Desperado [Oriel] [Trigger Warning]

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryph was not Damon. His sentiments were truthful, and he didn't thread them with degradation and abuse. The last thing Gryphon ever wanted to do was hurt Kodi, because he saw that the dentokinetic wasn't always as tough as he tried to seem, and he couldn't break the trust Kodi shared with him, especially not now. That in itself could make this downward spiral worse - at least he had his mom too now, right?

It was hard to stay emotionally stable when someone usually so... passionate and expressive with their feelings and thoughts sounded so hollow and empty, and almost confused. Kodi sounded just like a kid, trying to understand why the world was so cruel sometimes, and trying to work out what was real and what was false. Gryphon didn't even want to think about how it must feel to be so uncertain.

Gryphon had been crying a lot more recently than usual, and he knew his stress over this situation was to blame. The constant stream of worry was hard to get rid of. It always littered his thoughts in one way or another, and now that Kodi was going through possible revelations about his situation... maybe these tears were more of relief than anything, but Gryph didn't want Kodi to be hurt anymore. So he couldn't respond, and when told not to do exactly what he was doing, Gryphon just shook his head and hid his face. He couldn't help it. And the fact that Kodi was beginning to brush it off upset him more.

Calming only slightly, Gryph let himself be moved, recovering his thoughts as he was placed on the bed. Facing Kodi, he wiped at his eyes and sniffed, hiccuping, "...this n-needs attention." He said simply, at first, "And I know y-you don't want that, b-but... you're right." Gryphon swallowed, "Ignoring s-something... this bad doesn't help. And it w-won't stop until you make it stop." Tenderly, he stroked Kodi's cheek, giving a sad smile, "I love you s-so much. And you can t-take your time, that's okay, but... b-but I want to help. And I can't if I know nothing." He closed his eyes and nuzzled against his lover's shoulder, "I just... want you to know you're s-safe. In this room, in this apartment, you're untouchable. He'll never come here, I promise." Gryph didn't want to use Damon's name for the fear of accidentally triggering Kodi.

"I w-want to help you, Kodi." Gryphon said softly, pecking his neck. "Please."

[Deleted]

Was Gryph crying because of Kodi? Was it his fault? What had he done? The dentokinetic felt confused and lost. Maybe Damon had got to him too? Hurt him? No… Damon couldn’t touch Gryph. Kodi wouldn’t let himself think that. Gryph was too pure, and the other was too… Too…

How did such opposite people even exist in the same world?

And how had Kodi managed to get involved with both of them?

It was like Heaven and Hell. On the one hand, Kodi knew he deserved the latter. He knew that was what he really should experience, because of all the sins and faults he’d committed (and still committed) in his life. But he was incredibly selfish, and wanted the former more, even if it wasn’t what he deserved. And somehow, maybe through some sick, twisted joke that would just end up crumbling down like everything good in his life, his heaven was right here and always welcomed him with open arms no matter how far he strayed.

But he was crying. And that just wasn’t fair. Kodi stroked a couple of Gryph’s feathers as he carried the sobbing boy to the bedroom, making consoling noises despite the emptiness inside himself. Gryph was the more hurt one here – physically and emotionally. He had to put up with Kodi’s shit, after all. Already the incident with Oriel was fading from the dentokinetic’s memory, and he wondered if it was just a bad dream.

Kodi averted his eyes when Gryph started speaking to him, his expression uncomfortable. “I’m fine,” he grunted stubbornly, toying with some strands of his boyfriend’s hair. “See? Fine.” He pointed as he smiled, but the gesture didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m just worried ‘bout you, okay? I hate seein’ you hurt like this, and I think it just stressed me out and I snapped, or somethin’.” That was definitely not the case, but Kodi would stubbornly stick to it. His expression softened as the boy continued to speak, and Kodi sighed, pulling the winged meta against his chest and tucking his chin over Gryph’s head. “I love you too,” he murmured. “So much, it fuckin’ hurts like hell sometimes. You help me more than you’ll ever know, really. I promise. Just… Bein’ there for me like no one else has.” He smiled faintly as Gryphon told him he was safe. “I know…” Kodi mumbled. “My angel ain’t goin’ t’let anyone touch me. An’ I’m not gonna let anyone hurt him either.” Even mentioning “him” sent a cold shiver down Kodi’s spine, but he nodded.

