Ethan Abel

[Ethan Abel]

The Basics

Name: Ethan Abel
Nicknames: N/A
Age:15
Orientation:Heterosexual
Desired Rank/Job: Student
Powers: Aerokinesis he can control air with his mind but when he uses it his muscles get very weak and he cannot walk and run fast he also starts to breath slowly and deep as all of the air has gone from his lungs.He can control air in about 250 feet distance.
Play By: Jeremy Shada

The Details

Hair Color: Black
Eye Color: Blue
Any Piercings?N/A
Any Tattoos?N/A
Any Scars?N/A
General Appearance: Ethan wears a track suit everyday, because for him the track suit is very comfortable and light. Under the track suit he wears a white or a grey t-shirt He also wears running shoes. He has a good posture since his parents Always said he has a poor posture and he doesn't look nice.Hes not very tall and he has a trained body.

Personality:Ethan is sometimes funny with his friends, but most of the time he is much likely shy so when someone asks him something he most likely wont say anything also ethan is very kind hearted and will help those who are in trouble Etc. If they drop theyre books he picks them up and gives the books back. He obstructs others from bullies. Hes not very patient with long projects and peapole who annoy him his personality type is Observer.

Your Vices

Likes: Ethan likes growing medical herbs and watching animals. His favorite animals are dogs and wolfs. his favorite food is miso soup and his favorite drink is green tea. Favorite color black.
Dislikes:Ethan cant stand bullying and laughing from other peapole also he hates the valerians root smell. he also hates Coke and sushi.
Strengths: Ethan is very good at running and medical attention to injuries. Hes also pretty good at math and swimming. As well as hes good at cooking.
Weaknesses:Ethans not very good at physics and lifting weights. Hes not very good studying because he cant focus well on his studies. Hes also not good at memorizing things.
Fears: Ethans scared talking to peapole because he thinks they wont like him and laugh from him.
Secret: Anything that no one else knows? N/A

Family Ties

Father:James Abel

Mother:Niccole Abel
Siblings:N/A
Any Other Important People:A white huskey called snow and two childhood friends.

History

Since his mother was a workaholic and his father was very lazy and didn't go to his job at all. But Ethan didnt want to rely on them much because he doesn't want to be spoiled by his mother because she Always brings something for him after work trying to make up for not being home.

Ethan was walking around the city with his grandparent who came to visit him from pilot ridge and they wanted to give him a dog but instead they've let him choose a puppy they went to a pet shop and Ethan choose white huskey His grandparents filled the papers and Ethan called him snow because of his fur color. 

       At the evening Ethan went to the bus station and  he got into a bus and going to a cotton field Two years ago he was at the cotton fields sitting on the ground looking at the sunset just like every day but he saw two peopole that were running away from something Ethan looked around and saw that the fields were on fire he looked for his phone but he couldn't find it. He ran towards the fire and tried to extinguish the fire with his jacket but it didnt help at all the fire spread but suddenly the wind started to rise and it started to put out the fire.

         Then after three days he was at home trying to study but someone rang the doorbell he came downstairs and opened the door there were two recruiters of this Institute called "Hammel" Ethan was shocked to hear that he can't decline it because he was gifted with a Power and he went out of home at 13 Leaving his puppy to his grandparents so he could visit him after school.

         His first years at Hammel institute were not very fun because he got lost a lot and he Always got late to lessons even at the first day at school he got lost. And didnt like to Draw attention to himself so he felt very humiliating.

Roleplay Example

Ethan walked around the corridors looking for a math class but he could not find it after looking about ten more minutes he gave up and decided to ask a person where is it but no one was around the bell rang and Ethans said "What a start..." He stood up and wandered off looking for the classroom when he was searching for it he saw a person and asked "do you know where the math class is?"

What About You?

Name: Justin
Age: late teens

Experience: 3-4 months on other sites
How Did You Find Us? An ad
Ready To Play? Well… are you? Why shouldn't I be?

[Admin!]

Good Start

Welcome to Hammel, Justin! We love to have new members! Ethan is going to need several edits before he can be accepted for play.

I know you said you've only been on one site before, and since different sites all operate differently I want you to know this isn't a slight against you. We're excited to have you! However, we expect a little more detail from our applications. This is going to get a little long, but that's only because I'm going to ask specific questions for each category to give you an idea of what sort of things you might include.

For his powers, you do a great job with his side effects, but I'm curious about his limitations. What is the range in which he can manipulate air? What can he do with it?

