What Else Haven't You Told Me? [James]

[Chase Campbell]

Chase couldn’t leave Hammel fast enough. The second his last kid was out of the classroom, he was packing up his things for the day and locking up the room. This was against his nature. Almost every day he’d worked at Hammel, he’d had a routine. He’d wait for James to join him, typically at his classroom, rather that James’ office, and then they’d walk home. They’d talk about their days, about which recruiters were being a pain in James’ ass, about which kids Chase wanted to give away to other trainers. Lately, the talks had been more about being fathers.

But right now, even the thought of being a dad, of Niko, wasn’t helping his mood. In fact, it only stressed him out more. What the hell was he supposed to say to James? That was part of the reason why he was doing what he was doing now. Unless James was working late, or, early in their relationship, he’d been on a recruiting trip, Chase never walked home alone. But he had to. He had to think. And preferably not about making Adam take a little walk in traffic. As stressed as he was over the fact that, yes, James had lied to him, well, he was still angry at Adam. Why had he thought that this would make things better, he had no idea. Things had been going so well lately. And Adam had fucking ruined that.

What was he going to say to James? What could he say to James? Outright accuse him? Ease into it? Get dramatic? Ignore it? He didn’t know. He didn’t fucking know, and he didn’t have long to think. He knew James would figure out he’d left. And, knowing him, he’d probably figure out the why, as well. Which meant that Chase didn’t have long to figure this out himself.

He let himself into their house, grabbing the mail and tossing it onto the kitchen counter. Milo came running, brushing himself against Chase’s legs. Much as he loved the little animal, Chase ignored him for the time being. He just sat down on the couch. The television didn’t get turned on, and the purring Milo that jumped into his lap didn’t get stroked. He was sorting out his own thoughts, in preparation for what he knew was coming.

By the time James walked through that door, he’d be ready for him.

[Dr. James Campbell]

James had been particularly anxious that day. Part of it was that Niko had agreed to their plan to take him in as a foster child, and maybe, eventually adoption. He still had some things to do before the little boy came to live with them, including moving the rest of Ginny's stuff out of the larger of the two extra bedrooms. He also had to think of a way to tell his mom about it, which was more stressful than it should have been. That would be good news.

But the more prominent reason why he was anxious was that Adam had given him an ultimatum, and he hadn't followed it. How could he, when Chase was so happy about the new addition to the family? He'd almost gone to talk to Adam five different times, but each attempt was cut short by another urgent phone call or report of a possible young meta-human. Today, out of all days, had to be busy.

His work took him right up until the end of the day, when he always headed over to Chase's classroom for their walk home. James only had to take one look around to see that his husband had cleared out already. Which meant only one thing: Adam had done it.

Fuck.

The walk to their house seemed shorter than usual, with James dreading every step. Chase had walked home on his own before, but that was always when James had to put in overtime, or was away on a recruiting trip. It was harder for James to analyze the situation when he didn't have someone there to analyze. (Times like these reminded James of just how much he relied on his power. He used his perception as a crutch when interacting with people, which meant he often knew exactly the right thing to say. But that was situational, it didn't help him to understand people. And though he knew Chase better than anyone, not having him there made it much harder for him to predict how his husband felt. Angry, almost certainly. James had put him in the situation, after all. Disappointed? Quite likely. Betrayed? Probably by the fact that he had to find out from Adam. )

But really, what was he supposed to do?

When James reached his own front door, he took in a deep breath. Chase knew. Finally, after four years, he had to actually deal with this.

He quietly opened the door, and stepped in. Milo was at his feet in an instant, rubbing up against him, looking for the affection Chase hadn't given him at his entrance. When it became obvious that he wasn't going to pet the brown cat either, Milo stalked away, annoyed at both of his people. James took off his shoes and carefully placed them on the rack near the front door, lining them up with the other pairs procedurally. Then he walked into the kitchen and filled a pot with water, then put it on the stove. He began to make tomato sauce, but finally he couldn't take the silence any more. "Adam told you." It wasn't a question. He'd seen it on the blond's face, as clear as his nose.

[Chase Campbell]

Chase couldn’t even think about the mundane stuff at the moment. If today had been a normal day, he’d have waited for James, and they would have walked home together. He’d have tried to help James with dinner, very likely get kicked out of the kitchen, and then he’d go and start moving Ginny’s things again, in preparation for Niko. For a moment, he’d wanted to forget that today was different. He wanted that normalcy. But he wasn’t going to get it.

The problem was, the more time he spent alone, the more worked up he got. The more he realized that this might not end well. He could admit that he was still angry with Adam over this, which was affecting his ability to reason this out calmly. If James had been the one to tell him, even now, he knew it would have been better. They could have worked it out between them, and things would have been all right. Why the fuck had Adam needed to mess this up? James had stopped being his business the long time ago.