All the same, there was still a prick of fear nestled deep in his belly. Nowhere was really safe. “You can help me by takin’ care of yourself an’ healing up quick,” he said firmly, nestling his face into the boy’s hair. Stubborn was Kodi’s middle name. “Now let’s sleep an’ forget this shit ever happened.”

Because the problem would go away if he kept ignoring it. Yup.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon would always be there for Kodi, through anything. Maybe one day, they would part ways, but that possibility wasn't one Gryphon ever liked to consider. He felt happy when he helped Kodi, seeing a true smile grow on his features and light him up was more of a blessing than most things Gryph had ever encountered. He felt like he would always stick with him, through thick and thin, and Ithat was all that mattered. Being with one another.

Even if he was so unbearably stressed out by all this madness.

Gryph shook his head, sniffing, "You're not..." He mumbled, looking at that fake expression, "S-sweetie, you're not fine..." He couldn't see any carefree emotion on Kodi's face right now. He whined and continued to shake his head, "Kodi, baby.... you know that's n-not what happened..." He continued to speak softly, tracing patterns on his lover's skin. "I know you're concerned about me, but this had n-nothing to do with that, sweetheart..." He curled up as he was pulled closer, smiling slightly and feeling that familiar warm fuzz from the affection, despite the situation at hand. Gryphon smiled and tucked into him even more, "...it makes me so happy, to know that I'm helping." He peeked up a little, before nuzzling into Kodi's chest, "I just want to help."

Gryph smiled faintly at being called an angel. Usually, he would respond by denying it, but today, Gryphon let it hang. "Exactly. We look after each other." The winged man replied quietly, fiddling with Kodi's shirt. "And then no-one gets hurt." That was more like wishful thinking, but optimism was always useful.

The avian man struggled, though, as Kodi continued to brush off his own problems, "Kodi, I'm... this isn't about me." And then the insistence that they just forget about it. Gryph clutched Kodi's shirt a bit tighter, "Love, please..." He said, swallowing uncomfortably, "This is important, babe. And I know you're upset, and I know you're scared," He was half assuming these emotions, "But please, we can't just ignore the issue."

Gryphon nuzzled into his chest more, "Please listen to me..." He said, weakly. Why was this so hard....

[Deleted]

A small growl of mild irritation escaped Kodi’s throat as Gryph kept insisting he wasn’t alright. He knew the boy was just trying to help but… Urgh! Kodi was fine! Whatever had happened was gone now. “I am,” he insisted in a voice that would hear no arguments. Even though the sweet words and pet names tore at his heart, he wasn’t hearing it. “How do you know?” he mumbled, not looking at his boyfriend. “You went into the other room. You’re just makin’ things up.” Kodi sighed and wrapped his arms more firmly around the boy, continuing to stroke his wings, now targeting the feathers he knew would soothe and relax Gryphon. “You are, I promise,” he murmured. Kodi kissed his lover’s forehead. “I just wanna help you too, alright? That’ll make me feel better.”

He was glad, at least, that Gryph didn’t deny the title Kodi gave him for once. No matter how much Gryphon said otherwise, the dentokinetic would never think the boy was anything but an angel, both in appearance and personality. Who else would love Kodi so much, as messed up as he was? “Yes,” he whispered, closing his eyes as he felt moisture build up behind his eyelids. Please, God, he pleaded in his head, desperation driving his thoughts. Please don’t let me fuck this up and ruin everything. He’s all I want. That’s all I ask for. It can’t be too much…

Whatever power that may be up there seemed to be tempting Kodi with Gryph’s next words. The Chinese boy gritted his teeth, smothering his frustration as best as he could. “Just stop talkin’ ‘bout it, okay?” he said, with a little more bite than he would have liked. Kodi swallowed and winced, and took a deep breath before talking again. “I told you, I’m fine. I ain’t scared of some… asshole.” Liar. “There’s nothin’ t’be ignored. An’ you’re makin’ me feel worse by pushin’ the issue.”

