Stability [Sean and Clarisse]

[Clarisse Prideaux]

Clarisse’s conversation with Adam had weighed heavily on her mind for several days. Not heavy in the sense that it confined her heart, but heavily in the sense that it reminded her of how limited she was. Unable to remember the last time she used her powers willingly, Clarisse wondered if she would even be able to control them at all anymore. She hadn’t exactly been trained as well as the student’s at Hammel were trained. Clarisse had seen what Hammel could do for students, why couldn’t it do the same for her.

Though to her knowledge there was no continued education program available at Hammel, Clarisse would be more than willing to have personal lessons taken out of her paycheck. This however, was not a decision to be made lightly. She needed advice from someone who had experience in things like this. Someone who knew her, even her past. Someone who could clearly see both sides of the situation based on Clarisse’s past and present.

Someone she hadn’t seen often enough at Hammel: the physiatrist.

Dr. Neville, admittedly, disconcerted Clarisse. He was probably the only person at Hammel, besides the headmaster, who knew exactly where Clarisse was from and what had happened to her. Granted, Clarisse had never been sure if that was because he had read her mind when she’d first arrived or because he had been on the team to get her employed in the first place, but she didn’t particularly mind. Sean was a wise man, and he was certainly the person to go to decide if it was a good idea for her to pick training back up again.

Clarisse was perfectly aware of her side effects (it was half the reason she had chosen to study meta-human biology in the first place) but was worried about lasting psychological damage if she could not treat herself. Psychological damage? Sounded like a job for Dr. Neville!

Her heels made sharp clicking noises on the tile as she journeyed to his office to fill her appointment. For some reason she found her heart pumping a little faster. She was nervous. She was always a little nervous when she encountered telepaths, always afraid they would accuse her more than she accused herself.

Taking a deep breath, lest her heartbeat and the rest of her body’s reactions to nerves get carried away, Clarisse tucked a raven curl behind her ear. She stood outside the door to Sean’s office for a prolonged period, her knuckles poised above the wood. Could he already hear her? He probably knew she was there. Shaking her head and laughing a bit at her unease near the telepath, Clarisse knocked gently and then let herself into the office. Smiling politely, she stuck her head in the door.

“May I come in?”

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean had been in the middle of reviewing the progress that Jesse Adams had been making when the telephone rang, some ten minutes before Clarisse arrived. Upon hearing who was on the other end of the line, he’d set aside Jesse’s file, closing it and making a mental note to himself to return to it when the time came. But he’d had more pressing matters, particularly upon hearing the reason behind the telephone call. In a perfect world, the anxiety would have been triggered by nonsense, that is to say, it wouldn’t have been triggered at all. Unfortunately this was – deserved or not – quite real and had to be handled carefully. He listened, he planned, and he consulted his schedule.

As the door opened, he covered the receiver with one hand, waving Clarisse in with the other, gesturing for her to take a seat and make herself comfortable. He smiled at her in welcome and then held up his index finger, quietly requesting that she give him another minute. “No, I wouldn’t recommend that.” There was a pause while he listened to the rest of it. “That’s about the best we can do right now. Call me if anything happens.” Another pause. “I love you too. Take care now.” With that, he set phone down in its cradle and scribbled a note on a post-it.

Then he lifted his head, not taking time to compose himself; he was calm. He might not be happy, but he was calm, and the smile came naturally. “Clarisse, to what do I owe this visit?”

[Clarisse Prideaux]

Clarisse covered her mouth with the tips of her fingers and nodded slightly when she realized her was on the phone. She slid inside the office and shut the door quietly behind her, daintily seating herself in the chair opposite of Sean. She crossed her legs and waited patiently for him to finish on the phone.

She returned his smile in earnest, though her nerves still caused her some tension. Her fingers knotted themselves on her knee, her thumb worrying against the side of her opposite fist. “I came for advice, Dr. Neville.” She began softly, looking out the window to collect her thoughts.

Letting out a heavy sigh, she explained a bit further. “Adam Collier and I had discussed the option of continuing my training in order to make better use of my abilities.” She nodded slightly, as if to encourage herself. She sat up a little straighter, her knuckles white as she subtly gripped her own hands tighter and tighter. “I’m tired of being afraid of my own abilities.” Clarisse confessed tersely after a short silence.

Damn. This was difficult!

[Dr. Sean Neville]

“That’s why I’m here,” Sean replied with a light smile. More than anything, he was the “advice man,” filling that role for students and other faculty alike. He liked that about his job and about the relationships he had forged with others at Hammel over the decades; it was an important niche.

He then leaned back slightly, patiently waiting for her to explain the situation such that he could offer meaningful advice. He nodded slightly, listening. Clarisse was a...special case, when it came to her past and her abilities, which were entwined to such a degree that, at least to him, both were obvious. Then again, he had several unique advantages to gain him that insight. At the heart of the matter was that her power development and control had been stunted emotionally, which was ironic in a way for their resident side effects expert.

