If you don't I will [James]

[Adam Collier]

Adam was pacing around the staff lounge, something was weighing heavily on his mind. He had heard the rumors that James and Chase were planning on adopting . Adam was happy for all of them, James and Chase were great together and adding a child to their family would be a good thing. But Adam knew for a fact that James was hiding something from Chase, something that would hurt the other man. Adam had decided long ago that he wasn't going to be the one who told Chase, but he was now rethinking his decision.

Chase deserved to know before he and James adopted the young boy. He should have been told before they were married. But at that time Adam had held his tongue, but this time he didn't think he could.

Adam was hoping to be able to catch James in the lounge today, and make the man tell his husband or Adam would do it himself. Chase deserved to hear it from his husband not his colleague. The child they wanted to bring into their home deserved to have all of this be out and in the open before they were brought into the family.

Adam truly hoped that this secret, that he had been keeping , would not destroy the the men's marriage, hell he hoped that it did not destroy his own life, he did after all work with the two men.

He would find James today come hell or high water, and either James would tell Chase or he would himself.

[Dr. James Campbell]

There were any number of reasons why other people might like James' OCD. It gave them an excellent way to escape him if they didn't want to talk to him. (Start sneezing.) It meant that his office was always clean and he always turned in paperwork on time. He had immaculate handwriting. And he was always, always, in the teacher's lounge at a certain time, making coffee.

What James didn't like was that this meant that he felt that he had to go into the lounge, even though he saw Adam inside, pacing. He avoided Adam, the same way he avoided germs and cracks in the sidewalk. And it wasn't fair, using his psychological need for order against him this way. (Oh, James could just tell that he was there to talk to him. He just knew it.)

"Oh, hi Adam." James pretended that he didn't instantly recognize the slight difference in the air. The not-unpleasant-but-still-distinct odor of pheromone manipulators was something he was used to, but this smelled particularly like Adam, in a way that he was more accustomed to than their coworkers.

Unless, of course, Adam had slept with them too.

[Adam Collier]

Adam sighed in relief when James walked into the lounge. He wouldn't have to hunt him down. He had in fact come into the lounge just as Adam thought he would.

Adam turned towards James as he greeted him. "James, I was hoping I was hoping I would run into you today."

Adam took a deep breath this was not going to be a fun discussion. If Jame's demeanor was anything to go by he did not want to talk to Adam. Sure James tried to hide it, but Adam could tell. And it was not secret to him that James avoided him most of the time. In general Adam didn't mind, nor was he all that surprised.

"We, uh... we need to talk." Why did it sound like he was trying to break up with James? The thought of Adam breaking up with James made Adam chuckled no it was never Adam who wanted to break up with James, no it was the other way around.

Adam rubbed the back of his neck, "I didn't mean it to sound that way that it did. I just think that it is time you and I had a talk."

Adam wasn't sure if he wanted to do this here where anyone could overhear the two of them, or in private. He would follow James' lead.

[Dr. James Campbell]

Bingo. James was right. Adam was there to talk to him.

Why couldn't he ever be wrong? Just once, it would be nice.

He turned and met Adam's eye, and faked a smile. Though there was no one else in the lounge yet, it would be full in a little while, after the bell rang. Hopefully, whatever this was would be over before then, and he would be able to escape to the company of someone he did not feel as guilty around. "Really? Why's that?"

And though Adam seemed to be taking a round-about way of getting to the point--as he wasn't even there quite yet--it was obvious what this talk was going to be about. It was going to be the same kind of talk they'd had years ago. The one that had been left a little unfinished, because James had been too ashamed to do things properly. And somehow, the years hadn't helped this much in his mind. But if they got it out of the way now, hopefully Adam would stop talking when someone else entered the lounge. "Okay. Let's talk now then." James glanced down at his watch. Yeah, they had a bit of time. A bit more than he'd like. "We've got eleven minutes before the bell rings."

[Adam Collier]

Eleven minutes, great. They had all the time in world. Adam rolled his eyes.

"Eleven minutes, may not be enough time, but we can try to get this over with." Adam paused for a second. "I think you know what we need to talk about. I don't hold what happened against you. You fell in love with another person. I understood then and understand now. What I don't understand is why you haven't told Case about us. Don't you think he has a right to know? That he would want to know?"

Adam was trying to control his emotions, if his got out of control there was too high of a chance that his power would get out of control as well. That was something Adam never wanted.

"I don't want to cause you trouble, I really don't. But you need to tell Chase. If you don't... I will."

