Time Warp: It Wasn't Supposed To Be Like This

[Deleted]

Fall 2018
Trigger Warning: Miscarriage

It had been four months since that night.  Bunny hadn't really thought too much of it.  It wasn't like she hadn't been intimate with Jackson before.  But that time was... Different.  Every time before, he'd asked her to do things with her in her male figure.  Bun had eventually come to realize that her boyfriend was more attracted to her (and other people) because of their masculine gender, and had been surprised when he'd asked to do it with her as she was normally.  It was prom night, and she was already so happy and in love and infatuated with him, of course she had said yes.

And it had been great. Jackson really knew how to make her feel special, and wanted, and like she would never want anyone else.  It had felt really good too, in the physical sense.  After it was over, she'd snuggled up next to her hunny and didn't think of anything negative that could come from it.

Unfortunately, it had.  Bun had always known that she wanted children someday, and had obviously imagined Jackson being the father to those children.  She never planned on having them when she was just out of high school, or without her lupus entirely under control.  There were all sorts of risks that came with that, and she didn't realize it until she saw those two red lines and started bawling in Jackson's arms.

Fast forward to now.  She was still living at home with her parents, making videos when she felt up for it, but otherwise not leaving the house a lot.  Bun felt ill often, but she tried to keep a smile despite it all.  So far things had been going... Okay.  Not great, but not as terrible as she feared.  She was almost halfway through, and nothing too horribly wrong had happened!

She sat on the edge of her bed and smoothed her hand over the soft swell of her stomach underneath her floral dress.  Bunny had always been so small, it had taken no time for her to start showing.  She'd had to adjust all of her dresses to fit her growing bump.  "Do you think it's a boy or a girl?" she murmured up to Jackson with a small smile.  "I think it's a boy."

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Jackson couldn’t explain what had come over him that night. Over the time that he and Bunny were together, he’d come to accept the fact that he was not physically attracted to women, at least not in the obvious sense. He loved Bunny. At least, he thought he loved her. He loved that she was sweet, and meek, and cute, and girly, and everything else that a girl ought to be. He was most certainly drawn to that aspect of her. But there were complications, and he’d gone through a lot of personal hell realizing that he did not want to be intimate with her. And he couldn’t help feeling a pang of guilt every time he chose her male form over her female when faced with those sort of situations.

That’s why it confused him that that night even happened. Maybe he shouldn’t have had those drinks that Kodi gave him to help ‘loosen him up’.

Of course, he was out of his mind, and didn’t even think to use protection. So when Bunny came to him, wailing something about missing her period and flinging some stick in his face….Jackson honestly didn’t know how to react. His first instinct was to run, but that was impossible to do with his Hunny-Bunny bawling in his arms, clinging to the boy in her distress. Her parents weren’t all to happy with him either. Jackson was surprised they didn’t outright forbid him from seeing her anymore. Instead they demanded he man up and get his shit together, because whether he liked it or not, Jackson was on the road to being a father.

Wow….and four months later, the surreality of that still shocked him. How had he even managed to make it this far? By all rights, Jackson should have been long gone, forced from her life by now, and Bunny’s parents should have terminated the pregnancy, despite the girl’s protests. But here he was, about ready to die from the demands of taking care of a pregnant woman and running around from job to job, trying to save up money so he can adequately take care of them. Because he wasn’t going to accept her parents help if he didn’t have to, Jackson had way too much pride as a man for that.

Jackson was flopped across Bunny’s bed, having finished another long day at work and wanting nothing more than to sleep the rest of the day away. But boyfriending these days was a full time job as well, so he struggled to keep himself engaged in the conversation that his BunBun tried to keep going. “Mmm….sounds good. A boy,” he said lazily, sitting upright and leaning himself back against the headboard. “I’ll teach him how to play soccer when he’s old enough.” And all the other boy things he should know.

