Desperado [Oriel] [Trigger Warning]

[Deleted]

The air had become more awkward, with Gryphon snapping like that at Kodi, and then with Oriel following him up with a harsh reality. Oriel….he thought he understood. If he thought about it, Gryphon probably was feeling pretty shitty right now. He wanted to be whole, in one piece, together both physically and emotionally, and not a burden to anyone, so he could turn around and take care of the person he thought really needed it. That’s….pretty much how Oriel felt about Phoenix. Oriel often felt like he couldn’t afford to be anything but strong and together if only to keep his lover from worrying his little head off. So that Oriel could support Phoenix when he needed it, and even though the boy had been clean from his dust for over a year now, it was still something he struggled with every day. They both did.

Oriel needed to make sure he wasn’t fucked up, so he could ensure that Phoenix wasn’t fucked up.

Oriel stayed quiet after his last comment. He didn’t need to say anything more to Gryph. That boy no doubt understood perfectly what he was trying to say. But the lighthearted air that had been between Kodi and Oriel had dissipated and they’d both drifted into a much darker mood. He waited for Kodi to speak…but when he didn't....well, Oriel didn't know what to say.

Not completely.

Oriel took a breath, trying to address Kodi’s questions one at a time. He rubbed his eye, which was starting to feel puffy and like it didn’t want to stay open. “I…I don’t hate ‘im,” Oriel explained. Though it was true that Oriel used to hate him, back when Oriel thought he was making eyes at Phoenix. It’s a lot easier to like someone when they’re not going after your boyfriend. “….I don’t know if he hates me, but…he said he didn’t….I think…” Though that was a long time ago, just before he found out about Kodi and Gryphon’s break-up. “We just…clash a lot….or something, I don’t know…” That was one topic of awkward out of the way. As for why they were talking…. “Gryph asked me to come over,” he started, his tone eerily serious. It wasn’t often that people got to see him like this. Not even Phoenix did. “He’s worried about you.” Oriel turned slightly and rested his hand on Kodi’s head, massaging his fingers across his scalp soothingly. “…..Gryph told me about Damon,” he said finally, looking down on the quiet, curled-up boy. Oriel didn’t know if he should say anything more, because that for certain explained everything. It was the long and short of it, basically.

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Of course Kodi was worried about all the same stuff that Gryph was. Maybe even more so. Of course he didn’t want his boyfriend to be crippled for life, or have a long-term injury. But… He also didn’t want to be a burden by worrying (vocally) about the boy constantly, so he tried to just be as supportive as he could.

He left soon after that, though, and Kodi was left to his thoughts. Well, and Oriel, but it was hard to focus on the younger boy when he was overwhelmed with concern. He should go in there after him, but… But Gryphon might just ask him to leave anyway… So he’d probably go and check in in a few minutes, after things had calmed down a little. Yeah.

In the meantime… Answers. Yes. Kodi kept his face buried as the younger boy started answering his questions, doing little more than grunting occasionally in response. He would have said that he didn’t think Gryph still hated him, but… Well, he wasn’t certain, and didn’t feel like saying it anyway. Gryphon was his. It didn’t matter if he liked anyone else… “Yeah y’do,” he snorted in agreement about the clashing thing. “Like… Like fuckin’ Starks and Lannisters….” Yup, he was a nerd that had just made that reference. So sue him. When the topic changed, Kodi warily peeked up and over at Oriel, not sure he liked where this was going. “He don’t gotta be worried, and you don’t either,” he said, somewhat harshly. A growl escaped his throat when the boy began petting his hair, but he didn’t move. Not until the final comment. “He what?” he hissed, sitting up and glaring. “He told you about that bastard? Why? He ain’t nothin’ anymore.”

That was a lie, of course, given the depression and anxiety he’d had ever since those times, but Oriel didn’t have to know that. “Don’t worry about it,” he grunted, shrugging away the boy’s hand. His expression was still hard. “It ain’t somethin’ for you t’concern yourself with. So just… Leave it be.” It was probably obvious by his tone that Kodi’s words weren’t true, but he hoped Oriel would drop it anyway.

