Does it still hurt less in the morning, Gabe? Does it change anything?"

[Gabriel James]

"It's not the same thing, Ki," Gabe said, his mind spinning and not being able to explain himself in the way he wanted to. He didn't expect her to understand. He didn't expect anyone to understand. He barely understood why being this way made him feel just a sliver of peace that he couldn't achieve from any other method. It wasn't even that it made anything better, it just made it ok for a little while. Without it, Gabe wouldn't be able to make it through a day pretending everything was ok.

When Kiara suggested Gabe was trying to forget him, he shook his head slowly and whined, "Nooooo". He looked at Kiara with somewhat unfocused, but still intent eyes. "No, not you. Never you," he promised, his voice mellow and sweet without even trying. He picked up his whiskey glass and put it too his lips, a confused look on his face when it was water that touched his lips. He accepted it, though, because his mind couldn't even quite comprehend that it was, in fact, water in his glass.

"No, not you," he said again. "Everything else though. Everything from before," the man mused, his voiced pained as it seemed he was forced to remember. There were things from his past, from his childhood and his time in LA... things he hated reliving. Feelings he wish he had never felt and didn't have to dwell on while he was laying in bed. Things he never bothered telling Kiara or Ev or anyone because he didn't want to subject them to dwelling on it either.

"Everything like how my parents fucking hate me and like how I'm a fucking joke to my family. And how I can't even look myself in the fucking mirror without thinking about how much I've fucked up in the past few years," the man rambled, his grip on the glass tightening, and his other hand clenching into a fist. His fingernails dug into his palm, nearly breaking skin - leaving red indents. He released his fingers when he felt the pain he was inflicting on himself.

He stared down at his palm as he answered Kiara's next question. "It doesn't hurt less in the morning if I don't drink either, so what's the point? At least I'll fall asleep easy tonight." He spoke as if he wasn't even directly answering Kiara. He answered as if he were telling himself these things, like he had to explain these things to himself before he was possibly able to explain them to the blonde.

[Deleted]

No matter how genuine the words left his lips, Kiara did struggle to accept that he was not trying to forget about her. The smirk that appeared on sad features held a bitter undertone. At this point, she wanted to forget about him. To see him like this... It was painful. Erasing this memory at the end of the day would be great, but the blonde knew it wasn't going to be an option. This wasn't about her though; this was about the awful decisions he was making.

"Sometimes it helps to talk about it first," Kiara breathed out in slight despair. He stayed vague at first, but when he began to throw a couple more details out there, she was finally getting some more insight. Of course her suspicions were being confirmed based on what the girl had seen during the visit to McKenna, but it didn't make her feel any less bad for Gabriel.

So when the man opened his palm, continuing to speak, her hand reached forward for fingers to gently settle on the red indents. "Don't let your family break you down like that, Gabe. Don't let them cause you to drink this much. You're throwing away your life..." Her disapproval wasn't kept under the table. "Looking at you like this, I can understand you can't look at yourself in the mirror. This is you fucking up; this is you making a mistake." Kiara didn't intend to upset him or anything; she just wanted to grant him the insight that this behavior and attitude wouldn't change the situation for the better.

"I don't like seeing you like this, Gabriel." The young woman sighed while genuine sad eyes settled on his darker pair. "I don't like hearing you talk with a double tongue. Or to see you practically wobble off that stool... You being drunk won't make them like you any better, would it?" What followed was practically a whisper, but she didn't have the intention for it to go unheard by him. "I don't like it."

At one point he had cared about her opinion, so perhaps wording it like that could be effective.

[Gabriel James]

"Nothing I do makes anyone like me better, so what the hell's the point?" Gabe asked, getting a bit frustrated. Usually when he drank, he didn't need to think about these things. But with Kiara bringing them up, it practically forced the man to drunkenly spill everything he'd worked so hard to hide behind sparkling eyes and a charming smile. "For fuck's sake, I even screwed things up with you! And you're like... the nicest... prettiest person... you're so pretty," Gabe insisted, mind going off topic as he looked at Kiara intently.

"Like seriously... did you know that? How pretty you are?" Gabe asked, making it his new mission to make sure the woman knew exactly how beautiful she was. He reached for his glass, and knocked it over, muttering a few curse words under his breath as he did so. Kiara continued to scold him for his language and his drunkenness.

