Drunk and Full of Angst (Open)

[Deleted]

“I don’t know who “ever’one” is, but it just sounds like a bunch of gibberish to me.” People with accents man. It just made it harder to understand them. Jackson totally didn’t have an accent(yes he does), because people of the ‘burque spoke normal(lies).

Sometimes he is, sometimes he isn’t? “That sure sounds like half and half to me….” Jackson had no idea what Kodi was going on about, just that it was confusing as heck and there was no way he was going to understand it until Kodi was sober and could explain it. “……yeah, you’re a jerk,” he said to the warbling asshole. “I don’t even know what the heck is going on, just that whatever happened, you were being a jerk for it, and now you’re wailing about it.” Jackson grumbled and shook his head. “What gives you the right to feel sorry for yourself when you’re the one who probably hurt him?” Was he preaching again? To a drunk kid? Damn straight, Kodi was irritating and he probably deserved it anyway.

Jackson continued to be annoyed by Kodi as he became even more clingy and pouty, like he was a five-year-old or something. He was even speaking like a toddler. How long was he going to have to take care of him? He grumbled and scooted back on the bed, leaning his back against the wall. If he was going to tell a ‘story’, he may as well make himself comfortable. At least as comfortable as he could be hanging around this guy. “W-what? How should—I don’t—!!” Damn, was he really expecting to Jackson to explain all these things. Jackson’s face continued to flush. “Yes, very. I don’t know the name. Yes, he thought it’d make it easier. And……” As for that last question, Jackson couldn’t really think of an answer. Because when he thought back on that day, and what had happened, he was just reminded that his grandmother was…..she was gone. Because he had been with Rue. Jackson couldn’t run away because his legs wouldn’t work. There was a dampness forming in Jackson’s own eyes by now as his face settled into a hard stare. Jackson didn’t want to talk about this anymore.

[Deleted]

Kodi whined again. “I dunno how to explain it!” he complained. “He’s still gotta dick an’ all, but he said, like, inside, he feels like a girl sometimes, an’ I just… I dunno… I was so…” Such a jerk. He really thought he’d be okay with it, but the longer it went on, the more confused Kodi had become. “I know I am…” he warbled pathetically. Kodi flinched away from the boy’s harsh words, more tears dripping down his face and wetting the sheets. “I-I am…” he said again. “It’s true….” What right did he have to be like this? But he just couldn’t help it, Kodi was so lost… “He’s prob’ly alone too…. With Fang… An’ hates me now…” Who wouldn’t? It was about time Gryph started hating him too, Kodi deserved it far more than he deserved the older man’s love. “Why couldn’t things have stayed simple…” he sniffled into the pillows.

Yes, Kodi was in drunken child mode, and would likely continue to be that way until he got sober. Now that he was a little less completely wasted and more just very tipsy, at least he wouldn’t be so unpredictable and potentially self-harming. When Jackson moved, Kodi did too, so that he had his arms wrapped around the blonde from the side as he gazed upwards from his head resting above Jackson’s stomach. He waited patiently until his answers started getting questions. “I knew he was big,” Kodi muttered sourly. He rose a brow and grinned toothily. “No? Why don’t you explain it t’me, then? Here, whisper it if you wanna~” Kodi offered an ear. He had to know all the details! “Ooh, toys~ those’re fun, I can help ya get some more if you want ‘em,” Kodi smiled. He waited expectantly for more, but when it didn’t come, he blinked in surprise and looked up at Jackson’s face, only to see… Was he getting teary? “… Hey… Wha’s wrong…?” he asked in drunken worry. Kodi suddenly loosened his hold around Jackson enough so that he could start rubbing the boy’s chest, hopefully comfortingly. “You… You don’t gotta tell me everything… I’ll just shuddup now, okay?” Kodi rested his cheek on Jackson’s chest and continued to roll his palm in circles next to it.

[Deleted]

Jackson didn’t understand anything of what Kodi was trying to explain to him. The boy was already having a hard enough time understanding his own sexuality. Gender identity was something that for the moment went completely over his head. “I don’t know what any of that means…” he sighed. Maybe he should just ask again when Kodi was sober. Maybe then he’d be able to make a lick of sense? “I don’t think he hates you…” Not that Jackson knew anything about Gryphon. He never even met the guy. He’d gotten his nipples pierced in the man’s apartment, but didn’t even know what the guy looked like. Jackson sighed again and offered Kodi a few comforting pets across his back. “I don’t know….” Jackson just wanted things to be simple too…

At least Kodi seemed to be calming down…a little. Or rather, didn’t seem so….trashed. Just silly…and stupid. Why did alcohol make people act so stupid?