[Deleted]

Kodi seemed…distracted. Oriel wondered how much of what he said he actually heard? He was talking something about Starks and….oh, right. GoT reference. Oriel had stopped watching that at some point. Too many other things going on. What a nerd.

Don’t got to be worried? Fuck…that just made him worry even more. He….thought he knew where Kodi was coming from, though. He hoped he did. Oriel kept petting him. Fuck this was hard, how the fuck did Gryph expect Oriel to convince Kodi of doing something when Gryph couldn’t even get him to listen? Oriel and Kodi…they were similar, yes, but they weren’t the same person. And Kodi had been through something….Oriel couldn’t understand it. He could sympathize….but it wasn’t something that Oriel had ever been through. Maybe something similar, but….fuck, who was he kidding….?

Oriel sighed as Kodi snapped. He should have expected that. “Yeah….he told me,” he said sternly, glaring back down at fetal-position tooth-boy. “And I told you why. He’s fucking worried ‘bout you and he came to me, of all people, to convince your yellow ass to get some fucking help.” He hated how that sounded. Like he was accusing someone of something, but he didn’t know who.

Just leave it be. Don’t worry. “You really think I’m going to buy that?” he asked. “Me. Oriel? You think I haven’t said the exact same fucking thing a million times before?” Oriel rested his hand back against the back of the couch and turned away from Kodi, staring down at the floor. Oriel’s irritation was rising. He took a breath. “…..why didn’t you tell me?” he mumbled. Another question popped into his mind, and he hesitated before uttering it with a sort of morbid curiosity. “…..what’s it like?”

[Deleted]

Kodi decided he didn’t like the petting. He didn’t like the tone of voice Oriel was using with him. While he had been ridiculous and laughing not ten minutes before, now he was glowering and feeling his anger start to really boil. What did Oriel have to do with any of this? Why was he even here? It wasn’t his place to be treating Kodi like he was… Like he was some sort of helpless victim or something…!

When the younger boy started talking back, it didn’t help. In fact, Kodi’s expression kept darkening the longer he went on, a low growl escaping past his lips. “I don’t need help,” he hissed, twisting away from Oriel. “I’m fuckin’ fine. He’s just a fuckin’ worry-wart.” Kodi didn’t know if Gryph could hear him or not, and he didn’t really care. “And don’t call me that, swine,” he added in a hiss. “I ever tell you how sick an’ tired I am of your stupid racist shit?”

He shifted further away again. “I don’t care!” he growled, glad that he at least had the decency to stop touching him. “Maybe you’re a fuckin’ crybaby that wants someone’s shoulder t’sob on, but I don’t need shit, ‘specially from you.” His fingers were clenching angrily into the couch cushion; his teeth had already sharpened and elongated to just touch his lower lip. “I told you, it ain’t your business,” he grunted sourly. The last question, though….

That really made him snap. His head shot up, and if looks could kill, the one he was giving Oriel now would have done just that. “What’s it…?” he repeated, incredulously. Then, he laughed. A harsh, mocking laughter that trickled off into morbid chuckles. “Well, how ‘bout I just give you his number an’ you can find out for yourself?” he taunted. “I’m sure a sick-minded freak like you would like that, wouldn’t you? Yeah, I bet Damon would love t’put your punk-ass into place.” He laughed coldly again. “I can hardly even imagine what he might do to a useless, pathetic twig like Phoenix, but I’m sure he’d love for me t’send both of you his way. He loves new toys.” His teeth were warping by the moment. Kodi hadn’t been this angry in quite some time.

[Deleted]

You try to help a guy out and….fuck, who did this remind him of? Well, it reminded Oriel of Oriel, as a matter of fact. Damn stubborn and insistent on dealing with all his problems himself.

“Right, you don’t need help, because you’re obviously doing pretty damn peachy right now, right?” Oriel didn’t think he looked fine, not right now. Definitely not, but then they were both upset. “And no, you ain’t never told me, if you had, I’da stopped.” He was struggling to keep his voice from raising, but that was proving to be quite hard.

