I Won't Stand For This Tomfoolery I'm An Adult

[Jasper Blackwater]

Jasper knocked on the door to Killian’s room. It was a precaution more than a courtesy; there wasn’t any part of his best friend he hadn’t seen, but there were parts he wasn’t in a big hurry to see again soon. After a beat of silence, he let himself in. Both boys had a habit of yelling a warning if the door wasn’t safe to open.

“The line at Chipotle was ridiculous,” he said. “Sorry. I got Subway instead.”

He was in his work uniform: a bright blue polo shirt, flour-dusted black work slacks, and a plastic name tag in the shape of a doughnut. He was holding a clear plastic bag with two foot-long sandwiches inside. With some difficulty, he fished one out and handed it to Killian.

“I got meatball, and I got you a spicy Italian—I dunno which one that is.”

He was visibly tired but looked otherwise comfortable, and he didn’t seem fazed by the fact that neither of them had said hello. He lifted the wrapper of the other sandwich and peeked inside.

[Killian Delany]

Killian was meant to have been studying, in the same way he was meant to have been doing something of moderate importance. Which of course meant he was doing nothing of the sort. Instead what he had been doing was listening to his iPod and lounging, procrastinating, relaxing, or some mutation of the two. He didn't stop his air-drum solo when Jasper had made his appearance, he had however pulled out his earbuds and accepted the sandwich that Jasper offered him.

"A brother's intuition, hardly wrong," he said with a grin as he unwrapped and inspected the sandwich that Jasper had delivered, as always he had gotten it just right. What a guy. Killian took an eager bite and for a moment was silent while food occupied his mouth. Once he swallowed however, the time had come for him to ask some very important questions.

"Big day tomorrow boyo, summat as someone's turning the big one-eight. Goin' legal on me, aye? " Killian continued to chomp into his sandwich with gusto. "So what unholy levels of trouble are we plannin' on gettin' ourselves into? And don't you dare say there's nothin' planned. Because if there isn't, there will be." Killian winked and gave his pal a thumbs-up. Jasper hadn't said much, and Killian felt a bit like he had run over him with one of thoser, bu green tractor trailers Americans were so fond of. Sunburnt fatass and all. But Killian also knew Jasper, and if someone didn't steamroll him--affectionately of course--then the poor boy would never have any fun. Not by Killian's standards, at least.

"You think Alanna would look best in white ribbon, or red? You do need something to unwrap after all. White seems, well the white suits 'er tha's for certain. But red is sexy as fuck, and it's your special day, so maybe she'd want some'n a li'll saucy. Think I could talk 'er into it?" Killian half expected to have to dodge a flying sandwich hurtled at him by Jasper,and so he ducked his head and tucked hungrily into his sandwich.

[Jasper Blackwater]

Jasper cracked a smile at Killian’s praise.

“It’s how you know I really love you,” he said. “Anybody can order you McDonald’s, right? But ordering Subway is complex. You’re welcome.”

He settled into the chair by Killian’s desk, which was the only other seat in the small room aside from the bed. Then, he finished unwrapping his sub—carefully, so as not to drop anything and waste it—and took a bite while Killian talked.

The other boy’s words didn’t make him choke, although they might have, if he’d been someone with a little less fortitude. Despite himself, he’d been hoping that everyone would forget about his birthday.

“There’s nothing planned,” he said, mouth still half-full of meatball, “because the entire thing about being legal is that when you get in unholy levels of trouble they, like, throw you in jail.”

He managed to swallow his food. There was a strained look on his face; it said I want to throw this sandwich at your head, but I’m hungry and that would be wasteful, and your face isn’t worth that much effort.

“You are forbidden from talking to Alanna about anything sexual, basically forever,” he said.

There was a pause.

“She does look good in white,” Jasper admitted. He took another bite of sandwich and continued with a full mouth. “But I don’t know if we’re in that place in our relationship yet, you know? It’s like... I dunno. I want it to be what she wants.”

A bread crumb fell from his mouth and onto his shirt, and he picked it up and returned it to his mouth, completely unabashed.

[Killian Delany]

Killian shrugged, Jasper was Jasper, the boy was emotional. And while there was nothing wrong with that, Killian was less a man of emotion, and more a man of action. That wasn't to say that he couldn't be emotional, at times, but he was a good deal more a creature of whimsy. Jasper would pick flowers, and even put thought into it, Killian would grab the first thing he found and bullshit his way into making it a gift. The boys were different, in multiple respects, but their differences managed to mesh together well enough that the resulting dissonance wasn't too atrocious and the two ended up getting along together like a fish in water.

"Jas," Killian said, wiping away a stray glob of mayonnaise with his thumb. "I love you, I do.And it's because I love you that I say this, man up. It's your day, your special day, you only turn eighteen once--most of the time. It's a passage into manhood, a right of ascension into being the reckless and immature warm body society always told you that you shouldn't be. And that, my brother, is something not to be taken lightly. Just wait until you see what I've got planned for your twenty-first. That'll really blow your socks off, and a few other things, if all goes well." Killian finished up the last bit of the sandwich that he had ravenously devoured, and balled up the wrapping.