And clingy. What was Jackson supposed to do with this….this growth coming out of his side?? Jackson could only sigh and offer a hand to continue rubbing his back. And maybe running fingers through his hair. Jackson wondered how often this kid changed his hair color…? “Um….it was….” Jackson’s cheeks flushed as he remembered…that. Was he really going to tell him? Apparently. Jackson leaned down and whispered into Kodi’s ear the brief description of what he and Rue had done. Ugh, he couldn’t believe he just did that. “I’m not….I’m not interested…” he said uncertainly to the offer of toys. But then his mood took a sharp turn downward as his memory fast forwarded to the events which happened immediately after the incident in question. Excuse him if he couldn’t keep the lump of guilt and grief out of his chest. Jackson scowled and lowered his head. “It’s not that….” he choked, a tear running down his cheek as his eyes closed. Was he really going to tell Kodi what happened? It wasn’t like he’d had a chance to talk about it with anyone since then… “M…my g-grams….died that night,” he said weakly. “S-so…sorry if it’s not exactly a beaming memory for me, okay?” Okay…?

[Deleted]

Kodi really didn’t understand it all either. Even sober, he probably wouldn’t have explained it all that well. All he knew was he didn’t like girls, and Gryph had said all that stuff, and he’d been left bewildered and lost and confused. “I dunno either,” he mumbled sadly. “I should prob’ly ask him more… if he don’t hate me…” Jackson’s consoling did little to help Kodi think otherwise. Gryph had been one of the only people that didn’t despise him, of course it wouldn’t last, he was too hateable. Hell, Jackson probably hated him too. “Life really fuckin’ sucks,” he slurred tiredly. “Why do I gotta keep makin’ it so hard?” Kodi knew he didn’t help himself. Maybe it was because he hated himself, and did all that bad shit to get the punishment he deserved.

He liked the back rubs though. Those were nice. Kodi managed to relax a little and nuzzled more into Jackson’s side, taking comfort from his warmth and softness. Sober Kodi never would have cuddled like this; if he remembered it in the morning, he would regret it. “Mmmm…” he hummed, letting out a small purring noise at the hair strokes. He peered up again when Jackson seemed like he was actually going to describe how they did it. “Oh!” he gasped excitedly. “That’s a good one! Can be good for a first time too, ‘cause you can control it somewhat…” Kodi trailed off, thinking back to his first time with Gryph. That wasn’t what they had done then, but he’d done as much as he could to make his boyf- … his ex-boyfriend enjoy himself. He waited again until the blonde managed to choke out what was making him so upset, and when he did, Kodi’s eyes softened in sympathy. “Oh…” he said softly. Kodi paused rubbing Jackson’s chest, then adjusted himself so he could tuck his chin into the boy’s shoulder and wrap him in a hug. “That really sucks,” he mumbled sadly. Somehow, he was better at comforting when he was drunk. “We don’t gotta talk ‘bout it no more.” Kodi yawned widely, then buried his face further. “I think Imma sleep anyway…”

[Deleted]

“Asking…might be a good idea.” Asking….and talking. Talking was a good idea. It was a lot better than wallowing, like Kodi was doing. Then again, it wasn’t like Jackson’s coping skills were much better, so he didn’t really have any right to preach. He would anyway, though. “If you just talk to him, I’m sure you can come up with….something…I don’t know, some sort of….thing….between you that makes sense.” Nope, comforting was not the thing he knew how to do. Jackson rolled his eyes. “I don’t know, maybe because you wanted it to fall apart? That’s what I don’t get….why do people work so hard to sabotage themselves? Why don’t they, I don’t know, try?” It couldn’t be that hard. If you wanted to do something, then just fucking do it! If he wanted to be with this Gryph, then why didn’t he just….grrr…..it was probably pointless lecturing Kodi when he was like this anyway, so Jackson just shook his head and dropped it.