That crybaby comment hit a sore spot. “Yeah, so fucking what?” he shot back, his voice growing tense. “You think I like doing that? You think I like dropping tears every single time someone—“ Oriel took in a sharp breath, stopping himself. “….you think I like being pissed at everything so bad I can’t fucking think straight?” Yeah, Oriel was a fucking crybaby and he wished to god he wasn’t, but that didn’t make it stop. Just wanting it to stop it didn't make it stop. It never did.

Oriel had a purpose with that last question and it was a serious one. Oriel seriously wanted to know….what did he put Phoenix through? Though….no, of course he couldn’t expect a serious answer. But the response he did get….Oriel found it interesting. And he steamed from it, silently, until Kodi had finished his little rant. “Why stop at just his number? Give me his address to, so I can go down there and kill him with my own bare fucking hands! I got a lot of rage I been trying to keep under wraps since…..” Since last summer, when Phoenix got his own taste of it. “May as well unleash it on someone who deserves it!” Oriel growled, keeping his head turned from Kodi and crossing his arms over his chest as if that were supposed to hold him back. “I’ll fucking sink him to the bottom of the lake, I swear it.”

[Deleted]

“Yeah! I am!” Kodi exclaimed, his voice still rough and growly. “At least I was, until you decided t’stick your nose in.” Right, because Kodi would have reacted much worse if he wasn’t fine beforehand. Nope. He snorted at the next comment. “Whatever. Ain’t like I haven’t heard it all before I came to this shitty town anyway.” It was amazing how creative little kids could be with their insults when they saw something as foreign as a part-Chinese boy in the South.

Kodi knew that comment would hit home. Then again, it wasn’t like he’d never cried either, especially in front of Gryph, but whatever! “Pussy,” he huffed. “I think it’s about time you fuckin’… Grew up an’ stopped bein’ such a baby!” Yup, because Kodi was being sooo mature. His fists kept clenching into the cushions, but he refused to throw a hit. He wouldn’t give in to that. “You think you’re gonna be able t’cry your way into everythin’ forever? That ain’t how life works!” Fucking good-looking guys, thought they could get everything just by shedding a tear or two and showing some weakness, ugh…!

He didn’t know how Oriel would respond to his answer. He probably should have predicted it, though. He barked out another laugh. “Good fuckin’ luck with that!” Kodi replied with false cheer. “I bet you’ll put up a great fight with someone who enjoys watchin’ people bruise an’ bleed. I’m sure he’ll be happy t’give you a personal tour of all the tools he abused me w-“ His voice suddenly choked up, unexpectedly, and Kodi’s face crumpled. “He’d prob’ly love to… T-tear someone else down to their fuckin’ bones… An’ then h-help you up with lies an’ fake compliments j-just t’do it all over again…”

He felt that familiar sting behind his eyes, and Kodi turned completely away from Oriel, horrified with his sudden upwelling of fear and anxiety. “Don’t,” he croaked. “Don’t look for him. Not ever. He’ll h-hurt you.” Kodi’s teeth had dulled down again, just leaving the familiar dull ache in his mouth. “…. Leave me alone.”

[Deleted]

“Fuck! I already done that!” he shouted back. Oriel’s breathing was getting more labored and he felt his face starting to flare up. “I already know that! Crying don’t work! But pretending it ain’t there don’t work neither. I already tried being the fucking ‘grown-up’, and you know what? I’m tired. I don’t want to do it no more, ‘cause it’s too fucking hard!” Habit died hard, though, and Oriel was already fighting back his tears. He hated sounding like such a fucking whiner, complaining about how hard it was to keep himself under wraps. It was the truth though, and he’d been doing it for years. It wears one down, going at it that long.

Oriel was sick of it all. He was sick of being angry, he was sick of being a crybaby, he was sick of being a fucking helpless child and couldn’t wait to turn 18 and finally be allowed to….so he could live his life the way he wanted and not the way they told him to.