[Dr. James Campbell]

"We could go to my office then. I was just saying that we had eleven minutes before this room gets flooded with the people with whom we work." He'd had a promotion since the last time he'd invited Adam to come to his office, so it wasn't the same one where they'd used to have lunch together. Of course, he didn't want the conversation to go on that long, but if it had to, it was going to be on his turf.

Adam didn't have anything to lose in this.

"Yeah, I know." James turned away slightly and started making up a fresh batch of coffee, same as he always did at this time of the day. He didn't want one of the teachers cornering him to ask what was wrong, why didn't he make coffee that afternoon. So everything had to go the way it was supposed to, except with Adam there, bringing up the one thing in his life he regretted more than anything else. He tensed slightly, because the questions were the same ones he'd asked himself three, almost four years ago, and fairly often since. But how could he tell Chase now, after all that time had passed?

But the threat at the end was what got him. James slowly put down the can of coffee grinds and turned around to face his ex. "You can't tell him. You can't tell him. Chase can't know." He sighed, then said, "It doesn't help anyone if he knows. I'm not going to cheat on him."

[Adam Collier]

Adam could very well remember the numerous lunches they had once shared in James' office. "If we need to we can move to your office. But I hope this wont take too long."

It was good that James knew he needed to tell Chase about their past. Maybe it wouldn't take much to get him to tell Chase. Then all of this would be over and everyone could move forward with their lives.

Adam smiled not really listening to what James was saying, he knew James was agreeing with him, what else would he do? Suddenly he caught what James was really saying.

"You can't tell him. You can't tell him. Chase can't know." He sighed, then said, "It doesn't help anyone if he knows. I'm not going to cheat on him."[/i]

"Wait what? You aren't going to tell him?" And he heard the last part of what he had said. Even after all these years it felt as if a knife had stabbed him in the heart. It made burn with anger. "Oh you wont cheat on HIM but you will cheat on Me was I really worth so little to you? Were WE so little to you?"

Adam took a deep breath, this was not the direction he had wanted to take this conversation. Though it still hurt no matter how long ago and how wrong they had been for each other the fact of the matter was that James had cheated on him.

He continued a little more calm then before but not much. He still could not believe James had not intention of telling Chase.

"I get that you love Chase that you want to protect him from hurt. But what you are really doing is lying to him! You think that you are being fair to him? Lying to him still even after all these years? He ought to know the truth. All trying to keep this secret will do is cause trouble. It will fester in your mind and in my own. I will not allow that to happen. It will tear us both apart!"

[Dr. James Campbell]

Even before he said it, he knew that the words he was speaking weren't the right ones. While they were true, and he meant them, they were just so incredibly not the right thing to be saying at the moment. James physically cringed as Adam processed his ill-concieved defense.

Yeah, James deserved whatever was coming to him. And he knew it.

"No. Look, Adam, that wasn't supposed to sound like that. You just said you didn't begrudge me for falling in love with him. I only did it because it was him. I know I'm not going to find that in anyone else." Maybe it only made sense in James-logic, but it honestly did make sense to James. Admittedly, before he'd gone on that trip to Arizona and met Chase, he'd never thought that he would ever be capable of cheating on someone. Even when he was married to Lucy and was realizing exactly why the whole thing felt so wrong, the thought never even occurred to him. But then he'd seen Chase in that bar, and on a whim he'd sent him a beer, and they just clicked, in a way that he and Adam never had. (And, he figured, never would.) "It's different, with him."

So no. James had no intention of telling his husband that he was a cheating bastard, and that he'd turned Chase into "the other man" without him knowing it. And it had happened four years ago, so any semblance of waiting for the "right time" would be particularly phony, as the right time was significantly overdue.

"It's...not like that." Here's where James' argument reached shaky ground, even in his head. He couldn't keep justifying to himself that it wasn't a lie, but he was going to at least try. "I'm not telling him everything, but it's not a lie. I don't ask him about people he dated before me." But yeah, that still didn't justify not telling him about Adam, particularly because Chase worked directly with the guy. "It's not 'festering' for me. I think not telling him is really the right thing here." James crossed one arm over his chest and fiddled with his glasses with the other hand. (His most common nervous posture.) "It really is different with him. I love him. And I don't feel differently when I'm away from the..." James waved his hand vaguely, in a way that could easily be interpreted as meaning "air" but obviously meant "pheromones" in this context. Didn't Adam get it? They'd just been so wrong for each other, and they were happier apart. "It's different."

[Adam Collier]

Adam sighed it was true he didn't hold falling in love with Chase against James, no he held the fact that James had cheated on him with Chase.