He didn’t want to keep talking. Kodi wanted this conversation over. So, unfairly, he found those certain feathers that would lull Gryph asleep and stroked them with more pressure than probably necessary. “We’ll forget it all by the mornin’,” he mumbled as he kept his eyes closed and tried to force himself into sleep as well. Images flashed before him that he tried to ignore. “Love you….”

He wouldn’t fall asleep anytime soon.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

"You're not." Kodi's insistence that he was okay made it difficult to be steadfast, but Gryph really felt the need to drill it in. "I know you, and I know the person that left this house after you. And I mentioned the other guy to him anyway." Gryphon had a vague idea what happen, he just wasn't certain. What he was certain of was that it gave Kodi a panic attack and deluded him enough into thinking that Gryph was Damon, or Oriel. It was harrowing it think about.

He felt his body slump slowly, his eyelids dropping slightly. He knew what Kodi was doing and he wasn't a fan. He half smiled at the peck but by this point, he wasn't happy. He squirmed a little, but then left it. Being relaxed would probably keep him from having a headache or something anyway. He nodded gently - Kodi had been helping him more than enough. He also had no intents on removing him from his life. He was just.... upset. In denial. Gryphon was in denial once. It was understandable.

The winged man winced back and curled a little on himself at the harsher tone. Submissively, he looked down. Gryph knew who was to blame for his own current behaviour. "But you are..." He muttered, clutching Kodi's shirt again as the waves of guilt began to wash over him as he was told he was making it worse. What was going on in Kodi's head? Gryphon sniffed a little, his fragility and tiredness making him more emotional. Was Kodi just trying not to relive it? What was he doing to him? Gryph swallowed uncomfortably. He was really struggling not to cry.

And it worsened when he started touching his feathers, and when Gryph realised what he was doing. He struggled slightly, flapping his wings as much as he could as he felt himself drooping, to try and get him to stop. He didn't want to sleep. Not yet... All the while, he began whining softly, "Kodi..." He said weakly, in a strained voice "...s-stop, please..." But quickly his struggles lessened, his muscles relaxed and his eyes slid shut, and as he forcefully fell into sleep, a tear rolled out and dripped down.

When he woke up, Gryphon was going to be very upset.

[Deleted]

Gryphon’s protests were going through non-listening ears now. All Kodi wanted to do was stop talking about the issue and for Gryph to relax and go to sleep. They could just forget about it all in the morning. Yup. He was glad of the effect that he could have on the older boy just by stroking a couple feathers, and didn’t think about how upset his boyfriend might be from it. He still wasn’t quite right in his head, although it might not have occurred to him normally anyway. He was being selfish (and, in turn, not helping himself… but he refused to think that).

“Shh…” he murmured, ignoring the movement of the boy’s wings with a small wince. Okay, maybe he did know what he was doing wasn’t right, but… Fuck. It wasn’t like he was hurting him! “Just sleep….” He kissed the boy’s forehead again once he’d relaxed and seemed to have passed off into sleep, not noticing the moisture on his cheek.

It was a while before Kodi found any sort of slumber himself, and it was very shallow and broken by several awakenings. The last time, early in the morning, he woke drenched in a cold sweat, breathing heavy as he recovered from a particularly rough dream. It was way earlier than he usually got up, but Kodi knew he wouldn’t be able to get to sleep again, so he got up out of bed and slumped to the kitchen, trying not to wake his boyfriend as he scrounged around for food. Maybe he could make his lover a good breakfast and the previous day would be forgiven and forgotten. It was a struggle, though, as Kodi occasionally stopped in his tracks as a memory would hit him and send a jolt of fear through is body (he even dropped an egg on the floor during an episode), but eventually he managed to get something cooking.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon slept very well, thanks to the heavy sleep he had been lulled into. Even with Kodi's numerous disturbances, he hardly even shifted, in a warm, soft, quiet, gentle, sweet haven in his head. And then reality began to creep back in, and Gryph didn't want to wake up, not yet, not now... but he found himself with his eyes open eventually, and found himself alone. The winged man sighed, rolling onto his back to look at the ceiling as... as he recalled the events of the day before. And his mood dropped instantly.

His head turned towards the door, detecting the smell of cooking in the air, but... he didn't want it, no. He felt sick, he didn't want to eat anything... he swallowed nervously and began breathing through his mouth as he thought silently. In only a short space of time, he considered so many different things, and in his tired morning state, he felt a few tears drip out. Gryphon covered his mouth as he hiccuped and the crying got worse.