She had every reason to be tired of that; Sean had grown weary of it early on, although it helped that he hadn’t been through what she had, and that he had someone kicking him in the rear to keep up practicing. Also, he wouldn’t have been able to live, literally, with such issues and his powers. He held firm to the belief that nobody should be afraid of their powers, simply aware of how their powers affected the world around them – in such a way as to minimize those effects if possible. He believed nobody should live in fear, and he felt he should tell her that. “I think that’s a valid end goal, and certainly a good reason. Do you have a trainer in mind?”

[Clarisse Prideaux]

Clarisse let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. She wasn’t sure why she was so tense, Sean was an incredibly calming and professional man. In fact, Clarisse was a bit ashamed of her own prejudices towards him, particularly knowing she hated those who judged people based on their having or lacking powers. It was no different than judging someone based on what powers they had! Looking at her hands dejectedly, Clarisse sighed again.

“I…hadn’t thought about it really. I was so nervous about coming that I had only really thought about starting up again.” Clarisse admitted with a small laugh, her heart still pounding. “Unfortunately I only know a few of the trainers on a personal basis due to their visits to my office. And even then I can’t say I have taken notice of someone in particular who can help me.” Managing a sincere smile and a gaze into Sean’s face, Clarisse shrugged one of her shoulders.

“Though Adam said he would try to help anyway he can, I’m…not sure. He already has a few students under his wing, and he had mentioned a tight schedule.” Clarisse sighed, squeezing her hands tighter to avoid holding tension elsewhere. “I just don’t want to be trouble for anyone.” She explained, looking down at her hands and realizing that the tips of her fingers were quickly turning beet red from the pressure. Releasing her knotted fingers, she laid her hands flat on the chair. Clarisse hadn’t been aware that she’d been squeezing so hard!

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean was used to that innate prejudice, which is why he didn’t advertise to random strangers that he was a telepath, and why he always ignored the thought in those around him. Usually, as it apparently was with Clarisse, it was merely fleeting. Something to be overcome through interaction, nothing more. Only when verbalized, or allowed to fester as with his brother-in-law, did he feel the need to comment.

“Theoretically, everyone here is capable of helping you.” That was the party line, and one that Sean believed, all factors equal. However, Clarisse was not the typical case, and thus it was more a matter of matching up personalities and experience with trauma than it was about proficiency with power training. Sean had the roster memorized, of course, just as he had the entire staff memorized by paper credentials if nothing else. “That said, I think you should choose carefully. As you know, a relationship between a trainer and a student of any age can become dependent quickly.” Not that Sean thought that any staff had ulterior motives, but Clarisse’s history and her unflappable patience could be negative factors. She was as patient as Robert had been, but there was an entirely different vibe about her; then again, that could also underscore the importance of bonding properly with one’s trainer, as forty years later he still had a larger-than-life impression of Robert.

He met her eyes steadily, thoughtfully; his were filled with kindness. He liked Adam a great deal, but he was also aware of the emotional and interpersonal troubles he had been going through recently; Sean had a vague impression that it might be private information, which is why he didn’t discuss it, but surely someone else had noticed. He also knew that Adam had several of the more difficult cases, as they were usually reserved for those who were inherently calming. Piling more work on him might not work. Then again, Chase was in no better condition, between those aforementioned problems and recently taking in Niko as a foster child. There was Jude, whose powers could be beneficial in this, although his personality...well, it was a thistle of a problem. “You wouldn’t be any trouble, Clarisse. Everything nice about you aside, I’m sure you know some of the students we have here? You’d be a walk in the park, comparatively.”

[Clarisse Prideaux]

The last thing Clarisse wanted was for anything to ‘fester’ in the presence of a psychologist, particularly Sean. Sean was one of the most trusted adivisors to students and staff alike at Hammel, and Clarisse continued her inner battle with herself to alleviate her fear of him. There was no reason to be untrusting of Sean. No reason. Clarisse continued that mantra in her head as Sean gave forth his advice to the attentive nurse.

Clarisse blinked. She got to choose? She didn’t know that was how it worked. “How do I make the best decision?” Clarisse inquired, leaning forward slightly in her chair as Sean mentioned the importance of the bond with the trainer. Clarisse could see how somehow that would be important, but she couldn’t exactly say she understood from experience. Now that she tried to remember back, she could not think of the name of the personnel who had trained her personally (either that, or she had tried very hard to forget it). There was no relationship at all. The prospect of befriending someone who was teaching you was therefore a little odd.

