Inner Peace

[Vincent Meian]

((This thread takes place on March 18th, after "Homeward Bound".))


Vincent sat outside the office, waiting patiently. His breathing was steady, as was his heart rate, and his thoughts were calm. Not by any sort of force, nor by meditative technique - he was truly calm. Delighted, in fact, to be back here. Humbled. Honored.

That this was an evaluation was simply part of the process, in a way. It was important, certainly, and he would not deny the school the necessity. He'd had a psychological evaluation when he first entered the school, and at that point it'd simply been a suggestion from the board of Eisai. It was part of the process, and given his background, the trainer didn't begrudge them of it. This was different; this was an evaluation because of a very specific circumstance, and one that could reflect badly on the school should it have not been reacted to and corrected effectively.

Once again, there was no grudge.

Instead, there was a calm that had descended on the tall man, and it wasn't his usual restraint. It was a true calm, a relaxation. An understanding that control of his emotions did not mean control of his abilities, but control of his powers meant peace of mind. He was in control, for the very first time.

And he was proud of himself.

Hearing the call to come in, Vincent opened the door and closed it behind him. He held nothing in his hands, dressed as he always had in a button-up shirt rolled up at the sleeves and dark jeans. He looked no different, but the way he carried himself was changed. "Thank you for meeting with me, Neville-sensei."

The title was unnecessary between friends, but this was a business matter. It still didn't stop him from smiling just a little. He had missed the older man.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

It had been a week since Sean had stopped shaving, after doing so for over a decade and a half. His face itched, as the hairs grew out, and he had long since forgotten the sensation, such that he found it a mild distraction, particularly since he had been raised in a family where scratching oneself in front of other people (family members didn’t count as other people) was rude.

He could only hope that his partner appreciated how much he loved him that he would go through this entirely because Josh liked facial hair.

Friday afternoons tended to be easier than Friday mornings and certainly easier than his busy days like Monday and Wednesday. As a result, Yvette had warned him to clear a chunk of time while simultaneously informing him that Vincent Meian had finally returned to Vermont.

It had been a long time.

Part of his job as a psychiatrist was conducting reentry evaluations for those who had left the school for whatever reason. He had done so with Jesse Adams, he had done so with some of the faculty who had experienced trauma, and, given the circumstances under which Vincent had left, the other man required evaluation before Yvette would allow him to teach again. Sean kept them semi-formal, since his methods involved certain off-the-record methods.

When the younger man entered his office, he stood to greet him. Sean inclined his head before offering his hand for a handshake. “You’re looking well, Vincent.”

He was. The change in his demeanor was palpable, and, already, he took mental note of that.

[Vincent Meian]

The deep nod was given an answer with a returning bow, deeper and more respectful given their differences in age, wisdom, and tenure. When the trainer lifted his head, he easily took Sean's hand in a firm but non-aggressive grip with his own white-crossed pair. "I feel well," he answered in kind, and like always it was truth. "Perhaps better than I have in years."

Vincent gestured for them to sit, willing to take up a position wherever the psychiatrist was. Likely, they would sit across the desk from each other, but the option was posed as friends and colleagues rather than in a strictly professional matter.

Once they were settled, the younger man continued. "I must admit that this was not the most..." he fumbled with the word a moment, "ideal way to obtain proper control." There was some shame in those words; he knew that he should have been constantly seeking a better way since his youth, though it may not have really been possible (or even probable). "However, I am glad to return."

He did not say he had come back a better man, nor a better teacher. But the level of utter calm and certainty he had, without nearly the same tight restraint on his emotions, was almost proof enough.

Now settled and ready to speak, Vincent took the time to study his friend's face. It was much the same, save for the hefty stubble patterning it. Though it was noted, questioningly, he didn't speak on it. The knowledge that Sean could easily pick the question from his thoughts didn't seem to bother him either, as his basic shields were completely absent. He trusted this man, understood the necessity of his position; to shield would mean he was hiding something, and now he had little to hide.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean took note of the younger man’s tone, thoughts, expression, and body language as he answered the question. Based on all of those, he had no reason to doubt the sincerity of Vincent’s description. He knew that his friend had struggled with self-control and anger management for decades prior to the lapse that had led to his sabbatical (if one could call it that), but he appeared far calmer and more at peace than the psychiatrist could ever remember seeing him.

With the gesture, Sean returned to his desk, settling himself in his typical chair. As always, there were two chairs in front of his desk, reserved for conversation with students or any adult he crossed his path in search for advice.