He wiped some moisture from his eye with the heel of his hand. “Ha, you forget who I am? I’m a sadistic fuck too! Blood and torture is what gets me off, remember?” Oriel didn’t care that Kodi was starting to break down. Fine, do it, he thought. Just show me how fucking strong you are. Oriel’s tone changed. Amused, provoking, and wicked. “Heh, it gets me a high like no fucking other.” He’d turned around by this point resting both hands firmly on the back of the couch and leaning forward with his own manic gaze. “Build ‘em up, break ‘em down. Make ‘em believe nobody else’ll ever love ‘em like I will. Make ‘em think he’s nothing without me, make ‘em cry, make ‘em beg, make ‘im so scared of the rest of the world that he’ll think he’ll never make it without me, so he’ll never leave…and then make ‘im even more terrified of what’ll happen if he does.”

Oriel leaned in closer, and spoke into Kodi’s ear. “Is that what he did to you?” he asked darkly.

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Kodi simmered in silence as Oriel shouted back at him. Fuck this. This was exactly why he hadn’t gotten Oriel involved in the first place. Dammit, Gryph…. Why had you gone and tried to help?? This was just making Kodi feel like shit. “Whatever,” he hissed under his breath. “I’m sick of your brattiness.” He had enough of that on his own. He and Oriel were like fire and gasoline – they had such a capacity to explode like this. “Go cry on Phoenix’s lap, I don’t have any sympathy for that pathetic shit.” Great friend he was. This was why Kodi had never let himself get close to people; it never ended well. Fuck…

He hated how easily he had crumbled himself, though. He hated how much Damon had affected him like he had, like Kodi had just been nothing but a toy so easily broken. What had happened to him? Was this all that he had left, just a shell of his former ferocity?

Kodi didn’t understand the psychology behind it, didn’t understand he was suffering from post-traumatic stress. All he knew was he never felt quite like he used to, and some days it was a lot worse than others. An icy tendril of dread started worming its way into Kodi’s veins as Oriel’s voice changed, as he started talking about… About those kinds of things. Where at one time they might have gotten a positive reaction out of Kodi, now he only shrunk away in horror. He was mute, unable to turn his wide, terrified eyes away from the younger boy, those eyes that suddenly looked so much like Damon’s, so much that Kodi wanted to claw them out and scream and hide away from them forever….

He was right on the breaking point, still frozen in terror, when Oriel leaned in and dared to whisper in his ear. That was when he really snapped. Kodi screamed and shoved the boy away with all his strength, scrambling to get away from those horrible, sadistic eyes. His heart was hammering and his breath came in terrified pants as he stumbled away from the couch, caught up in a wild panic not unlike that he’d experienced after waking up from a nightmare. Only this was so much worse, because it was real. Damon was here, he was going to hurt him again, he was going to… Oh, God…!

Kodi ended up curling into a corner in the bathroom, shivering and biting back whimpers that tried to escape. It wasn’t going away. Why weren’t these feelings going away!?

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon had been lying in that spot and contemplating multiple things. The fact that Kodi hadn't turned up yet told him he was having a conversation with Oriel, which was good, really. It was confirmed by the fact that he could occasionally hear voices. He also considered, briefly, the fact that he was probably stuck. He knew this because he tried to get up and struggled to move at all.

Basically, the winged man let himself calm down, and kept to himself, until voices started raising. He thought about shouting, but he wasn't sure he would be heard. It then occurred to him that he didn't know what Oriel would do with the information he'd been given. Maybe he'd said something a bit wrong...? But the dread and panic he felt didn't reach their worst until he heard that scream, and he felt like screaming too. It was the cry he heard occasionally when Kodi was shaken awake by a nightmare. The adrenaline kicked into Gryphon's veins and he messed around with the wheels of his chair and his surroundings, trying his best to get up, which he finally succeeded in doing (only knocking his injuries once was a success) and now, he was basically sprinting. He came out of the bedroom and wherever Oriel was, Gryph was seething, "I'm not sure what the hell you did, but you need to get. out." The winged man could have sworn he had never been so serious and so furious, "Right now." If he took too long, there was a decently sized phonebook nearby Gryphon could use for motivation.