He'd controlled him. Kodi had... Gryph just hated thinking about it, but it's all that ran through his head. Then he thought about Nick. His past. How he now felt alone like he had during that relationship. He suddenly wished more for his family, which felt nonexistent. He wanted his mother. He wanted comfort. He wanted to walk again. He didn't want to think that his main career prospect could go down the drain, but that came to mind too. Everything negative currently effecting his life piled into his thoughts, and he suddenly just felt more alone than ever. Because he was fairly certain Kodi didn't know even half of it. Gryph just didn't tell anyone about his problems, and now he felt alone.

Because Kodi had taken his right to speak away, in one simple move. Kodi had ignored him, and that probably hurt more than anything. So a few small tears very quickly adapted into full-on, body wracking sobs, and he didn't even want it to stop. He just wanted to cry, because he was upset, and he was allowed to be fucking upset.

[Deleted]

Kodi was glad, at least, that his boyfriend seemed to have gotten a good night’s sleep. Probably because of what he’d done, but… But it was for their own good! Kodi didn’t want to talk about it, and he hadn’t wanted to get into an argument, so it was the lesser of two evils… or something. With luck, it would be dropped and forgotten.

He couldn’t hear any sounds from the bedroom over the sizzle of eggs and bacon on the frying pan, and remained ignorant of the poor boy’s plight while he cooked. Kodi figured he’d come out when he was ready, right? Hell, he was probably still asleep… The dentokinetic yawned and rubbed his bleary eyes, wishing he could have slept better. At least he didn’t need to go anywhere… Which was really good, because Kodi found that the thought of leaving the apartment terrified him.

You’re fine, he scolded himself as he dished up a couple plates. Maybe Gryph would like breakfast in bed. Stop thinking about that shit. It’s all in your head. You’re being pathetic.

Kodi took a few moments to take a breath and compose himself before he went into the bedroom. The sight he was met with made him freeze in his tracks and nearly drop the plates; as it was, he hurried to put them down and rush over to the sobbing boy’s side. “What is it??” he asked anxiously, hovering over Gryph with a panicked expression. “Is it your legs? D’you need pain medication? Did you have a bad dream?” He didn’t want to think it could be something else, something Kodi had done, because surely there was another explanation? “T-talk t’me…”

Kodi sat on the edge of the bed and stroked his boyfriend’s arm, trying to be soothing. If it was pain, he would be up to get the medicine in a flash.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryph was basically wrapped up in his own world when Kodi came in. He realised he was there and realised he was speaking but only barely comprehended the words, and what he was asking. It was difficult to do anything more than cry and cry and let it all out. And that was all he wanted to do. His cheerful persona had waned generally, recently, but he never really let himself feel so horribly distraught. And now he had a darn good reason to be.

Gryphon tugged away sharply once he felt Kodi touching his arm, turning over onto his back to look at the younger boy with red, tearful eyes, "Fuck off!" He yelped, becoming a little quieter, but still sniffing and hiccuping and wiping at his eyes, "...how do you not know w-what I'm upset about?!" He stared a little longer before shuffling to sit up a little straighter, curling in on himself, "You don't force me to do anything, you just-" Gryph shook his head, clenching his fists tight, "You don't do that, you do not do that! Even if y-you're upset, or annoyed, or... or... you just don't!"

He had much, much more to say, and it probably wasn't the best time, but he would probably stop when he felt like stopping.

[Deleted]

Fuck…. Kodi felt his eyes tearing up just seeing his lover in such distress. Gryph had always been the stronger of the two of them, always supported Kodi when he was feeling down (which was often), always being the backbone in the relationship, but now… Now, the Chinese boy was lost and stunned. What had happened to his happy, carefree boy that he’d met over a year ago? Had Kodi being in his life altered him so much that he was just miserable all the time now?