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Bunny felt terrible that Jackson was working so hard for her sake. She knew her parents were super upset over the whole thing and understandably so, but to be honest… She herself was starting to almost look forward to it. She had always wanted to grow up and have babies, and she figured it was just happening a little sooner than she’d planned. The downside was that it was a struggle to keep her lupus under control with medications while also juggling supplements and other things for the growing child. She often felt unwell, but tried to keep a smile on when she could manage to. Bun hated that she usually didn’t feel up to baking for her hunny when he was working so hard and really deserved such treats. But her parents kept reminding her that she needed to worry about herself, and that Jackson was doing what he ought to be.

Still, she did as much for him as she could manage, even if it wasn’t a lot. “Do you want me to massage your back, Hunny?” she asked, scooting a little closer to him while still cradling her bump. If he said yes, she’d start kneading her tiny fingers gently into his shoulders, ignoring the slight tension in her knuckles and joints. “You work too hard…” she murmured softly. “I wish I could work, too…” But there was no chance of that, except for the small income she made from her Youtube channel. Her parents were helping out on her end for many of her personal needs and doctor bills.

She smiled as he spoke, moving down his back a little. “I bet he’ll be really athletic,” she murmured,”If he’s anything like daddy.” Bunny desperately hoped their child was more like Jackson than her. Well, she hoped the baby didn’t have either of their diseases, but at least Jackson was healthier than her by some degree. “Have you eaten yet?” she asked worriedly. “I think there’s some leftover lasagna in the fridge, I could go and get you some if you want.” Bunny didn’t like making her boyfriend be around her parents any more than he had to (even if he did deserve their hatred that she didn’t understand).

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He was glad, at least, that Bunny was looking forward to carrying out this pregnancy to completion. To…being a parent. That was good, at least. Jackson would never say so, but he wished he’d been a little more sane that night. If he could get away with running away, then he would have already. But to what end? Just to have more people disappointed in him? His family was already doing the ‘I told you so’ bit with him. They’d always said he was worthless, going to end up knocking up his girlfriend before high school ended, not go to college, end up working two or three jobs at the most pathetic of places…. And look what happened. He really lived up to their expectations, huh…?

Ha ha ha….

At least…at least Bunny was as much the sweetheart she’d always been. “That…would be great,” he mumbled into the blanket. Jackson turned his head and strained a smile up at his beautiful BunBun. “Could you please?” There was nothing better than a relaxing massage given to him by his sweetie after a long, hard day. Jackson readjusted himself so he wasn’t half-falling off the bed and so Bunny could have easier access to his shoulders. “You don’t have to worry about that,” he said into his folded arms. “All you have to do…is concentrate on taking care of yourself…and keeping you and…the baby healthy….okay?” He wished she could work too, but no, pregnant, so not happening.

“Ha ha….you think so?” he said, still only half there. “I’m not that great….I’m sure he’ll be better’n me though…” Hopefully. Jackson would rather this kid end up with a better life than a dead-beat like him could provide. The kid would probably prosper better just staying with his mom and grandparents, and leaving Jackson out of it. What did Jackson know about raising kids? Absolutely nothing, that’s what. “Is there?” he asked, suddenly perking up slightly. The subject of food usually did, especially something as delicious as lasagna. Jackson sent her a pair of pleading eyes. “Could you? Please? I love you~” Jackson didn’t want to be around her parents any more than he had to either. That’s the only reason why he’d ask her to go instead of getting it himself.

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Bunny was under the impression that her boyfriend was completely loyal and would never leave her. He hadn’t even under these circumstances, right? He must really love her, to stay with her even though her parents treated him badly and he had to work so hard. She really wished there was more she could do for him; she didn’t understand why all the blame seemed to be placed on him, since she’d had to agree to do whatever had made this baby happen. Granted, she hadn’t known that it would, and that there were things to prevent it, but… It was too late to regret it now.