"'Sides. What makes you think I haven't already discussed this with Allana? Or, if I haven't, maybe I've just had a few wayward thoughts about it in her presence. Can't help my brain, after all," Killian teased. "Joking aside, I get where you're coming from. Alanna is a nice girl, and for some reason she tolerates you. And you seem to like 'nice', but hell, to each his own. I get not wanting to push her into anything, that's commendable, respectable even--makes me want to vomit a goddamn rainbow. I know women, but I'm shit for relationships, if you're asking for advice on that front, brother, you've got the wrong man," Killian admitted with a wry grin.

"It's your day, your passage into manhood, now normally I'd argue for more involvement of your manhood in said party, but. Shit man, I don't know. Just be you, Alanna seems attracted to that "be yourself" bullshit. Never quite worked for me, but I'm an ass." Killian tossed his balled up wrapper into the trash bin near his desk, making a swooshing sound when the shot landed.

"If you're really that concerned about it, just ask her. She may be able to read thoughts, but you sure as hell can't. I 'unno boyo. I'd say you need to be more selfish for once, but that's just not you, now is it?"

[Jasper Blackwater]

“Here in America, we only turn eighteen once literally all of the time,” said Jasper, thickly. “And I like these socks.”

Jasper turned his attention back to his sandwich. Killian was Killian; he was action-focused and occasionally downright irrational, and Jasper tried to shoot down all of his ideas at least once. It was part of the ritual. It promoted compromise.

“There’s nothing wrong with liking nice girls, yeah?” he said. “I mean, you can’t just divide the world up into nice girls and party girls. Girls are just girls, you know? No girl is, like, exclusively one type of girl.”

He busied himself with the second half of his sandwich for a few moments before continuing.

“I just want everything to be quiet and, you know, nice.” He polished off his food in a couple of bites. He balled up his wrapper, too, and threw it neatly into the trash can after Killian’s. He didn’t make a swooshing sound, though; his mouth was too full.

“I’m not going to be selfish just because it’s my birthday. I don’t want her to feel like she owes me anything. You know? That’s—you know.”

He leaned back in the chair, which creaked under the shift in his weight. He sighed.

“All I want is cake,” he said, “and a day off of work. Or maybe an extra shift. I can’t decide.”

There was another pause, wherein he licked at his teeth absentmindedly.

“Probably a day off. You wanna watch Netflix?”

[Killian Delany]

"Quiet and nice, of course, what else would I expect from ya?" Killian teased. Jasper liked everything quiet and nice, or so he said. Killian had seen him in more than a few situations that were anything but quiet and nice, and Jasper had done just fine. But still, Killian tried to respect his friends boundaries, for the most part. There was a fine line between respecting and shoving boundaries somewhere the sun didn't shine. Killian specialized in the latter.

"Cake, eh? I could probably do that. How big you think it'd need to be to put a woman in? More importantly, how much would it cost? Alanna seems on the wee side, she could probably fit into something dainty, aye?" He had chosen to focus the discussion on cake, mostly. Killian and Jasper butted heads when it came to women, or, at least shared very different views on the fairer sex.

"Aye, I can do netflix. At least I won't have to worry about losing again at that. These hands were made for fixing things, not that infernal calamity of hand-eye coordination you call videogames," Killian joked. He liked videogames as much as the next guy, but they were not something he was good at--far from it. He didn't mind watching other people play, but when a controller was handed to him, embarrassment ensued.

"For the record, Jassyboy, I wasn't saying there were only nice girls and party girls, because let me tell you, most of the time, given the right circumstances, there's not a lick of difference," he said with a sly grin. "I was just saying there's nice, as in, won't punch you in the face after a good spot of rootin', and then there's the kind who will try and rip your eyes out and kick your balls back into your throat when you tell them you ain't exclusive. Tha's a bit more simple, though, depending on the day and how masochistic I feel, maybe not so simple. Ah well. So, what kind of cake will I be asking your nubile friend to pop out of?"

[Jasper Blackwater]

Killian asked what else he might expect from Jasper. Jasper gave him an amused look and no reply.

“Don’t get me a hollow cake,” he said. “That’s such a waste of cake.”

Jasper swiveled in the desk chair and opened Killian’s laptop. He tapped his fingers on the desk while it whirred to life; a moment later, he was entering his best friend’s password as though it were his own. He logged into his Netflix account, which he’d finally sprung for after months of denying himself the luxury; it had six different viewer profiles, because he shared it with everyone he knew. He listened to Killian talk about women while he flipped through a cascade of movies without reading any of the summaries.

He gave the other boy a sidelong glance.

“How many times have you been punched in the face like that?” he asked. There was a glint of mischief in his eye, but it quickly dissipated at the mention of Alanna and cake. He blinked. “I don’t know what that word means, but chocolate-on-chocolate is the only correct answer to that question.”

He turned the computer toward the bed, so Killian could see the screen properly.

“Have you seen Inglourious Basterds yet?”