He flinched back as Gryphon jerked away from his touch, and Kodi’s eyes went round as saucers as that red glare tore through his heart. “Wh-what?” he breathed, his voice catching in his throat. What had he done? At the question, a sick, knotted feeling began forming in the boy’s stomach, but he didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t keep looking at that hard, unloving gaze, so he dipped his head and twisted his fingers in his lap. He felt cold and pale, like all the blood had rushed from his body. When Gryph finally began to say what it was that he was upset about, Kodi winced away again, head still bowed. “I-I…” He wanted to say that it wasn’t that big of a deal, that all he’d done was put Gryph to sleep, but it was obvious that it wasn’t as trivial as Kodi had thought.

“…. Okay…” he finally whispered. Not arguing, not denying anything, just dumbly accepting what he was being told. “I won’t do it again…” He shivered as the yelling triggered a memory from the past, and bit his lip to keep any distressed sounds inside. “…. I…. I made breakfast… But… I-I’ll just leave if you’d rather….” Kodi was terrified of going outdoors in the state he was in, but he didn’t want Gryphon to be mad at him like this. He hated it. And running away from things he was scared of seemed to be becoming a trend for the dentokinetic lately. He slowly began to stand, still not looking at the other boy. “… I’m sorry….”

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon knew he was upsetting Kodi. It would be a poor assumption to guess that that wouldn't happen as a result of snapping at someone when you usually gave them love. He couldn't help it though - Gryph felt more the enough pain through Kodi as a result of the dentokinetic's own issues and troubles, he felt he needed to do this. Even if it caused hurt in the process, he needed to do this. Because being strong and being invincible weren't the same thing.

He watched Kodi react to every word and action, and Gryphon didn't know what to feel. The younger boy exuded sadness the whole time, and it took a lot of avian man's willpower not to give in and apologise and comfort him. He listened to the whispers and watched Kodi speak, and found himself shaking his head at the apology, "Kodi, please, d-don't go." He swallowed, not attempting to make a grab for him or anything, and ignoring the smell of breakfast nearby, "I just want you to listen to me, please listen to me. I m-mean-" Gryph coughed, peeking at his lover, "I try to listen to you a... a lot. Kodi..." He was fiddling with the sheets in his hand, feeling stuffy and horrible and tired, "I feel lonely. I....I know, you're struggling a lot, and I know, it's hard, but..." Gryphon folded his arms, looking down, "...I'm a human being. Not... not a toy to switch on and off, a human being, with feelings and emotions and problems of my own. I'm not.... I...." Gryph sniffed again.

This was so difficult, "...I'm just l-lonely, I have almost no family, I can't move independently, I can't fly, I might not be able to dance again without it hurting and I just.... I want everything to be okay again. I want you to be okay again. And don't tell me you're fine because I know you're not."

Gryph sniffed, fresh tears finding their way to air, "I just want some more comfort. I give love, but..." He got it in return too, definitely. He just.... wanted more. "...your problems at the moment are serious. I just..." The avian man really couldn't find the right words to say he was suffering too. "...and then you... please don't ignore me..."

[Deleted]

Gryph was always so loving and giving and forgiving, it was sometimes easy for Kodi to forget that he had his own issues. Well, not forget, necessarily, but… Well, it was easy to be selfish and take that love as much as he could and constantly demand more. He knew it was fucked up, and it was biting him in the ass now… And he deserved it, really. Of course Gryph had needs too. Of course he couldn’t be strong and solid all the time, forever.

It was good that Gryph didn’t give in and comfort Kodi, otherwise they would have fallen into the same pattern all over again. As it was, Kodi was struggling to accept what was happening. Don’t go. The dentokinetic paused, half-risen from the bed, but slowly sank down and sat again, still looking down. He wasn’t sure it was good or bad that he wasn’t leaving. “I’m listenin’…” he whispered, and didn’t say anything more for a time. Every word seemed to send a shard of glass deeper and deeper into Kodi’s heart, until he thought it might break into a million pieces. Hearing his boyfriend so broken, so upset… And knowing he had been the cause of it… “Gryphy…” he mewled, tears welling up and spilling over his cheeks silently and easily. “I kn-know you are… I… Fuck, I’m…. I’m so sorry….” Why had he ever thought it was a good idea to shut Gryph up by forcing him to sleep? Jackass!