With a final scowl at Oriel, Gryph steadily approached the bathroom. He could hear the frightened whimpers and it made him want to cry. He swallowed, putting a hand on the door, not coming in yet, "Kodi," He said, softly, hopefully loud enough to hear, "You're safe here, I promise. No one will hurt you, no one will touch you if you don't want it. This is your safe place and you're in control." Gryphon had been doing some research on how to help in these situations. It was probably obvious. "Just breathe, okay? Don't think about anything else, just..." He was going to say 'stay calm' but he knew that probably wouldn't help. "No one's going to do anything you don't want here." He swallowed nervously, "I'm gonna come in now. If you don't want me to, just say."

[Deleted]

Oriel really was a twisted fuck, wasn’t he? No normal person would have responded that way to someone else’s trauma, exacerbating it to the point where even Kodi would scream in terror. Oriel stumbled back a step or two when Kodi shoved him. His eyes went as wide as saucers and every muscle and nerve seemed to tremble under the sound of that deafening wail. Oriel didn’t know what he was expecting from the boy, something akin to him breaking down of course, but he didn’t expect it to be so….so raw. So…horrifying. Oriel didn’t know which he felt worse about: seeing his best friend completely lose it like a scared animal and knowing that he was the one who caused it…..or the fact that he did get some sort of sick, twisted pleasure from watching his best friend crumble even further under his words.

…..Oriel did that to Phoenix….that was what he undeniably felt the worst about….

Oriel watched as Kodi scrambled out of the room and ducked down into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. It was a moment or two before Oriel shook away his shock, swallowed, and followed him, stopping just outside the door. He wondered if Kodi was listening? “Kodi…” he started in a voice he hoped carry through. What should he say? “…….I’m sorry, I should’ve done that.” He meant it, but Oriel did have a point to it. “….But you are not ‘fine’, Kodi. You’re the furthest thing from it.” If he was, then Oriel shouldn’t have been able to do that so easily. That was only….just a small glimpse of the Overlord. He could have done so much worse.

That didn’t make it right, of course.

“…..you need help, Kodi,” he continued, his voice shaking slightly. His eyes were starting to sting. “You….I don’t care how much you think you can, Kodi, but you can’t do this on your own. You can’t help Gryph when you’re like this, and Gryph can’t help you like he used to, get it?” It was a harsh reality, but Kodi needed to know it. He needed to hear it, and Gryph was too much of a pussy to do it himself.

Speaking of Gryph….Oriel looked up, a tear finally escaping down his cheek, when the boy in the wheelchair rolled out of the room. His heart sank at the only words Gryph chose to give him. He blinked and nodded. Oriel moved away from the bathroom door and made his way, slowly, to the entrance of the apartment. “…..sorry,” he mumbled again. Oriel stepped out of the apartment, pulling his phone from his pocket so he could call the person he needed most right now. Kodi was going to hate him, wasn’t he? The thought that he’d just lost his best friend caused more tears to stream down his face as he walked and waited for an answer from the other line.

[Deleted]

No no no no… He was coming… Kodi could hear the footsteps… Damon was coming to hurt him again…!

He pressed himself as far back into the corner as he could, trying to convince himself that if he made himself small and hidden enough, he wouldn’t be found. Kodi wasn’t exactly thinking in his right mind; the overwhelming fear and panic were making his thoughts muddled and confused. There was a voice. His voice? No…. Kodi couldn’t tell, he didn’t understand what was being said, but his eyes stayed locked on the door, waiting for it to open and reveal that horrible, grinning face. Maybe if he didn’t say anything, Damon wouldn’t know he was in here. Yeah. So Kodi kept his lips firmly shut, cowering in his spot, hoping he would go away.

Nothing that Oriel was saying was getting through to him. They were all lies anyway. Lies…. He was just trying to get him to talk, to come out, so he could hurt him again! Kodi wasn’t falling for that! And how dare he mention Gryphon? Wait… N-no, he couldn’t…. If he knew Gryphon, that meant he could hurt him too….!

Kodi didn’t know what to do. What if Damon decided to go after his boyfriend instead? If he was braver, he might have gone out to face him then, but… But he was just so scared….! It was a bluff! It had to be!