His gaze kept wandering to the clock. He knew what time James would be home. But he was dreading this. Seeing James at the end of the day was so often the best part of his day. They talked about everything. Chase knew his husband inside and out. ... Or so he’d thought. He didn’t want to doubt James. He didn’t. But he couldn’t help but wonder what else James could have kept from him. It wasn’t a good thought. It was something he wanted to pretend wasn’t true. But Adam had opened up a dangerous door, and the seed of doubt was planted.

When he heard the door open, Milo jumped off his lap and made a run for it, obviously looking for attention. Chase tried not to make eye contact with James as he headed to the kitchen. He desperately wanted this to be normal. He wanted to go into the kitchen, attempt to help, and watch James chase him out. Or, James would actually let him help, under strict supervision. But he had to get that out of his head. It wasn’t happening.

He dropped his head into his hands, not wanting to do this. Stick his head in the sand. And then James spoke. Chase looked up, a surge of muddied feelings coming back again. “Yeah. He told me.” He stood up and went into the kitchen, leaning back against the counter. “Anything else you want to tell me? Or did Adam cover it all?” He crossed his arms. Obviously, he wasn’t about to let it drop. “What the hell, James?”

[Dr. James Campbell]

More than anything, at the moment, James wanted normalcy in his life as well. It would be so nice if they could make dinner together, and talk about their plans for the future. Summer was coming up, and that meant the Campbell family yearly 4th of July barbeque. Would they go this year? It would be a lot for Nikolai to take in, with the numerous cousins, aunts, and uncles. But that was where he'd introduced Chase to the family, he knew that the boy would be welcomed with open arms.

After all, they needed another kid for even kickball teams. Niko might really enjoy it.

But that conversation was something for a later time. If they had later times.

Despite knowing Chase as well as he did, the same part of him that worried compulsively over whether or not his tie was straight was now terrified that this was it. Chase, who put up with him being obsessive-compulsive and just plain anal about everything, who put up with him being a snob, and a know-it-all, and having a pathological need for people to like and approve of him....he might leave. Over a mistake James made four years ago.

Or more likely, over the mistake he'd continued to make since then. It was just the same one, over and over.

James tried to concentrate on his cooking as Chase stepped into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. He couldn't bring himself to meet his husband's eyes. Finally, when Chase spoke, he put down the wooden spoon he was holding and cringed. Oh, he deserved this. Whatever was coming, he deserved it.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you. But he didn't say anything for years, until yesterday. And then you were so happy about Niko, I couldn't ruin it." Usually, James was pretty confident in himself, but he'd messed up worse than he ever had before. He traced out a random pattern on the counter top, but he had to say something. "I fucked this up. I'm sorry."

[Chase Campbell]

Of course summer was coming. And summer would normally mean making plans with Ginny. Talking about the Campbell’s family barbeque on the fourth of July. If Adam hadn’t opened his big mouth, they could have been talking about that. Would they go this year? Would they introduce Niko to his hordes of new family members? They could talk to their parents, let them know that things were finally falling into place regarding adoption.

Instead, they were going to war.

Chase had put up with a lot in the time he’d been with James. He’d put up with his OCD. He’d put up with James’ need to be right. He loved James. Honestly, he did. But this had messed with things. Chase was angry with Adam. He was angry with James. And they needed to talk.

He saw the cringe. Normally, it would be enough to stop the trainer in his steps and rethink whatever he was saying. Not this time. He’d had time to think about this, and he knew how he wanted to approach this. James’ apologies didn’t do much to calm the blond down. “Sorry. You’re sorry. James. Look at me.” He waited for his husband to meet his eyes. “I mean it. What the hell? I had to hear this from Adam? What else do you keep from me, huh? How am I supposed to trust you?” He couldn’t stop this. Not even if he tried. “When we first got together, back in Sedona, what? Did you do that all the time on trips? Fuck, James, did you do that after we were together?” ... That was something he really didn’t want to know the answer to.

[Dr. James Campbell]

He hoped, he really hoped that Chase would accept his apology. He meant it. He was so sorry.

"Look at me"

Of course James looked at him. Chase deserved straight answers to whatever questions he had. (And a tiny voice in the back of his head added that he also deserved someone better than him.) "Yes. I'm sorry." But...even though he knew it was justified, it hurt. Chase had never worried about him cheating before.

"He shouldn't have told you. I told him it wouldn't do any good if you knew. It's the only thing I have ever kept from you." He took a deep breath, because he had to tell his side of the story now. "It was the only time I ever cheated on anyone. Even with Lucy, when I figured out that I'm gay, I waited until we were fully divorced before I did anything."