In appearance, Hammel doesn't actually require uniforms. It has a dress code, but no uniform, so you can take that out.

Things to think about on appearance include typical posture (maybe he has impeccable posture! Maybe he's one of those introverts who slouches in the hopes nobody notices him), his height and build (is he tall and scrawny? In great shape? Has a little bit of a belly?), and his typical facial expression (maybe he looks dour even when he's happy). If he has wild hair that he doesn't bother to comb or a nervous tic or anything else that would be immediately obvious to anyone encountering him you should include that here.

Under what circumstances is he funny? Is this when he's with friends or is he really great with performing but abysmal with talking to people one on one?

What sort of help would he offer people? Is he likely to help you pick up your books (but not say anything to you)? Or is that a circumstance under which he would talk to people? How does he handle conflict? Is he organized? Impulsive? Given his interests it seems that he's an observer, you should discuss that a bit under personality, too. Is he patient or impatient? Is he patient with his projects but impatient with people? Or patient with people but gets angry when his computer goes too slow? His fear seems anxiety related, which also seems relevant to personality.

With likes/dislikes etc we like to see about five per section, which means you're almost there! Some things to consider include favorite/least favorite: book genre, musical genre, color, food, animal, beverage, clothing item, and anything related to his hobbies (for instance, if there's a specific fertilizer he uses or if he dislikes something about the way a particular herb grows or smells).

And again, with strengths/weaknesses just add two or three more items to each. You could include his hobbies here, too, for instance maybe include what part of herb growing he's particularly adept at, or if he's really excellent at remembering the scientific names of the animals he observes or if he's really great at recognizing birds by sound rather than by sight.

The history is the part that's going to need the most work.

I think that perhaps it's best to scrap the orphanage aspect of this, simply because the whole group home/foster system can get a little complicated. However, if you want him to be an orphan perhaps he was raised by a relative, or a friend of the family (if his parents wrote a will they would have included who got to raise him in the event of their death, which my husband and I have done, and my parents did). And again, if you still want to go the orphan route you'll need to include when his parents were killed.

However, I would advise giving him parents. He won't be living with them anyway, since he's at Hammel. If you give him parents really all you need to include in the history would be his parents names (and, if you like, their jobs and ages) and a little bit about the family dynamic (for instance, whether his mother was a workaholic who was sparse with praise or his father was gifted with a green thumb and passed his enthusiasm on or his mother was a hippie who worked at the RennFaire's selling herbs and his father wasn't in the picture anymore or his father was a gifted cook who raised his own herbs because he liked making things from scratch).

Even if you choose to keep the orphan aspect, you still need to fill out the information about parents in the Family Ties section. Since the application is OOC, and he had parents who brought him into this world, we require information about them there.

After family background we need to know when he manifested. This can be non-traumatic; perhaps he was at the park and wanted to fly a kite and suddenly it was super windy. After manifestation Hammel recruiters show up at his house (usually in a few days, but no longer than about two weeks) and he goes to Hammel
dryope_of_bithynia: He's fifteen, and manifestations typically happen at about thirteen, so he'd have been at Hammel for about two years (or as many as four, if you want him manifested at 11) so just say a little bit about what he thinks about Hammel. You know, whether or not he's finding it easy to learn to control his power and whether or not he's made friends (even introverts sometimes make a close friend or two; you don't have to name them, you can start asking people to be one of the close friends after he's accepted) or maybe he has a crush or he hates having powers or he thinks having powers is SUPER COOL because he loves X-Men or Harry Potter, etc.

Then viola! That's the end of the history!

It doesn't have to be super long, just be sure you hit all the points mentioned.

And, additionally, please run your application through spellcheck. Thank you!

When you've edited just bump this topic so staff can take another look! If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask; staff is here to help you.

[Ethan Abel]

bump

[Admin!]

Good Start

This is definitely an improvement, but the history still needs a little work as it's very disjointed at the moment.

Let's break this history up into paragraphs so that it looks something like this:

Paragraph one: Information about parents and childhood.

Paragraph two: getting his dog (note: if he's living on campus his dog can't be with him.)

Paragraph three: Manifestation and recruitment.(Note: there's no option to say no to Hammel. He could opt to go overseas, but he's legally obligated to attend a meta school as a gifted teen.) Also, from what you wrote it seems that he was thirteen when he first manifested, but please confirm this.

Paragraph four: Information about his time at Hammel.

When you've edited just bump this topic so staff can take another look! If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask; staff is here to help you.