He wasn’t aware of what was going on outside the door, that Gryph was telling Oriel to leave and he was. Kodi did notice there was a new voice, though. But…. That voice couldn’t be trusted either, could it? What if Damon was playing a trick on him? What he was saying…. That he was safe… No, no he wasn’t, not with that monster so near! He whimpered again, then covered his mouth. No noises. No noises, the monster would hear…

When the voice said that it was coming inside, Kodi’s heart leapt again, and his panic intensified. “GO AWAY!” he cried, giving up on being quiet. “D-don’t come in here! I’ll… I’ll h-hurt you!” His voice was quivering so much that it might have been obvious he was hardly capable of standing, let alone fighting back. But panic did strange things to a person. “And… S-stay away from Gryphon! You h-hear me??”

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon had vaguely heard what Oriel had been saying as he forced his body to cooperate and get into that damn chair the right way up, and he almost appreciated it, but it really seemed to be too little, too late after hearing that terrified yell. Was he supposed to go out and be kind to Oriel, who was, seemingly, the main cause of Kodi's distress? Even if he was, he wasn't going to. Kodi was more delicate than people realised, Gryph believed, and this was one of those times where it had gone too far, intentional or not. That was why he told Oriel to leave without asking for an explanation, and hardly regarded the apology he heard. Yes, it was definitely too late for that shit.

The winged man couldn't hear anything in the bathroom when he spoke to Kodi, and that was probably more worrying than any words could be. Well, until Kodi yelled, and Gryph's hand shot away from the door handle like it was burning at a thousand degrees, shocked. He hesitated, "...Kodi-" And there was more. Stay away from Gryphon? ...what? This just gave the avian man more cause for concern, and he tilted his head in confusion, slowly placing his hand on the handle, planning to move slowly to get to him...

...but he let go and wheeled himself back a bit, taking a deep breath. No, he had to follow Kodi's wishes. Even... even if he sounded delirious. "I am Gryphon." He said softly, and then hoped that the dentokinetic hadn't heard. If he was confused, throwing more information into the mix would only make things worse. He paused before properly replying, "Okay, sweetie. It's okay, I'll-" Gryph fell his voice cracking a bit and stopped, holding his throat for a second. It was... just heartbreaking. "...I'll go. I'm not going to come in, I'm not coming anywhere near you, okay?" He swallowed, "...I love you, sweetheart." He said weakly, before going into the kitchen to get some ice cream. He really needed it. He would probably wait in there for a while, at least until the whole tub was empty. He didn't care if he put on weight, he was sad.

[Deleted]

It was all a trick, all a lie, just to get Kodi to… To come out and fall for it all. He couldn’t trust this voice, even if it sounded familiar, and not in a bad way. No, Kodi wouldn’t budge, not until he was definitely gone. He just desperately hoped Gryph was okay too, Gryph who was… Stuck in a wheelchair, unable to defend himself… Kodi bit into his lower lip, barely noticing when he broke the skin and a small trickle of blood ran down his chin. When had he become such a coward?

Some relief washed over him when the person said they were leaving, but Kodi still didn’t trust the words he was using. A trick, still a trick. He vaguely heard the sound of something wheeling away from the door. That sounded familiar, too, but he still didn’t budge.

It would be a good while before Kodi finally managed to control his panic and his thoughts became clearer again. The last however long since Oriel had triggered his panic was fuzzy and vague, and the dentokinetic could only remember bits and pieces of it. Oriel was…. He was Damon… No, he wasn’t, but… But they were so much alike… How had he never noticed…?

Kodi slowly stood from his fetal position, his joints aching from being curled up so tightly for so long. It took another couple of minutes for him to shuffle towards the door and peek outside, warily looking around for any sign of the monster…. No, he wasn’t a monster, he was just a person. Right? When he saw no one, the teen slowly crept into the hallway, walking nervously towards the main area. When he caught sight of the kitchen, he jolted back a little, because there was someone there. But… It was Gryphon. Only Gryphon.