She leaned back again when their eyes met. Finally, her heart was put at ease. There was no malintent hiding in Sean’s gaze. No secret plot, and no judgement. Sean was just doing his job, and doing a damn good job at it. She smiled weakly at him, her pulse slowing as she discreetly inhaled and exhaled deeply. Why she had been so uptight in the first place was absurd, and Clarisse was glad to put it behind her.

Chuckling a bit, Clarisse blushed slightly. “I appreciate that, and…and I suppose your right. I have the fortune of not having to deal with those students all the time like their trainers.” She bit her lip slightly. Thank god those kids were usually the ones who were two thick in the head or pompous to seek aide from her…

…It scared her to think that they might just have control of their powers enough that they didn’t need her.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Of course she got to choose. It was true that having a faculty member take up training was uncommon, and that there were no official posted protocols the way that existed for the students. However, there was also no reason to hold her to the same rigid schedule to which the students were held; she was an adult and had complete agency under the law. She was also a faculty member and the dynamic between her and her trainer would be different for that reason and there could also be complicated scheduling conflicts. Besides, if she was trusted as a faculty member with her official duties, she could be trusted to select her own trainer.

Her question was a complicated one, in that Sean hadn’t chosen his trainer. However, she had a specific goal in mind, and certain trauma in her past, and he thought that picking would be easier with that process than through wide-open choices. The human mind couldn’t handle too many choices, recent studies had shown, confirming something that Sean, and Robert before him, had certainly suspected if not known outright. “You want someone who has a style that would be good for you. I’d want someone patient, although someone as patient as you are might be hard.” He smiled then, because she was the only person he’d met who rivaled Robert’s patience, which had been good for him. “Pick someone in whom you think you could confide. That will be important.”

“You and I are both fortunate in that,” Sean replied. He, too, dealt with the children primarily when they had problems: psychological, emotional, personal crises, or disciplinary. That might not give the brightest outlook to someone less optimistic than Sean was, but at the same time, nobody had ever accidentally set his desk on fire. Then again, he also would never see the look on a student’s face – not directly – when they first established control of their powers. Thinking about that briefly, he added, “The students are something else. But I do believe that any trainer would be happy to take up lessons with you.”

[Clarisse Prideaux]

Confide. Clarisse couldn’t think of very many people she would choose to confide in. While she wouldn’t really choose to confide in anyone, Clarisse knew that there would be a few people she could eventually open up to. Keyword: Eventually. She nodded slowly at Sean, clearly taking mental notes as he spoke.

Flattered, Clarisse laid her hand on her chest, over her heart. “Thank you.” She said graciously after Sean’s assurance that any trainer could take her on. The challenge now was to find the right person. To meet someone she connected with and could trust to help her work out the blocks to her power. She looked out the window thoughtfully, wracking her brain for someone she felt that connected to. Clarisse couldn’t think of anyone off the top of her head, and that was a little disconcerting.

Suddenly Sean’s office was a suffocating reminder of just how much Clarisse’s past hindered her. “I feel, Dr. Neville, that I made the right decision in coming to you first.” She said softly, looking back to him and taking a deep breath. She stood, pushing her chair out with the back of her knees, and extended her hand to him courteously. “You really are just as wise as everyone says.” She added with a little giggle. Clarisse nodded resolutely. “I do have a lot to think about, though.” Clarisse began, letting the statement trail off into a subtle declaration of her intent to leave.

The last thing she wanted was to be rude, but even during their short conversation, Clarisse’s mind had been sucked through a whirlwind. She had started out mistrusting Sean, and now she highly valued his opinion. She had started out unsure that she could even be trained, and now she was well on her way to planning how to find her trainer. There was so much to be done, and so much to think…Clarisse just needed to go sit in her office and mull it over.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean understood, as best as someone outside of her situation who knew about her situation could, her reasons for not easily opening up to others. He, too, kept part of himself secret, finding that others could not relate so readily either. His past was not traumatic, apart from those aspects part and parcel with being psychic. And so for someone with a traumatic past, this was all the more understandable. He simply wanted for her to have the resources available to create a sturdy safety net, which she needed it.

“It’s the truth,” he told her. He wasn’t in the habit of idle flattery, particularly with adults whom he felt were owed honesty. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t try to phrase those honest replies in the kindest way possible, but he still didn’t pull compliments from thin air. She was extremely patient and she had a gentle way about her, which made him certain that any trainer would do well with her. The decision was hers to make, with anyone she might think of later.

When Clarisse rose from her chair, Sean followed suit, merely because it was polite. He took her offered hand for a light handshake. “I’m just glad to help.” That was what had gotten him into the field in the first place and what had propelled him to work at his alma matter years later. He then smiled at the compliment; he heard that often now, although perhaps he would never quite buy into the hype. He knew himself too well for that. Releasing her hand, he nodded in understanding. “If you need anything else, or just want to chat, my door is open, Clarisse.”