[Ethan Abel]

bump

[Admin!]

Good Start

Thank you for the changes you've made, Justin. This is slowly looking better.

Still, for his history, please provide more information about his childhood. We have that his parents worked a lot, but it moves rather abruptly to his manifestation. Think about how your character would describe his childhood and try to write it that way.

Then, for his time at Hammel, please give a bit more insight into his time since arriving.

Finally, please check the application for spelling and grammar; parts of your application are difficult to comprehend.

When you've edited just bump this topic so staff can take another look! If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask; staff is here to help you.

[Ethan Abel]

im sorry but im from a foreign country so im learning english an i make mistakes

[Ethan Abel]

and*

[Dryope *]

Good Start

So sorry for the wait on this! And for someone who isn't a native speaker this is great (certainly better than I am in any foreign language) but the history is still a bit muddled. That's okay, we can work it out! I'm really excited about playing with Ethan later, so I hope we can work together to smooth this history out!

You generally have the information we need down, but there are a few places where the timeline is a little confusing. Since you're a non-native speaker I'm going to go paragraph by paragraph, since our instructions might be a little difficult to follow. If you don't understand something you can either post here and ask or you can PM me.
Let's start by double spacing our paragraphs so it's easier to read.




Since his mother was a workaholic and his father was the opposite but he didnt want to rely on them much because he doesn't want to be spoiled by them.


I feel like this sentence is two separate thoughts, so let's break it up into two sentences. His mother was a workaholic and his father was the opposite (what do we mean by opposite in this context? Is he super lax about his job? Is he a stay at home dad? Is he lazy and skips work all the time?) Ethan didn't want to rely on them much because he didn't want them to spoil him. Why does he think they would spoil him? Does his mother try to use gifts to make up for the fact that she's never home?



Ethan was walking around the city looking for a part time job while looking for it he saw a pet shop and a white huskey for it he knew he didnt have alot of Money but still bought the dog and called him snow because of his fur color.


When does this occur? He has to be old enough for a part time job at this point, which means that in the US he would have to be 14. Also, generally pet stores require a lot of paper signing and I don't know that they would let an unchaperoned pre-teen buy a pet. Oh! I have an idea that would allow him to keep the dog and solve these problems! What if he has a relative (grandparent, aunt, uncle, whatever) who lives in Pilot Ridge, and when he manifested his relative took him to the pet store and let him choose a dog? Then he can stay with his relative and walk Snow around Pilot Ridge?



Later he got in a bus and went to a field while he was 13 he was at the fields sitting on the ground looking at the sunset but he saw two peapole that were running away from something Ethan looked around and saw that the fields were on fire he looked for his phone but he couldn't find it. He ran towards the fire and tried to extinguish the fire with his jacket but it didnt help at all the fire spread but suddenly the wind started to rise and it started to put out the fire.



Peapole should be spelled people. I know, English spelling is difficult. Let's take out later since that makes it sound like he went straight from buying a dog to a field. What sort of field is this? A meadow field? A sport's field? A cotton field? Does he regularly go to the field to look at sunsets?



Then after three days he was at home trying to study but someone rang the doorbell he came downstairs and opened the door there were two recruiters of this Institute called "Hammel" Ethan was shocked to hear that he can't decline it because he was gifted with a Power and he went out of home at 13.


The information in this is all fine, but it reads a little awkwardly. I wouldn't ordinarily ask you to rewrite this, but since you said you're not a native speaker I'm going to make some suggestions since corrections are part of the learning process. c: So here is how I would write that paragraph:

Three days later he was at home studying when the doorbell rang. When he opened the door there were two recruiters from an Institute called Hammel. Ethan was shocked to hear that he couldn't decline attendance because he was gifted with a power, and so at the age of thirteen he left his home.



The first year at Hammel institute was not very fun because he got lost a lot and he Always got late to lessons even at the first day at school he got lost.


This also should be more than one sentence. Something like:

His first couple of years at Hammel were not very fun because he got lost often and so was always late to lessons. He was even late on his first day of school (and maybe add something like "and this was very humiliating to him as someone who didn't like a lot of attention called to himself".)



I'm sorry for how long that was! I hope that it was all clear! If you have any questions about anything please ask!

[Ethan Abel]

So sorry for not posting anything i had some bussiness ill get to work right away!

[Ethan Abel]

Buuuuump I hope i did good sorry if its a bit clumsy I was sleepy when i wrote it.. ~Yawns~

[Dryope *]

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