"I want you to like me..." Gabe admitted, not trying to contest that point. "But I want me to like me too," Gabe said, the statement making perfect sense in his head and seemed to be a perfectly reasonable explanation.

[Deleted]

Kiara could tell that creating a discussion was not the way to go. The growing frustation was obvious, and it just increased her own when Gabriel refused to open his eyes. At the same time he managed to make the young woman grow sad though. "You might have told me that at one point..." The blonde responded to his question which possibly had been rhetorical. She didn't feel pretty; her self-esteem never succeeded to recover when her heart kept being broken.

When the glass got knocked over, eyes tore away from his and a soft sigh broke the silence on her part of the conversation. After having grabbed a towel, she allowed the fabric to soak up the water. "I never said I don't like you, Gabe... I don't like this: your attitude, the way you carry yourself and keep everyone at a distance. How can you start liking yourself if you push away the things and people who can make you happy? Alcohol isn't going to make you like yourself, is it? Do you feel happy right now? Is this how you imagine the rest of your days? And God knows how many of those you have left if you keep getting drunk, risking to do stupid and irresponsible things."

Pulling back the towel, Kiara looked at the music teacher. "Do you want another drink, Gabriel?" His answer would decide just how much more time she should put in this. "Or will you allow me to take you home where you can sleep?" Her tone a tad bit bitter, already half convinced that the man would prioritize alcohol. It was doubtful she would give him another drink if he picked the first option, but what was certain was that Gabe would possibly push her out of his life forever if that was his decision. There was the need to help him, but if that wasn't what he wanted...

[Gabriel James]

Gabe groaned a little when Kiara said she didn't like this. It was very much in frustration with himself, however. "I don't want you to be mad at me!" Gabe insisted, suddenly deciding in his head that Kiara must be furious and that this was a thing he certainly didn't want. "I distance myself... because you'd hate me. Everyone would hate me if they had to deal with it. With... whatever the hell goes on up here," Gabe explained pointing at his head frantically as he did so. His face was becoming less defensive and more distressed as time passed. It was much easier for him to be broken down in this state and Kiara was certainly succeeding in just that. "Noone should have to deal with that! I shouldn't have to deal with that, but I don't get much of a choice!"

Gabe felt like he was on the verge of tears, but his body wasn't working the way it usually did, so his heart was just racing a bit quicker. His face had been red because of the state he was in, so it may have not even been possible for the blonde tell just how upset the man was becoming. His breathing evened a bit more when she offered to take him home, though. "You'd do that?" Gabe asked, skeptically. "You'd take me... all the way home... even though... even though I made you mad and I keep saying fuck and I hate myself and I'm drunk," Gabe rambled, saying the last part of his sentence as if it were a realization. That he'd been speaking under the belief that he was sober and able to function like any other human.

"Are you mad at me? I feel like your mad at me," Gabe said, giving Kiara a pleading, apologetic look. This wasn't what he wanted! "I don't want you to be mad at me. I'm sorry. I don't know what I did but you're mad and I'm sorry. Unless this is still about Christmas then I know what I did and I'm REALLY... REALLY sorry. Like... the sorriest. Unless its not about that then I'm just regular sorry."

[Deleted]

Kiara was growing rather frustrated. "The distance makes me mad, Gabe!" She practically groaned in despair, keeping her voice down given the public space they found themselves in. It was doubtful customers or staff would appreciate an heated argument. "It hurts..." Sad eyes got cast down, unable to face the man who seemed to be reaching the edge as well. What was she supposed to tell him? It didn't seem to work, mainly because he was drowning in emotions that were being bottled up. Self-pity and low self-esteem being first in line. And perhaps lack of faith in other people as well. His skeptical response wasn't appreciated. If anything, it stung that he didn't seem to expect her to make such offer. The look on her face portrayed this. "Of course..." The blonde whispered, clearly unable to grasp his doubt.