"I don't begrudge you falling in love him that is beyond most people's control. I know how much love means better most people. What I hold against you is what you did have control over. You cheated on me, you could have waited, could have been honest with everyone and told him that you weren't single. You could have told me that you no longer wanted to be with me. You could have acted like an adult, and not some hormone driven teenager."

Adam was used to getting hurt in relationships, its why he didn't enter into them often, and even then went slow and tried to keep things casual. But it still hurt like a bitch when he was betrayed. He had tried to take the high road when it came to James, but Adam was at his rope's end.

"You think that isn't lying to him? You began the relationship under false pretenses. It is a lie by omission." James fidgeted with his glasses, a nervous tick Adam knew well, he was nervous.

Adam was shocked and hurt and pissed off with what James had to say next.

"It really is different with him. I love him. And I don't feel differently when I'm away from the..."[/i]

"Are you suggesting that I made you like me? That I would use my power on you? HOW DARE YOU! You know better then most how I feel about using my power. You say that it is different with Chase? Well I don't believe much has changed at all. You are still an ass hole."

Adam realized now that there was no hope of James telling Chase, no the man was a coward he would have to do it himself.

"You know what, James" he spat his ex's name. "Forget it, You wont tell him? I will, I gave you a chance. You could have been then adult. Now I have to be the adult. I hope for Chase's sake and whatever child you are thinking of adopting you can take your head out of your ass."

Adam started towards the door, he would have to go now or he would lose his determination.

[Dr. James Campbell]

James didn't expect to be let off with a pass for cheating on Adam. Yeah, he'd done it. And that's why he avoided him so much, he was ashamed. Even though it had ended with him getting involved with Chase, he regretted that he'd handled it badly. Unfortunately, it hadn't been until he was back in Vermont that he'd started acting like an adult, and broke it off with Adam. But of course he'd asked why, and James had to admit that he'd cheated on the other man.

And James, perfectionist, neurotic James who couldn't stand having people disappointed in him had felt awful. But he quickly realized that he wasn't missing Adam. It was Chase who kept invading his thoughts. So he'd gone back to Arizona.

"I know, Adam. I didn't handle it right. But telling him now won't change that." He was thinking a bit better now, and censoring the more idiotic of his comments, like pointing out how the relationship really didn't happen until after they'd broken up. That first trip to Arizona was more like a week-long one-night-stand. But pointing that out now wasn't going to earn him any points.

And Adam was right. He was lying.

Oh. James really should have known better. He knew how sensitive Adam was about his ability. And he knew it wasn't intentional, and James had found out later that he was particularly susceptible to being influenced by others' powers. Part of noticing everything was registering more of the pheromones, even if Adam wasn't manipulating them intentionally. "That wasn't what I was saying!" Except it was. "And it is different. I'm in love with him." But he couldn't dispute the last point. He felt like an asshole.

But Adam's threat was enough to get him moving. He tried to step in front of him, stop him from leaving the lounge. "Adam, please..." He was close to begging. "It was four years ago. Telling him now won't do anything good."

[Adam Collier]

Adam was pleased that James admitted that what he had done was wrong and that he could have handled things better. But he still thought it was better to not tell Chase.

Adam paused before leaving the room, he would give James one more chance to speak his piece. But right now James was just making Adam more and more mad. He was trying to back track, but Adam firmly believed that what you said when impassioned was what you actually meant.

Adam took a deep breath he needed to calm down even just a little. He turned around and faced a man he had once cared for. He got up very close to his face.

"I think that is exactly what you meant. I think somewhere in that head of yours you have convinced yourself that I used my powers on you. That I somehow tricked you into being with me. And that is how you have justified what you did. If I was the reason we were together if I forced you to be with me, then of course what you did wasn't wrong. You would have been acting on your true feeling not ones that were pressed upon you." All the calmness Adam had tried to hold onto had fled. He poked in index finger into James' chest. "Well I have news for you, I never once used my power on you, I never once lost an ounce of control. We were together because we liked each other at some point. Cared for each other at some point. I don't care if we were really wrong for each other. The fact of the matter is that at the time we were together, we had cared for each other and that should have been enough to keep you from jumping into bed with some other man. You betrayed me a man you didn't love. And you have been betraying a man you do love every minute you let him continue thinking that you were single. He has every right to know." Adam backed away from the man

"He has the right to know, you should never have waited this long to tell him. Four years or not it is time he knows. I am giving you a choice you can either tell him yourself, today. Or I will tell him. I wont keep this from him any longer."