A Slight Difference (Sean)

[Maggie Probasco]

Maggie silently opened the door, as she always did. It wasn't that she was nervous, but she just didn't want to disturb anything by opening the door quickly, or disrupt anyone by opening it loudly. She shrugged the thought away. Her habits weren't what she was here for, it was to start a schedule of meetings to discuss how she would cope, and it wasn't just because she was having anxiety or anything like that, more like because she couldn't cope with only knowing family as her mother and her dog.

After all, that was the only family she knew. Hopefully she could learn to understand the true meaning of family, and if not, well, she would have to live with it. With her, she had brought her current reading book, which was Gone with the Wind and her journal. If she needed to, she supposed she could take notes. So far she had a few entries, none of which were important at the time.

She sat down in a chair in front of the desk, and stared at the clock waiting for the physiatrist to walk in and greet her. The clock was quiet, but still make the click every second, and Maggie focused her attention on matching the clicks, something she'd been doing since she was young.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean maintained an open door policy with the students; his policy was such that he kept his door at least partially open whenever he was in his office and not otherwise occupied. When he had another student, or when he was talking on the phone with a parent or a colleague, when he was offering advice to one of his coworkers, if he was reviewing confidential information, or if he was taking a few minutes to himself when he didn’t want to be disturbed, he kept the door to his office shut tightly. He encouraged knocking either way, but it was how he let the students know to expect privacy and to respect other people’s privacy.

However, as the psychiatrist was as human as the next person, he didn’t spend all day in his office. Sometimes he left for lunch, sometimes he left to tend to emergencies, sometimes he went to the staff lounge for coffee and baked goods, and sometimes, he had to answer nature’s call.

On his way back from the restroom, he had stopped in the lounge to refill his coffee mug. When he arrived at his office with fresh coffee, he found a student already in his office (which was why he kept all of his confidential records under lock and key), and he offered her a smile. “Good afternoon.”

[Maggie Probasco]

"Good afternoon." Maggie turned to see a man walk in. You could say she was nervous, but really it was just the talking she was nervous about talking. She had never told anyone about any of her bottled up feelings on the inside, how she always disliked being with her mother, her only family, because she was her only family. And how she always felt alone in the world, not knowing any of her other family. Her only family was her mother and her dog, and in her own opinion it was a little pathetic that her dog was her family.

"Sorry, was I supposed to wait until someone was here before coming in?" Maggie asked quietly. She didn't know, after all, she had never visited or needed anything from him. "I'm Maggie, by the way." She couldn't really find words to start to describe what she was here for.

She guessed that she'd probably just start with her in Germany, growing up. And then when her father left and never returned. And then moving the the U.S. and discovering her powers, and how they drew her to study different cultures and keep reading constantly. And then joining Hammel after her mother had been in contact with some people, she now knew they were known as recruiters. She had been through alot in the last four years, and the stress of it all was finally coming out.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Typically, when someone new came to Sean’s office for the first time (and they hadn’t been sent there for fighting, cutting class, or for talking back to a teacher), he informed them that they could sit anywhere they liked – except not in his chair – and he would move around them. In addition to the two chairs in front of his desk, he had a few more comfortable arm chairs on the other side of the office, across from the crown jewel of the room, the sofa. However, since she had already seated herself, he walked around his desk to his chair, sat down, and set his coffee on a coaster atop his desk.

“Usually, but it’s fine for today.” He had locked up his files for a reason, which was because, sometimes students found their way into his office when he wasn’t present. She hadn’t snooped around, and thus the psychiatrist felt comfortable letting the topic drop and moving forward.

He nodded at her introduction, to convey that he knew. “Maggie Probasco,” he confirmed. One of the benefits of telepathy was that he was able to identify people easily; a benefit of his administrative position was that he familiarized himself with the new students after the Recruiters transferred their files.

“I’m Doctor Neville,” he said, holding out his hand for a handshake. Surely, she knew that as well, but they were doing formal introductions.

“What brings you here today?”

[Maggie Probasco]

"Yup, that's me." Maggie nodded as he said her name. She didn't ask how he knew her name, he had telepathy, she had read that somewhere, she couldn't remember where, though. Oh, now she remember, in the school directory she had been given when she first came to Hammel.

"Nice to meet you." Maggie shook his hand, if there was one thing she'd been taught by her mother, it was respect. Mostly because as a kid she liked to cause trouble or run away from people she had just met. Maggie smiled, and focused back on Doctor Neville. "I came because of family issues." It was really the only way to describe it, and it did involve family, so it made sense to call it a family issue.

"It started when I was about three, I remember my father leaving, I later learned he left for the war, the Afghan War, to be specific. My mother was sad about a year later, after my father never came back home. I advanced in school, my mother said it was because I read too many advanced books. Anyway, we moved to the United States, and I was about eleven then. I started school when my mother told me that my father had died in the war all those years ago. My mother allowed me to take a break from school, I was more angry at her than anything else." Maggie paused, after this was when her powers had started to show.