Reaching over, Kiara took the glass that stood in front of the man and emptied whatever was left in it in the sink. She then took the towel again, wipping away the stain the glass had left on the bar. Her action experienced a brief hesitation though, feeling his dark eyes settle on her. Exhaling deep and slow, the young woman pulled back the towel, no longer leaning forward to reach the spot. "I'm not mad..." It being nothing more than a futile attempt to convince herself. She was experiencing a lot of feelings at once, but she was mostly sad that he was letting himself go like this. As for Christmas: what was he sorry about? The things he said or his lack of acting?

"I'll grab my stuff." Ki then decided before turning around. Within a minute, she returned with her coat on and purse draped on her shoulder. Soon the blonde was standing by his side, quite unsure on how to approach the situation. How steady would he be on his legs? "Can you stand?" Her question full of reluctance while she offered her arm for him to hook his through it. Part of her doubted that would be enough though. The way he babbled gave her a general clue on how much alcohol he might have consumed. Driving, for that reason, was out of the question as well. "Where are your keys?" A neutral approach, right? Without too many personal feelings. It probably was best to maintain the distance they had created. Pain always lingered too long.

[Gabriel James]

Gabe sighed, having the worst drunken internal conflict he had in a while. He was doing this... distancing himself... to keep Kiara happy. To keep himself from hurting her anymore. But somehow, he still managed to do just that. He groaned softly, though he thought it was in his head. "I just wanted you to be happy," he confessed, clearly distraught that he had failed. He leaned up against the bar, and held his head in his hands.

"You are mad though. I may be drunk, but I'm not stupid," Gabe noted, looking up while Kiara cleaned up the spot he had been sitting. "And you have every right to be mad! But you're still willing to take me home because you're the nicest prettiest person probably ever," Gabe rambled, getting to the point where he wasn't even thinking about the adjectives he'd chosen. Before he could continue, though, the blonde had turned around to go get her stuff. When she returned and asked for his keys, Gabe shrugged.

"I walked here," he said. Like he said, he wasn't stupid. Whenever Gabe went to a bar with every intention of letting himself go, he never drove. He never even gave himself that option. "And of course I can stand!" Gabe said slipping off his stool, stumbling a bit, but managing to keep his feet on the ground for the moment. He did sway slightly as he continued speaking though. "I can stand. And I can walk. And I can... I can sing! Oh I love this song!" Gabe said, taking notice of a song playing in the background. He started to sway along, and sing with the music. His voice was unfairly good for someone who was moments ago slurring his words. Even in this state the man was a charmer, and his voice of an angle showed through.

It all just sounds like, oooh…
Too young, too dumb to realize
That I should’ve bought you flowers
and held your hand
Should’ve gave you all my hours
when I had the chance Gabe sang as he swayed, keeping his gaze on Kiara, and reaching his hand out as if asking her to join his drunken dance.

[Deleted]

Okay, Kiara was mad. Did it matter though? Being happy didn't seem to please him either; he took that away when the distance was created. She no longer denied it when Gabriel repeated his conclusion though. His idiotic drunk rambling saddened her; it even overtook the annoyance some. Being nice and pretty hadn't made him stay, did it? So his flattery wasn't making a difference. It just made her wonder what more he had needed her to be. How could she have made him stay? How could she have been worth the risk of Everett's disapproval?

When Gabe stated he had walked to the bar, the young woman's hand closed. Instead the other joined in to reach out to the man when he slipped off the stool. Fingers barely brushed over his arm, withdrawing when he seemed to be somewhat stable. And then he began to sing... And that voice of an angel broke through the hard shell around her heart that she was trying to maintain. Those eyes in combination with the lyrics... "Don't sing, Gabe. Please." Kiara spoke with a weak voice, barely above a whisper, as her hand reached out. It didn't fill the space in his though. Instead it settled near the teacher's elbow, gently attempted to guide him to the exit. His drunk escapades were drawing attention, and the last she wanted was crumble in front of a crowd. "Just show me the walking."

It kind of did feel like a struggle. Being hit by the chill evening air came as a relief, letting the door fall closed behind them. When they were outside, the blonde considered breaking the contact. She couldn't though... Instead her arm looped through his, telling herself it would stabilize him. It bothered Kiara that he still had such effect on her. She didn't want him to.