Of course, that didn't justify what he'd done. Because he had cheated on Adam. "I...that night, I was just in the bar because I'd had a rough day. The family of the kids I was recruiting were having none of it. And then you walked in, and I thought you looked interesting. I've told you this. I didn't mean for it to go as far as it did, I just had this feeling that you were right. And then you agreed to see me the next night and you know the rest of that. I'd never done that before, and I haven't since." As he spoke, and got more agitated, his voice nearly went up an octave, until he finally said, "It was only you. You're the only one I ever even considered it for." It sounded stupid, saying it like that. Trite. Cliche. He took another deep breath, trying to calm his voice and his anxieties. Neither worked very well.

"I should have told you. I know that. But I would never, ever cheat on you." This was different. "I love you, Chase."

[Chase Campbell]

When James looked at him, his expression almost had Chase letting him off the hook. Almost. But he wasn’t done. Not by a long shot. This was a big problem, and James wasn’t weaselling out of it with apologies. Not right now.

Obviously, James was right. Adam shouldn’t have told him. Their relationship was none of the trainer’s goddamn business, as far as Chase could see. Yet he’d effectively just derailed the happy train they’d had going. Niko, fostering, summer, it all seemed so far away now. What mattered was the here, and the now. Namely, dealing with this mess. “You could have told me, James. I tell you everything. Do you know what it felt like when he told me? God, you turned me into the other man.” It made him feel just a little bit sleazy, regardless of his knowledge at the time.

Still, he listened. Coming from James, his explanation made more sense than Adam’s. At least, it sounded better. Then again, Adam had been the one hurt. It wasn’t a surprise that he’d managed to make it sound bad. And it was bad. Chase shook his head. He’d defending James, and Niko, in front of Adam, because he’d been angry with him. Now, he had to deal with James. “Yeah, I know, and we lived happily ever after.” Sarcasm and anger were never a good mix. Ever. “So, what? You can cheat on Adam, but you can’t cheat on me? What happens if you have to go recruiting again? How the fuck do I know that you won’t do it again?”

He hated being insecure. He hated doubting James. He hated fighting with him. But all these insecurities, these doubts, were eating away at him. They’d been doing it all afternoon. He loved James. But so did Adam, at once time. “I know,” he mumbled. He knew he should be saying ‘I love you’ right back. “But that doesn’t change this.” Chase was feeling hurt, betrayed, and just a little miffed. And he didn’t know how the hell to express it.

[Dr. James Campbell]

James--though he would never admit it--was capable of being pretty manipulative. But he was always very honest about what he wanted...though somehow he managed to nearly always get it. Unfortunately, Chase wasn't forgiving him that easily.

That hurt. It seemed like both Chase and Adam were under the impression that he had done this all on purpose. A hint of anger edged into his voice as well, though he knew he was no the one with rights to be angry at this point. "Yeah? When was I supposed to tell you? That first night? You would have never agreed to see me again if you knew I hit on you when I was in a relationship. I didn't want you to think I'm that kind of man, because I'm [not." But Chase had a point there. James had made him the unknowing accomplice in all of this mess. "I didn't want that! All I knew is that being with you felt right and I didn't want to lose that chance."

Yes, James felt awful about all of this, but now he was getting angrier as well. Up until a few hours ago, Chase had never doubted him. He'd been as close to the perfect partner as he was able to pull off. And he had tried so hard to make Chase happy. He'd more than made up for his mistake, right? But asking how he would know James wouldn't cheat again was just a bit too much. He slammed the wooden spoon he was using to stir the sauce down on the counter, hard. "Yes, I want us to get happily ever after! Because I'm never going to meet you on a recruiting trip again, that's how you know!"

But more than anything else, it hurt that Chase didn't say he loved him back. "I can't change it. But other than telling you myself, I wouldn't. Chase, you are the best thing that has happened to me since Ginny. And even though it makes me a terrible person, I would do it again. Just like I would hook up with Lucy again if it meant I had Ginny."

Funny, how the two best things in his life came out of drunken one-night-stands.

[Chase Campbell]

It was common knowledge that James almost always got his way. But Chase was stubborn. He’d tested this before, more often than not finding that, yes, it was true. But not this time. Apologies aside, the facts still stood. James cheated, end of story.

Chase wasn’t under any impressions that James had done it on purpose. At least, not cheating. But keeping it from him, for this long? That was preventable. Still, James had a point in his rebuttal. When would have been the right time? The first night? Oh, that was a turn on. ‘Oh, hey, before we have sex, let me just call my boyfriend and call it off.’ Chase closed his eyes and looked away. “Don’t fuckin’ turn this on me. I know you aren’t!” Of course he knew. The James he knew was amazing. He was loyal, he was brilliant, and right now, Chase just wanted to go back to this morning, when they’d talked about the pending fostering, and plans for Niko’s room. What had happened to all that? Was it just gone? Vanished? God, he hoped not.