Damn this kid was clingy….not like Jackson wasn’t, but…. and it wasn’t like he didn’t like the closeness, it was just…. No, Jackson just didn’t know how he was supposed to feel about this. He didn’t know if this was okay or not. And that’s what made him uncomfortable. Jackson raised an eyebrow in interest as Kodi started babbling on about positions and stuff. “Is it? I don’t really know much about any of that….” Nothing at all, really. He only just started learning about intimacy, how was he supposed to know any of this? Though what sucked….was that as much as enjoyed the activity….what happened after with his grandmother had tainted that memory pretty badly. He was a bit afraid, actually, that it was going to be impossible to not think about it every time he got that far with someone. Maybe if he…..? Jackson wrapped his arms around Kodi who was now leaning against him more comfortably. “Yeah…it does….sorry to bring down the mood.” He was glad Kodi was at least being sensitive about it. Jackson nodded slightly at Kodi’s announcement. “Okay, you do that,” he said with a slight smile. “I’ll….I guess I’ll…stay here until you fall asleep, then. Okay?” Jackson wasn’t sure about staying, but he sure as hell didn’t want to go back out there anymore, not feeling like he was. He just needed a few minutes to relax, probably.

[Deleted]

“Yeah… Yeah, mebbe you’re right…” Kodi mumbled. Unfortunately, he would likely forget this entire conversation tomorrow morning and end up not communicating with Gryph like he should. He was definitely a problem-avoider, no doubt about it. “Maybe… Yeah… I mean, he’s still gotta dick, right? So… so…” So wasn’t that all that mattered for Kodi’s sexuality? But… oh god… what if he wanted to get it cut off someday!? He couldn’t handle that thought, even drunk. He pouted and sniffled a little more when Jackson got harsher, not wanting to believe what he was saying. “I dunno… I dunno, I’m so stupid…” he whimpered. Why had he broken off such a good thing over that one ‘problem’? Maybe deep down, part of his intentions really had been for Gryph’s own good… Maybe he wasn’t entirely selfish? … Nah, that wasn’t possible….

He continued to hold onto Jackson, almost like a lover, apart from all the sniffling and clinging he was doing. Honestly, it probably could have been almost anyone there, and Kodi would have done the same. But positions! At least that was something that interested the dentokinetic, since he knew a lot about them. “Mhmm,” he nodded in confirmation. “I can show you all sorts’a ways t’do it if you want, sometime. We don’t gotta take our clothes off neither.” He managed a small smirk and laugh. “Not ‘less you want to.” Jackson was pretty cute… How had he not noticed this before? Kodi stared at his face for longer than he intended to, and finally shook his head and snapped out of it when the boy started talking about his grandmother. “Nah, it’s okay, I ain’t complainin’,” he said tiredly. “Just sucks that it all happened at the same time.” The fatigue was really kicking in now. Kodi yawned and nestled his cheek further against Jackson’s chest. “Mmm…. Okay… sounds good,” he mumbled quietly. “And… Jackson? Uh… Thanks, y’know… for takin’ care of my stupid face…” It was more than he could have expected from anyone, and Kodi felt grateful about it until he fell asleep.

[Deleted]

“Uh….yeah, he still has a dick, so….that’s what matters, right?” Probably. Or something like that? Jackson didn’t know, and still didn’t know what Kodi was talking about. He barely was beginning to understand exactly how ‘gay’ worked in the first place. Pulling transgender and gender identity matters into the mix just made it more confusing for him. As far as he was concerned, they were just a things that existed without any context. Like space botany. And he was confused enough with that girl, Bunny, and her literal transformations between genders. Abstract transformations were beyond the scope of his comprehension. Therefore, Jackson didn’t blame Kodi for not getting it. He would chastise him for running away though. “Yeah, you are,” Jackson said bluntly, giving the dentokinetic a comforting pat on the head. “You’re an idiot.”

Jackson had resigned himself to the possibility that Kodi was not going to let him go any time soon and that he was destined to stay in that position, on Kodi’s bed with the older boy wrapped around him, until…..sometime. Some arbitrary time off in the distant future. And that was irritating. Jackson didn’t even get to finish his hall monitoring rounds. “Yeah sure, fine,” he said, almost not caring what Kodi was suggesting. He just wanted the guy to shut up already. Jackson had other things on his mind. “Yeah…it really does….” At least Kodi was seeming to settle down. Maybe Jackson could sneak out of here soon? He continued to stroke his hand over Kodi’s back, occasionally reaching up to play with his hair. “Its…It’s okay,” he said. It was only half a lie. “W-what are friends for, anyway, right?” Finally, he felt Kodi relax in his arms and start to nod off. Jackson rested his head back against the wall with a sigh, closing his eyes in thought. How long should he wait? Kodi might wake up again if he moved to quickly too soon. It didn’t matter after a while, though, because as Jackson sat there thinking about it, his head rolled down to the side, just barely resting above Kodi’s, as he too drifted off.