When Gryph started listing off all of the things he was worrying about, the tears only came faster. How could Kodi have been so selfish? How had he not realized just how much his lover was struggling? “You… You have me,” he whispered, tentatively trying for Gryph’s hand. “I’ll… I’ll m-make sure you’re never alone… You’re gonna be just fine, I promise…” Kodi couldn’t believe anything else. He wouldn’t. He was about to insist, again, that he was fine, but the winged boy shut him up before he could, and Kodi looked down at the bed again, guilty.

Gryph’s train of thought seemed to get a little scattered then, and Kodi wiped at his bleary eyes, struggling to come up with something to say. “I… Would… Would it really… Make you feel better…. If… If I talked t’someone about… What happened t’me…?” he finally mumbled. “Would it give you one less thing t’worry about?” Kodi was far more willing to do something like that for Gryph’s sake than for his own. He traced a couple heart shapes on the older boy’s arm. “… I’m so sorry I haven’t been there for you like I should…” he went on in a broken voice. “I swear, you tell me t’do anythin’, and I’ll do it, okay? Just…. I d-don’t want t’talk to the telepath… A-anyone else….”

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon liked comforting Kodi and giving him affection. He just didn't like it being unbalanced. It was... isolating.

The older one watched as Kodi gradually sat back down with a small sigh of relief. Maybe they would actually be able to have a decent conversation. He nodded at the confirmation that he had his attention, glad that that was the case. He just wanted it not to all wash over Kodi's head, he didn't want Kodi to leave this room and deny or forget that this conversation ever happened, because everything he had to say had meaning and was important, and at this point, it just couldn't be glossed over. He sniffed, holding back another wave of tears when he saw the dentokinetic cry. He didn't like making him feel bad, but it was necessary. He didn't respond to the apology other than bowing his head deeper, "S-sometimes... it just feels like you forget." And Gryph did not like that he felt taken advantage of.

He looked at their hands as Kodi spoke, rubbing his thumb over the other boy's skin, before swallowing and taking his own hand away, "You can't promise I'll be okay, Kodi. You can't." He wiped at his dampening eyes with the back of his hand again, "I want support, not false promises." Because despite precaution and carefulness, complications could occur anyway. And there were some things he would never be able to change about his life. "A-and..." He wasn't sure how to put his next point, "...and it's easy to... to have a person, but being... being with them is different..." That probably made no sense, "...I'm just s-saying... I feel like you're vacant sometimes... towards me." That he didn't always take him seriously. Maybe he was wrong, but... he was allowed to have an opinion.

Gryphon blinked at Kodi's question, coughing, tilting his head. He... what? He was... Gryph nodded, pretty desperately, "Yes, y-yes, it would, s-so much..." He managed to conjure a smile, and continued to listen, before frowning again, looking down at his lap, "I spoke to Sean, h-he said... you had other options. Non-meta therapists out there he could refer you to..." He mumbled, a bit monotonous, "But... b-but can we sort that out another time?" He closed his eyes, "I'm still upset at you. And... y-you're intelligent, but I'm not sure you understand how seriously this has hit me..." He peeked up, a few tears dripping out again, "...I don't want you to touch my wings again. Not until I say so." He shook his head slightly, "I just... you broke my trust, Kodi. You can apologise all you want, but it won't make me less upset." He sniffed, "You need to understand that this is serious to me. You don't want to know who came to mind last night when you were behaving like that..." Kodi could probably guess from the context, though.

"....a relationship is a balancing act, sweetie." Gryphon swallowed, nervous, "I shouldn't feel the need to hide my emotions from you, and-" He was going to say 'you shouldn't lie to me either', but Gryph realised... maybe he couldn't help it. "...and... I need love too. Okay?" He tilted his head slightly and gave his lover a sad smile.

[Deleted]

Kodi’s heart was just getting crumpled and stepped on and obliterated with each word that Gryph spoke. He winced and shook his head, wishing he had proof to deny what the older boy was saying. But it was true – he did often take advantage of his lover’s affection and attention. He just… Didn’t realize it was a problem until now, or something…

He stifled a sob when Gryphon removed his hand from Kodi’s, and snatched his own back and held it against his chest as though he’d touched a hot iron. This side of Gryph just… It made him feel horrible in so many ways. “But…” he tried to protest. But nothing; Kodi had no way of knowing if the older boy would be alright or not. Not with his legs still healing, and their own issues, and everything else… “… I’ll… I’ll support you however I can…” He already carried Gryph around and took care of him, right? Didn’t that count for something? The next part hit hard again, and Kodi flinched, with no idea of how to respond. “… Guess I’m still new at this ‘serious relationship’ business…” he mumbled eventually. As far as he’d known, things had been going pretty well so far... Despite the obvious drama.