She smiled when he accepted her offer, and nodded as he looked back. “Of course, Hunny. It’s the least I can do.” Bunny carefully maneuvered to sit on his back so she could reach his shoulders more easily, and leaned down after a moment to give Jackson a kiss on the cheek. “How does this feel?” she murmured. It probably wasn’t as effective as someone who had stronger hands, but at least she was trying. She sighed at his response, her brow creased in worry anyway. “I know, but… I hate that you have to work all the time… I miss you during the day…” Her parents took great care of her, of course, but they weren’t the same as her sweetie. “I’ll do my best,” she promised, pausing for a moment to hold her hand against her tummy again. A tiny smile crossed her lips. “I wonder when I’ll start feeling him move?” she mused quietly. “The doctor said it could happen any day now…”

Bunny nodded enthusiastically to his question. Even if everyone thought Jackson was a no-good jerk, she would always stand by his side and tell everyone how wonderful he really was. They didn’t know what they were talking about. “You’re so great,” she argued softly. “If he turns out as sweet as you are, I’ll be happy.” She was more worried about his health than whether or not he’d be a good person, because with parents like them, he would have to be, right? Bunny smiled at Jackson’s suddenly enthusiasm, finishing her little massage and wiggling her way over to the side of the bed to carefully stand. Oof… Her joints really didn’t like the extra weight. “Of course I will,” she beamed down at him anyway. “I love you too, Hunny.” She carefully leaned over to give him another smooch, before turning and slowly making her way out to the kitchen to grab his dinner. When her parents saw her and asked what she was doing, she told them, and all she had to do was sit there and wait while her mother got out the food and heated it up herself. They did it for her, knowing she would have made sure he got food anyway even if they said he should get some himself. After speaking softly with them for a few minutes, Bunny wandered back up to her room. Right before she reached the doorway, her stomach twinged painfully. The small girl let out a gasp and leaned against the doorframe, feeling suddenly unsteady.

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The only reason why Jackson hadn’t run for the hills when he found out about Bunny’s pregnancy was because she had some really good friends who really cared about her and really threatened him with severe bodily harm should he ditch the poor knocked up girl in her time of need. He was surprised they didn’t demand a goddamn shotgun wedding, though he figured they still might. Ughh…..maybe he should just disappear….? If only he could just disappear….

Back rubs were going to have to do for the moment. And while Bunny’s teeny hands prevented her from doing the sort of job he’d prefer, a back rub was a back rub. Like sex. As long as you got it… “Mmmm….it’s good,” he said, not wanting to talk too much while he was trying to relax. No talking please… Jackson suppressed a sigh and turned his head to the side to speak. “I know….I miss you too BunBun….but I gotta do something to pull my weight, y’know? I gotta do what I can before the baby comes…” Because after, he wasn’t going to have any time, no doubt. Neither of them would. Jackson managed a smile. “Let me know when you do, okay?” Maybe having a bit more tangibility to the kid would make it seem more real and less a burdensome idea. Jackson really was terrible…

Aww, Bunny was so sweet. She was probably the only one who still believed in him. Jackson didn’t know whether to be grateful to her or pity her. “Thanks, my Hunny-Bunny. I’m sure he will. Or she.” The baby will probably end up a more decent person than him, at least, with his mother’s spirit behind him. Even pregnant and tired, she was still willing to wait on her panda-puppy. “Thanks, you’re the best!” he said, reaching up to give her a kiss before she left to get him some food. Ahh…such a wonderful woman…how’d he get so lucky? Jackson rested his head again and closed his eyes as he waited for her return. It didn’t take very long, and he could even hear her coming up the stairs, and as she did, Jackson shifted to sitting up again finally, preparing himself to receiver her kindness one more. When she should have come in, though, she didn’t, and instead Jackson heard the clatter of his precious meal falling to the floor. What happened?? Jackson bounced off the bed and scampered to the door to investigate what had happened. Did she really drop it? When he opened the door, however, his eyes went wide. “Bunny! W-what’s wrong? What happened?” He reached out to help support her, to keep her from falling like the lasagna had just a moment ago.