Please Don't Hate Me

[Vincent Meian]

Vincent sat back in his chair, exhausted and sore. His left hand was cramping from how many letters he'd already written, but he still had one more that must get done. He wanted it in its recipient's mailbox by Monday, which meant it must be written tonight. Carefully, he planned what he was going to say, and began to write.


Jesse,

I have tried to reach you by call, but it seems I am always trying at an inopportune time. In all honesty, these words should be spoken in person, however I will have to make do with paper.

I am sorry I left. I did not intend to abandon you, and this is in no way to "get away" from you. You had very similar reasons for returning to Pilot Ridge as I have for leaving it; to keep from hurting others. Perhaps that was not your original reason, but it is mine. In all honesty, I have failed some for doing just that. I have failed you.

Understanding my abilities is a trying process. It requires an aptitude for science and mathematics that I do not possess. There is an alum from the Hammel Institute that I have sought out, however, who can explain such things to me in terms that I may begin to comprehend. After a week of his tutelage, I know more about the nature of my abilities that I ever learned in my youth or through practice. I still do not know nearly enough, but slowly, I am learning.

I hope that you are faring well. Please seek Nakia should you need anything at all, whether it be advice or a place to stay in times of need. I assure you, she is more than capable, and likes you very much.

How is Ty? Are your studies progressing well? If you have any questions, please send me them in a response. I will be happy to hear from you.


Sincerely,

Vincent Meian


As with all his letters, Vincent signs in both English and Japanese, then folds the letter and places it in an envelope to mail today.

[Jesse Adams]

Jesse almost didn't want to read the letter. But almost wasn't absolute, so after an internal struggle he ripped open the envelope and pulled out the paper inside.

He didn't know if reading it made him feel better or worse. On the one hand, he had a better understanding of why his trainer had left in the first place. On the other... he still felt abandoned.

Scowling at the paper again, he crumpled it up and tossed it at the corner of his desk.

It stayed there for almost two days, before he finally reached for it and smoothed it out. He didn't really want to reply, but he'd keep it.

Just in case.

[Vincent Meian]

With the letter this time is a small package - a carefully wrapped box of peanut butter blossom cookies (with sprinkles), obviously homemade.


Jesse,

I hope the holidays treated you well. As I received no response, I was unsure if you wanted me to write at all. However, everyone deserves to know that they are thought of during special times of the year. I hope you saw such thoughtfulness from your friends and roommates as well.

There are some treats with this letter. I hope you enjoy them. Sweets are a holiday tradition for both Japan and America, if memory serves, so please think of them as a gift.

I have heard that there may be a car show on campus in the spring. Perhaps you could place your Mustang in the exhibit. I am sure that it would draw the eye easily, and that the student body would admire it. Perhaps the show would allow you to meet others who enjoy automobiles as much as you.

Happy New Year, Jesse. May it find you better than the last.


Sincerely,

Vincent Meian

[Jesse Adams]

The second letter was a surprise, more so because of the accompanying box. As the box was investigated, and the treats inside devoured one by one, the letter was taken out and read.

He still didn't know how he felt about Vincent writing like this. He did miss him. But his sudden departure still stung.

This letter didn't get crumpled. Instead, it simply got folded and tucked into his desk drawer. Maybe he'd reply. He'd think about it.

[Vincent Meian]

This letter is also accompanied by a package - an obviously antique tobacco pipe whose carvings have been worn smooth in places by idly rubbing fingers. There is a small pack of pipe tobacco with it, though also some rolling paper, as if the trainer knew what his student's preferences were on such things. There are also portions of the letter scratched out with quick flicks of the hand - as if the writer believed his letters were not being seen, but still corrected any impropriety relentlessly.


Jesse,

There are many antique stores in the area of Maine where I have found myself, and it was while looking in one that I found this. I do not know why I thought of you when I discovered it, but I believe you might laugh appreciate the humor in having such a thing. There is also a small pouch of tobacco with it, for the occasion that you may want to use it, even in irony. (The paper is there in the event that you run out of cigarettes.)

I still do not condone the habit, but you are an adult and well-established in your ways at this juncture. Thus, I can tease you about it instead.

The training here is difficult, more difficult than I expected. There is so much to know about multiverse theory, and practice is stressful when my powers can only be used on living beings. It is pai I will not bore you with the details, as you likely have better things to be concerned with. Know only that I am working diligently to return.

I have not heard from you, so I do not know many things surrounding you as of yet. How is Ty? I hope he escaped the winter unscathed by illness. If you like, there are many local pet stores here; I am sure I can find some treats he would like.