At least… He responded well to Kodi’s offer. The dentokinetic didn’t want to do it, but if it would bring Gryph any small bit of relief… “Okay,” he whispered, wondering where he was going to start. Kodi didn’t even want to be in the same room as the psychiatrist, but… Well, he was willing if he had to. However, when Gryphon changed the subject again, Kodi’s body stiffened slightly, a small, irked feeling hitting his chest. He’d just agreed to something he’d pretty much always sworn he would never do, and it felt like the winged boy just kind of blew it off. “…. Okay,” he said again shortly, his voice a little sullen. Kodi kept listening to what his boyfriend was saying, but his tears had stopped falling and his features a little hard. “I understand.” He averted his eyes and wrapped his arms around himself. “I won’t touch them.” His nails dug into his skin.

He bit his lip, trying not to let his irritation spill into his response. Kodi only partially succeeded. “Yeah, well, you must know a lot more about them than me then, huh?” he said sourly. “Sorry I still suck at this shit. I never planned on having a boyfriend.” Okay… Maybe he didn’t succeed at all. The overwhelming emotions of the past day were all messing with his head, and he wasn’t in a good place. “I didn’t know I wasn’t giving you any,” he finished with a huff, and stood up to leave the room before he said anything else he regretted. “Tell me if you need anything. I’ll be out here.” And he went into the living room, scowling with damp eyes.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon watched Kodi take his hand back with a little jump. Maybe he was going about this wrong.... no, he needed to make it clear to Kodi, and that meant putting his foot down. For a while, at least. He shook his head, "No buts." Usually, they probably would have made some dumb joke about butts after saying that, but this really wasn't the time. But Gryphon folded his arms and nodded slowly. It was all well and good that Kodi was saying this... it would just depend if he would follow through. That Gryph wasn't sure about. Of course Kodi took care of him at the moment, but... really, it was either this, or Gryph being stuck in hospital until his legs healed. The only reason he wasn't still in hospital was because the medical staff believed he would be well looked after, anyway. Ugh...

....that statement made Gryph consider... was Kodi really ready for a proper relationship? Was either of them, really? Maybe this was too fast, or something...

Kodi being somewhat willing to actually get some help would make things at least a little easier. And he definitely, definitely wanted Kodi to do it, and he wanted to help him do it, and see him improve again, but... for once, this conversation wasn't supposed to be dominated by Kodi. And that's why Gryph might have seemed a bit dismissive. It had nothing to do with how much he truly cared, just... in that moment, he wanted to be listened to. Properly. But he noticed the change in voice and the change in attitude from Kodi as he kept talking, those short answers... well, it didn't make Gryph any happier either.

He looked at Kodi kind of blankly at the first somewhat lengthy response, because... what? The thing about not planning to have a relationship... Gryphon knew that was true, but... man, that still stung like a bit, and he could feel himself getting upset again. His head just kept dipping and dipping and... he bit his lip. No more tears, come on Gryph. You're a man. His voice became weak, non-existent as Kodi made his sharp comments and left, leaving Gryphon looking at his sheets and feeling more guilty than he should have.

His eyes flicked to his phone on the bedside and he picked it up, fiddling with it before unlocking it and finding the right number, which he dialled, lying down as it rang, waiting for an answer. When it came, with a short greeting, he said softly, "Fiona?" As if scared of his own voice. He was asked how he was, rather hurriedly, and he replied quickly, "Yeah, yeah, I'm... well, no, I'm not fine, it's--" And he was interrupted. She was too busy right now, now wasn't the time. Maybe later. Gryphon swallowed, "Y-yeah, okay, sorry." He said quietly, "Love you." And the phone hung up on the other end, and Gryph wanted to just sink into a hole and bury himself there. He rolled over towards the wall and curled up on his side, tracing his finger on shapes that weren't there, waiting for it to stop hurting.

....why wouldn't it stop hurting?