[Killian Delany]

Killian couldn't help but break out into hearty laughter at Jasper's words on wasting cake. In fact, he couldn't stop himself laughing for the better part of a minute, it was only when he couldn't breathe that he forced himself to stop. "Chocolate on chocolate, eh?" Killian mused over the idea for a moment, imagining two nubile dark skinned women bursting out of a chocolate cake. "I like the way you think jassyboy, chocolate on chocolate is a good way to go." Killian readjusted himself to get a better vantage of the screen.

"Inglorious basterds? Name sounds familiar. Isn't that the one with ohwhatsisname and whatsisface?" Killian snapped his fingers as he tried to think of the elusive names. Names were never his strong point, much less so when it came to American actors, he had nothing against them, but they were all forgettable to him. "Think I've heard good things about it, let 'er rip," he said waiting on Jasper to start the movie.

"So I know what you DON'T want me to get you for your birthday, now can you at least tell me something you DO want me to get you?" Killian had already had a wealth of ideas, and some he had already acted on, but he thought it only polite to at least make an attempt to appease his best friend's attempts at decency.

[Jasper Blackwater]

Jasper grinned. After a few moments of grinning, he joined in the laughter, too.

“Chocolate on chocolate,” he said. “And I know what you’re thinking, and no. I’m not even a telepath; that’s just how obvious you are.”

He tilted the screen a bit more toward Killian, just in case. He pressed the play button, and then pressed F11, so that the player would take up the entire screen. He leaned back.

“It has Brad Pitt, I think,” said Jasper, helpfully. “And that guy from The Office.”

He was silent for a few moments, listening to the first bars of the opening credits. When Killian prompted him for ideas about birthday presents, he shrugged. He didn’t seem terribly committed to the idea.

“A non-hollow cake,” he said. The corners of his lips quirked in amusement. “Or an Irish-English dictionary. I also wouldn’t say no to a Kawasaki Z800.”

He leaned back even further. The chair creaked ominously.

“You don’t have to get me anything,” he said, finally. “You know that.”

[Killian Delany]

Killian paid vague attention to the movie, his eyes were on the screen, watching the actors, but his mind was elsewhere. While the actors plied their trade, Killian thought about what Jas had given him to work with. Jas would never really ask for anything, which is why Killian had to make damn sure he got what he needed. And Killian was NOT going to let his best friend's birthday be anything but a wonderful memory. Or at least, an entertaining memory. Killian did have a few ideas, but he was still sifting through them to try and find the best one.

"I know I don't have to, Jas, but that's not the fucking point of a birthday," he teased with mock exaggeration. "The point is to have a special day where people worship you with libations and gifts, and if you're lucky orgies. Birthdays are all about being selfish, and if anyone needs to be selfish boyo, it's you. Even if you don't want to. I'll be selfish for you and make sure it's a legendary day, and you'll love me for it," he said with a wink. "I'll be nice and keep the orgies and cult worship to a minimum," he joked, folding his arms behind his head and yawning. Killian wiggled and shifted his weight until he was comfortable and tried to pick up on the thread of the movie. Birthdays were always fun, but then again, any excuse for a party...

[Jasper Blackwater]

Jas was completely absorbed in the movie, much to his chagrin; he liked action movies, sure, but he could see where this one was going, and he didn’t like it one bit. He wished that things didn’t have to be so gory nowadays.

He gave Killian an apologetic, slightly queasy sidelong look.

“Do I want to know what a ‘libation’ is?” he asked. He hadn’t been kidding when he’d suggested the dictionary—sometimes, he actually needed one.

He smiled a soft, tired little smile at the implication that he could use some time to be selfish. He’d heard that a lot lately—apparently Alanna thought so, too—but it had always been a difficult concept for him to swallow. He had work, after all, and he had to keep his grades up, or they wouldn’t let him work at all, and then he wouldn’t be able to send money home, and then….

Well, maybe one day wouldn’t hurt anything.

“I just have so much to do this week,” he said, wistfully. “I’ll be happy with a cake and a few games of League of Legends. I’m almost level twenty-five.”

[Killian Delany]

Killian shook his head, "fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine," he agreed begrudgingly. He felt Jas was wasting a golden opportunity to do something truly fun. But it was his birthday, and Killian would honor his final word on what he wanted--even if he did not agree with it on a personal level. But then, what fun would life really be if everyone liked the same things? Well, if more orgies got involved...maybe quite fun. Aaaaand then Jas began talking about League of Legends. And thoughts of parties, drunken revelry, and women faded away. "Aye? That far already? Puttin' me in the dust," Killian teased. He was not very good at League of Legends, or video games in general. He played them with Jas, but more often than not it just resulted in him embarrassing himself.

"But y'know, if you can't even be a selfish bastard on your goddamned birthday, when will you? It's the only time you really get a socially acceptable get out of jail free card to be a dick." Killian shrugged and readjusted to get more comfortable, and attempted to refocus on the movie--and for a half a minute or so, he did. "So what kind of cake would you like to stuff in your face?"