Then, with the other man’s admission, the telepath inclined his head in agreement. Truly, the situation had been as far from ideal as the circumstances under which Yvette had taken her first tasks as Headmistress five years ago. However, they would delve into that in time. At the moment, Sean had other questions in mind. “How are Nik and the girls?”

As tended to happen when one thought to oneself in the presence of a telepath, most certainly when pondering anything that involved that telepath’s person, Sean overheard the entire mental litany. “I’m growing a beard,” he explained, and he left it at that. There was no need for him to delve into his reasons for doing so, since Josh’s preferences were a matter for himself and his partner. Yes, the affection he felt for the attorney ran deep and influenced much of his behavior, but there was no reason to broadcast that with “my partner really considers facial hair a turn-on, and so this is part of his birthday gift for next month,” even though that was his entire reasoning.

[Vincent Meian]

Sitting across the desk from Sean was familiar and somewhat comforting in this office, thus it didn't bother the younger man to seat himself in the taller chair opposite from him.

What seemed to catch him off-guard, however, was the push for less direct talk. Vincent had expected to talk about his training, how his powers were being managed, what he would do in the future to prevent such an accident from happening again. Not necessarily... well, they had something to do with this. And they were very important in his life. Thus, before answering, the trainer gave it some thought.

"...I am unsure," he started slowly, eyes closed and hand on chin as he contemplated the question. "Nakia is relieved to have my return, though she expressed that she had few difficulties aside from having too little time each day." That was a common complaint, however it seemed a touch more desperate at times during his absence.

"Cassiopeia was ecstatic the moment I walked through the door." He smiled fondly at the memory of her shouting for him, running into his arms before he could even close the door to their home. "She has grown so much since last I saw her, and she took to having me home as if I had never left."

Then, his thoughts grew troubled, worry and doubt creeping into them as his eyes opened and stared without seeing at the edge of the desk. "I have seen and heard little from Appoline herself, however," Vincent mused, his tone distant and soft. "There is something troubling her, but she does not speak to me with candor as she once did. I fear that something is amiss, but I dare not push her on the matter." She had never responded well to force, which was something he had learned very strongly when she was a small child. "In time," he concluded, raising his gaze to Sean's, "I hope she will tell me of her concerns."

Clement had mentioned seeing her around campus and acting strangely, and Nik had told him of Jesse reporting odd behavior, too. Apparently, both boys had been keeping an eye on her while he was gone, and while Vincent himself had trusted his blonde student with observation, he hadn't expected a full espionage mission. Plus, he hadn't spoken with the young man personally yet - that would likely wait until their next session.

Regardless, dropping Art Club and the Newspaper seemed almost out of character, especially since no other activities took their place. It was... worrisome. And the Japanese man had the sinking suspicion that a very large part of her behavior was due to his training sabbatical.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean fully intended to discuss the state of the other man’s powers and his training; he intended to approach this meeting with the same professionalism and thoroughness with which he had handled past meetings with other faculty – and with Jesse Adams (although with less concern and skepticism than in that case) over the years. However, Vincent’s situation was unlike most of the staff who had left and returned for personal reasons, in that his spouse was also a member of the Hammel staff, and his children were students; Sean had a duty of care to his family as well. They had been just as impacted by this situation as the trainer himself, albeit in vastly different ways.

That became evident (as though that psychiatrist hadn’t expected this) from the moment the other man began to describe the assorted reactions of his wife and their two children. Sean wasn’t surprised by Vincent’s description of his wife’s reaction. She was an adult and one of the most mature that the psychiatrist had encountered who were younger than him; she could articulate herself to her husband, she knew the situation with Vincent better than any of them due to decades of marriage and friendship, and she was a medical professional. Whatever specific complaints she had about distribution of duties in their partnership weren’t necessarily Sean’s business, unless Nakia involved him, and thus he nodded to convey that he was listening.

Likewise, Cassiopeia’s reaction was in line with observed behavior and expectations, and it sounded mostly healthy. As a talker himself, the psychiatrist believed that, as a family, the Meians would benefit from a long conversation to clear that air, but he could suggest that before the end of this meeting. At least the younger Meian child was doing fine.

Which was more than could be said for her older sister. Obviously, Appoline had withdrawn, and Sean had noticed that she had been out of sorts since her father had left, and, much like Jesse and Clement, he had been keeping tabs on her, albeit more effectively from a professional standpoint. He had also asked about her to Nakia several times. “Is she participating in activities with the family as a whole? Or has she withdrawn there too?”