The trainer didn’t want to be doubting James. But everything Adam had said was completely mixed up in his head, and he didn’t know what to think anymore. Except that he wanted this to be over. He didn’t want to fight. His arms came down to hang at his sides, halfway defeated already. He couldn’t deny that, apart from this mess, James had always been, well, perfect. He could cook, he cleaned, he was loving, he was loyal, he was just... perfect. They’d never had any huge issues. Until now. He jumped when James slammed the spoon down and looked back up. “And what if you met someone else that felt ‘right’ on a trip?” His tone wasn’t as angry anymore. It was more... worried. Almost upset. “James, that scares the hell out of me. I don’t want you to find somebody else.”

He stepped forward, looking unsure if James would even want him near him. Most of the anger he’d felt had slipped away, leaving only that horrible insecurity. “James. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. And I don’t wanna fuckin’ do this anymore.” He dropped his head gently on James’ shoulder. “I don’t hate you. I just... maybe I’m just that fucking insecure that you’ll do the same damn thing to me.” When he spoke softly like that, his subtle Southern accent seemed to magnify, just a touch. “I do love you, Jamie.”

[Dr. James Campbell]

"I'm not trying to turn this anywhere! I'm not--I'd never--say this was your fault. I just had to make a decision about what was the right thing to do." And compromising his morals and losing the chance at ever having a friendship with Adam had been worth the risk. And even with the mess that the past few days had brought their relationship, it had payed off. They'd gotten married.

Immediately after his outburst, James felt his anger fade. Though he didn't want to admit it, Chase had a reason for saying everything he did. "Chase, I don't want anyone else. I've never been so happy as I've been since we met. I don't need any special power to see I'm lucky." People didn't fall in love nearly often enough for James to be anything other then lucky. And how could he find someone more "right" when he called Chase every night he was away, and they talked until just before they fell asleep? (A healthier and more effective way of dealing with the stress of sleeping in a hotel room than copious amounts of anti-anxiety medication or drinking) (Also, there was no one more right for him than Chase.)

James stiffened slightly as his husband stepped closer. He didn't think Chase would ever do anything to hurt him, but the flinch was there, in some long-sublimated reaction to the people that used to beat him up for being skinny, weird, and smug in high school. And he felt guilty for it, particularly when Chase put his head on his shoulder. Hesitantly, James leaned his cheek against the blond hair and breathed a sigh of relief.

He knew Chase didn't hate him, but having the confirmation made him feel less like he wanted to cry. James turned slightly and wrapped his arms tightly around his husband, clinging. He needed him. "I could never do that to you. I know it doesn't sound right, but there is a difference. I didn't love him. And I told him right away about us, when I got back, because even though I knew it would end it with him, I wanted to do right by you." He buried his face in the blond hair of his husband and mumbled, "I was so afraid you'd hate me."

[Chase Campbell]

The anger in the room might have been dissipating, but the tension was still there. All Chase wanted was to turn back the clock so that things could be normal again. Then again, maybe it was better that this was all out in the open now. No more secrets between them. Though, this would probably mean he’d have to apologize to Adam for being a dick. The blond looked at James, all the angry feelings he’d had gone. How could he possibly stay angry when James said things like that? It didn’t fix it, but at the very least, it calmed him down. “You’re damn right you’re lucky.” He didn’t say it to be mean. His tone alone implied that much. “James, I never thought I’d find anyone I could connect with like I do with you.” It was why he could do things like put up with his husband when he was being neurotic. It came down to the simple fact that he loved him.

He noticed the stiffness in James’ posture when he came closer, but Chase decided to take the safe road and just not mention it. He could just see that leading to another disagreement, and he was done fighting. He just wanted to make up, and have things go back to as normal as humanly possible. A part of him wondered if James would even let him stay close, if he’d shake him off and move away. Thankfully, it didn’t come to that.

When James turned and clung to him, Chase automatically wound his arms around James, pulling him closer. His explanation made sense. So he’d been right when he’d fought with Adam this afternoon. They hadn’t really loved each other. “I... I believe you, Jamie.” He had to. What else could he do? Draw the argument out for round two, three? He didn’t want to do that. “I could never hate you. No matter what idiotic stunt you pull.” Except if he cheated. Then, he couldn’t promise that. Tentatively, he moved to give James a tiny kiss to his jaw. “Can we just... forget about it for now? I’ll help you make dinner.” It was a peace offering, albeit a bit of a useless one, as his kitchen skills were severely lacking. Chase just wanted to spend time with James now. And try to forget about the rest of the day.