"Then, I spent most of my time in my bedroom, either reading or writing. I kept up with school, even though I was already ahead. My powers started to develop during this time. I spent my twelfth birthday in my room, and that's when I started speaking different languages. I went back to school, it was now the seventh grade school year. I started to take language classes, and my powers really started to show then. I could speak the language almost instantly perfectly, as soon as I read one word, I could speak it fluently. After that my mom was contacted because I was in the news, I was some 'genius' because I could speak any language without any practice. Then I ended up here." Maggie sighed, Dr. Neville was the first person she'd told any of this to, besides her dog.

"Oh, and my mom got me a lab, she hoped that a dog would make me less shy, I didn't like to be the center of attention." She figured it would be important to mention Cindy, after all, she was the closest thing to a sister she'd ever get. "I guess you could say that my issue is not knowing any of my family, I only have a dog and a mom to count as family. It makes me feel alone, like I'm the only one in my family besides my mom." Maggie hugged her knees in the chair. She was a bit nervous because she'd never told anyone about that, so she wasn't sure how he's react. But this was his job, so she had a feeling that he'd be kind to her.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean shook her hand firmly, but without trying to exert dominance through the gesture, before he withdrew his hand and settled in his chair. Reaching for his coffee, he took a sip while waiting for her to answer his question; when the longer than expected answer came, he listened attentively, focusing his full concentration on her while she spoke.

The psychiatrist had to admit that he appreciated Maggie’s forthrightness; many other students who came to his office, even those who sought him out of their own initiative rather than appearing in response to being summoned after he flagged them, shied away from the underlying family dynamics, past experiences, or emotional troubles that affected them. Occasionally, speaking to (certain) students was more akin to pulling teeth than to sharing an effective counseling session. By contrast, her candor came as a breath of fresh air.

That said, he felt great sympathy for her, given everything that she described. It was not easy to lose a parent, particularly not at her age – rather, the age she had been when her father passed away – and certainly not in a war. The psychiatrist had opinions about the wars in which the U.S. had become embroiled and into which they had taken UN forces and other nations. He considered them senseless, and he was quite sorry to hear that her father had become yet another casualty in a conflict that had claimed too many lives already.

Although Sean listened attentively, he did not interrupt her; instead, he only attempted to speak when she had finished. “It’s hard to feel lonely like that,” he replied, as he set down his coffee mug.

He had felt that way at her age, less because he had no family apart from a pet and one parent and more because his powers had isolated him from nearly everyone. Now, as an adult, he had little blood family left with whom he could share support and spend time with, but that was only tangentially related.

“How would you say your relationship is with your mom now that you’re at Hammel?”

[Maggie Probasco]

Maggie sighed, it was hard to not be reminded everyday of what her past was. It was full of memories, some bad, and some good. Her mom really had tried to make life seem normal, they'd even saved up so they could go on a trip to Disney when she was eight. But the fact that her mother had hidden the truth made Maggie feel like her mom couldn't trust her daughter to understand.

"It is quite lonely, especially when I visit my mom on the weekend, just being me and her in the house. Which, that is probably why over the last four years I've been here, I've only managed to make a few friends." Maggie had probably made three friends just from this school year. She'd met people, but they were never much of an interest, especially in classes.

"I guess you could say that my mom and I still have about the same relationship from then to now. And she's always hiding things from me, I can tell by the way she always clicks out of the tabs on her computer when I walk in the room, or if she's always on the phone when she thinks I can't hear her." It wasn't that she was angry with her mom for having secrets, Maggie had a few of her own, but it was more the fact that her mom didn't realize that Maggie was smart enough to figure out what was going on.

"My mom still treats me like I'm six, even though I'm sixteen now. I think she's more alone now, though." She knew that part of the reason her mom treated her like a little kid still was because she'd never gotten the 'little kid' moments since they'd moved so much and a lot of things had changed. And sometimes Maggie felt it was partly her fault.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Constant memories were the blessing and the curse of being human and thus self-aware and (relatively) long-lived. Sean knew about this more than many people, as a result of his profession and his powers, but only those with memory problems and cognitive impairments found themselves less affected by the nature of memory. In happier times, this was a blessing, but when one was depressed or in grief, one became haunted rather than finding comfort. Unfortunately, Maggie wasn’t the only student who had come through with similar issues, which was a pity for everyone who suffered; at least the psychiatrist had experience and empathy to listen.

He nodded attentively while he listened. “I can see how that would be lonely,” he agreed. That would have been ideal for him when he had been her age, since his telepathy and social ostracism had him thrive in environments with minimal personal contact, but to do so by choice differed so greatly from having that thrust upon someone, particularly in the wake of losing a parent and moving halfway across the world.

Granted, what she described sounded different to an adult than it might to a teenager. The psychiatrist could think of a hundred different reasons why a parent would hid browser information from their child that had no nefarious explanation; parents needed to maintain boundaries with their children and couldn’t turn them into peers, as it upended the social contract and healthy dynamics.