[Vincent Meian]

Dr. Neville's question served to further darken his colleague's countenance, and the posture that the trainer took when lowering his hand was closed, arms crossed over his chest. It was a subconscious gesture, truly, and it didn't stop his thoughts or speech from being open in spite of that. It was simply a comfort gesture, though he didn't realize it.

"She has always been reserved and somewhat self-reliant," he began. "Even as a young girl, Appoline has preferred to act on her own and keep to her own devices. That trait compounded after she began school, and though I can speculate that it was due to the actions and words of her classmates, I cannot say for certain." She was always a gentle soul, one who would not speak of her troubles except in the most vague of terms to keep others from being hurt. The younger man remembered this well, as time and again he'd asked her what was wrong when she cried, and her only response would be to smile. Nothing, Father. You came home, so nothing's wrong.

That flicker of a memory saddened him. It'd been a long time since something similar had been said to him. It was not the year and a half that he'd been gone that made that change; it had been longer, though it was hard to remember exactly when it began fading from her routine. Sometime after she turned twelve, maybe after she began schooling at Eisai.

Shaking his head to clear it, Vincent breathed a soft sigh and continued. "However, it seems as though she spends more time alone than she has before. She is no longer taking part in the clubs that she enjoyed, and her grades have slipped." A minor amount, but for a girl that was very studious, it was enough to be noticed by her parents. "She rarely takes part in activities with her sister, and Nakia has said she has proclaimed lack of hunger as a reason for not eating with the family. This is most assuredly a new issue."

When he'd told her of dinner just yesterday, the teen had looked up from her homework and used it as an excuse to not come join them, without quite meeting her father's gaze. It had been worrying, especially since her portion had remained untouched by morning.

The Japanese man turned his gaze back to Sean, only just now aware that it had drifted in his contemplation. There was a question there, or three, that he was having difficulty getting out. He could rely on the older man's telepathy to extract it from him, but that was lazy and invasive behavior that he could not abide. Instead, he shook himself to clear the thoughts from his mind, and stated instead, "She will withdraw further if I confront her directly, though it seems that allowing her time to come to me is... not the answer. I am at a loss for what to do at this time."

Vincent could only hope that his daughter would understand that she was worrying her family with her behavior, and that they were giving her space out of love and understanding, not trying to ostracize her further. Though, he was having doubts that the intent viewed was the same as the reality.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Vincent’s posture told Sean everything that he needed to know, even before the younger man spoke. Obviously, the situation with Appoline went beyond adjustment pains.

The telepath leaned forward slightly while Vincent further described his elder daughter’s behavior. The introversion and independence by themselves weren’t concerning; as an introvert himself, the psychiatrist appreciated the need for alone time, even if his powers had rendered such a proposition impossible in any true sense of the word. Yet, a vast increase in alone time outside of puberty (and Appoline had crossed that threshold years ago) signaled stress or depression. No longer gaining pleasure from activities signaled depression. Minor slipping grades could signal difficulty with the material, or it could signal stress or depression. All of the signs were there.

The psychiatrist was thoughtful for a moment, before he replied, “I’m not a father, and so take this with a grain of salt.” The older man had been a foster father once upon a time, for less than a year, and he had been heartbroken when Bailey had been adopted by some of her extended family. Of course, he had been happy that she had been adopted and that she had extended family who wanted to take her in, but the loss had crushed him. Emotions and personal investment aside, he knew that his experience was dwarfed by that of parents who had raised children for the length of time that Vincent had. “But have you tried approaching her to tell you that she can come to you if and when she wants to, and then giving her the space? It would be a way of allowing her control of the official first move, while at the same time not inadvertently sending signals that you’ve failed to notice or otherwise don’t care.”

Irrespective of what Vincent chose to do with Appoline, Sean made a mental note to add her to his appointment book.

[Vincent Meian]

Despite the fact that Sean was not a father, Vincent's attention was fully and immediately upon him the moment he spoke. The psychiatrist worked with children every day, and while he seemed to be held in awe that was almost superstitious by the majority of the student body, very few could say that he had not helped them once they had asked for it. So far, none had, when it came to his understanding. Regardless of whether or not Sean was a father, he had more than enough knowledge when it came to children to be a veritable authority on the subject. More so, in fact, than many parents to the students Vincent himself taught.