"Maybe I should take you to my place. It's closer..." Calling her brother didn't sound like a good plan. "Or I could call a cab to drop you off." Blue eyes darted to his dark pair for a second. It didn't keep her from moving along though. Being around her hadn't been one of his wishes as of late; perhaps he preferred the latter option for that reason. "Or we'll just walk there." She eventually breathed out. Why did she allow herself to end up in situations like this? "The fresh air might do you good. It might help you sober up." Regulate the moment. He was probably saying things he might regret later on, hence the reason Ki didn't want to cherish them too much.

[Gabriel James]

Gabe's face fell when Kiara asked him to stop singing. A mix of confusion and hurt mingled with his glazed over gaze. Clearly he was feeling dejected, especially once Kiara's hand skipped over his and grabbed his elbow like his mother used to in the grocery store when young Gabriel became distracted by the wall of sugary cereal. "I thought you liked when I sung to you," Gabe said, a bit of hurt in his voice, moving along with Kiara's instruction anyway - feet carrying him to the door.

His steps were a bit sluggish, and a bit off balance, but at the moment he was by no means about to fall over. He kept a little bit of his weight leaning toward Kiara, though. He put a hand up on the door frame to settle himself once they reached the door of the bar. There was a step down, and while Gabe remembered it was there, it was about 20 feet down in his mind instead of the 8 inches it was in reality. He took his time regaining his composure once his feet were on the sidewalk.

Gabe looked at Kiara, eyes slightly glazed over as she talked trying to figure out what to do. They flickered to life when she suggested a cab, though not in the happiest way. Now suddenly she was trying to get rid of him AND his singing. And that definitely hurt. "I can walk myself, you don't have to deal with me," Gabe said, stumbling slightly to the side. "I can... I can do it. I've done it before," he admitted, not proudly but factually.

"I think I want to sit for a while, though," Gabe said, more to himself than to Kiara, stumbling again and putting his hands out to catch himself on the railing of the dry cleaners located next to the bar. He scooted around the railing, and sat himself on the stoop a little less than gracefully. Suddenly Gabe's head was spinning. He looked up at Kiara, taking a moment to let the world stop spinning. "I miss you," he said. "And even though there's two of you right now that doesn't make up for all this time we haven't talked. I mean like... we've talked. But not really. Not like we used to. Like in your apartment that one time or like... I don't know. I'm sorry. I fucked things up...fuck."

[Deleted]

Of course Kiara liked it when he sung to her. She made that known. "I do... That's the problem," breathing the reply out under a sigh. Gabriel quite probably couldn't grasp just how much it hurt when that angelic voice was fed to her ears. It wasn't supposed to make her feel special, but it did. She didn't want that. Hope had been crushed too many times; the meaning behind his words and actions was lost under the bits and pieces of her scattered heart. By no means, however, was the blonde trying to get rid of him. Therefore she was slightly taken aback by Gabe's reaction.

"I am not going to let you walk home by yourself, Gabriel James. Nor take a cab." Ki couldn't care any less about his drunken attitude and decision; she was going to deal with him, whether he wanted her to or not. It did irritate her some that the man was delaying the process though. Words to get him moving were on the girl's lips, but they didn't get a chance to flow the second Gabe began to spill out his feelings.

Features fell and sadness visibly overtook them. "Why... can't you tell me that when you're sober?" Did he really need alcohol in his blood to gather the courage? To expose his feelings? "How do I know you mean what you're saying? You're drunk..." A tone of despair was present - subtle, but definitely there. She wanted to believe him; she truly did... but where had that led her before? Right, nowhere. He was all words, no actions.

Feeling very lost, a deep exhale broke free while the young woman moved to take a seat next to Gabriel. Feet settled on a step lower than where her buttwas located, allowing her to wrap arms around both knees. He missed her, in what sense? Talking as friends or possibly socializing as more than that? "I doubt it would make a difference if I said I miss you too, huh?" Eyes only briefly flickered to the music teacher before they drifted ahead again, focusing on nothing in particular. Ki didn't want to get all vulnerable.

"Maybe we weren't supposed to talk like that? Perhaps you were right about Everett and it being wrong? I don't know... I don't know how I could have prevented ending up like this. My heart should follow my head instead of the other way around, I guess."

She paused for a second, not making any eye contact. "What would we have to talk about anyway?"