How are you? I do not ask about your classes, though I must admit I am curious. No, I know it is your birthday soon, and it has always seemed a touchy (?) subject for you. I hope you found someone to spend it with this year, even if it seemed just as a normal day.

I still wish you a happy birthday, Jesse. Please be happy. You deserve to enjoy it.


Sincerely,

Vincent Meian

[Jesse Adams]

Jesse had no idea what to do with the pipe. It had been turned over in his hands so many times now the details were almost memorized. At first he'd scoffed and tossed it aside in favor of reading the letter. While he'd first been borderline offended, now he almost looked forward to the correspondence.

... Almost.

This letter almost had him picking up his phone, if for no other reason than to send off a quick text. But fresh reminders welled up in the back of his mind and the feelings of abandonment stopped him in his tracks.

Maybe with time he'd reply. This letter too went into the pile with its' brothers, and the pipe found a place on his windowsill, out of Ty's reach.

It was weird how touching the thing almost became a comfort.

[Vincent Meian]

Jesse,


I have seen more of this forested area than I care to admit. With my abilities so unpredictable, it often places me in the most irritating places. I sat for half a day in a tree on Thursday because there were no branches near enough to let me down. Perhaps worse, it was not the tallest tree around and therefore did not afford a decent view of anything but more branches, and snow.

How are you faring in the snow? I have heard that this past week had quite the snowfall in Pilot Ridge - it must have looked fantastic over the courtyard. Was there a snow fight as the past two years? Were you able to participate? I think it is something that you would find fun.

Enjoy the snow while it lasts, but please be careful.


Sincerely,

Vincent Meian

[Jesse Adams]

This letter did something strange. Stranger than the now-comforting pipe that was often touched when he was stressed, or just feeling down.

He actually laughed about this one.

Mostly because the idea of Vincent Freaking Meian getting his ass stuck in a tree in the middle of snowy forest was hilarious. He was always so stoic and calm and unruffled over anything. Even his student practically beating his back over being bodily dragged to the infirmary.

But stuck in a tree? A darker thought was that the asshole deserved it. Not so dark, maybe he didn't deserve it. It would suck being stuck in a snowy tree for half a day. But even if he didn't deserve it, it was still funny as hell.

If he ever came back, maybe he'd remind him about it. Just to see his reaction.

[Vincent Meian]

Jesse,


I received a letter from Clement earlier this week. He seemed happy that you took him to see Gambit, and that you spent his birthday with him. Thank you for looking after him; he is in definite need of people with whom he can be open.

This may well be a question I am not fit to ask, but I must. As a parent, I must, even if you do not read these letters. Nakia has told me that Appoline is behaving strangely, distant in a worrisome way. I do not know whether this is caused by my leaving or another effect, but I am concerned with her behavior. She will rarely speak with me when I call, and does not seem interested in responding to any communication.

Please forgive my rambling. Perhaps I am only sorting my thoughts. My question is a favor, one that I feel ashamed to ask of you but will do nonetheless because it is of great importance. Will you watch my daughter for me? Nothing overt or out of your way, but simply to observe and tell Nakia if something appears amiss.

I would be very grateful to you, Jesse. I have no right to ask, but out of necessity I must. You are someone I trust.


Be well,

Vincent Meian

[Jesse Adams]

Jesse didn't know what to do with the concept that Clement was writing to their former trainer. Why he hadn't been angry or upset enough to not write was beyond him. Hopefully his boyfriend wasn't spilling much about him, or it defeating the purpose of not writing in the first place.

Still, the slight validation that he was going in the right direction with Clement was nice.

The request was weird.

Were their roles reversed, he didn't think his father would even bother. He'd just kick his ass out of whatever mood he'd gotten himself into and make a point of the fact that it was unacceptable. No keeping an eye on, no pulling favors. Just... force.

He didn't know what to do with it. Or with the concept that Vincent trusted him enough to watch after his daughter. He would have thought he was the last person anyone with half a brain would entrust such a task to. Yet... Vincent was. And Jesse Adams was not his father. He knew what it was to feel hurt or betrayed by a parent. He knew what it was to feel hurt and betrayed by Vincent Meian.

Yeah. He'd keep an eye on her.

[Vincent Meian]

Letters came and went over the next few weeks; mostly filled with idle thoughts and questions about classes and events. Easter's came with a feather that at first glance was a drab woody brown, but flipped over revealed a rich buttercup yellow.



Jesse,


I found this feather in the forest while hiking back to my room. I would like to say that I discovered it laying upon a stone, pristine in the noonday sun, however the truth is more amusing. It was tangled in my hair when I returned to town, and easily a dozen people noticed it before someone did me the courtesy of removing it. While not ideal, the method of transport seems to have preserved it well. The locals call it a pine siskin, I believe, and the bird is native to this area.