“What do you do when you visit?” If her mother didn’t treat her in an age-appropriate way, he assumed that this involved too much oversight, but he wanted to know so they could explore that dynamic with greater depth.

[Maggie Probasco]

"Yes, very lonely." She had spent most of her days when she was home in her room reading while her mom was out running errands or working. But now that she was here at Hammel, she was slowly making friends, nonetheless. She had been grateful to have the little family she had, she knew some people who had only a parent, and no one else. But it was still quite difficult to visit her mom in the empty house with no one there but herself, her mom, and a very quiet dog.

Her mom always hid things, even things that Maggie could worry about. Like her mom hiding all the mail, she knew that it was probably so that Maggie didn't stick her nose into anything her mom didn't want her to see, but even things as simple as junk mail were hidden away from Maggie's sight. "I guess you could say that whenever my mom's working, she always hides her work, even her webdesigns. And she even hides the mail." It seemed a little odd to Maggie, maybe it was just herself that found it weird.

"I usually go over for dinner, and sometimes I'll go a little bit earlier so that I can play and walk my dog. When I eat dinner, my mom will cut my food up for me, and she'll even sometimes give me a plastic plate or something, like she's afraid I might break one of the real plates." The last time she had visited, her mom had made some fried chicken, one of the least favorites of Maggie's. Her mom had cut off the bone, and cut up the chicken into little pieces, while her mom ate off a bone, and off a real plate. Maggie felt like her mom should let her eat on a real plate, and not do everything for Maggie, it made Maggie feel like her mother didn't trust her at all to do a simple task of carrying a plate without dropping it. Maggie took a sigh, maybe it was just herself that was feeling like her mom wasn't treating her like a teenager.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean empathized. He had been fortunate enough not to lose either of his parents until he was fifty, and, even then, they had each succumbed to old age and the health issues inherent in living for eight decades, rather than dying in combat. However, he had lost plenty of people he cared about over the years, many suffering violent, terrible deaths (as he classified AIDS deaths in the 1980s when the world hadn’t cared). More than that, he knew what it was to be isolated in other ways: from his peers when he was her age, from his family since he hadn’t fit in, more specifically from his sister now, given that they had been estranged for the past almost decade and a half.

“Are you making friends now?” He had to ask. Even though she hadn’t sought him out specifically for this, he wanted to make sure he knew the extent of her social circle. For her sake, he hoped that she had found some friends of her own, even if those friends were also her roommates.

Her clarification earned a raised eyebrow from the psychiatrist. “She hides the mail from the Post Office?” He assumed that included bills, and, briefly, he contemplated the possibility that there might be an economic situation in the background. However, absent a conversation with her mother, he had no means through which to confirm that momentary hypothesis.

The rest of what Maggie described was clearly unhealthy behavior for a parent of a teenager who didn’t suffer from a physical or developmental disability. Maggie appeared perfectly capable of managing her own portions and cutting her own food or using the typical cutlery and dishes that other teenagers and adults managed to use without incident. The behavior she recounted better befit a toddler or a kindergartener. “Has she always been like this? Or did it start after you moved?” Or, related to that, after her father had passed away.

[Maggie Probasco]

"Yes, but I just started making friends, before that it was more of just hanging out with my classmates in classes." Maggie hadn't been making friends in the previous years because she was afraid of moving again, she had moved so much that she didn't trust herself to make friends and not get sad when she had to move away again.

"Yes, she hides the mail. I just always think it's the bills and stuff." Maggie could understand why her mom would do that, it was something that her mom probably thought a teenager should know- or worry about. It was one of the things Maggie actually understood about her mother, but she always assumed it was normal.

Dr. Neville seemed to change his expression as Maggie mentioned that her mother treated her like a younger child. Maybe she wasn't the only one just now figuring out that it wasn't normal. "Yes, she's always been like this. Except when we were in Germany, then she changed me over to regular plates when I was four, then, we moved as I turned five, and it changed again." Maggie wasn't sure what to think of this, she knew it wasn't normal, but was it bad? Come to think of it, she started right after her mother had found out that her father had died. After that, she babied Maggie, doing nearly everything for her whenever she came to visit.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean nodded to indicate that he understood and that he empathized with her. He had never been in quite that situation, given that, prior to coming to Hammel, he had been born and raised in the same town. Likewise, he had been fortunate enough to maintain constant employment at Hammel for the past twenty-five years, which allowed him some degree of stability. However, many people had come in and out of his life, and several students came from the same type of background that Maggie did; many more were international students living life as strangers in strange lands. “Tell me about your friends?” He requested; he wanted to know more about her social circle, particularly in light of her family situation.

The psychiatrist made a mental note about her mother’s behavior, about how she hid the physical mail that arrived in their mailbox. He would put that together with what else the girl described when writing up his file later. After doing some additional research, he most likely would want to meet with her mother alone.

“When you moved,” he repeated, and he reached for his notepad to begin writing down this timeline. “And she’s been this way since then? Have there been other ups and downs in her behavior?”