“…. G…. Gry…phy….?” he said weakly, pressed nervously against the wall opposite of the older boy. “S…. Something’s wrong with me….” His voice was hollow and soft, uncertain of every word. “Isn’t there?” His eyes gradually lifted to meet Gryph’s, but he didn’t move towards him. “My b-brain is really messed up, isn’t it?” Kodi swallowed hard and gradually slid to the floor, not sure what to do. “…. My head hurts…” he whispered.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

The avian man wanted to stay. He wanted to go in despite what Kodi had said, and hold him and speak to him softly until he got his sense back, but in the state the pair of them were, Kodi sounded like he might actually lash out if Gryph went in, and Gryphon was definitely in no state to protect himself, so as much as his strongest urges were to just go straight in, he had to leave. He'd probably check back if Kodi hadn't appeared again after an hour or so.

But later on, Gryph had made it through about three quarters of a big tub of cookie dough ice cream when he heard footsteps. He didn't do anything, as if Kodi was a mouse and the slightest of movements could make him run and hide again. The most he did was put the lid of the frosty treat kind of on and put down his spoon, and then he waited patiently for his boyfriend to edge around. Gryphon's doubts from a while back about the severity of this situation dissolved when the dentokinetic spoke. There was something wrong and Kodi knew it, now.

He smiled softly, shakily when Kodi said his name, "Hey, sweetie." No, he was not going to keep this together much longer. He could feel the ball in his throat already, and the tormented boy had hardly said anything. He watched the boy slide down wordlessly, and tried to swallow back his tears, for Kodi's sake, but he couldn't. Words wouldn't come out without being joined by sobs, so Gryph was going to avoid that for now. His breaths were already shaking dangerously as he slowly wheeled past Kodi a bit to get some water and pills for his head pain, which he placed on a tissue on the ground in front of the dentokinetic. "Y-you're... you're suffering, Kodi." Gryphon paused, as a tear rolled out, "And you've b-been holding it in... so long." He hiccuped a little and covered his mouth as a few more tears spilled out, "You're not broken, or... o-or messed up. You w-were abused and n-now..." No, that was it. Gryph just became a useless blob and burst into tears, hiding his face in his hands. This was so difficult, and he felt selfish for acting this way when Kodi was the one who had it worse...

[Deleted]

Hey sweetie. Normally those words would make Kodi roll his eyes slightly and respond with a slightly teasing smile, because he knew there was nothing sweet about him, and that Gryph obviously used it teasingly (no he didn’t, Kodi was just very self-depricating). But now, he barely responded, since the words felt hollow and fake, like they might disintegrate into dust at any moment and blow away like smoke. Damon called him those kinds of things too. Before, and after, whenever he…

No. Don’t think about… Kodi tried to block the memories from his mind, of Damon towering over him, all muscle and wiry sinew, commanding the dentoknetic to swallow his pained cries. Over and over again, this had happened, but the older man had always been soft afterwards, always giving, always sweet… And Kodi could never escape without guilt and acceptance.

He remembered where he was. Gryphon’s apartment. Alone. No, Gryph was there. Only Gryph. Damon was long gone (right?). Kodi didn’t say anything as his boyfriend wheeled away to get pain medications, and stared at them blankly for a long moment before realizing they were there. “Thanks,” he breathed in barely a whisper as he swallowed them down. If only they could wash away the memories, too.

Gryph was crying. Why was he crying? Kodi looked up at him with a confused expression. He hadn’t done anything wrong, why was he upset? “…. I was abused, wasn’t I…?” he replied uncertainly. But… It was so long ago. Why would it still bother him so much? “… I thought I was over it…” he mumbled. “It happened so long ago… I thought if I didn’t talk about it, it would go away…” Obviously that wasn’t the case, and Gryphon knew it even if Kodi didn’t. He jumped slightly as the older boy suddenly burst into tears, and turned his wide eyes up at his injured boyfriend. “…. Don’t cry…..” he said eventually, leaning in against one of Gryph’s broken legs. “I’ll… Be okay. Just had a bad episode.” And probably would again, the next time he saw Oriel. That boy himself had become a trigger. “… Come on…. Let’s get in bed…”

It was easier to interact that way. With Gryph in a wheelchair, he was at an awkward height for Kodi to have serious conversation with. Wordlessly, he scooped up the light meta in his arms and carried him to the bedroom, carefully depositing him on the bed before scooting in beside him. Kodi didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to talk about what had happened, as much as he probably needed to.