Though it is expected, this training is agoni continuing at a ponderous pace. I have not trained thus in decades, and it seems that my power has a mind of its own. A very vindictive mind, to personify. The more I attempt to control a single aspect, the less I can control others. If I wish to return expediently, I do so at great distance from my starting point. If I can control my 'vision' in any way, the time experienced is random. It is frustrating, understandably. But that does not make it less so.

I hope this Easter finds you well. Do not miss out on Ferris Macklin's holiday meal - he makes quite the show for major holidays. I almost envy you, as I have little time to cook and few to share such a meal with.

Thank you. For everything you have done, and everything you will do.


Be well,

Vincent Meian

[Jesse Adams]

The feather found a place underneath the pipe, though Jesse honestly toyed with the idea of tossing it out. If he didn't know what to do with the pipe, what in the hell was he supposed to do with a feather? Growing up he'd been interested in the feathers left by seagulls on the beach, but his mother had always cautioned against handling them for long, in case of disease. Handling it now brought back those memories, which oddly made him smile. If he was bothered, he'd snap a picture with his phone and text it to Vincent, reminding him that birds carry diseases, so thanks for the gift and he'll probably see Nakia soon.

Except that actually meant replying, and he wasn't really in the mood.

Still, the idea amused him. He'd have a lot to tell him when he came back.

[Vincent Meian]

A few more weeks pass, and the end of another school year came near. Finals were in full swing, and the letter that Jesse was expecting came two days late. When it came, the note was alone inside its envelope, and the handwriting appeared almost painfully applied - neat, precise strokes unlike the swift scrawl from previous letters. There are also light smudges of fingerprints across the paper; not unusual recently, though there seemed to be more of them, like the letter was handled over and over again.


Jesse,

I am sorry that this will arrive late. I do not intend for you to feel ignored. There was simply some trouble with my training this week and I could not write anyone for some time.

With all hope, your finals are progressing smoothly. If you are able, please assist Clement - he does not often ask for help, but he may need it. Perhaps it will help you better understand your own studies.

I apologize. I do not mean to lecture, nor to put any responsibility upon you. Being here is draining, and I feel the need to reach out and exert some will where I may to keep the world I know within my realm of understanding. With everything that is happening, Perhaps I simply do not know how to relinquish that control. Perhaps I am afraid.

I cannot bring myself to keep this letter, nor to discard it. You likely do not read them, but there is some comfort in sending them to you regardless. Even when I cannot write them clearly, or strike too many lines, it still feels right to send you these. To ease my own mind. Do I show you something of what is happening? Do you see why I needed to leave?

These thoughts are too morbid, and I am too exhausted to continue. I can only hope that you will not hold my ramblings against me.


Vincent Meian

[Jesse Adams]

Jesse surprised himself by being disappointed when the routine letter he'd come to expect came late. So when it DID arrive, he tore into it with an eagerness he didn't expect.

The idea that Vincent of all people could be having so much trouble with his training was a strange one. Vincent always seemed in control, so knowing he was having trouble... sometimes he wondered what hope he had to fine tune his power. His inclination to work since Vincent had left had definitely slacked, and he wasn't sure how much effort he really wanted to extend.

Like it or not, he missed Vincent Meian.

As he tucked the letter with the rest, he made a mental note to check in with Clement tomorrow. See if he wanted to study together for a while.

[Vincent Meian]

This time, the letter was on time: Monday, right after school. As was the next, and the next. Each one was short, though, and mostly seemed to be idle thoughts or questions that the older man knew his student wouldn't answer. But, it was all right, until the first letter of July.


Jesse,

It finally seems as though this situation is working. I was able to use my ability without frightening someone, and when my side-effects subsided, it was less than forty minutes after the event. I was still over a mile away, however this is still an accomplishment. I am starting to feel as if I am understanding this concept. Perhaps I can put it into words.

The way that my abilities perform is much as dimensional viewing does. However, rather than seeing this alternate reality myself, I instead connect the dimension to another person's sight and hold it in place - "casting" a vision, as my teacher has said. Given that the world and its parallel dimensions may be connected as threads in multiple dimensions, eventually these will need to return to their rightful positions in the universe. This action may or may not be the reason why I vanish as I do.

Perhaps this is too much information. I do not fully understand the physics, only the allegories and metaphors used to describe something that is incomprehensible to me. What I can say is that this is finally beginning to change.

The end of the journey is far, though now it is within sight. I am no longer stumbling blindly; I have something to improve upon. I will see you, all of you, again soon.


Sincerely,

Vincent Meian