The answer was more complicated than he would have liked, however the trainer sorted his thoughts and explained. "I have not stated such explicitly, no. I have asked her in our usual manner if something were bothering her, or if she wanted to speak with me, and she denies me." The phrase shut me out passed solidly through his mind, though it was in his native language. "Often when I initiate conversation she does not answer satisfactorily, or chooses instead to remove herself from my presence."

That was the most painful part, really. He worried, yes; but he and his daughter had been close before, even if she didn't show it well. Appoline knew he loved her dearly, that she was an integral part of his life, and nothing had changed in that respect. It hurt to have her suddenly force him out of her life.

"I shall make that more clear when next I see her," the younger faculty member confirmed, setting the intention firmly in his thoughts. "I do not want to see her unhappy." She has enough unhappiness in her life; her home and family should be a comfort to that.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean appreciated the vote of confidence, even if he simultaneously deferred to Vincent’s personal experience as a father generally and with Appoline as his daughter specifically. What the psychiatrist lacked in direct personal experience as a parent, he made up for with twenty-five years at Hammel and his volunteering, at least in terms of child development knowledge and honing conflict resolution skills. It was his job; more than that, he loved working with the students and he considered it his duty as a responsible, caring adult to act in loco parentis to children in need.

Appoline didn’t require anyone in loco parentis, per se; the psychiatrist did want to help her adjust to having her father back in her life. Given what else Vincent described, Sean already had the beginnings of what he would tell to her when he scheduled a session. “Given the rest of her behavior, I don’t think that offering such clarity, and then respecting her boundaries, could hurt. It might be the outreach she needs, but, failing that, it will open lines of communication a bit more.”

However she chose to take advantage of that, if at all.

He then nodded a single time to acknowledge Vincent’s other point. “Of course not. We’ll all do what we can to make sure she gets the emotional support she needs.”

With that, he turned the focus back to Vincent himself. “I’m required to ask whether you believe there is a high chance of repeating the incident that triggered your leave of absence in winter 2014.”

[Vincent Meian]

The trainer nodded, accepting and confirming understanding in his colleague's words. Given that he expressed himself better in Japanese (and thus, at home), he was sure that the quietly insistent gesture wouldn't damage things further. Perhaps it would be unwanted up front, but combined with giving her space, it would likely be enough to bring the teen out of her shell again. Maybe. Everyone in the small family could be incredibly stubborn if they wanted to be, so there was always the chance it could backfire.

But that was a worry for a different day. "For that, I am grateful. Thank you."

The change of subject was expected this time, and though his initial response was to say No, the veteran took a moment to reflect and consider anyway. No, he didn't believe that there was a chance of that happening again; his barriers would never be good enough to block out emotional manipulation from a specialized source, but they no longer ruled his powers in the same way they had. There was always a possibility that (almost) any meta could lose control of their abilities, given an extreme circumstance.

But in the same manner that had happened before he left? The younger man shook his head finally. "No, I do not. There will always be a chance, however I do not believe it is a likely situation to occur."

Now that he understood how his abilities worked, truly, control had come more easily. Better yet, it no longer relied entirely on a neutral emotional state. Even the side-effects were more controlled, though they had expanded now that it was easier to notice them.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean hoped that this would succeed in providing Appoline with the feelings of support and security she required to emerge from her shell, but only patience and time would tell. Already, he had made a mental note to send for her so he could inquire from a more professional place, while Vincent continued to try to engage with her – in a hands off way – as her father. “You’re welcome,” he assured the other man, and then they moved on to the actual topic of this meeting.

Vincent’s potential reinstatement.

The other man had done nothing unethical – not the way that a handful of former staff had been fired for privacy violations, or, worse, when Sean had caught Brendan making out with a student at the Valentine’s Day Dance four years ago. Instead, he had suffered from a power lapse, albeit a harmful one. On the one hand, Sean had some sympathy in this situation, since he had struggled for as long as he had to master his powers and because his powers were also potentially dangerous, albeit in a wholly different way. While he couldn’t inflict physical harm on another person, he could destroy a mind, and that had been a heavy burden as a teenager.

On the other hand, the psychiatrist was here on behalf of the administration, tasked with making sure that everyone was safe, not only that the younger man had learned about his powers.

He listened attentively while Vincent carefully qualified his self-assessment, jotting a note down to add to his final report to Yvette when the meeting had ended. “I’m glad to hear that,” he remarked seriously. He never wanted Vincent to repeat what had happened in 2014 both for the other man’s sake and for the sake of the students.